In my mind you walk beside me in the sun Standing like a fire between myself and everyone. Hold me in your arms I feel the yellow falling down. You are my ground.
Brown. Orange. Packed. Worn. Product of the clay where you were born.
Then one day you push me and I‘m falling back. Rolling over, over down into the black. Open up my eyes to find a world of liquid blue. Where are you? There’s no ground.
Spinning now. Spinning around. Grasping for whatever seems to be the ground. Unknown. Scorned. Tossed away from clay you were born.
One day I will find my way to solid shore. Fingers sinking into mud scared no more Sinking into earth is where the body can renew. My earth is you.
Strong. Sad. Sometimes crazy sometimes mad. Fighting one day overcome and soar Far away from clay where you were born.
This picture perfectly captures my life at the moment… a bear on one side representing everything humans dream of and a black swirl on the other, representing the forces of darkness. And in the middle, confusion. I hope I’m not being too dramatic. I actually hung the black swirl picture in the hopes that a picture of black swirls would cancel out real black swirls, but I don’t think it worked. Don’t worry though I’m not suicidal & you shouldn’t be either. For all we know black holes lead someplace wonderful. Maybe to paradise.
Would you come away with me and Put the bar upon the door Take away the black and blue and gray Maybe I don’t want them no more.
First the clouds began to gather Then they thicken to a bruise Then you wait for them to strike Looking at the things you’ll lose.
Maybe you should tell him stop then From the waters you will climb and Wander in the dusty world Leaving everything behind.
No. No. The water’s fine. Suck it down. Suicide. Down. Down. It never ends. Let it come, come again
Would you come away with me and Take me to a coffee shop We could wander through a peaceful town Find a pleasant way to talk.
Never push and never tumble Never hurt and never bleed- no! Never lost and dressed in rags Never grovelling with need.
Come. Come. The water’s fine. Suck it down. Suicide. Down. Down. It never ends. Let it come, come again.
Bleeding out Then you realize All the things you’re running from Were the things that you desire.
Come. Come. The water’s fine. Suck it down. Suicide. Down. Down. It never ends Let it come, come again.
This song was from a dream. Mostly at the moment I only write songs when I hear them in dreams which can be annoying because I don’t always want to wake up. But I usually do, just in case there is some meaning behind it.
A bigger problem though is that dream songs have some added dimension that can’t be captured…. kind of like they are being sung from all directions at once- or there is some kind of harmony but not any harmony that can be replicated…. it is just like there is an additional dimension somehow that creates a feeling of infinite spaciousness, but when you wake up that dimension is gone & all you can write down are the melody and words. I suppose you could try to replicate that other quality with a children’s choir & orchestra, but I am lactose intolerant.
Take a step into the silence Smell the air- the scent of violence To close your eyes & tell us all what you see.
A single bird on the tallest tree now From all directions a harmony Somehow I know- we must follow his lead.
‘Yes I flew up to the tallest tree O do you see me there? Hellow it’s me- I have been watching you I am the reason you cried.
I alone am the crown of kings I am the god of birds and little things You oughtta know by now I’ll be the reason you die.
I fell down. I was saved. I was thrown. In a pauper’s grave.’
Wading now into the water Oh my god, are you my father? A little boy crying there at your feet.
The waters clear & the pictures come now From all directions the boys will drum now A sea of men blowing into the creek.
‘Look again into the tallest tree And you will see me there- bow to me I have been watching you I am the reason you cried.
I alone am the crown of kings I am the god of birds and little things You oughtta know by now I’ll be the reason you fly.
I fell down. I was saved. I was thrown. In a pauper’s grave.
I hope this is a video where I sing the song thru to the end rather than messing up in the middle & stopping, but I can’t bring myself to watch it and find out. The worst part of music (beside the technology) is having to think about, look at, and listen to yourself. I can’t really deal with that, so as much as possible, I don’t. I hate having to consider the impression I make on others & have a hard time doing it anyway, since I don’t know how others think.
Some people enjoy sculpting their self-image. For many musicians this seems to be a big part of their job. I think that is why I avoided music for so long, because I didn’t want to have to think about or promote myself anymore. But now I don’t, so its cool. I can stay in my own world.
The way the media portrays it, the essence of femininity is an obsession with one’s own image, but- for the average women- I think this is far from true. If anything, women have a diminished sense of self and increased sensitivity to things around them. Their focus on appearance is mostly a shield against the negative judgments of their value which they have been trained to fear since birth. And I don’t think these judgments come from men but are really a media creation.
I feel like a dork talking about the media, but at the same time I don’t know if you can overstate the influence Hollywood & its sister industries have had on our collective mind. They have truly seized control of the collective imagination- how we see life, what we think it is about. This is tragic, because the spell they cast is a dark one which seems consistently designed to make people devalue themselves & life.
And they are the one part of our society which is consistently misogynistic as though they are led by people who specifically have it in for women. They objectify women and see women in their natural role as worthless. The only way women can redeem themselves is either by 1. being a perfect object that many men want to have sex with (in real life being a perfect object & having a lot of opportunities for sex are probably not very related, but the media links these together so females will see being hit on as a sign of validation) or 2. being able to do masculine things as well or better than men. Both of which, for most women, are going to be unfulfilling.
I don’t think people realize the impact this has. When women complain about being objectified, men don’t seem to understand where they are coming from or exactly how deep the wound can be. They see it as an attack on men. “Hey, I’m a man, I like to look! Sue me! (Snort snort).” They see women focusing on their appearance and then asking not to be objectified and the whole thing seems quite hypocritical. In reality, men objectifying women isn’t the problem. Perhaps they aren’t even doing this. We’ll never know. The real problem is women objectifying themselves.
The problem with women believing that their value and power comes from their appearance is, of course, that it cuts them off from their true source of power and has them searching for water in a place where no water is to be found. In a natural state women retain the connection to those forces which created us and the memory of what we were before birth. Without female energy in the world, we become disconnected from our source and start a desperate search for something to replace it. We forget that we are immortal & the world is full of magic. Life becomes flat and dry. So many of the psychological problems in the modern world are related to the degradation of women. Women are the essence of depth but we have turned them into the essence of shallowness.
What is my point? I don’t know. I don’t mean to sound all goddessy- I don’t even like that stuff. But I see that people suffer mentally from the fact that our collective imagination is ruled by a heartless masculine cartel. As I’ve expressed many times, there is nothing I love more than masculine warriors, but ruling the collective imagination is not their proper place.
Mostly I just wanted to say sorry if the video is messed up.
Lyrics….
It was nearly close to sunset And the air it was swimming with flies They were swatted without regret As I laughed by his side
Dancing in the palm of his hand- fire Dripping through the blood in his veins I need to keep walking I can’t get tired Falling back again and again
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
First his shadow fell upon me Then he held my little hand in the fire So I tried to lift my eyes up But I was tired
Dancing on the back of my eyes now People always said he was gay But I saw him slip into the White Palm That was a good day.
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
Suddenly the trees begin to smile Twirl me on the pavement for a while You couldl give him one more chance After that I’m on my own.
Sink your fingers deep into the red Ringing in the air around my head You couldl give me one more chance After that I’m on my own.
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
Not much time until the sunset Just keep moving for a little more while Though he killed you without regret Still he always had the heart of a child
Dance into the river of regret Dance into the river of pain Dance into the aquador where we met That was a good day.
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
They say the rain will play that song again
You know the way it will go.
To feel his net within my mind again
I’ll lead the way even so.
If you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way
If you want to say that they were wrong when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window then you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
I feel the baker take her time again
Stir slow, stir slow all of the corn.
Green field appear within my mind again
Grow slow, grow slow, only born.
If you wanna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you wanna say that they were wrong, when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window and you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
You know the way to pull that cold from me
Pull hard, pull hard, pull with your hand.
My hair was rope inside your hand, you see
Pull hard, pull hard see if you can.
If you wanna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you wanna say that they were wrong, when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same an
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window and you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
Hold my head in my hands and I struggle to think
I cannot understand, I can never be sure
Though I struggle to stand, still I have one more drink
Then I follow the hand that will open the door
And he will be there for sure.
In the blue of your room where you fall over me
I begin to forget when you hover above
Till our minds overlap, like a bubble I break
Spilling into your hand, dripping down on the rug
And we will live for love.
Change me. Change me.
You could teach me the things that you know
You could give me the money that you’ve made
Lay your hands on my fingers let me know
All the things that you want for me to say.
As long as you will stay
I tried so hard to pray, but they didn’t respond
They just fluttered away, so I reached for a pill
Till the waves came to crash, cold and aquamarine
I swore I would obey, I would follow your will
As long as you love me still.
Change me. Change me.
You will teach me the things that you know
You will give me the money that you’ve made
I don’t know where the things with wings they go
Why the sound of a scream they flow away…
And so I will stay.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist
And we will live for this.
Change me. Change me.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around, blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist.
I could see in your mind, it was just like a dream
All the things that were gone and those that stayed
But I stayed there to long and I struggled breath
But we always knew there’d be a price to pay.
