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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos

Hi It’s Me Again

Hi, I wanted to write a blog post but I decided to try speaking in video again because the fact is that I have to switch things up in this way or else I will get exploded by Uranus since he is currently passing through my house of work…. he is opposing my sun too which means I need to get a nose ring or something….

If anyone is reading this, please say hi. I have been isolating myself in an attempt to get more work done & stay out of trouble but it is really getting to me…

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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos

Why I Liked My Husband so Much



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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos

Some Feelings & a Cute Photo

Also, can I just share this super cute photo? I was at an outdoor karaoke event & fireworks went off so Slippers freaked out and started fleeing running onto a little corner onstage cause she was terrified. Then there was this male dog walking on three legs (a wild holler dog) and he went up after her to stand guard and protect her. He succeeded in making her feel safe to where she was smiling again after a few minutes. I just thought that was so sweet. Gallant male animals are so dreamy.

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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos Writings

Materialism + a Cry to Universe for Help!

Also, can I just say…. on a personal note, that I need something in my life to change because the pace has gotten so frenetic & the energy is so mental that I can’t calm down or keep up. And yet I’m still teetering on the edge of survival. I wish I could write songs but I can’t slow down long enough to get in touch with myself or access emotion. I feel completely isolated because the way I am making money is secret & places me in no contact with other humans. Isolation increases feelings of panic and danger.

On the other hand, I’m anti-isolated due to many messages from screen people that I have to keep up with but this just makes the wheels spin faster while offering no feelings of safety. I feel like that girl in the dancing shoes fairy tale where everything keeps spinning faster and faster and faster but its never enough.

I don’t know what to do, but probably if I wait until July things will get better. That is when Jupiter moves from my House of Labor & Servitude to the House of Partnership & Marriage. Maybe then I won’t be so alone anymore.

The House of Servitude contains an element of isolation by its nature, being opposite the House of Solitude. Think of how alone a servant is, toiling, toiling, toiling & yet surrounded by those who don’t consider it a full human. Disposable & on the edge of survival.

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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos

Hello

Hi, I hope I am even making sense in this video. The struggle to survive is real & it has my brain in a frazzled state from dusk til dawn. Vibrating with panic.
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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own

Is love real?

Hi. I really miss my website and blog because it always felt like my best friend, a secret journal I could confide in.

But the struggle to survive has been real and it has been hard to find time to write a best friend letters.

Also I have been in nonstop legal battles and was afraid that if I blogged the wrong thing I would be sent to jail since the judge is always threatening to do so. (Why? I don’t know. It is divorce court and people tell me you can’t be sent to jail unless you commit a crime. But the judge must dislike my personality or something because he always says he will send me to South Central. He says it in response to a facial expression I make or where he thinks my eyes are pointing and other things I don’t understand so I started to become a little paranoid.)

But it has become clear that the court process will never end and I can’t wait forever to return to my life…

Anyways, communicating through videos seems a bit rude and impersonal compareds to writing BUT I am having a transit (Uranus 6th house) in which must continue doing your same work through different technologies else you get blown up. Videos take less time & maybe they will seem cozy once I get used to them.

If anyone is reading this, I am so happy. It is the best feeling to feel there are secret friends surrounding you in the ethers who could pop into your life at any moment.

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized Videos

One More Day

All the streets dip & sing
Everything’s a different thing to you.
All the clouds like cotton fly
Every day a different sky.

When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.

Every day you drink your drink
It doesn’t matter what I think or do.
Reach for you to feel the pain
On your chest then it rain.

When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.

Make a wish for you to love me
Reach for something far above me
High.

Wish I knew the day the rain came
Spend the day just waiting for goodbye.

In your car at night we drive
And the secret world go by.
Thru the window everything
Will we ever see again.

When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Videos Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

where u go

My recording machine broke & I don’t know what to do about that so at the moment I am just gonna record songs on my phone as videos cuz I don’t know what else to do.

Don’t be sad you’re never alone.
Take my hand why would you say that now?
Cause you could only love me when I was gone.
Close my eyes I try to fight it but I
Something inside me knows where you go

Daylight comes I wait for the change
Wrap your golden arms around me why
Could you only love me when I was strange?
Laugh and smile I try to hide it but I
Something inside me knows where you go

So I’ll try to run away
It’s the hardest thing to do
I want to cling to you tell you all the things
That you don’t care about

But if I decide to stay
Just to watch you slip away
And all the while the orange
Bleeding out.

You don’t come and then come the moon.
So he fall like fire upon me but why
Could you only love me when I was new?
Drag myself towards the mirror help me
Something inside me knows where you go

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Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Improve Yo Mercury

One feature of my new life is how complex everything is. At least compared to when I was married.

I’m having the transit uranus opposite mercury. A time when your mercury gets shook up and taken into overdrive. Stressful as it is, I can’t deny that it’s giving me a new lease on life.

Mercury is the planet that rules communication, transportation & the ability to navigate our environment. It gives us mental sharpness, physical agility & the ability to multi-task. To wear many hats. To dance like a monkey while solving math problems, to dodge traffic while counting change & to talk on the phone with our boss while making a baby smile. It’s a VERY important planet.

Mercury itself does not have goals. It navigates what is thrown at us and explores what is around us. It is pure ability. It is light, quick moving energy that staves off depression & moodiness. It is an alert curiosity that makes life fun and bubbly.

If our Mercury is strong though, whatever goals we do set can be achieved. Because we are versatile, flexible, energized & competent. If our Mercury is weak, we are thick as a brick & our dreams go unrealized.

Sometimes though, we design our lives in such a ways that our mercury gets fat & dull. Cause we are constantly trying to make life easier, more streamlined and convenient. We hire someone to do our laundry, rather than hiring someone to throw pancakes at us while we do our laundry. This has to stop. The chaotic annoyances of life actually are the bubbles & our opportunity to develop a bright & buoyant personality.

A lot of it comes down to no longer begrudging chaotic difficulties but embracing them. They put the sizzle in life and can really fill you with glee when you take them in the right spirit. Imaging getting attacked by a rooster while running to catch the train… couldn’t that be fun?

If you have any of the following issues, you may want to take a month to whip your mercury into shape by making your daily life more challenging…

1. You are dumb.
2. There is no pep in your step, your swagger lacks ginger.
3. You have goals but are too lazy, dumb or incompetent to achieve them.
4. You are a depressed moody blob.
5. You are afraid to leave the house.
6. You feel your life would be better if your brain fired faster.

Mercury is about breadth, not depth. Multi-tasking, not single mindedness. Jack of all trades. Once any skill becomes familiar enough to do it on automatic, it no longer energizes your Mercury. To build Mercury, step outside your skill set to gain new rudimentary skills that are foreign to you. You need to put yourself in new situations or two situations at once.

The housewife must gain computer skills, the hacker must chop trees, the meathead must read a book, and the scholar must jerk off in the street before zooming away on his motorbike. This is how Mercury works. Breadth not depth. Jack of all trades. Keep repeating those words to yourself.

If you wish to fizzle this sizzle, here are some mercury building tips…

  1. Change your mode of transportation. If you drive, try walking, biking, bussing or hitchhiking. It’s best if you sell your car, so you can’t revert to it when these other transportation methods are inconvenient. Cause it’s when they are inconvenient or even disastrous that they feed your Mercury the most.
  2. Talk to new people. Everyone you encounter. Make sure you aren’t being selective because its especially important to talk to those who are invisible to you or outside your comfort zone. Do you see all those faceless, soulless bodies moving through the world? Take a minute to say hi to each one of them. Even babies and animals.
  3. Fix things. Mercury rules puzzles & problem solving, so when things break down in your environment try to repair them yourself. Especially if this is something you would not normally do.
  4. Multitask. Multitasking gets a bad rep just because it isn’t conducive to depth & focus but those aren’t the only games in town! Give two handjobs at once. Put on your makeup while dodging traffic. Make it through your to-do list two tasks at a time. Juggling many tasks at once perks up your brain especially when done in a spirit of fun.
  5. Get a part time job that is unlike what you would normally do.
  6. Get a dog. Slippers has definitely made my single life more complex. Walking her while carrying home my groceries and trying to figure out how to pick up the turd she dropped while the neighbor yells at me and Slippers tries to pull me into traffic. Taking her with me on dates & hoping the man won’t notice. She brings a Mercury challenge with her everywhere she goes.
  7. New Environments. You know that sinking feeling when you enter a social situation where you *really* don’t feel comfortable? For mega-Mercury, keep placing yourself in strange, uncomfortable environments until social discomfort loses its sting. Go places too stuffy, wealthy & formal. Places too rowdy & redneck. Young places, old places. Gyms, libraries, bars and dance clubs. Black churches, white churches, gay bars & strip clubs. Keep doing this until the sting of social discomfort loses its sting.
  8. Change up your technology. If you rely on technology, try living like you are in the 1800s or at least 1984. If you are a technophobe, go high tech in all areas of your life.
  9. Sports. Mercury is equally about mental & physical agility. So if you are more mental- like many people in our culture- find a sport to get involved with. Especially one involving complexity and agility, like soccer or tennis.
  10. Poverty. Mercury is all about invention & as you know necessity is its mother. If you are already super poor, embrace the challenge of finding work arounds for things which normally require money as well as finding new ways to make money. If you aren’t poor, try living off a dollar a day for a month to force yourself to be innovative.
  11. Communication. Change your methods, patterns & people. If you never talk on the phone, start calling new people daily. Visit people in person. Send snail mail. Video call. Meet up for coffee. The more diverse people you talk to in the more diverse ways the stronger Mercury becomes.


Thank you for reading my blog post on how to strengthen Mercury. This is the end. Please try my suggestions and tell me if you end up feeling bubbly as I do!


Below is a little video I made about the transit Uranus opposite Mercury. I’m partially making these videos to strengthen my own Mercury since it is a novel approach to communication for me.





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Astrology Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Writings

A Blood Pact

I’ve decided that- as an experiment- I will make a few pacts with myself for the next couple years. These pacts have one shared purpose- to not abandon myself for a man.

  1. Unless I find someone who is absolutely devoted to me, I will not be committed to anyone. This means- barring a man who wants to marry me, take a bullet for me, give me all his money & live with me in the afterlife- I am not going to be anyone’s girlfriend.

    What is the point in being a girlfriend? It’s not a commitment. It just means you belong to someone until they dump you. If it is some kind of test run for marriage then okay. But otherwise, being someone’s temporary whore seems ridiculous. It gives you the feeling of having someone when really you don’t.
  2. This isn’t a pact but just a strong suggestion to myself to avoid having sex. Men call sex “fun” but that is gross to me. Maybe it would be “fun” to set your house on fire but you don’t do it because the consequences are severe.

    Sex is a magic spell that holds women in thrall. Christians talk about submission as a moral attainment. When really submission is a state that occurs naturally when you have sex with someone. Sex awakens powerful instincts of trust & devotion that may not be merited by this person. A man has to love you A LOT and be a very good person for this to be a wise course of action. The problem is… if he is trying to have sex with you that is exactly the sort of person he will appear to be.

    It’s the sex paradox… his true character will only come out AFTER you’ve had sex but by then you will be too attached to leave him anyway.
  3. This is the most important part. I am going to attempt to freely express myself. In my astrology chart, it is expressing myself- about things that are secret, magical, emotional or even (gasp!) sexual- with no regard for how others will take it- that moves me towards my destiny. I want to try moving towards my destiny for a couple years.

    The main thing that keeps me silent are men. I feel like their testicles are these little eggs and one wrong word from me will shatter them. Then I deserve what happens next. I feel so guilty when I fear I may have disrespected them that I begin to punish myself.

    But I gotta let myself off that hook for just two years- as an experiment- and say its okay if I’m disrespectful. It’s okay if I say something men don’t like. My zodiac chart indicates that I must avoid at all costs becoming an unctuous servant. I need to speak and sing and let the chips fall where they may.

    For two years I can try to see what happens if I place true expression above pleasing people. Thinking of this fills me with fear but that’s why I’ve begun collecting red stones.

    Perhaps no one can love you anyway if you aren’t being yourself. If someone loves you because you are down on your knees kissing them is that love or something else?

    But philosophical considerations aside, in real life, my abandonment panic controls me, overwhelming all reasonable considerations. I’m a love addict basically. I stop having needs cause men don’t like those. I stop talking cause the brains of men are easily taxed.

    And I enjoy being a clear blob to a large extent because it allows me to absorb the flavor of the other person. The problem is a point inevitably arrives when something VERY IMPORTANT must be expressed or asked for. A boundary must at last be set or things begin spinning in the wrong direction And then I find myself frozen. Unable to express it. And even when I do manage to, the person rarely honors it cause why would they? If they wanted someone with expectations they wouldn’t have chosen me to begin with. Being nothing is my selling point.

    That’s why for two years I am going to take a risk & follow the destiny outlined in my zodiac chart. To place the focus on expressing myself and let the chips with people fall where they may.

    It is extra challenging because I feel so insecure in terms of survival. I might be homeless soon. I spend about 4 hours a day crying. I apply to jobs every day but my resume is just a blank sheet of paper. This seems like the time to suck dick if ever there was one.

    But the idea in astrology is that under stress people tend to run in the wrong direction. So for me, the less sure I feel of survival, the more I focus on being polite & servile. When really I should do the opposite- become bolder & more expressive because that is where my luck lies.

    As an experiment I want to try placing my faith in this idea for two years to see if it actually works!

    And by the way- if you got some money- I can tell you where your destiny lies too! Contact me at [email protected]!

Playing a gig with Slippers at a bookstore. Look how happy she is! Sometimes I feel like an absolute loser because I have not yet increased my income nearly enough & am facing utter ruin. On the other hand, a couple years ago I would have been terrified to walk into a bookstore. Now I carried all my equipment there on my back while walking Slippers, set up and played without even really feeling nervous. So at least I have grown a lot even tho its not yet reflected in my bank account.