Ferris Wheel

The moon a crescent in the sky
The world a carpet down below
He came to place me on the ferris wheel
His face a shadow in the show.

Green. Green.

Pull back the curtain and you’ll find
An empty room that know one knows
Shake your head and climb the ferris wheel
This is the world that you will come to know.

Green. Green.

I thought the flowers they would one day, one day
I thought the leaves and trees would one day call me home.

You take my hand just like a leaf
You show my foot just where to go
You help me climb upon the ferris wheel
You point down at the world below.

Green. Green.

Download MP3: Ferris Wheel

Neptune in Pisces

If you are bewildered by the social crazes of recent years- the obsession with sensitivity, the glorification of victimhood,  the insistence on compassion even when it is self defeating- you might be happy to know that this state of affairs is the temporary result of the planet Neptune passing through the constellation of Pisces.

Pisces rules sensitivity, weakness, victimhood, and all things of a new age and spiritual nature. It is an idealistic sign that glorifies the sacrifice of self for the greater good. It values emotion over thought, imagination over reality, feminine over masculine,  and passive over active. It rules sleep, death, meditation, isolation.

Neptune signifies, among other things, our collective ideals. It can cause us to glamorize things to such an extent that we become out of touch with reality. It takes Neptune 14 years to pass through each sign of the zodiac, and during that time the values of that sign will tend to be glorified in our culture.

So Neptune’s transit through Pisces will coincide with idealizing the subjective, imaginary, and emotional world that Pisces represents.


Some manifestations of Neptune in Pisces include:

  • Safe spaces & trigger warnings. The importance of feelings and subjective states becomes over-emphasized.
  • Caitlyn Jenner, Chelsea Manning. They ARE women so long as they say they are. Pisces represents the end of objective reality.
  • Bernie Sanders. Pisces rules the collective and the dissolution of the individual. The sacrifice of the self for the group. Equality is good. Selfishness is bad.
  • Colin Kaepernick. The NFL kneeling during the national anthem. The worship of Canada, Scandinavia, and foreign countries in general. Patriotism is bad. Other countries are good. (Pisces rules faraway lands and a longing for Other Places.)
  • The push to legalize doctor assisted suicide. Pisces rules suicide and death. Life is a dream, a choice, not an absolute value.
  • The legalization of marijuana. Pisces rules drugs in general, since they enable the escape from objective reality, or at least blur its edges. In addition, marijuana places people in a Piscean stae of mind where ambition is lessened and sensitivity to the artistic and subjective is increased.
  • Toxic-masculinity, man-splaining, the patriarchy, rape culture and other ideas that seek to de-masculinize our culture. Pisces is a passive, feminine sign which has no need for masculine force and striving.
  • Black Lives Matter, Gay Parades, #MeToo, #TimesUp. Victimhood is destigmatized and turned into the new status symbol. (Pisces rules victims.) Mental illness (also ruled by Pisces) is destigmatized & turned into a social accessory.
  • The hatred of weapons, police, government, hunting, oil companies, etc.  Just because we eat meat, drive cars, and expect to be protected from bad guys doesn’t mean we are alright with animals being killed, cops wielding authority, or pipelines being built. Pisces likes its comforts, but is dissociated from the practical realities that underlie them.
  • The rise of yoga, meditation, self-care, journaling etc. Pisces rules emotional healing at its best, comatose navel gazing at its worst.


As far as Neptune in Pisces is concerned…

Good= Femininity, victims, weakness, equality, subjectivity, sacrifice, feelings, sensitivity, marijuana, other countries, spirituality, introversion, compassion, others, dependence, self-care, collectivism,  meditation, crystals, yoga, spirituality, smoothies, bubble baths, insanity, suicide.

Bad= Masculinity, judgment, law and order, duty, objectivity, patriotism,  competition, ambition, discipline,  police, military, government, weapons, rules, responsibility, guns, authority, selfishness, aggression, materialism, individualism, responsibility, greed, Donald Trump.


Although the extremes of this Neptune transit can be both hilarious and frightening, it is also the case that this time represents an important course correction for us as a group, where the value of things which may have been scorned and suppressed in the past are once again brought into focus. We become more willing to confront our pain and insanity, and to recognize the value of our subjective inner world. We learn to blame those who have hurt us, rather than internalizing their assaults as shame. The ultimate purpose of Pisces is the healing of our inner selves so that emotional pain can finally be set aside and life begin anew.

So you may as well take this opportunity to throw a pity party for yourself, because in 2025 Neptune will enter the sign of Aries, a hotheaded, fiery and masculine sign with no regard for the feelings and needs of others. A pioneering spirit will overtake America once again, and those who are weak will not even be mocked, just thoughtlessly trampled underfoot.



Please Stop Putting us on Coins!!!

Although I am by no means a phallocrat, I do wish people would stop pushing for so-called gender equality. I don’t want half of the coins to have female faces on them, nor for 50% of statues and politicians to be women. I don’t want more female soldiers, engineers & race car drivers. And most of all, I would prefer it if “he” could remain the default pronoun.

Why? Because it takes something from people to be in the position which men have held for so long, and I don’t wish that for women. I think it is better for us to have a mixture of sunshine & shade so we can step into the public sphere when desired, but not be pressured to make it our home.  Someone needs to retreat from consensus reality in order to stay in touch with broader and deeper truths,  and traditionally that has been the role of women. Others need to be committed to staying in touch with consensus reality to work out its kinks and problems, and traditionally that has been the work of men.

I think men are better suited to ruling consensus reality, since they are slightly more mental and less emotional than women, giving them greater protection from the soul crushing ideas consensus reality inevitably contains.

It seems to me that the shared, public world of humans will always be a harsh one, filled with half-truths and warped values. I think this is just the inevitable outcome of a thousand different desires and perspectives coming together and clashing in the middle. For women to have one foot in and one foot out of this zone of harshness is a privilege that enables us to keep our psychic integrity and by extension preserve the sanity of the human race.

I definitely think women should be allowed in the public sphere just as men should be allowed in the private sphere, because you need these two spheres to have a high degree of overlap and communication to keep the public sphere relatively hygienic and the personal sphere sufficiently energized. But what I don’t like is women being forced more and more into the public sphere as though this is some great accomplishment and honor.

I still think the only true bastion of sexism in our culture is Hollywood & its buddy industries of fashion, music, beauty etc. They are sexist because they only cast women as sex objects or male persons living in female bodies. They don’t understand females as seperate beings in their own right. That is probably because these industries (for whatever reason) are so soulless that they no longer remember that an inner world exists and have mistaken shared beliefs and judgments for absolute truths. They are the enemy of the world within and by extension the enemy of women. If women want to fight sexism they should focus on these industries and not on getting more women into the senate. There is nothing in the political world that can give us what we are seeking.

5 Dark Knights



5 bright stars that I’ve never seen before
Step by step walking on the checkerboard
You know, some things get easier with time
Blood flows much easier when I know the blood is mine.

5 dark knights sleeping underneath the skies
Toss and turn, thinking of the way you died
I can’t describe what is left of me more delicate than a lace
Hold me in your hand then let me slip into the wind and watch

Me fly.
Sometimes the sky is filled with eyes.

5 small boys I saw them inside my dream
Step by step but the checkerboard was green
You know, they never cried they were a bubble in the air
Flying in the wind they never knew that you were there

All of the time.
They were oblivious to the feeling of your eyes.

Step by step walking to the rabbit hole
And there I will forget, fall into a black so fine
That you were there with me when every wind

Was filled with time.
We were oblivious to the feeling of their eyes.


Download MP3: Five Dark Knights

The Great Grains

I am starting to wonder if some of the weird problems creeping up in society- such as:

1. people searching high and low for things to be outraged about
2. people hating others for holding different political beliefs
3. people wanting to label others as bigots on the thinnest of evidence
4. people treating victimhood as heroism

could be related to having turned our back on the grains that have guided us throughout history and taught us how to live together in harmony and peace. Especially wheat, which shortly before all these problems began became public enemy #1 for no apparent reason. Suddenly every health problem could potentially be resolved by removing wheat (if not all grains) from your diet. Suddenly, a grain free diet took on a saintly aura, despite the added expense and violence of living off only vegetables and meat.

I don’t know much about the history of wheat, but I do feel that the history of grains is the history of humanity, and without their help, we would not have become human as we now understand it. I think that to dishonor grains is to disconnect from our human self.

As I see it, we have three parts- the human, the angelic, and the beastly*. They are like stair steps, with the human resting upon the beast, and the angelic resting upon the human. If we detach from our human self, we are left with nothing but the beast, since without the human foundation, the angelic in us cannot exist.

I believe it was the Great Grains of the world who taught us how to construct the human aspect of our psyche so we could rise up out of our animal nature and reach towards the heavens. It was grains that gave us the ideas, knowledge, and values that were needed to build and organize civilizations.

Because- in addition to being mostly benevolent- grains are also practical beings, who know how to balance virtue with necessity, to let us recognize ideals and move towards them, while having the realism to accept that these ideals can never be reached. Grains know how to find the compromise, the middle ground, between God and Nature, Goodness and Power. And I believe that fleshing out this middle ground between heaven and earth is part of the reason why humans were created. Hence, humans and grains are best friends forever, and their destinies are intertwined.

I have said similar things before, and I will say them again, because the importance of Grains as both food and spiritual guides to humanity cannot be overstated! It is GRAINS that give us a balanced mind! It is GRAINS that calm our emotions! It is GRAINS that give us the capacity for brotherly love, and GRAINS that will give us the vision for how to move forward as a collective!!!!! GGGRRRAAAIIINNNSSS!!! And although you can choose to befriend any grains you prefer (perhaps befriending unusual grains could even lead to novel solutions to age old problems), let us never forget the grains that fed and guided our ancestors. Let us never dishonor them and write blasphemous books like “Wheatbelly.” These age-old friends still have many things to teach us and I am sure we will never outgrow them.

1. I recognize that these ideas sound weird and although they do make me laugh, I am still completely serious. I believe in grains!

2. I don’t mean any disrespect to animals by referring to our lower nature as beastly, but I think the word beastly captures the essence of the blood & slime part of our self, that slithers, tricks and fights its way towards power, life, and survival.

3. Despite technically being our “lower” nature, I don’t mean to imply that our animal self is lesser than the angelic. The lower self provides the passion and vitality without which heaven would just be a flaccid and never-ending harp song. The lower self is a brave man who is not good, and heaven is a good man who is not brave. Neither has much value on their own. That is why the Middle Ground (between heaven and earth) is so important. The more this ground is developed the more places heaven and earth can touch. And this is the work that humanity and grains were meant to do together.

Keep Confederate Statues

I feel so upset about people defacing and taking down statues. We should keep them.

It is like this- the future is gold, made of dreams. For the future, right and wrong matter, virtue matters.

But the past is black. Good and bad decay together to become the nutrients that enrich our soil. Morals have no sway here. There is just the richness and knowledge of everything that has been. Murder, pain, everything, stripped of its original meaning and turned into a rich black substance.

Removing monuments is just stripping blood and bones from our soil. It can’t make us better people. It just removes possibilities from our future by limiting the types of nutrients our soil contains. History will be re-absorbed and disappear soon enough, but we shouldn’t hasten that process.

Man with the Golden Pen




Alone on a country path
to home, there is nowhere back
a loan that you must return
but you know you never will.

A field where the sun has lain
a barn with a crooked frame
a man with a golden pen
he meets you on the road.

What could you say?
You couldn’t explain
your hands just shook with guilt.
The house that absence built.

The sink of the western sun
a sigh and the day is done
a man with a golden pen
he meets you on the road.

Three men from behind the hill
ride in and surround you still
you know there is nowhere back
there’s nowhere to run.

They ride you hard
and when they leave
you can feel your spirit wilt.
The house that absence built.

A change coming from within
a man with a golden pen
you speak all the words you know
he writes down every one.

You sneer cause you must not cry
the fear of a dimming sky
ride in and the reasons why
will meet you on the road.

The trees will rise
like black men where
the golden sun in spilt
in the house that absence built.


This is a song about the Pine Fairy being raped by three traveling men that he meets on the road. They may or may not be human, since such things are harder to tell from the Pine Fairy’s perspective.

The reference to Black Men isn’t related to humans of African descent. Black Men are a subset of what I call “Gingerbread Fairies.” Basically humanoid beings that are larger than us, but with more simplistic forms. They come in different colors and are about 8-10 feet tall with bodies that are a cross between a human and a three dimensional gingerbread cookie (if the cookie was made of colored light.) Although their bodies have no mass or weight, they are stronger than gorillas and can easily move physical objects in this world. Sometimes the Black Men will show up to protect people from an attack, other times they will show up afterwards to help the person regain their power. They are jet black and always travel by night.

The man with the golden pen is a being similar to St. Peter. He helps you to record, review, and evaluate the choices of your life so that you can feel the appropriate remorse and finally gain wisdom.


Download MP3: Rape of the Pine Fairy

Pine Trees Fall



The Pine Fairy grieves the death of some Pine Trees that were like family to him.

Sparks fly from the blade in my sword
Long ago your silver heart was all I could afford.

Clouds grow so grey and extend.
Long ago it seemed to me this time would never end.

Burned by the setting sun
I stood there and I watched you fall one by one.

Angels cry they fill the sky with fire
I know there must be a flame that comes from someplace higher.
White clouds come to fill the sky with rain
Oh my eyes I saw them fall their bodies ripped away.

Sparks shine from the wine in my cup
Poison me a little I can’t hold my shoulders up.

Gold shines from the cup in my hand
The end had come already but we did not understand.

Roll clouds through my mind
Carry me forever to another time.

Angels cry they fill the sky with fire
I know there must be a flame that comes from someplace higher.
White clouds come to fill the sky with rain
Oh my eyes I saw them fall their bodies ripped away.

Fire pain in my heart in my chest
Friends of mine, freshest ones, I knew you the best.

Fire pain in my brain in my mind
We walked almost forever till we reached the end of time.

Where you fell one by one
Burning gold you sparkled in the setting sun.

Angels cry they fill the sky with fire
I know there must be a flame that comes from someplace higher.
White clouds come to fill the sky with rain
Oh my eyes I saw them fall their bodies ripped away.


Download MP3: Pine Trees Fall

An Update about Me

James & I are preparing to move to a 1907 four square house in Charleston West Virginia.  There are many reasons I am excited about this.


  1. The house was built when Teddy Roosevelt was president. He is my favorite president since the teddy bear was named after him, and I also admire his stout personality and physique.
  2. I love Charleston. I think cities tucked between mountains with rivers running through them are the prettiest, especially when the river is crossed by blue bridges.
  3. I like the philosophy behind four square houses. In their time, they represented a rejection of showy refinement and European sensibilities in favor of something practical, hardy, and uniquely American.
  4. I am glad the numbers of my address add up to the number one. My former addresses have always added up to three.  According to numerology, living in a Number One house helps you to be more of an individual. This sounds good to me, because I have definitely become whatever the opposite of an individual is. I don’t even feel like a specific person. Just a loosely knit pile of air moving through space.


My obsession while living in Hurricane has been redecorating my apartment in different color schemes. It has been disturbing to notice the extent to which my patterns and interests change along with the colors, as though I have no inherent identity of my own, but am just a reflection of the walls.

Of all the color schemes I tried, my favorite was probably light pink with dark purple accents. I felt more myself in this configuration. The only downside was being slightly lazy and obsessively reading tarot cards for hours each day. Still, I learned a lot, especially about dreams. I learned that dreams are not so much windows into the inner self, as spyglasses through which you can know the things that other people are hiding from you. And if you take the time to look, you will find that people are hiding a lot from you.



So, back to being a number one. Why don’t I feel like an individual with a specific personality of my own? I don’t know, it may be a product of living in isolation for too long. Perhaps with no one to be your mirror you lose a sense of what your own face looks like. Of course, I have James, but- in addition to being a hard worker- he is a man of few words. Most of our conversations consist of me asking him a question and then smelling him to find the answer. Or that is how they use to go anyway.

Nowadays, I mostly know what is going on with him through physical sensations. For example, he will be at the office and all the sudden my stomach will start jumping up and down so I know he is upset about something. Or my head will start swirling and I’ll know he’s having trouble concentrating. If I suddenly feel like throwing up, I can be certain someone just touched his sandwich with their artificial fingernail. He hates that.

This sort of communication has limitations though. Normally, I only know what emotions he is experiencing and have to rely on him to fill in the details. Sometimes, there will be numbers flying around in the feelings, but I am not very good at understanding what numbers mean yet. For example, I might get a sudden headache surrounded by black number fours. What does that mean? I have no idea. Also, there are a few emotions I routinely get mixed up. A form of emotional dyslexia, I guess. For example, I have always mistaken suppressed rage for passionate love. This led to much confusion in the beginning of our relationship, when I would burst into to tears because I suddenly “knew” he was dying to make love to his Uncle Eddie- the lime green feeling in the air was unmistakable. And why did he fall in love with the mailman every time our mail was delivered to the wrong address?