Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Videos

Second in the Line (Video) (& my desire to drown in brown)

Recently I have been obsessed with the color brown… in the past few years, my life has been so immaterial… always using the internet & social media to escape physical reality… now I am hoping my life can become all about the physical world and I can crack it open like a big fat nut.

I just want to go to restaurants and buy clothes covered in little flowers and meet people with physical bodies that don’t smell bad. I want to have a big red car and drive around to see the mountains and coal factories without worrying about the price of gas. I want to drive all the way to the ocean and buy a house right next to it. I want my houses to be glossy & historical, like lacquered chestnuts. I want to spend my time wondering if I detect notes of blueberries in a bottle of wine. I want to eat sushi. I want to pay people to massage me with their elbows. I want to stop at gas stations and grab red bulls for the road, checking to see if they sell pink t-shirts as well. I want to collect Fiestaware from the past, when they made it in earth tones and pastel colors. I want to deck my dogs out in expensive plaid collars & take them to the salon to get their hair puffed up like a couple of politicians. I want to buy them takeout from expensive restaurants. Eat lobster rolls with them every Sunday. I want arch supports for all my shoes. Pictures hanging in frames from my walls. To buy expensive jewelry and keep it in a pink safe. To panic if the scent of my body lotion does not match my shampoo. I want to be a lady who lunches & worry about whatever they worry about. AHHHH… this is a great dream! Being buried alive in the material world… I want this so bad!!!



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Oh- this has nothing to do with the song though… just my thoughts of the moment. Here are the lyrics….

To adore me you must
Go before me
Build a path for me.

Laying stones down you
Must prepare the ground
Build a home for me.

Remember when you fall so far
Remember I was there for you to give you something more

Softly touch me we’re noplace now- this is just a dream.
Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend.
We are family.

Looking your eyes
All the lies
Beautiful to me.

You say you won’t hurt me no more
Well what else are friends for?
Someone to believe.

Remember when you fall so hard
Remember I was there for you, always safe and warm.

Softly touch me we’re noplace now- this is just a dream.
Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend.
We are family.

Closing my eyes, I
See it all unfurl
I know how it ends.

Dark things fly towards me
Still you walk before me
Vanish round the bend.

And all the stars that beg for you
To sparkle in your time.
Remember I was there for you
Second in the line.

Softly touch me we’re noplace now- this is just a dream.
Fingers through your skin, you were never just a friend.
We are family.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

The Yellow Shelter

I haven’t been able to post anything in here for a while due to being in a state of confusion & constantly switching identities. I’m not sure why this happens. If I were to trace it back to something I think it probably began with accidentally making a bunch of people mad on social media. I hate making people mad since I am the world’s biggest wuss. On the other hand, the more I try to please people, the more I accidentally end up saying exactly what they don’t want to hear.  Just like the harder I try to make sure I don’t say anything sexual, the more some kind of phallic imagery will slip its way into my mouth. The only way to avoid trouble is not to speak at all, but that causes my sense of self to rapidly deteriorate until I have no idea who I am.

Anyway… I wrote this song a couple weeks back when I was hoping yellow could be the answer to all my troubles. 🙁 It wasn’t. Since then I have hoped white could be the answer and then I tried moving everything to the left side of my house. And then I hoped red could be the answer. None of these things worked, but still I learned a little bit from each of them. 

There was a fire born inside. It left me with no place to hide;
I took my shelter out in the rain.
He looked me up, he looked me down, but could he keep me safe and sound?
Like a needle against the pain?

Ten years, like a fool, waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the road stretched on- it was hard and it was long
Water running through my veins.

He was counting on his hands, such a practical man;
It made me wish that I could have my chance.
But all I got was the rain, it beat me harder than a cane
Till my blood knew the shape of romance.

Ten years, like a fool, waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the rain stretched on- it was hard and it was strong
Water running through my brain.

Yellow save me cause I, I don’t want to be free
Won’t you take me to your thick warm shelter, come now
To the source of the sound, you will recognize me
Lead me on into your thick warm shelter come now come now come now

And the rain how it poured; it split me open like a gourd
And it came on my face till I bled.
Still when I look in your eyes and see a shelter warm and dry
I want to climb right into your head.

Ten years, like a fool, I was waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the road stretched on- it was hard, it was long
Water running through my veins.

Yellow save me, cause I don’t want to be free
Won’t you take me to your thick, warm shelter? Come now
To the source of the sound, you will recognize me.
Lead me on into your thick, warm shelter. Come now, come now, come now.

Download MP3: The Yellow Shelter

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized Videos

Golden Hay (Video)

This is my official West Virginia song.

“Take Me Home Country Roads,” though somewhat accurate (the dark & dusky part), also leaves people with the mistaken impression that this is a home sweet home goody goody golden biscuit sort of place, which- except for the biscuit part- it isn’t. It is the least goody goody square place I have ever seen.

West Virginia is a weird combination of things that are too earthy to be human, and things that are too spiritual to be human with not much to flesh out the middle parts. Being neither earthy, nor particularly spiritual myself, I don’t relate to many elements of life here. Still, I recognize it as a nurturing environment- like a womb- where a person can focus on growing into themselves, rather than running around chasing after shiny things.

Plus, I like its purple & gray mists. It is one of those rare places where, in the battle between nature and man, nature is winning. Living here forces you to seek a life beyond human games and human prizes. It is a true land of opportunity where you can grow in any direction you wish and there is not much to stop you. Unless, of course, you need an organized grid of human structures and expectations to help you function. Then you are screwed. This is a world where you have to bring your own yellow.

Can you see how this place is nice but also different from an office space?

Life
may not be real
Pikey what a thing to say
you know that you weren’t raised that way

And yet
sometimes I fear
God has left me so alone
a million miles from any home

To walk a road that has no end
The golden hay lies beyond the bend.

But why would we break?
Why would we cry?
In the end it’s only pain
we’ve known it in so many ways

I know
she felt it too
Remember her, that little bird
so soft we never heard a word

A hint of pink behind the door
and in the end a pile of feathers on the floor

Pikey, you know it won’t be long
Take my hand, I can feel their eyes
descending from the bluest skies

My gun
My iron bar
Life remember I was your friend
I knew that you had no end

Your fields were filled with golden hay
Three clouds they fly above then slowly drift away.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Uncategorized Writings

Fiery Chunks

For a while things were going poorly in my domestic life. A dark and moody spirit filled the house. Then I remembered how the problems began when I removed all bright colors from my home to replace them with shades of black and purple. I can’t remember why I did this, exactly. I think I was trying to open a portal to the world where spirits live in the hopes of gaining magical powers.  At any rate, at a certain point magical powers seem less appealing than the ability to live a normal happy life. So I removed these dark colors, replaced them with yellow & other shades of cheer, and life seemed to pick up again.*

I am beginning to think the secret to surviving in West Virginia may be decorating in a colorful, chunky style, with plenty of homemade crafts and colors from warm end of the spectrum. Earthiness combined with fire.

My natural tendency, of course, would be to surround myself with all things delicate & dainty. But I don’t think lavender lace has the muscle to push through this heavy mountainous energy. And ultimately decoration is about survival, not self-expression.

Every environment presents us with challenges to our spirit. Sunny ones melt our brains, while cold ones freeze our hearts. Deserts dry out our emotions while moisture bogs us down. Plains fill us with desolation and rounded mountains with inertia. Here in West Virginia, a moist and mountainous environment, heaviness and inertia are the demons we wrestle with.

This mostly challenges men** since this squishy thickness makes it hard to be brisk and productive. It is a great place to be a woman, however, because so many of the spiritual and emotional diseases that plague other parts of America don’t exist here.

Mountain mamas don’t get ribs removed to fit into the latest fashion. They don’t see themselves as objects or obsess over the “male gaze.”  People here rarely seek meaning through career success, but rather through connections to God, family and nature.

But for men, this West Virginia environment is challenging. It is hard to get that dry, crispy feeling which allows people to think objectively. Hence why we are plagued by functionality problems- poverty, divorce, drugs, decay and disorganization. There isn’t enough yang energy for men to get their bearings.

So, what is the solution to all this? Decorating in a chunky colorful fashion, of course. This will obliterate all environmental challenges and turn West Virginia into a heaven on Earth. I hope. Stay tuned & I will let you know how it works.

* These statements seemed true at the time I made them (yesterday).

** For people who enjoy qualifications, when I refer to men, I am also referring to the masculine side in us all.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Uncategorized

Man of the Earth

Do you ever feel like everything you say is completely wrong? I do. Not that there is something particularly wrong about it, but just that the whole realm of my thought & feeling is off.

I am hoping I can take some time away from both reading and human civilization for a while, living a life of manual labor, so I can clear my head and try to realign it with something more real. It is hard for me to do manual labor, though, because I have been brainwashed to feel that it is a waste of time. If I spend too much time on it, I feel guilty. That is just social pressure, though. My personal feelings are that manual labor is where its at.

Like, I would think, for example, that being a housekeeper would be much richer than working in an office. All the smells, textures, colors… creating  a world that is your own and getting to change it at will! How much more intelligent would you be if your didn’t spend your days eating other people’s ideas and vomiting them back up? Ideas that pass from human to human quickly become toxic. Our real ideas come from nature. And in manual labor, it is nature we are interacting with.

You can’t clean a cast iron pot without taking some of the knowledge of iron into yourself. You can’t bake a loaf of cornbread without absorbing a touch of corn’s power- the ability to be evil when evil is called for.* Cotton, wood, metal, plant, clay and fruit… all of it loaded with wisdom and new worlds… all of this loaded into our minds through contact with our hands, making us feel renewed. Inspired.

And yet, the social pressures I feel are always to do something dumb- such as read the “classics” of literature. Some of which are okay- mostly the ones written for children, I think, and the ones written by those who aren’t writers. But most are just belabored retchings of unoriginal ideas, filled with human waste, created only to impress.**

But I guess I don’t need to pit books & manual labor against each other. There is no reason you can’t do both, if you are the pretentious sort. But still, my ideal will always be the illiterate savage, the man of the earth. This isn’t a rebellion against intelligence, as some like to say, just a different idea of where intelligence comes from.

One scholar and one man of the earth take a walk in the park.

*To learn more about my feelings for corn, see herehere .

**I don’t mean to seem completely anti-scholar. I do think scholars have their place and am 20% scholar myself.

 

 

 

 

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love

Goodbye Air, Hello Earth

Moving into a new home last year was an adjustment for me. For starters, all new places feel unbearably cootie filled to me, especially if they have been previously inhabited, and since this house is 111 years old, it is has been inhabited many times. (Including JFK, at least for  a day. And considering that he was a sex addict said to have sex multiple times a day, I like to think he may have done so in our house as well. Probably the guest bathroom, as was his custom when visiting a new place.)

Also, as much as I admire the down to earthiness of West Virginia culture, it can make me feel claustrophobic at times. Truthfully, the culture of every place I have lived eventually makes me feel the need to escape. The sun shiny cultures make you stupid, the icy ones freeze your heart, the airiness of the West Coast leads you to make bad choices, the human density of cities makes your head go up your ass, etc. I can’t help wanting to be the opposite of the world around me, no matter what that world is like. Otherwise it can feel hard to breathe. Although I like like people a lot as individuals, I have a hard time dealing with them once they have turned into giant globs sharing the same thoughts and perspectives.

At any rate, the point is that when I first moved here the home and world around me felt foreign and oppressive, so I compensated by making my home a symbol of airiness and flight. Painting the walls sky blue and covering them with airplanes and butterflies, clouds, stars, and lightening bolts.

But now it has gotten to be too much and my whole world feels as though it is empty and blowing around in the air. It is time to redecorate my home to make it feel like the heaviest, stuffiest place in the world. Every symbol of air must be replaced with a pumpkin or a bear. Everything white must be painted brown. Everything high must be placed on the ground.

Of course, last time I made my home as earthy as I could  it made me feel stuck, depressed and flat, as though I was being pressed beneath a heavy book. However, it turns out that was also the time Saturn was passing over my horizon, which makes everyone feel as though their life is a dry and burdensome drudge. Maybe this time the impact of earth will be quite excellent. I will let you know. 🙂

I painted this bookcase with some leftover ocher paint to be earthier. I think ocher and brown are the essence of earth. As are dogs. If you look carefully, you can also see some of my favorite collectibles in this photo, such as blenko water bottles and fiesta ware. The books in the bookcase are ones I would be embarrassed to be associated with (and the ones I read the most) which is why they must be kept upstairs. I would like eventually to have a case of books downstairs which have been purely selected for their pomposity.

Categories
Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Red, Soldiers, & Fire

The Brown Library

 

He thought there must be some lines in the earth he could follow,
Hidden by snow, but he’d possibly find them in spring.
A grid made of brown that would lead to the crown of tomorrow…

Hail to the rose!
Hail to the sky!
Teach me to live;
Teach me to die.

In the snow it was cold but some hope filled his body;
Golden liquid that quickened the fire in his brain.
He had a theory the earth was surrounded by knowledge;
A shimmering library accessed by unbearable pain.

When I close my eyes- Ah!
Like a flame through my fingers it burns, like a fire through my heart.
When I close my eyes- No!
It eludes me a pain in my shoulders, a dimming echo.

Hail to the rose!
Hail to the sky!
Teach me to live,
Teach me to die.

His blue eyes scanned the skies though he knew they were empty;
Only fools look for schools where the airy birds fly.
Something told him the brown of the ground held the answers;
His desire for the fire left him willing to die.

Won’t you take me inside of your library
Prepared to hurt, lay my screams in your dirt?
Won’t you take me inside of your library
Prepared to bleed for the answers I need?

Hail to the rose!
Hail to the sky!
Teach me to live,
Teach me to die.

 

Download MP3: The Brown Library

Categories
Brooklyn Music & Songs

Countrified

 

Kevin Srebnick in checkered shirt drinking coffee.

To be countrified means to be made of stone and earth.

My life in Brooklyn was a constant struggle to avoid being countrified, but in a world so hard and gray that was pretty much impossible. Maybe, when it is your time to die, you should just do it peacefully.

But instead, I chose to rage against the dying of the light. Whenever I had a dollar, I headed straight to the neighborhood discount party supply store, where I would spend as much time as I could gazing (inconspicuously, I hoped) at the plastic party decorations in every color of the rainbow. In the end, I would usually settle on a plastic tablecloth in a color I had never bought before, which I would then take home and nail to my wall. Why? Because I was convinced there was one color out there who could magically change my life for the better. And once I found this color and nailed him to my wall- BAM! the world would transform in an instant.

When I had several dollars to spend, I went to a  discount greeting card shop, where, once again, I would nonchalantly loiter for as long as possible, before buying as many cards as I could afford and taking them home to stuff with glitter and feathers. I mailed these cards to everyone I knew- no matter how distantly- and learned there is no better way to alienate an acquaintance than a string of “I’m Glad We’re Friends!” cards with cute baby ducks on the front.

 

Download MP3: Countrified

Categories
Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs New Hampshire

Home

Back in the day, there was one Greek philosopher who believed everything is made of fire, one who believed everything is made of air, one who believed everything is made of water, and one who believed everything is made of earth. The one who believed everything is made of fire also believed that change and impermanence are the true nature of life (a common belief today as well). The one who believed everything is made of earth believed that nothing ever changes and that permanence is the true nature of life.

Perhaps there is one layer of life which is constantly in flux, and perhaps this layer tends to grab our attention because of its unpredictable, dramatic, and anxiety-producing nature.   But beneath that, isn’t there also something so constant and steady, so soft and reassuring,  that it is easy for us to forget it is even there?

This song is about that realm of  comfort that lies beneath the more teetering aspects of our lives- the element of Earth!!

The Letter: To Black Hole's surprise, a mysterious letter arrives in the mail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Download MP3: Home

Categories
Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs New Hampshire

Earth

One day- I don’t remember why- I was feeling the need to get in touch with the Earth.  So I sat down to begin wondering about her and right away this song started playing in my mind.

Mary holds baby Jesus, wrapped in royal blue blanket.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Download MP3: Earth