Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Uncategorized Writings

New Year’s Resolutions

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to think more for myself. I have a habit of googling every question that enters my mind from “What should I do right now?” to “What is the meaning of life?” and no matter what I google the answer is always- eat more vegetables. Oh and drink more water, sleep more, meditate, take a bath, stay at home, some gentle yoga, drink tea, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, dim the lights, a gentle self massage & let your last thought be of gratitude as you slowly sink into that final sleep. This is the wisdom of our time. To indulge the self into a state of non-existence.

So I would like to throw out a few alternate New Year’s resolutions because becoming a vegetable isn’t for everyone. Some of these may be morally questionable but I also think it is morally questionable to devote your life to becoming an amoeba.

  1. Become rich. An oldie but goodie which builds the wits and nerves. Will lead to more growth than chamomile tea.
  2. Become popular. Also a classic. Exciting, challenging & guaranteed to expand your world. Unlike yoga.
  3. Party more. This could have its down sides but life is not all about seeking states of calm. Sometimes you gotta bubble and flow like lava.
  4. Live in the woods. If you want solitude then earn it. Don’t sit in your government apartment smoking weed. Build yourself a damn house in the woods. Triple credit if a woman does this.
  5. Social climb. An advanced version of becoming more popular. Use strategy to become ensconced in social circles that would typically reject you. Then blog about it.
  6. Be a whore. Not professionally, just have sex with lots of people. This is probably a bad idea though. Please don’t try this unless you know what you’re doing. Sex is linked to the underworld in ways no one can understand. And demons cannot easily be returned to their jars.
  7. Do drugs. This is also a bad idea. Just say no. The worst part of drugs is they can make you too passive and that is exactly what we are trying to avoid. Say no.
  8. Walk across your state. Guaranteed to be more interesting than keeping a gratitude journal.
  9. Take a second spouse. This could cause trouble but would be less boring than keeping a gratitude journal together.
  10. Live in a third world country. Make sure it is really third world though cause otherwise living abroad will probably just turn you into a pretentious ass. Try Chad.

Okay these aren’t the greatest ideas. But the point is you can think of a more stimulating goal than drinking lemon water each morning. Life does not have to be about dying. Languidity is anathema to spirit, a wet pillow held over his face as he struggles for breath until finally the flame goes out.

Life do we remember thee
Tho you loved us we killed you with chamomile tea.

So don’t resolve to murder your spirit this year. No journals, no naps, no child’s pose, no government injections easing you into the world beyond. This year feed the part of yourself that wants to live!

As for me though, my resolutions are not that exciting as I am still working my way out of the special needs category. They are

  1. To practice thinking for myself when I have life challenges rather than googling for answers.
  2. To make more friends in the physical world. This is a lower tiered resolution than becoming popular (mid-tier) or social climbing (top-tier) but that’s just where I’m at. I don’t even know if I’ll like having friends yet. Plus it forces me to address many areas of practiweakness, like money, transportation, technology, clothes etc.

If you have made resolutions, please share them!

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story Uncategorized Writings

For Whom Empowermint Tolls

I wrote this a few weeks back but only now got the nerve to publish it. Cause it references neighbors & I’m not sure if it’s cool to blog about neighbors or not.

I’ve been feeling kind of bummed, like I reached the end of empowermint. There may be no way of getting more powerful than I already am. My last empowermint was smoking illegal drugs. It blew my mind I was able to achieve this and now it kind of feels like I’ve peaked. What more can I do? Rob a bank? Dallas? These things require cars and I still don’t have one.

I also sang a couple songs on stage without dying of a heart attack. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it’d be. Felt like floating, like I wasn’t there at all. Still counts as a mint though.

I’ve now been to bars three times. They are scary but exciting. People do drugs. I received a pot gummy bear. But this was after I’d completed my illegal drugs empowermint, so I didn’t eat him. Instead he was flayed and quartered. I fed the meat to a friend each time he got angry in the hopes it would calm him.

At the bar a guy told me he was hard and asked what color panties I was wearing. I asked if I could see his jockstrap. Then he starts shouting how much he loves sucking cock. Then he smashes a bottle over a man’s head. They start punching and blood is dripping down their faces. One of them has black X’s painted on his cheeks. It felt like being in a dark wonderland. Nothing like the world I am used to.

Everyone in the bar was larger than life. Some wore diamonds despite being men. One had just escaped max security for murder. One said he would fuck me over a fireplace. One had only three fingers on his hand. One wore an earring of a butt and said he likes doing everyone up the butt regardless of gender. One had just gotten stabbed. If I could be certain of not getting murdered it would be quite exciting.

But I’ve been so cloistered I don’t totally get where excitement ends and danger begins. A friend told me I was on my way to getting my organs removed. So I tried returning to pre-empowermint days. But that isn’t safe either. Once I believed that being a good housekeeper would ensure my safety in life. Now I know that sooner or later God throws everyone out on the streets. So you gotta be ready.

And then you get addicted to the thrill. I kind of want to see more of this crazy world. How many men are out there with X’s on their face? How many want to see my underwear?* What is PCP? What signals do drug addicts use to find dealers? What sweet words and caresses will organ dealers use to win the trust of healthy people? Can you be fucked over a working fireplace? If a man offers to let you watch him jerk off is it yes or no? I want to know everything.

But those lesbians. They keep reminding me I’m courting disaster and I know they’re right. What I really need is to join a ladies book club and I promise I will. Ladies help you become smarter and more organized. They encourage you to make crafts and sell them at a fair. Around men you grow clear and gelatinous. You wait to see what they’ll do next. You try not to set them off. Men are a feast for the imagination yet a practibrain disaster. And we all know exciting choices rarely pay off in the end.

So I’m trying to be good. Today I had the opportunity to do something fun but instead stayed home and ate 12 slices of cheesecake. Cause that is what Mr Rogers would do. Virtue today is happiness tomorrow. Thrills lead to chills. Aids. And death.

*FYI- I realize nobody wants to see my underwear. Men only feign sexual interest as a way of getting your money or something much worse.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Pain (Video)

First bring the needle out
Tighten up the tourniquet
And now you feel the waters flow
And now the whole world grows so wet

And now how blood is beautiful
Liquid ruby through your veins and
I will love you fire to fire
Desire. You make me feel pain.

Falling back again
With your eyes an inch a way
And somehow turn from day to night
Then somehow turn from night to day

And now you light your pipe again
And now you speak your words they’re never true
You feel the room spin round and round
Theres only me and you and now

How red is beautiful
Liquid ruby through my veins
And I, I feel the world dissolve resolve
You make me feel pain.

First bring the needle out
Slide it through my eye oh I oh I
How I could live for this
So high above the world I fly I fly

I’ll love you fire to fire
And I will love you flame to flame
And I oh will I marry you, I do
You make me feel pain.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Pain

First bring the needle out
Tighten up the tourniquet
And now you feel the waters flow
And now the whole world grows so wet

And now how blood is beautiful
Liquid ruby through your veins and
I will love you fire to fire
Desire. You make me feel pain.

Falling back again
With your eyes an inch a way
And somehow turn from day to night
Then somehow turn from night to day

And now you light your pipe again
And now you speak your words they’re never true
You feel the room spin round and round
Theres only me and you and now

How red is beautiful
Liquid ruby through my veins
And I, I feel the world dissolve resolve
You make me feel pain.

First bring the needle out
Slide it through my eye oh I oh I
How I could live for this
So high above the world I fly I fly

I’ll love you fire to fire
And I will love you flame to flame
And I oh will I marry you, I do
You make me feel pain.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story Uncategorized

The Black Checker

Fuck me. Normally I’m somewhat average in terms of efficiency. Under crisis in August I rose up to become a top 10 performer. Mid September my balloon began deflating and now my life consists of staring at a mug until I finally get up and walk into a wall. Technically I still get a bit done but am nowhere near recommended levels of crispness for my weight range.

Is this a normal response to someone’s mind being overloaded by things they don’t want to think about? An early sign of AIDS? Right now I need to be calling the prosecutor’s office, visiting the courthouse, wrapping packages and taking them to the post office, doing some secretary work for a famous herbalist, cleaning the house since the front door is made of glass, stopping my plants from dying, cooking dinner so the meat doesn’t go bad, playing with the dogs to keep them from sliding into depression, plus I really need to buy a coat and some pants since the temperature keeps dropping and I gotta get these things and more done by six when the sun goes down.

Cause then I have my night time stuff to do.

But rather than performing the tasks essential to survival (in the end we all die anyway, right?) maybe I’ll just sit here drinking coffee and tell you how my empowermints are going.

The most important thing is that I completed my illegal drug empowermint. This was sort of the jewel in my empowermint crown to the extent that I kinda of feel I’ve peaked and have nowhere to go but down. Maybe that’s why I’ve been tailspinning. My whole life I’ve wondered how people obtain illegal drugs when there is no clear road to obtaining them. You can’t buy them in a store, you can’t ask people if they sell them, so how is everyone is high? Well it turns out the answer is friends.

I’d decided that friends were the next realm of empowermint anyway. You can know how to dig ditches and start a campfire but without any friends you gotta hard hoe to row. And I literally knew no one of flesh and blood. Now I know a few.

And I really, really want to write about them. But I don’t know if that’s rude. I’ve always avoided being friends with writers for this exact reason. Just like I’ve avoided being friends with musicians because they have no morals. And tall people because their heads are too far away from earth. And dark haired people because they are wusses. Thin people are harsh and intolerant. Fat people just chuckle when you want to talk about something serious. People with large heads are obsessed with conspiracies. Small heads look weird. Long necks lack commitment. Short neck means tiny brain. Men can be dangerous or break your heart. Women might assume you’re a lesbian and you end up having to eat their pussy just to be polite. There’s a reason to avoid everyone.

I almost feel I’ve gotten too many ideas about life stuck in my head and now I need to clear a few out. Men who eat pasta are gay. Men who avoid pasta are gayer. Drugs are bad because they’re illegal. Hot dogs are bad cause I once found a short thick hair in one. Bars are bad because ghosts live in them and they can get stuck in your hair then follow you home. Honey mustard dressing is bad cause if you eat it you’ll attract men who like to be done up the ass. Red attracts violence. Purple insanity. Black death. White can make you so spiritual that you attract dark sluts who give you aids. Orange can make you attract fun loving sluts who also give you aids. Gold will turn you into a man. Silver softens your brain. The world is full of things to be avoided.

More than ever I feel like a black checker all alone on a checker board. My player has decided he’ll use me to make his next move. He doesn’t have many checkers left. But whichever direction he moves me in I’m gonna get jumped. Maybe this is why I keep walking into walls.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized Videos

Aquamarine (Video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6xAVlT5Gfs

Hold my head in my hands and I struggle to think
I cannot understand, I can never be sure
Though I struggle to stand, still I have one more drink
Then I follow the hand that will open the door
And he will be there for sure.

In the blue of your room where you fall over me
I begin to forget when you hover above
Till our minds overlap, like a bubble I break
Spilling into your hand, dripping down on the rug
And we will live for love.

Change me. Change me.

You could teach me the things that you know
You could give me the money that you’ve made
Lay your hands on my fingers let me know
All the things that you want for me to say.

As long as you will stay

I tried so hard to pray, but they didn’t respond
They just fluttered away, so I reached for a pill
Till the waves came to crash, cold and aquamarine
I swore I would obey, I would follow your will
As long as you love me still.

Change me. Change me.

You will teach me the things that you know
You will give me the money that you’ve made
I don’t know where the things with wings they go
Why the sound of a scream they flow away…

And so I will stay.

I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist
And we will live for this.

Change me. Change me.

I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around, blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist.

I could see in your mind, it was just like a dream
All the things that were gone and those that stayed
But I stayed there to long and I struggled breath
But we always knew there’d be a price to pay.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers

Rainbow Bottle

A song about a pedophile who meets a man wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. The man with the red t-shirt and jeans also wears a crown. Sometimes I wonder if this man is Jesus, but I don’t know. It is definitely possible that nowadays Jesus wears a t-shirt and jeans rather than appearing to people in robes. On the other hand, there may be a large number of humanoid beings who interface with us on a divine level.  I don’t know.

As to why this song is about a pedophile, rather than a beautiful sunset shared with friends, read here.

Trees and birds, sky of blue
Flying high- I saw him fly too.

With a crown placed upon him like the sun
And it shined- I had to cover up my eyes
Does he know? Has he seen the things I’ve done?

Clutching to a bottle
It was filled with something purple
I could not control the thoughts that
Danced like monkeys in my head.

Then a man approached me
There was blood upon his fingers and
He led me to a doorway where
He pointed to a bed.

But now you’re here. You stand beside me like a brother
In your red t-shirt and jeans.
But your crown shines so brightly that it’s burning up my eyes…
Have you seen the things I’ve seen?

Were you at the at the orgy
It was filled with naked children
They were dancing in a circle
Just like monkeys in a cave

Looking at my hands again
I can’t stop them from shaking
I don’t want to close my eyes and see
The shadow of a grave.

Were you there when I drank the rainbow bottle?
Did you watch me drag my feet across the floor?
Could you see the drugs were swirling up my mind?
It wasn’t me, the man who opened up that door.

You put your arm around me now
I’m squinting in the sunlight and
You lift the crown from your head and
You lay it onto mine.

Every little memory is coming back with clarity
Burning like an acid through the hollers of my mind.

And I’ll fall because i cannot stop from shaking
And I’ll clutch like a monkey at your knees
And I’ll burn because I know I was mistaken
And yet still I walked to touch the rainbow tree.

Fluffy clouds, sky of blue
Save this man- I am your son too.

 

Download Mp3: Rainbow Bottle

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Uncategorized

Neptune in Pisces

If you are bewildered by the social crazes of recent years- the obsession with sensitivity, the glorification of victimhood,  the insistence on compassion even when it is self defeating- you might be happy to know that this state of affairs is the temporary result of the planet Neptune passing through the constellation of Pisces.

Pisces rules sensitivity, weakness, victimhood, and all things of a new age and spiritual nature. It is an idealistic sign that glorifies the sacrifice of self for the greater good. It values emotion over thought, imagination over reality, feminine over masculine,  and passive over active. It rules sleep, death, meditation, isolation.

Neptune signifies, among other things, our collective ideals. It can cause us to glamorize things to such an extent that we become out of touch with reality. It takes Neptune 14 years to pass through each sign of the zodiac, and during that time the values of that sign will tend to be glorified in our culture.

So Neptune’s transit through Pisces will coincide with idealizing the subjective, imaginary, and emotional world that Pisces represents.

 

Some manifestations of Neptune in Pisces include:

  • Safe spaces & trigger warnings. The importance of feelings and subjective states becomes over-emphasized.
  • Caitlyn Jenner, Chelsea Manning. They ARE women so long as they say they are. Pisces represents the end of objective reality.
  • Bernie Sanders. Pisces rules the collective and the dissolution of the individual. The sacrifice of the self for the group. Equality is good. Selfishness is bad.
  • Colin Kaepernick. The NFL kneeling during the national anthem. The worship of Canada, Scandinavia, and foreign countries in general. Patriotism is bad. Other countries are good. (Pisces rules faraway lands and a longing for Other Places.)
  • The push to legalize doctor assisted suicide. Pisces rules suicide and death. Life is a dream, a choice, not an absolute value.
  • The legalization of marijuana. Pisces rules drugs in general, since they enable the escape from objective reality, or at least blur its edges. In addition, marijuana places people in a Piscean stae of mind where ambition is lessened and sensitivity to the artistic and subjective is increased.
  • Toxic-masculinity, man-splaining, the patriarchy, rape culture and other ideas that seek to de-masculinize our culture. Pisces is a passive, feminine sign which has no need for masculine force and striving.
  • Black Lives Matter, Gay Parades, #MeToo, #TimesUp. Victimhood is destigmatized and turned into the new status symbol. (Pisces rules victims.) Mental illness (also ruled by Pisces) is destigmatized & turned into a social accessory.
  • The hatred of weapons, police, government, hunting, oil companies, etc.  Just because we eat meat, drive cars, and expect to be protected from bad guys doesn’t mean we are alright with animals being killed, cops wielding authority, or pipelines being built. Pisces likes its comforts, but is dissociated from the practical realities that underlie them.
  • The rise of yoga, meditation, self-care, journaling etc. Pisces rules emotional healing at its best, comatose navel gazing at its worst.

 

As far as Neptune in Pisces is concerned…

Good= Femininity, victims, weakness, equality, subjectivity, sacrifice, feelings, sensitivity, marijuana, other countries, spirituality, introversion, compassion, others, dependence, self-care, collectivism,  meditation, crystals, yoga, spirituality, smoothies, bubble baths, insanity, suicide.

Bad= Masculinity, judgment, law and order, duty, objectivity, patriotism,  competition, ambition, discipline,  police, military, government, weapons, rules, responsibility, guns, authority, selfishness, aggression, materialism, individualism, responsibility, greed, Donald Trump.

 

Although the extremes of this Neptune transit can be both hilarious and frightening, it is also the case that this time represents an important course correction for us as a group, where the value of things which may have been scorned and suppressed in the past are once again brought into focus. We become more willing to confront our pain and insanity, and to recognize the value of our subjective inner world. We learn to blame those who have hurt us, rather than internalizing their assaults as shame. The ultimate purpose of Pisces is the healing of our inner selves so that emotional pain can finally be set aside and life begin anew.

So you may as well take this opportunity to throw a pity party for yourself, because in 2025 Neptune will enter the sign of Aries, a hotheaded, fiery and masculine sign with no regard for the feelings and needs of others. A pioneering spirit will overtake America once again, and those who are weak will not even be mocked, just thoughtlessly trampled underfoot.

 

 

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs

Cards and Slots

 

James says it is important to write some kind of introduction to a song, to help people understand it. And while I agree with him, it is not really possible for me to do so at this time. Because… whenever I write in prose I feel that I end up channeling some strange personality not my own. Sometimes I call this voice Mr. Pompadou and other times Mr. Belvedere, but at any rate it is horrifying to imagine that someone might mistake this voice for me.

A person’s writing voice is partially, I suppose, a reflection of who they imagine their audience to be. I imagine people reading this who are intelligent, but also close-minded and hostile. Therefore, Mr. Belvedere comes out as a protective measure.  Nobody could be mad at a man like him!

 

Cards and SlotsMan in Orange Shorts

Cards and slots, drinks and dots,
dropping more things than you got
forms a rift, continental drift…
essential things float away in the mist
and you are pissed.

But if you want to play the blame game you know
it will only be your name on the list;
still I insist
you reconsider all the evidence.

Lost in time, lost in sea, lost in space…
a man was born who never had a face;
they all say he doesn’t exist,
but they can’t explain the pain that emits from his wet kiss.

Is it amiss to be sad, to be mad
when you think of the things that you missed…
and yet you should always remember this:

That you were placed in this space
because you are the man with the gift,
to bringing light into the heart of the pit;
flying high- the blackest soil provides the greatest lift,
the deepest dose of nutrient.

Half the time you fall, half the time you are in pain
but it’s not your fault that you wear chains.

Half of what you said only made your heart lose hope,
but its not your fault that there’s
a black man stalking you dragging a long white rope.

Valentines just in time
twist your brain to form a rhyme-
tell her that you love her the most…
say that you’re about to explode!
(Knuckles crack crack, echoing inside your abode,
but as the tensions rise there are things you must know.)

Is a friend in need the type of friend you need-
what about a scratch for your back?
a feather you can slap into your cap?
cause it stalls in your craw that nobody never gives back.

A thousand faces laugh from their seats-
you’re the only man on the stage,
trying not to fly into rage, and you wonder…
were you that dumb at their age?

Goodbye, goodbye
to everything that never made sense,
to all the knots that only grew dense;
my repentance will be vengeance.

Half the time you crawl, half the time you are insane
but it’s not your fault that you wear chains.

Half of what you said, it was only a way to cope,
but soon you will turn to fight
the black man stalking you dragging his long white rope.

 

Download MP3: Cards and Slots

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs

Big Ship

 

Big Ship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You learned to live in a world of dark blue
People walk by but they never touch you
You learned to live in a world of role play
People mean things that they never say

Hold on to your mask, keep on walking fast
Soon the door will open and you’re gonna get past

Just keep walking to the river; just keep walking through the night
You’ll see the door begin to form inside the morning light

Big ship flying out of this world
Big ship flying out of this world

You learned to see in a world of rainbow
Spend your day shopping for a set of new clothes
Cold cold rainbow behind them big smiles
Chills down your spine when the needle slides

Slip inside your veins and it’ll be too late for you
Soon you won’t remember what you came on earth to do
Could you slip inside your mind and make a corner just for you
Maybe leave behind a symbol of the things you need to do

Big ship flying out of this world
Big ship flying out of this world

You learned to walk in the world of today
Scrub, scrub, scrub off the memory
You learned to walk in a world of touchdowns
High-five when another ship goes down

You know you’ll never make it if you don’t begin to run
Do you want to trade forever for a tiny bit of fun
And is it even fun or just another style of pain
Do you ever wonder why your loss is someone else’s gain

Big ship flying out of this world
Big ship flying out of this world

Give them three noes for every one yes
Never apologize and never confess
Run from the people who think that you’re strange
Run from the people who say that they’ll change

People never change, but their ships go down
You don’t want to tie your mind onto the wisdom of this town
You know they’ll never make it, you know their ways are wrong
You got to keep on running to the ship where you belong

Big ship flying out of this world
Big ship flying out of this world

 

Download MP3: Big Ship