Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

The Box

 

Sing and gleam, mountain stream
I know where you flow.
Falling down, losing ground
Crash the world below.

Lose the dream
of purity you wanted me to bring.
Lose the dream
There’s nothing sacred now.

Something fails, yet still goes on.
I was in the box, but now it’s gone.

Like a swirl, like a wave
Changing me inside
Suck me down, underneath
This is where I’ll hide.

On and on
to bluer things you wanted me to bring.
On and on
Your arrow in my hand.

Something dies, yet still goes on.
I was in the box, but now it’s gone.

Waterfall over me
Holding up my hands
Blue and cold, touching me
I don’t understand

How I feel
I waited for you everyday alone
Standing there
There’s nothing certain now.

Losing form, yet flowing on
I was in the box, but now its gone.

 

Download: The Box

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Videos

Goodbye (Video)

Goodbye for now, I go
Who am I? I don’t know, nobody knows
Goodbye for now, so long
I will reach for you one day through arms of song…

I saw the people form a long thin line
They surrounded me in a circle; I did not want to die
I saw a dark spot move across the sky
Her message was so clear to me: goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye for now, I go
Who am I? I don’t know, nobody knows
Goodbye for now, so long
I will reach for you one day through arms of song…

They built their village in the northern woods
This is not my home, one day I’ll leave for good
I cooked my food beneath a veil of stars
This is not my home, I said with quivering arms.

Goodbye for now, I go
Who am I? I don’t know, nobody knows
Goodbye for now, so long
I will reach for you one day through arms of song…

They crossed the river in a long thin line
Their clothes were stacked upon their heads, piled so high
They held each other’s hands with long thin arms
Though I leave this place, I will remember you as fallen stars.

Goodbye for now, I go
Who am I? I don’t know, nobody knows
Goodbye for now, so long
I will reach for you one day through arms of song.

*

I wrote this song a couple years ago when I was redecorating my apartment in the hopes that it would magically transform my life into a more exciting one. Since I had already tried every other decorating style I could think of- and my exciting life had not yet manifested- I decided to use reverse psychology on the universe and make my home impersonal and sterile, like a business office. I ‘decluttered,’ removed pictures from the wall, and replaced cutesy soap dishes with industrial ones. I tried to make everything as white and empty as possible. I decided to stop writing songs, to make the void even greater.

And it did make me feel empty. I always get this particular sad feeling after decluttering. ‘Decluttering’ is a popular movement at the moment- supposedly all aspects of your life will improve when you release unnecessary possessions- but I am more or less an opponent of it. Without possessions to weigh us down, our minds become untethered. I learned this the hard way, having given away my possessions many times. When I left one husband and married another, I placed everything I owned, clothing and all, into one duffle bag. I didn’t even have different clothes for summer and winter, just a pair of green shorts and yellow pants that I wore both in snow and extreme humidity. Plus a pink polo shirt with green frogs on it.

Sometimes I still find it challenging to deal with the responsibility of material possessions, but that is life. It is better to be crushed alive by heaviness than to go insane from extreme lightness. Isn’t it?

At any rate, this song is an expression of the ache I felt after turning my home into a business office.

A previous redecoration, where I decided everything needed to be painted green, even Slippers. The poster on the wall is from an earlier decorating scheme where all walls were covered with pictures of water. I don’t know why I felt the need to constantly redecorate, but living in a house has forced me to put that mania behind me, at least a little.

And before you call Slippers fat (as people did at the time) remember that she had just spent the summer in solitary confinement, after getting hit by a car, with nothing to do but eat kibble all day. This photo was right after we adopted her.
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Paradise

Father, I need to sit.
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me what it is.
Father, what is the time?
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me if it’s mine.

You built a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in the sand.
Clouds flew above me light flashing out of their eagle eyes
Now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, where are my hands?
I need to touch my eyes- something tells me they are hurting me again
Father, am I lying in bed?
Why are the curtains drawn? What is this thing upon my head?

You built a tower in a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so safe in the sand.
Sun shimmered on my body like I was a pegasi
But now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, why are the curtains drawn?
So many things to do. I can’t remain in here too long.
Father, I need to ask
Of all the things you’ve done, which ones are the ones that you’d take back?

You built a world around my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so safe in your hand.
Cities they swirled around me like they was a race of lights
But now I can feel those cold things dripping again.

All of the men in the world lined up side by side.
A bundle of twigs they wait for the flame.
Dance by the fire and you will realize.
A burning twig will never feel the pain.

 

Download MP3: Paradise

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

White God & Gold God

Although I’m not religious, there are at least two Gods I believe in…

1. A White God, * whom I simply call “God.” He is the man in the sky who hears our prayers and answers them, so long as they are not in conflict with our destiny or personal growth. But no matter what, when we reach out to him, he will respond with care and love. He is above all our friend.

2. A Gold God, whom I call “God the Father.” He is the watchmaker who created the laws which run the universe. There is no need to pray to him, because he has already constructed the universe to run according to the highest good of all. Plus, he is far away, standing outside the world as he watches it turn.

He does, however, contain vast reservoirs of intelligence and wisdom that we can tap into, and also the Virtues. Virtues are, of course, things like honesty, courage, kindness etc. But on the golden level, they are power sources built into the fabric of the universe. By tapping into them we release external forces as well as internal ones.

Basically, the Virtues are stars- shining above us from all directions- with some diametrically opposed to others (frugality vs generosity, for example.) When we embody a virtue, we unleash a powerful wind blowing us in that star’s direction. If we tap into the right virtue, one that is aligned with our destiny, we will experience this as powerful forces of synchronicity coming to play in our favor, helping us to achieve our purpose. But if we tap into the wrong virtue, one that is not aligned with our destiny, it can be a disaster, carrying us into a foreign life where our strengths are useless. Or worse still, blowing us into a hostile world where our gifts are liabilities.

This is why I have yet to tap into any virtues myself. I don’t have the self-knowledge to know if I ought to be jovial or sober, trusting or crafty. But one day I look forward to doing it. Who wants to slog their way through life when they could be blown swiftly away by forces beyond their control?

 

* Given the mood of the moment with everyone on the lookout for racism, I feel the need to point out that this God being white has nothing to do with “white people.” At any rate, he is not the “white” color of Caucasian skin, he is white like bones, the color of bones that all humans and animals share.

Categories
Hurricane, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Uncategorized

Eskimo

 

I promised myself I would not write another song until I had something warm and tropical to sing about. I feel like a cold front is sweeping this country, filling people with piousness and righteous ideas. I am okay with a little righteousness, but once it reaches the point where people start to take pleasure in doling out justice I get nervous. I did not want to add any ice to the group mind.

Still, this Arctic song woke me up in the middle of the night and I decided to write it down anyway. Because the South is all about trusting in Providence, just as the North is about Self-Reliance.

 

Eskimo

 

 

We walk through the frozen mountains.
We wade through the icy stream.
We shine like the northern rainbow.
We blow like the icy breeze.

Am I real?
Am I real?

Kneel down to drink from the water.
Kneel down to drink from the stream.
I’m too thirsty to think about it-
I don’t care if it’s dirty or clean.

Am I real?
Am I real?

We lie upon a caribou fur.
We rest our eyes upon a ceiling of ice.
Silver needles fill my fingers and toes-
I start to sink into a paradise.

Am I real?
Am I real?

We work beneath the silvery sun.
We rely on our ancestry.
Sometimes cold overtakes my heart-
It floats beside me like another me.

Am I real?
Am I real?

I cut my finger with a silvery knife.
I tuck my knife back inside of my fur.
He licks my finger with an eager tongue-
Raw meat is what we prefer.

Am I real?
Am I real?

We walk through the frozen mountains.
We wade through the icy stream.
We are silver needles beneath the sky,
Dissolving into the Bering Sea.

Am I real?
Am I real?

Categories
Hurricane, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs

I trusted you

I Trusted You

 

I trusted you; your pale white face
I walked through snow to your winter place
Wearing no shoes; covered only in lace
Snowflakes fell to their death upon my face

As you waited for me inside.
But I didn’t know you had already died.

Your green eyes shone; they seemed to say
Every star that shines, it can be yours one day.
Though skin peeled and fell from your arm
I never felt alarm

I just stared into your eyes.
How could I have known you had already died?

Something hides deep in a cave
The darkest part of your ribcage
It can’t be seen; it has to hide
It can’t let anyone know that you already died.

In a deep dark well, I had lost some things
I gave you everything that it was possible to demean.
You seemed to shine, but it was only the glow
Of decay but I didn’t know

That God is always high
A pure white sheet in the sky
He never cuts us with a knife
Just to see us cry.

But I never flinched
I just held out my hand.
Love was a concept I did not understand.

Download MP3: I Trusted You

Categories
Hurricane, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs

I don’t feel love

 

I was intending for this song to be the last of my “Pathetiques-” those songs which express the most pathetic slice of my soul. Therefore, I took some time off from writing in the hopes of tapping into a more vigorous part of myself.

But since I spent that time painting my apartment pink and learning the daintiest of sciences, chemistry, it may be that my descent into patheticness is just beginning.

*Two Clouds

Handkerchief rests like a weight on my chest, I can’t breath, oh no
I knew from the start the things that come will go

You say you love me, but love is a word, tra la la, I know
Life floods when it comes and where it goes it goes

Restrain, I can’t breath, mind tries focusing
But what is there on which I can rely

I don’t feel love, I don’t feel real
Please don’t let them know how I feel.

Handkerchief lies like a weight on my eyes, I can’t see, oh no
I’ll come when you say come and where you go I’ll go

Hand on my chest, you gotta breath in and you must let go
But even when I gasp and wheeze the air will never flow

Faces in a blur, cold hearts, I am sure
Though their hands reach through the fog, I will demure

I don’t feel love, I don’t feel real
Please don’t let them know how I feel.

Smile girl, take your place
You knew life was a masquerade
Take a deep breath, then resume your place.

Everyone said the spring would arrive, so just wait through pain
I sat on the bench and waited for the rain

Scent of the pine, scent of the drops which on the needles lie
I waited for the thing on which I could rely

Silence is that you? Silver and golden too
Fallen on the forest floor, I walked all over you

I don’t feel love, I don’t feel real
Please don’t let them know how I feel.

 

Download MP3: I Don’t Feel Love

Categories
Hurricane, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs

The World is Cold

 

I know you’re supposed to roam and run
the world is big so go have fun they sayAmerica
don’t hide away.

I know you’re supposed to give it up
sniff like a dog and fill your cup with wine
at least some of the time.

But the world is cold; it’s only for the bold
love is just a story we are told.

Though the world is wide, I’d like to stay inside
cause every time they spoke to me they lied.

I know you’re supposed to say you care
to breathe in deep and fill your lungs with air
a refreshing prayer.

Cause air is love and it fills the streets
between you and the people that you meet
so clear and sweet.

But I know they lied, they tried to come inside
only to consume the food on which I relied.

I am the bruise; I will refuse
to let them turn my armor into ooze.

Love is shy, pale and weak
it isn’t safe for love to walk these streets.

The world is big but it’s filled with lies
smiles with its mouth but never with its eyes
what a gray disguise.

The world is wide but it’s flat and square
you can run and run but you won’t find love out there
on this I swear.

Although life is long, it’s only for the strong
hiding in the corner is the place where I belong.

Because the world is cold; it’s only for the bold
love is just a story we are told.

 

Download MP3: The World Is Cold

 

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Hurricane, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized

Over the Green

 

Over the Green

 

I don’t like microbes; please don’t touch my arm with your fingernails
I’ve already thrown up in my own mouth three times today 
I twist and spin, still the world presses in like a gauzy veil
Covers my eyes, lies, fuzzy, and white
Voices smile, laugh, holding me tight to the ground
I’ll survive
Let me be- I’m not going outside
Where the butterflies fly too far away to be seen
Over the green.Boxed Worm

I don’t like good people, they don’t feel what they say feel
They’ll never give up their candy for children to eat
They flit and shine as the world crumbles down to obey their will
Buries me down, brown under their feet
Hear me beg, cry, I know defeat- it’s alright
I’ll survive
Let me be- I’m not going outside
Where the butterflies fly too far away to be seen
Over the green.

Stick to the underside, shrug it off for the final time
Spit out the silk line and follow it home.

I don’t like feeling that your brain is in this same building
I’ll blank my my mind as I stare at a big empty screen
A bag of chips and a diet coke; that’s all I need now
You can poke, prod, urge me to live
You can stare, scratch tell that that I must forgive
I’ll survive
Let me be, I’m not going alive

I will fight, bite, leave me alone
Here to die, fly, I’m going home- it’s alright
I’ll survive
In a way, I’m already outside
Where the butterflies fly too far away to be seen
Over the green.

 

Download MP3: Over the Green

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Hurricane, West Virginia Kentucky Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs

Snowdrops

 

 

Julien Aklei in Paintsville KY
Me, exploring downtown Paintsville (Ky). It would be fair to say that Appalachia is the sort of place where you have to make your own fun.

Snowdrops

snowdrops rise from the snow
sparkle & shine- they don’t know how to warm me
i know they don’t bloom for me

sun beams fall onto the snow
sparkle & shine- they don’t know how to touch things
they only shine on the crust of things

and that’s the place where you live now

why did you leave me
you didn’t need me
i needed you

men leave tracks on the snow
sparkle & shine- they don’t know where they’re going
luminous and unknowing

a shadow falls on the snow
it’s only me, but they don’t know- they don’t see me
shiver when they are near me

but i shiver too

why did you leave me
you didn’t need me
i needed you

fingers flowing through the air
there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there
i reach for you my fingers flow like hair

place my hand into the snow
to feel the pain- i want to know what the pain is
i thought i heard it whispering

gauzy wings upon my arm
sparkle & shine- there is no harm that can change me
let the cold embrace me

and i will be a light for you

why did you leave me
you didn’t need me
i needed you

 

Download Mp3: Snowdrops