White God & Gold God

Although I’m not religious, there are at least two Gods I believe in…

1. A White God, * whom I simply call “God.” He is the man in the sky who hears our prayers and answers them, so long as they are not in conflict with our destiny or personal growth. But no matter what, when we reach out to him, he will respond with care and love. He is above all our friend.

2. A Gold God, whom I call “God the Father.” He is the watchmaker who created the laws which run the universe. There is no need to pray to him, because he has already constructed the universe to run according to the highest good of all. Plus, he is far away, standing outside the world as he watches it turn.

He does, however, contain vast reservoirs of intelligence and wisdom that we can tap into, and also the Virtues. Virtues are, of course, things like honesty, courage, kindness etc. But on the golden level, they are power sources built into the fabric of the universe. By tapping into them we release external forces as well as internal ones.

Basically, the Virtues are stars- shining above us from all directions- with some diametrically opposed to others (frugality vs generosity, for example.) When we embody a virtue, we unleash a powerful wind blowing us in that star’s direction. If we tap into the right virtue, one that is aligned with our destiny, we will experience this as powerful forces of synchronicity coming to play in our favor, helping us to achieve our purpose. But if we tap into the wrong virtue, one that is not aligned with our destiny, it can be a disaster, carrying us into a foreign life where our strengths are useless. Or worse still, blowing us into a hostile world where our gifts are liabilities.

This is why I have yet to tap into any virtues myself. I don’t have the self-knowledge to know if I ought to be jovial or sober, trusting or crafty. But one day I look forward to doing it. Who wants to slog their way through life when they could be blown swiftly away by forces beyond their control?


* Given the mood of the moment with everyone on the lookout for racism, I feel the need to point out that this God being white has nothing to do with “white people.” At any rate, he is not the “white” color of Caucasian skin, he is white like bones, the color of bones that all humans and animals share.



I promised myself I would not write another song until I had something warm and tropical to sing about. I feel like a cold front is sweeping this country, filling people with piousness and righteous ideas. I am okay with a little righteousness, but once it reaches the point where people start to take pleasure in doling out justice I get nervous. I did not want to add any ice to the group mind.

Still, this Arctic song woke me up in the middle of the night and I decided to write it down anyway. Because the South is all about trusting in Providence, just as the North is about Self-Reliance.





We walk through the frozen mountains.
We wade through the icy stream.
We shine like the northern rainbow.
We blow like the icy breeze.

Am I real?
Am I real?

Kneel down to drink from the water.
Kneel down to drink from the stream.
I’m too thirsty to think about it-
I don’t care if it’s dirty or clean.

Am I real?
Am I real?

We lie upon a caribou fur.
We rest our eyes upon a ceiling of ice.
Silver needles fill my fingers and toes-
I start to sink into a paradise.

Am I real?
Am I real?

We work beneath the silvery sun.
We rely on our ancestry.
Sometimes cold overtakes my heart-
It floats beside me like another me.

Am I real?
Am I real?

I cut my finger with a silvery knife.
I tuck my knife back inside of my fur.
He licks my finger with an eager tongue-
Raw meat is what we prefer.

Am I real?
Am I real?

We walk through the frozen mountains.
We wade through the icy stream.
We are silver needles beneath the sky,
Dissolving into the Bering Sea.

Am I real?
Am I real?

I trusted you


I Trusted You
















I trusted you; your pale white face
I walked through snow to your winter place
Wearing no shoes; covered only in lace
Snowflakes fell to their death upon my face

As you waited for me inside.
But I didn’t know you had already died.

Your green eyes shone; they seemed to say
Every star that shines, it can be yours one day.
Though skin peeled and fell from your arm
I never felt alarm

I just stared into your eyes.
How could I have known you had already died?

Something hides deep in a cave
The darkest part of your ribcage
It can’t be seen; it has to hide
It can’t let anyone know that you already died.

In a deep dark well, I had lost some things
I gave you everything that it was possible to demean.
You seemed to shine, but it was only the glow
Of decay but I didn’t know

That God is always high
A pure white sheet in the sky
He never cuts us with a knife
Just to see us cry.

But I never flinched
I just held out my hand.
Love was a concept I did not understand.


Download MP3: I Trusted You

I don’t feel love


I was intending for this song to be the last of my “Pathetiques-” those songs which express the most pathetic slice of my soul. Therefore, I took some time off from writing in the hopes of tapping into a more vigorous part of myself.

But since I spent that time painting my apartment pink and learning the daintiest of sciences, chemistry, it may be that my descent into patheticness is just beginning.

*Two Clouds

Handkerchief rests like a weight on my chest, I can’t breath, oh no
I knew from the start the things that come will go

You say you love me, but love is a word, tra la la, I know
Life floods when it comes and where it goes it goes

Restrain, I can’t breath, mind tries focusing
But what is there on which I can rely

I don’t feel love, I don’t feel real
Please don’t let them know how I feel.

Handkerchief lies like a weight on my eyes, I can’t see, oh no
I’ll come when you say come and where you go I’ll go

Hand on my chest, you gotta breath in and you must let go
But even when I gasp and wheeze the air will never flow

Faces in a blur, cold hearts, I am sure
Though their hands reach through the fog, I will demure

I don’t feel love, I don’t feel real
Please don’t let them know how I feel.

Smile girl, take your place
You knew life was a masquerade
Take a deep breath, then resume your place.

Everyone said the spring would arrive, so just wait through pain
I sat on the bench and waited for the rain

Scent of the pine, scent of the drops which on the needles lie
I waited for the thing on which I could rely

Silence is that you? Silver and golden too
Fallen on the forest floor, I walked all over you

I don’t feel love, I don’t feel real
Please don’t let them know how I feel.


Download MP3: I Don’t Feel Love

The World is Cold


I know you’re supposed to roam and run
the world is big so go have fun they sayAmerica
don’t hide away.

I know you’re supposed to give it up
sniff like a dog and fill your cup with wine
at least some of the time.

But the world is cold; it’s only for the bold
love is just a story we are told.

Though the world is wide, I’d like to stay inside
cause every time they spoke to me they lied.

I know you’re supposed to say you care
to breathe in deep and fill your lungs with air
a refreshing prayer.

Cause air is love and it fills the streets
between you and the people that you meet
so clear and sweet.

But I know they lied, they tried to come inside
only to consume the food on which I relied.

I am the bruise; I will refuse
to let them turn my armor into ooze.

Love is shy, pale and weak
it isn’t safe for love to walk these streets.

The world is big but it’s filled with lies
smiles with its mouth but never with its eyes
what a gray disguise.

The world is wide but it’s flat and square
you can run and run but you won’t find love out there
on this I swear.

Although life is long, it’s only for the strong
hiding in the corner is the place where I belong.

Because the world is cold; it’s only for the bold
love is just a story we are told.


Download MP3: The World Is Cold


Over the Green


Over the Green


I don’t like microbes; please don’t touch my arm with your fingernails
I’ve already thrown up in my own mouth three times today 
I twist and spin, still the world presses in like a gauzy veil
Covers my eyes, lies, fuzzy, and white
Voices smile, laugh, holding me tight to the ground
I’ll survive
Let me be- I’m not going outside
Where the butterflies fly too far away to be seen
Over the green.Boxed Worm

I don’t like good people, they don’t feel what they say feel
They’ll never give up their candy for children to eat
They flit and shine as the world crumbles down to obey their will
Buries me down, brown under their feet
Hear me beg, cry, I know defeat- it’s alright
I’ll survive
Let me be- I’m not going outside
Where the butterflies fly too far away to be seen
Over the green.

Stick to the underside, shrug it off for the final time
Spit out the silk line and follow it home.

I don’t like feeling that your brain is in this same building
I’ll blank my my mind as I stare at a big empty screen
A bag of chips and a diet coke; that’s all I need now
You can poke, prod, urge me to live
You can stare, scratch tell that that I must forgive
I’ll survive
Let me be, I’m not going alive

I will fight, bite, leave me alone
Here to die, fly, I’m going home- it’s alright
I’ll survive
In a way, I’m already outside
Where the butterflies fly too far away to be seen
Over the green.


Download MP3: Over the Green




Julien Aklei in Paintsville KY
Me, exploring downtown Paintsville (Ky). It would be fair to say that Appalachia is the sort of place where you have to make your own fun.


snowdrops rise from the snow
sparkle & shine- they don’t know how to warm me
i know they don’t bloom for me

sun beams fall onto the snow
sparkle & shine- they don’t know how to touch things
they only shine on the crust of things

and that’s the place where you live now

why did you leave me
you didn’t need me
i needed you

men leave tracks on the snow
sparkle & shine- they don’t know where they’re going
luminous and unknowing

a shadow falls on the snow
it’s only me, but they don’t know- they don’t see me
shiver when they are near me

but i shiver too

why did you leave me
you didn’t need me
i needed you

fingers flowing through the air
there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there
i reach for you my fingers flow like hair

place my hand into the snow
to feel the pain- i want to know what the pain is
i thought i heard it whispering

gauzy wings upon my arm
sparkle & shine- there is no harm that can change me
let the cold embrace me

and i will be a light for you

why did you leave me
you didn’t need me
i needed you


Download Mp3: Snowdrops




You were sweet, you were goodCornstalk Girl
Picking up the coins that they dropped
Trying to give them back just like you should

Fall fall fall fall fall fall fall fall
Fall fall fall fall fall through a hole
Nobody knows, nobody knows where you go

There was a hole inside your bone
it made it easier to be alone
cause you could fly
or at least you could try.

Strange ideas knock on your door
You tell them nobody’s home, but you not sure
Is it your mother there dressed like a hag
Maybe a brick of gold deep in her bag

Turn turn turn turn turn turn turn turn
Turn turn turn turn turn to the sky
People say they find the answers there
or at least they die dying to try

There a hole inside your bone
the strangest things come inside when you’re alone
and you would tell them all to leave you alone
but you don’t know which ones belong-
Where is your home?

Heart-shaped footprints deep in the snow
Step by step up the mountain side, places you will never go
Cause you were born born born born born like a birdy to fly
or at least you were born born born born dying to try

sweet things sing with tulip voices
electro shock you have no choices
animals walk in a strange parade
inside your head: what feathery dream are made

a soothing sound deep in your ear
says don’t tell a soul dear- this will be your year
you’ve waded through hate, you’ve waded through fear
now just wait for the rainbow to appear

fade fade fade fade fade fade into night
dreams invade invade your brain
filling it with good and bad light

There is a hole inside your bone
it makes it easier to be alone
cause you can fly
or at least you can try.


Download MP3: Fenestra

Bone to Bone


It looks like I succeeded in writing a relatively happy song that doesn’t include death or murder, but still, somehow bones managed to work their way into it. I really do wish I could write a song without mentioning bones, but apparently I can’t. Before bones, it was ice and people dying from hypothermia. Why the obsession with uncuddly white things? I don’t know, but hopefully I will grow out of it.

I have been learning a little bit about bones recently- dinosaur bones. I was trying to celebrate the dullest time of year (I mean that as a complement) by learning about the most boring thing I could imagine, which for me was dinosaurs. But I have to say, once I knew a little more about them, they no longer seemed so boring. What I like most about them is how they opened my mind to larger cycles of time- deep time, as paleontologists call it. It’s a refreshing antidote to the “shallow time” perspective of our culture, which encourages us to see each decade as a major historical epoch.


Bone to Bone

People say you are the dark oneMy Bone
dim and dusty, cold and hard one
dry and scaly skin
blood so sour and thin
draw the curtains and let our time begin

Bone to bone now
in a dark room
press your forehead to mine
let the world resume

let them stick to their ways
I will come out changed
I will speak my mind and I
won’t care what they say

People tell me you’re a creep
you tell me people are sheep
I believe you will outlast them
watching from your mountain so steep

Your room so dark and blue
the whole world is a shadow to you
your bones they bear the lines of
every tooth that sank into you

Claw marks across your arm
why did they mean you harm?
you with a spine so straight that I
I cling to your arm

Outside the winds derange, but I
I will come out changed
I can feel your bones upon me now
so cold and so strange

Let the vinegar spill out
let it roll down your chin
let me hear your blackest words now
let your long long story begin

Nights in the jungle survived
you are the one who came out alive
dipped in blood you walked back home
so thin but swollen with pride

Your blood in my veins, I
I will come out changed
I will laugh at all of their words
I won’t care what they

Your hand on my hand now I
I can see through your eyes
all the chains were only shadows
all the flags were only their lies

The imprint of your bones
like an angel to follow me home
you will always be beside me
blood to blood and bone to bone.


Download Mp3: Bone to Bone

Through the Christmas Tree


This song was created through the confluence of two streams in my mind. On the one hand, I was thinking about Christmas, and how happy I am for winter to be coming. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, but I’ve already had my fill of accommodating autumn and am now craving the stern precision of winter. I can’t wait to fill my home with bundles of puritanical pine branches and portraits of scowling santas.

The second stream of thought that produced this song is so taboo I should probably not even mention it. But here it goes.  I was thinking about… White People. The White Race. It is weird, I am afraid to even say White People. Although considering the racial genocides that have gone on since the beginning of history, perhaps it is not weird that our society would prefer to blot out concepts of race altogether. Still, how can I think about ice, snow, and Christmas without white people entering my mind? Some think humans turned white in the first place from spending so much time in frosty, northern climates, deprived of warmth and sunshine. In a way, white people are the children of ice and snow. Or more precisely the descendants of giant white man who is made of ice and snow himself, although he turns green in the spring. He is a severe man and you don’t want to end up on his bad side…


Through the Christmas Tree

Follow me through the Christmas treeChristmas Tree Fairies
inside a silver ring
and I’ll stay with you, my whole life through
I’ll never ask for anything

Seasons go, we’ll watch them flow
through windows of ice
see the people die; they always cry
so surprised to pay the price

Snowflakes fall, they form a wall
that cradles us inside
where we’ll drink our tea, you’ll stay with me,
couldn’t we be satisfied

Snowflakes fall, they form a wall
but that’s the price we pay
to be hard and strong and never wrong
to never falter never fade

When the white man comes you can know he will not leave you dry-eyed
(fly away when you have the chance)
Gold or silver, only you can decide
(better not to join his dance)

Shaky wrists, glassy eyes
your mind starts to slide
filled with fantasies, christmas trees,
dreaming of the world outside

Tall and proud, men say out loud
that pain is divine
but I’ve seen it slice, a blade of ice
they clench their teeth; they change their mind

When the white man comes you can know he will not leave you dry-eyed
(fly away when you have the chance)
Gold or silver, only you can decide
(better not to join his dance)

Distant dreams of earthly things
take on a golden glow
how the valleys shine; they fill with wine
they draw you to the world below

Where I once found you red, almost dead
stripped of all your rings
lying weak and poor upon my floor
you who wanted everything

Download MP3: Through the Christmas Tree