Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized Writings

Hatred- the Red Flame of Glory

I just need to write a quick post in defense of a dear friend- Hatred. Just like Mr. Rogers, I am a big fan of all feelings. What are feelings really, but colors that enter our body, giving us the energy & wisdom to do what needs to be done? And what is hatred but a surge of red fire to our heart, enabling us to respond appropriately to extreme situations? To set aside our vanity, our social hangups, our desire to be pleasing and simply fight for something we care about?

Why has hatred has been so demonized? I hate hatred? Hatred has no home here? Do these people love hatred so much they are hoping to keep it all for themselves? Are they are prepping future victims to not have a swift and violent response to being attacked? Do they want men to be so impotent they won’t stand up for women? Women to be so zenned out they will walk over the murdered bodies of loved ones with a smile?

There is little chance a human will overdose on hatred. It simply consumes too much energy to be sustained over time- much like an erection. No one needs to worry that their erection will become permanent and live in their pants forever. Likewise, there is no chance that hatred will set up a permanent station in your heart. It is too combustible- flaring up under extreme circumstances and then dying down once released.

When hatred comes into your heart it should be embraced so that your red circuits can flow freely. If you try to smother it down with an extra scoop of white spirituality you will only end up with social impotence. Because a man incapable of hatred has no meaningful role to play in society. He can’t get married if he is unable to summon enough red to hate those who would threaten his wife. He can’t even stand up for his own life and can only hope that men who are capable of hatred will be in his vicinity if extreme circumstances ever arise. In essence, a man who cannot hate is a wuss.

Hatred comes to us to enliven the heart and give it courage. When you really boil it down- hatred is the flame of love, turned up so bright that it begins to hurt. You only hate when you love something so much you are willing to protect, destroy & sacrifice for it. It is a beautiful thing.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Dark Nonsense Overtaking Us

This past week it has felt impossible to detach from world events, as though a forcefield above my head was compelling me to pay attention & get involved. This has been interspersed with waves of tears. I hope current events are just a blip which soon blows over. But sometimes there is the panicked fear that things have gone too far and we can never go back. I don’t know which is real, but I believe people always have to fight for what is good, regardless. I doubt God likes surrender monkeys.

Perhaps most disturbing is the suppression of speech. So many people suddenly being removed from twitter, facebook & youtube. The President himself, random conservatives like Ron Paul, youtube channels which covered election fraud (nothing screams This Election Wasn’t Fraudulent like erasing all fraud related content). In fact I got removed from Facebook myself while writing this. It is just for 24 hours, but I won’t be surprised if a permanent ban is around the corner. They took down the entire platform of Parler which was dedicated to non-censorship. Can you believe this is our new reality? I can’t. And when I think about all the places it could lead it is hard not to cry. I guess I always took freedom of speech for granted. Now I find I am censoring myself even in private conversations- oh don’t use that violent metaphor- facebook might be reading this. Oh don’t use the color black as an adjective- they might think you are racist. Everything you say in private could be released publicly. Phrases which are socially acceptable when you use them could be dredged up years in the future to show you are a horrible person.

Do you ever try googling something then realize that all 100,000,000 articles which pop up are saying the exact same thing? Do you ever try to search for the other side of the coin and come up empty handed? Recently, I was googling to find out who killed Ashli Babbitt, for example, and all I could find were articles on what a bad person she was. She had road rage. She believed in conspiracies. It was her own damn fault some creepy guy wearing a suit & black gloves suddenly stepped out from around the corner to shoot her dead. Never mind that she was just doing what people have been doing all year. Never mind that she was unarmed & he gave her no warning, no chance to retreat. Never mind that there were three cops standing behind her, not trying to restrain her nor seeming particularly disturbed by her presence. That bitch deserved what she got. And if you don’t agree you are a nazi.

And what is a nazi? A skinhead? A German nationalist from the 1940s who wants to take over the world and eliminate Jews? No one knows. It is a word. Castro’s supporters called their enemies ‘worms.’ Speech has officially divorced physical reality. There are no truths or lies anymore, because most things have no specific meaning to begin with. You are a nazi! You are a white supremacist! You don’t believe in Science!!! You don’t believe in Climate Change!!! You don’t believe gender is assigned at birth!!! You don’t believe Experts!!! When you break them things down, none of these claims really have a concrete meaning, making it impossible to defend oneself against them. And also impossible to be sincere in claiming them.

And then we have the weird magic of believing words change reality. Pronouns change a person’s gender. Calling Ashli Babbitt a terrorist overrides the fact that she was entering unarmed into a building full of trained soldiers. Saying Trump was calling for violence overrides the fact that his final tweets (the ones which got him banned) were calling for peace & telling protesters to go home. Saying the word science makes something science. Science is no longer the study of the material world. It is a word on a rainbow flag, tattooed on the hearts of Believers. Call a person a white supremacist and they are one. In fact the only way to NOT be a white supremacist is to believe that we live in a white supremacy and attack others for their role in this.

Basically, nothing makes sense anymore. It is both rage-filled and nonsensical like a dark Alice in Wonderland, my least favorite book of all time. I have a soft gelatinous head and I hate it when people lie. It makes me feel all pretzeled up.

Another thing tying me in knots is that I still have an emotional attachment to people on the left. I grew up in a republican house & always idealized democrats as tender-hearted unicorn people. Now I see them scapegoating conservatives- as though to lay down justifications for future violence against them. (He was a nazi! She was a white supremacist!). And I don’t know how to process this. These are people I have LIKED. In some cases, a LOT. And now they are casting me and others I care for in a subhuman light, reality be damned. I want to believe it is a spell they are under and soon they will wake up. I just wish I could understand it and make some sense of it in my mind. I thought they used to be nice normal people. What happened? When and how did they decide they are surrounded by nazis and white supremacists whom they must defeat? If I could just understand and make some sense of my reality I would feel a lot better. Then I would know if I need to cut them out of my heart for good or just wait for the spell to break.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Stay at Home. Save Lives. Pisces Lies.

This is supposed to be a picture of Pisces relaxing on a sofa. I don’t totally know how to draw sofas but I am great at drawing Pisces!

(Warning- this post involves astrology, but should be understandable- I think- to someone with no interest in the subject. When I reference ‘Pisces’ I am not referring to Pisces People- i.e. those born when the Sun was in Pisces- but rather to the sign itself, which is currently in control of the group mind.*)

Could anything be more annoyingly Piscean than the phrase “Stay at home, save lives.”?

On the one hand, Pisces has a Christ complex. It wants to be seen as compassionate, saintly, hovering above the unevolved hordes. On the other hand, Pisces hates to actually get up off the couch, unless there is a 25 dollar smoothie made of endangered berries to drink.

And now, with Neptune in Pisces we have discovered a way to be passive, pathetic, yet heroic and grandiose at the same time! Lack of engagement has become a virtue. Just by doing nothing, or perhaps wearing a lace veil over your face while you shop, you too can be a saint. People who want to venture out into the world and engage, or even take an active role in questioning pumped out narratives are now the bad ones. Murderers versus the life savers who sit at home watching tv.

So small businesess fail. Oh well, that is a small price to pay for saving lives. So 130 million additional people descend into starvation this year. A small price as well. People with other diseases can no longer get the health care they need. Well, who cares- is life about health? People lose jobs, but really, is life about working? People can’t buy food- does this matter, when the forest is full of mushrooms & the seas full of fish? People cannot afford heat- but isn’t it selfish to consider body temperature when lives are at stake?

Really, when dealing with Pisces, it makes no difference what is said. You may as well just say Toodle Oodles & attach a bunch of flower emojis. Pisces is directly opposite Virgo- the sign of facts. In the Pisces realm, facts do not exist. To call Pisces a liar would be an understatement. It simply has no relationship to truth. It will say anything. If you attempt to engage with the Piscean forces in a rational way, you begin to feel you are losing your mind. It swirls, mutates and contradicts itself without a hint of remorse. What is the primary motive of this sign? I’m not sure yet. Sometimes it seems as though it is motivated to feel good about itself and so rearranges objective reality to achieve that goal. There can also be a bit of a death wish with Pisces, since reality is the exact thing it is trying to escape from.

Pisces is also notable for a complete lack of responsibility. (Once again, responsibility falls under the realm of Virgo- Pisces’ opposite.) People talk about how badly 2020 sucked as though we are helpless potatoes on whom a bad year was unleashed. Granted, 2020 was incredibly harsh from an astrology perspective, but to a large extent it sucked because we made dumb choices. We didn’t speak up for what we thought was right or have the balls to act on it. We hedged and hawed, trying to find a middle ground between appeasement and integrity. Collectively passivity. Collective patheticism. Now we can’t just sit on our hands now waiting to see how 2021 will turn out- we must take active responsibility in shaping it. Cry in your bubble bath at night if you must, but when dealing with the social world, don’t be an effiminate defeatist sitting on your hands! We are the ones who shape society and we can’t speak of it as though it exists outside our personal choices.

Of course, Pisces does has a good side (yawn). Its drive to escape reality and become something more than mundane pushes it into the realms of imagination, spirituality and other worlds, where it can break new ground. Its desire to isolate provides space for healing emotional wounds. Still, Pisces is forever tripping on acid and should never EVER be allowed to take the wheel where practical things are concerned, especially in matters involving economy and health (once again ruled by Virgo).

The ultimate irony is that Pisces needs the mundane practicality of Virgo, however much it rebels against it. Were Pisces to achieve its goal of gumming up the gears of society until the whole thing came to a halt, there would be no floating into the hazy, half-baked world of Pisces’ dreams. Instead, things would get real fast. No more sofas. No more smoothies. No more Compassion bumper stickers. I don’t think soft and sluggish Pisces will be happy in the world he is creating at all.




* Neptune represents the group mind and whichever sign Neptune currently resides in determines the ideals of the collective. Neptune entered blobular Pisces in 2012 and will remain there until 2024.


And one more thing… My official opinion on how to end this madness…

As Pisces relentlessly attacks Virgo, seeking to undermine everything practical & grounded, the temptation is to fight back from a Virgoic position. But it is questionable if you can truly combat irrationality with rationality. It almost seems to create a stand off in which the rational party becomes exhausted dropping endless amounts of facts & logic into a swirling pit of absurdity.

My current view is that the antidote to the excesses of every sign lie in the sign that follows.** Hence, Aries- the combative fireball who speaks with his fists, refuses to be placed on the sidelines, and sees risk as the very heart of life- may be the only one who can save us and break the Virgo-Pisces standoff.

It is only a few years (2024) until Neptune moves into Aries anyway and brave, warlike qualities will be celebrated far and wide. So why not get a jump start on the trend and become a manly warrior now while all your friends are still clutching their infected blankets? If we can pick up these active virtues sooner rather than later, perhaps we can prevent the worst from happening.


More on Neptune in Pisces.

Tips on preparing for Neptune entering Aries.


** One way to understand the zodiac is to see each sign as a natural reaction to the sign that came before.

Under Libra, superficiality starts to get so out of hand that people can’t bear it. So they decide to form real connections and Scorpio is born. But these real connections start to get so intense and all encompassing that people can no longer breath. Finally one of them moves to another country. Now Sagittarius has been born. And so on and so forth.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Social Media Addiction

I pretty much need help because I have developed a bad social media addiction. I would feel humiliated to reveal the full extent of it. I don’t know how it crept up on me exactly, perhaps total isolation in a freezing cold house (no heat) made a warm bubbly place full of strangers feel too cozy to pass up.

Part of what makes it addicting could be the inability to ever quite get what I am looking for… but what am I looking for? I don’t know. I feel confused. Yesterday I tried flirting with a couple of the fake widowers who are all over facebook trying to scam women for money. One was Nigerian and one was Arabic, I think. (Both pretended to be American.) They were condescending assholes. I assumed if you were trying to take someone’s money you would have to sweet talk them a little. Instead they called me names like “Big Fat Liar” and insisted I was “dead wrong” about the meaning of the color red. (Howard was sure it meant love, while I was certain it meant the blood of the martyrs.) They were dominating though. I kind of liked that. And I can’t remember the last time a person asked me about my favorite color was or what I liked to do for fun. So that was nice.

Maybe I will start talking to these scammers more until I understand how their minds work. Then I could maximize the amount of attention I get before revealing that I have no money. (They dump you at that point.) When I told Howard I had no money he said I must be lying. After all ‘You are an artist.’ I had to convince him that singing a song does not magically cause money to appear.

I wonder if I would like scamming people for money? Criminals seem to use more of their brains than the insects who just get caught in their webs. Maybe I want to be the web spinner for once. Maybe it would feel amazing.

At any rate, I may try writing more on this website to see if it can help me break my addiction. But I feel I will be annoying people if I write too much here. At least on social media anything you say is ancient history within a few hours. But I worry it is rewiring my brain. My attention span seems to be getting shorter and shorter and I have started to think in soundbites. Plus, it brings out the part of my personality that plays too much to the crowd until eventually I have no idea what I am saying or why. I don’t know if I am speaking my own thoughts or just the thoughts that someone somewhere is suppressing.

The good part, though, is that it is more out of control while my website is entirely under my control. I don’t really like being in control. I guess that is ultimately what I am seeking there. I want someone else to take me to a place that is new to me. But that never happens. There are many people there, but generally they all say the same things. It is impersonal. No money changes hands. I liked it when Howard said “Music softens the spirit.” That was at least something I had never heard before. And I appreciated it that he was trying to rob me, in a sense. At least he was trying to do something.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs

Follow Me Down

Years ago I fell into a tunnel made of white
Held my arms against me & they bound them to me tight.

Follow me down. Follow me down.

Was it night or was it day, the lanterns seemed the same
Dimming for a moment and then bursting into flame.

Follow me down. Follow me down.

Did I fight? Did I bow?
I’ve been afraid for so long now
No way to still remember what I thought I’d found.

Falling forward on my knees
To think of all those precious things
To wait for all the time again to come around.

Follow me down.

Did the walls reach out to touch me with their silky hands?
Colder than the snow yet dry and sparkling like the sand.

Follow me down. Follow me down.

Do you think he cared but was possessed by something black?
Wandered so far in the night he couldn’t wander back?

Follow me down. Follow me down.

Did I cower? Was I proud?
I’ve felt alone for so long now
No way to see the way that things would come around.

Falling forward, rise again
To tangle with so many men
To wait for all the softer things to come around.

Follow me down.

If I wander further will I find the stairwell down
Leading to that chamber where the trees grow underground?

Follow me down. Follow me down.

Climbing up, fall again
I’ve tangled with too many men
Too late to see the way for things to start again.

Maybe still I did succeed
I stood there proudly on my knees
Nobody knew my hands were full of soft diamond things.

Follow me down.

And great…… it seems like the sounds gets weird at the higher parts but I still have zero idea how microphones & recording devices work. They are so complicated. Of course I should try to figure out how they work, but it seems so complex that there is really no hope of ever making progress in that realm. And so boring I could possibly die. I must be resigned to my fate and continue on. Just realize it sounds better in person & make adjustments in your imagination. Thanks!






Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Writings

Be a Friend to Karen so Karen can be a Friend to You

One disturbing trend I have noticed recently is the re-emergence of the word Karen after a few months of lying low.

The first time I heard this word it gave me chills, despite it’s mild exterior. It raises so many questions.

Why- at a time when speech is being suppressed left and right- do we need a slur for people who want to talk to the manager (aka someone willing to question authority)?

Why is this slur directed at the sex which generally has the hardest time being assertive to begin with?

Why did they choose a name that sounds so much like Caring? Why did they choose a mother of eight to be the face of this slur?

Why are slurs being invented to specifically target white women at the exact time when using slurs against other groups will cost you your job and reputation?

Is it a coincidence that this slur came to prominence right before mandatory masking & social distancing began? First you are shamed for being voicy, then measures are taken which make it physically difficult to have one. Now you can only communicate through social media- and they clamp down harder on free speech everyday.

If there was ever a time we needed women who care enough to speak out, it would be now.

And still it is peculiar that they choose to target females. Why? I think there are several reasons…

1. Women are probably more suggestive and susceptible to shaming.

2. Women are the primary communicators of the human race. Men generally take bold action *after* a period of females expressing dissatisfaction with the status quo. Women are birds who control the flow of information through the group mind.

3. If you can get men to start using the word Karen & denigrating women with voices then BAM their balls fall off. Because it seems to me that displaying some degree of gallantry* towards women is necessary for men to access their full masculine powers. So by getting men to sneer at ‘Karens’ you have managed to emasculate men & muzzle women in one swoop.


* I would like to clarify what I mean about gallantry since it has, in my mind, two divergent meanings. One form of gallantry is when men court women in a flowery fashion. This is frequently accompanied by anger if women do not respond in the desired way or conduct themselves in a manner that men consider feminine.

What I mean by gallantry is closer to tolerance. I believe men should give women a long leash to be themselves & speak their minds despite the fact that it may cause men discomfort. The fact that women are weaker than men makes them more sensitive instruments. They know things men can’t know & perceive things men can’t perceive. Without the unfiltered insights of women, it seems doubtful that men can achieve true wisdom.

Women need this intersex communication as well, because men’s minds seem to have extra connection points to physical reality which enable them to turn perceptions & nebulous things into practical courses of action.

And the key to this process is men being manly enough to be able to take women in their unfiltered state. The true danger to a man is not a Karen, but a woman who plays to his ego, causing it to swell with infected pus. Other than this flattery based trickery, men don’t generally have much to fear from women. So why NOT let women exist outside of man made judgments? This may be the only thing which prevents men from boring themselves to death.



So please, in conclusion, may all humans recognize the role of women as the birds & barometers of the human race & refuse to take part in shaming them into a deadly silence.







Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

I love you, Crazy Fingers


And if you lead the way I promise that I’ll go
Running fast because I love the mask you wear for everyone to see you.

And still you move the way that I can understand
Running fast with darkness in your vision, sunlight in your hand you know

The way they go your way for a while
Then turn, you beg
Faggot get down on your knees and finish with a smile

And if you meet me there your fate held on a string
Spinning fast because you know the way they need your pain for all to see it

But first tell me the thing that I must understand
Oh my god, I love you Crazy Fingers, sunshine in your hand you know

The way they go your way for a while
Then turn, you beg
Faggot get down on your knees and finish with a smile.


Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Uncategorized

Second in the Line


To adore me you must
Go before me
Build a path for me.

Laying stones down you
Must prepare the ground
Build a home for me.

Remember when you fall so far
Remember I was there for you to give you something more

Softly touch me we’re no place now- this is just a dream.
Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend
We are family.

Looking your eyes
All the lies
Beautiful to me.

You say you won’t hurt me no more
Well what else are friends for?
Someone to believe.

Remember when you fall so hard
Remember I was there for you, always safe and warm.

Softly touch me we’re no place now- this is just a dream.
Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend.
We are family.

Closing my eyes, I
See it all unfurl
I know how it ends.

Dark things fly towards me
Still you walk before me
Vanish round the bend.

And all the stars that beg for you
To sparkle in your time.
Remember I was there for you
Second in the line.

Softly touch me we’re no place now- this is just a dream.
Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend
We are family.



Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Secret Enemies

Well, I finally forced myself to do an esp journal to see what is going on above my head and it appears the newest thing is that I have a lot of secret enemies, who appear like colored clouds floating above my head, some with lightning bolts contained within the cloud but not striking. I guess they are just waiting for the right time.

Astrologically I have been having a transit (Pluto on Mercury)* which causes a person to speak more forcibly & creates secret enemies since being outspoken alienates people, while seeming forceful motivates them to oppose you in sneaky ways rather than openly.

I used to have people attacking me directly all the time. “You’re the dumbest person I ever met.” “Who wants to hear a nazi singing?” etc etc. It was constant, probably because while I expressed opinions I also tried to be overly nice, making me an easy target. Then I became friends with a bunch of feminists who would constantly go ballistic on people and that started to get me more comfortable with the idea of standing up for myself. The feminists scorned those who coddled male egos, calling them ball palmers & hand maidens. This inspired me to stop my incessant ass kissing. Which caused me to lose most of my male friends.

Now, a year or so later, people open direct fire on me much more rarely. But not because they like me better. Just because they are waiting for their moment to Ceasar me. In many cases I know their identities. But one of the great mysteries of life has always been what you are supposed to do if you know someone is going to commit a crime that they haven’t yet committed? You can’t exactly punish them ahead of time. And if you start cutting people off for things they haven’t yet done, everyone will assume you are paranoid. But just sitting on your hands & waiting for someone to murder you also seems pretty lame.

A few years ago I didn’t even believe in enemies, although looking back, I definitely had them. Just the word enemies would have seemed a bit dirty to me. In fact I still feel pangs of guilt for using such an unladylike word rather than pretending that we are All One. But whatever. God devoted 2 out of his 12 starry houses to them and I am sure he knew what he was doing.

Sometimes enemies may even be preferable to friends because they encourage cunning & self reliance rather than bleeding yourself out for approval. You don’t have to merge with your enemies or give them 3/4 of your sandwich. Unless of course they are pretending to be your friends and you are going along with it, unsure of what else to do.

This past year has been all about females, but this coming year I hope to interact with more males because I feel they have the type of knowledge I need. They don’t seem to lose a sense of their individual identity in the way that women do.

* In case you care about astrology, technically Pluto is sextiling my Mercury. I don’t share the popular opinion that sextiles are positive.

My view on sextiles is that they give you baby challenges which allow you to learn important lessons in a relatively safe setting. For example, the enemies I currently deal with pose no mortal threat to me. (I hope.) If I wanted to I could dismiss them as being too trivial to care about. If I did this, however, I would not learn lessons which will be vital when Pluto squares Mercury. During squares & opposition, failure has real consequences.

Therefore, I always take the events of sextiles seriously- at least from a learning perspective- and try to get things right, so I will be ready when life gets real.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Gray Clouds, Brown Boxes & Tubes

An excerpt from my journal.

I haven’t felt capable of writing in here for a while because all these heavy things have been hanging over my head. Literally. Gray clouds & brown boxes. Bars & tubes stuck into my skull, driving me insane.

I assume the gray clouds are depressive thoughts of which I’m not consciously aware. The boxes probably contain psychic junk I have been suppressing. The metal bars extend to various people & represent the pressure I feel to please them. The hollow tubes contain thoughts & perspectives pumped directly into my head.

At least I think this is the case. I haven’t taken the time to carefully dig into these things because there is just too much heavy stuff there & it feels unbearably tedious to sift through it all.

So it has been sitting there, having a slightly discouraging effect upon me, making me doubt the value of anything I could express and also the value of those I would be expressing to.

It hasn’t been the best time ever when it comes to relationships.

For starters James has been going through the darkest period a man lives through in a 264 period (Pluto on moon) also known as the Wife Beating transit. And I’ve been stuck in a house with him night & day.

Secondly, the political situation- shutdowns etc- has me on edge. I feel nervous that you are expected to accept the government’s increasing control without question. I can’t bring myself to wear a mask- because I believe something sketchy is underway- and this makes me seem like an asshole to others. And people already think I am an asshole for supporting Trump which bums me out as well.

But the fact is basic freedoms- such as free speech & the ability to live life on my own terms- are very important to me. I don’t want to live in North Korea. And this makes me a nazi klansman in the eyes of most people I know, making me feel even more isolated.

And on a personal level these past months have released a series of events which made me realize most people I believed to be friends were actually enemies from the beginning. All this has me doubting how many good people actually exist in the world. Is everyone your enemy once you get to know them? Or am I just doing something majorly wrong?

Regardless though, I know I must push through these gray clouds & attempt to express myself, if only to provide balls for my enemies’ cannons.

Because I do believe in life. I know there is a higher purpose and our actions matter. We have to place our faith in doing the right thing, letting the chips fall where they may when it comes to peoples’ reactions.

And I also believe in people because they are made in Life’s image. Still this faith is a muscle I have to consciously exercise. I think the most important part of writing is summoning in your mind an image of an ideal audience that you are writing to. People who are caring, interested, thoughtful…. whatever qualities excite you. These imaginary people become your muse.

Sometimes you imagine specific people have these qualities and you make them your muse. Sometimes you find out they never had those qualities to begin with and it feels as though a piece of your muse has been lost. I guess that is what has been happening to me.

But then you summon your faith again and once again imagine a beautiful golden blob of humanity dangling above your head, filled with endless possibility. People so inviting you want to tell them everything.