Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized Videos

Aquamarine (Video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6xAVlT5Gfs

Hold my head in my hands and I struggle to think
I cannot understand, I can never be sure
Though I struggle to stand, still I have one more drink
Then I follow the hand that will open the door
And he will be there for sure.

In the blue of your room where you fall over me
I begin to forget when you hover above
Till our minds overlap, like a bubble I break
Spilling into your hand, dripping down on the rug
And we will live for love.

Change me. Change me.

You could teach me the things that you know
You could give me the money that you’ve made
Lay your hands on my fingers let me know
All the things that you want for me to say.

As long as you will stay

I tried so hard to pray, but they didn’t respond
They just fluttered away, so I reached for a pill
Till the waves came to crash, cold and aquamarine
I swore I would obey, I would follow your will
As long as you love me still.

Change me. Change me.

You will teach me the things that you know
You will give me the money that you’ve made
I don’t know where the things with wings they go
Why the sound of a scream they flow away…

And so I will stay.

I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist
And we will live for this.

Change me. Change me.

I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around, blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist.

I could see in your mind, it was just like a dream
All the things that were gone and those that stayed
But I stayed there to long and I struggled breath
But we always knew there’d be a price to pay.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Fall (Video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9dCbChTVxg

For a sign
Some people complain about time, boy
I could always see what was mine, boy
I could stand for ever and just watch the stars unwind.

For a name,
A piece of gold to hold in the rain, boy
So buy up all the land you can claim, boy
I will stay behind you in the darkness and I’ll pray-

Pray to men that live in water, men that live in dreams
Show me how to love and conquer, show me what it truly means to

Fall
Show me how to fall.

For a dream
To chase after that glittering gleam, boy
Though things will never be as they seem, boy
Diamonds in your hand evaporating into steam.

And a fate
You can’t stand beside the water and wait, boy
Not many in this world who are brave, boy
I will stay behind you in the darkness and I’ll pray-

Pray to stars that keep us shining, pooling in the night
Stars of love and stars of violence, show me how to truly fight and

Fall
Show me how to fall.

Then the mist
It will flow around you like this, boy
Your thoughts will start to garble and twist, boy
Feeling with your hand to find the something you have missed.

Then the night
It starts when you get used to the light, boy
Then things will start to dim but not quite, boy
Feeling with your hand you realize that you are dying…

But are you dying from asphyxiation, dying from a flood?
Dying for a drop of luster, dying for some blood?

I will hold you in my mind then, shining like a dream
Emerald lights upon your shoulder- shining like an emerald king and

Fall
Show me how to fall.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized Writings

Sexual Fantasies- Messages from Another World

Sexual desires & fantasies share the symbolic language of dreams. They are chock full of information, but not usually to be taken literally. I divide them into two main categories:

1. Generative Fantasies. Generative Fantasies lead you *towards* something that is supposed in your life. The most obvious example is feeling lust towards the person you are meant to marry.

Other sorts of Generative Fantasies:

  • Decoys. A Decoy is an object of desire designed to lead you into another world. Perhaps you lust after a person who lives in another country and this compels you to travel there. Perhaps they are part of a club or social circle you are meant to join and they draw you towards it like a magnet. Maybe they live in a fantasy world that you are also meant to inhabit. In any case, once the decoy successfully draws you into this new world, your attraction to them should cease.
  • Mirrors: A Mirror reflects a piece of yourself or your destiny that you need to pick up. Perhaps they are rich and pompous and you are meant to become that way. Perhaps they are a professional clown and you are meant to be one too. Once a person internalizes the relevant aspects of the Mirror, the magnetic pull of the individual should cease.

2. Degenerative Fantasies: Degenerative Fantasies are based on wounds from the distant or recent past.  They have a compulsive quality and can be destructive to pursue, since they lead straight into the darkness one is trying to escape. In general, they are designed to release negative feelings like shame, anger, fear, sadness, humiliation, weakness, dirtiness etc. Degenerative Fantasies can be triggered by current events that peel the skin from old wounds.

The key to navigating these fantasies is recognizing that they do not reflect a desire, but rather an anti-desire. They are a desperate urge to release an inner demon. If examined carefully, a person will find that the stimulating aspect of these fantasies is an exact replica of the feeling or trauma they are trying to release- though possibly in a symbolic form. Once a person gets to the bottom of this message, the desires should release.

*

And then of course, there is regular sexuality based on reality and not fantasy, but I would feel like a pervert discussing that.

All I really want to convey is that sexual desires & fantasies are no product of biology, but rather messages from the spirit world (in the case of generative fantasies) or (in the case of degenerative fantasies) messages from the subconscious.



 

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

We Fly

Everyone knows the way these boys start
Fluttering on the ground
Lifting their eyes towards the sky
Then circling round and round

Then they fly
Like a feather on the way
And they fly
Everyone knows the day

Lighting a candle when she sees him
Standing there in the door
Laying her wings upon the table
Won’t need them anymore

Then they fly.
Like a feather on its way
And they fly
Everyone knows the day

I gave up dancing to amuse you
That only worked before
Laying my candles in a circle
Lighting them on the floor, and I fly

Lying upon the bed in darkness
Dreaming of jealousy
So many dreams I dreamed I never
Once of being free, and to fly

Lying upon the bed in darkness
Held safely by the wrist
One ruby column shines like anger
One is just a fist

Walking into the room you lay
Your beer on the tableside
Laying your hands upon my face
For one moment you’ll be mine

And we’ll fly
Like a feather on his way
And we’ll fly
Everyone knows the day.

Download Mp3: We Fly

Random Thought #1: I don’t know how much longer I can keep making recordings because it  is so much pain just to get the most primordial recording. Technology is cold and hard. I wish there was a plastic pink recording machine made for kids that I could use with just a few chubby buttons to press and no cords.

Random Thought #2: You can never reach Truth, but the search for it causes your reality to expand. I think that is the whole purpose of truth- not to pin down reality, but to open it up. Though I don’t consider myself a virtuous person, Truth would probably be one of my favorite virtues, if I had to choose. It is always exciting and gives you little chills up and down your spine.

If I had to choose a God, I might choose the God of Truth, because I do believe truth will set us free. And the more truth we know- including dark truth- the more we realize everything is okay. Somehow, we are already living in Teddy Bear World and just don’t know it. I hope.

Random Dog Photo: Downtown with Slippers observing city life. People who go out 2 have fun at night- What do they do? we wondered. Why & how do they do it?

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Videos

Park Man (Video)

A song… I guess… about my love for men who are boring on the outside but shady* on the inside- like detectives… or maybe it is a song about my love for the gray clouds and fog that hang over West Virginia in the early spring. All I know for certain is that I wrote this song while thinking about the constellation Scorpio in a bathtub… sometimes when I am feeling down or lost I will choose a constellation to think about to cheer me up… and the moon was in Scorpio at the time, which is why I chose it, maybe. I was in the bathtub because it was the only bathing device in the house, the house being from 1907. However, a shower head has just been installed, so life is more normal now.

*Secretive, I mean. I secretly admire people who have that quality, because I usually end up spilling all the contents of my mind, whether I mean to or not.

You could be my dark man
Stranger in the park man
Standing in your trench coat flashing
Stars above but somethings crashing down

You could be my shady friend
Standing where the street lights end
Shadows fall always behind you
No one seeks and no one finds you now

Clouds stretch so far away
Endless worlds of endless grey
Walk before me and I’l follow you
This road leads us to tomorrow, true?

Clouds takes shape but they always lie
We’ll get bored but we’ll never die
Lay your hand upon my head now
Lead me through the fog and dread now

You could be my shadow man
To offer me your white bread hand
Shelling peanuts with your finger
A dusty feeling I remember now

Life can be so many things
Sometimes swirling like a dream
Sometimes flat I’m trapped inside it
Close my eyes but they won’t hide it

Half alive but that’s okay
The other half is filled with gray
Eyes are reaching through the fog and lace
From another world I can almost place

You could be my answer man
A book to dull to understand
A slice of bread upon my plate
The rusty and forgotten gate to now.

Get MP3 here… Park Man

Do you see what I mean? It is like this a lot. West Virginia is a nice place for fog lovers.
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos

The hill was high. (Video)

A video which reminds me that I should probably trim my hair, organize my kitchen & play my guitar more carefully, but no- these things will never happen.

I don’t really believe in female instrumentalists, for starters.  I always thought I hated male instrumentalists as well, until I recently discovered David Rawlings & Stevie Ray Vaughn & both of them blew me away.  Normally, I hate listening to people play guitar. What could be more nauseating than a pointless guitar solo followed by audience applause? But these 2 guys just have something inside of them that comes out through their fingers and it touches me, I don’t know where or why.

I noticed David Rawlings also uses the same pink capo as me. That is where the similarity ends, of course, but do I care? No. I don’t aspire to be something more than I am. I think the crude & rustic will have a seat right next to the skilled & refined at God’s table.

The hill was high, I couldn’t climb
though I knew you were there.
A world of green surrounded me
it stretched out everywhere.

So I got back in my car and drove
to try and find a home.
I thought of you, the whole way through
it made me feel alone.

I thought of you and of the field
with the hill that was so high.
A temple built to something
that lives only in the sky

Everything is always high
and always far away.
I tell myself I must never stop and
I will get there someday.

Many gods and many men
have lived upon a crest.
Though the clouds pass over all of them
it is you I like the best.

All these hills and all these gods
and each man has his own.
Except for me, a tiny breeze
still searching for a home.

A tiny breeze who when she flies
is cut down by the winds.
They slice my heart and splay it
like a butterfly and then

Then I can scale these hills, but even so
my shadow looms so small
that to you it was just the same as though
I was never there at all.

Big men shadow over me
there is no other way
than to watch them with admiring eyes
through a film of gray.

For me there can be no other way for me
than to lie back on the ground
and to let the dreams wash over me
until a home is found.

A home that could be anywhere,
a home so hard to find.
Oh God, but please let it be somewhere real
not somewhere in my mind.

Someplace real, someplace strong
mountainous and grave
nothing flimsy like a butterfly
with her wings upon your leg.

Everyone has gods upon
these hills where claddows fly.
Except for me, I have only you
and only in my mind.

I reached for you, but there was no use
the world was large and green.
It stretched out wide and endlessly
like the sky within a dream.

And who am I, but a dot so small
that no one else could see
as you passed me by invisibly
your shadow touching me?

As you passed me by just like a plant
pressed flat upon the ground
just a thing too small to be cared about
when hills are all around.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized

Old Guitar

 

I think I’d like to go away
with no one else around
That’s when it feels like the day.

I think I’d like to be alone
with no one else around
That’s when it feels like a home.

I think I’d like to flow the time
with no one there to shake away
It’s just a place in my mind.

I think I’d like to know the way that he dreams
when no one else can see the way
It’s just a float down the stream.

An important excerpt from my journal.

Talk about an old guitar
Talk about an easy way to fly
Everybody wants to go
but they won’t take the time.’

Talk about an old guitar
Talk about an easy way to feel
Everybody wants to know
but they won’t touch the real.

I think I’d like to know the way that he rings
and though I kick myself again
It’s just the way with these things.

I think I’d like to know he’s hoping inside
I see his eyes turn out towards me
But they’re lost in the ride.

Talk about an old guitar.
Talk about the crazy worlds you know
Everybody wants to climb
but it won’t stop the show.

Talk about an old guitar.
Talk about the crazy things you’ve seen
Everybody wants to go
but it won’t stop the dream.

I think I’d like to know a world that is mine
just one step beyond the ocean
Someplace you’ll never find.

I think I’d like to know a world that is green
just one step beyond the water
Someplace far from the dream.

 

Download MP3: Old Guitar

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

Park Man

You could be my dark man
Stranger in the park man
Standing in your trench coat flashing
Stars above but somethings crashing down

You could be my shady friend
Standing where the street lights end
Shadows fall always behind you
No one seeks and no one finds you now

Clouds stretch so far away
Endless worlds of endless grey
Walk before me and I’l follow you
This road leads us to tomorrow, true?

Clouds takes shape but they always lie
We’ll get bored but we’ll never die
Lay your hand upon my head now
Lead me through the fog and dread now

You could be my shadow man
To offer me your white bread hand
Shelling peanuts with your finger
A dusty feeling I remember now

Life can be so many things
Sometimes swirling like a dream
Sometimes flat I’m trapped inside it
Close my eyes but they won’t hide it

Half alive but that’s okay
The other half is filled with gray
Eyes are reaching through the fog and lace
From another world I can almost place

You could be my answer man
A book to dull to understand
A slice of bread upon my plate
The rusty and forgotten gate to now.

 

Download Mp3: Park Man

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom

The Green King

 

 

Where does he go? Where in the universe is what I mean…
Does he fly endlessly through the skies sparkling, I was wondering?

Or does he sleep until the day has come to bring the spring?
What’s if he’s always near, like a breeze lying here, softly listening?

First we die, then we’re born, robes on our shoulders worn- it’s written in our hands.
He will come, then he’ll die, spreading out far and wide like sun across the land.

Wait for him, a cloud who bears the carriage of a king.
He will bring the living, although we must bring the dreams.

Why do I cry? Why do I feel this way, is what I mean?
Everyone knows the way life will go, always so, if they’re listening.

And when it hurts, it’s only nails forced through a screaming hand…
Why can’t I learn to bleed always remembering it’s his magic plan?

Everyone knows the pain leaves and come back again, that’s just the way life lies.
Throwing us on the wall, first we rise, then we fall; we’ve seen it with our eyes.

Wait for him, he will return on air so fresh and green.
He will bring the living, although we must bring the dreams.

Why is it cold? Here is my hand if that is what you want…
Look up there on the hill all the trees standing there waiting for their moment.

Why do I smile? Why does this passion fill me like a friend?
I can’t wait to remain for the time of greatest pain when we reach the golden end!

Clouds will fly in a wind, everything begins again, you wish that it would stop…
Waking up with your head bloodied in a spinning bed, it’s time to get back up.

Trees will spread in victory; they recognize their king.
He will bring the living, although we must bring the dreams.

 

Download MP3: The Green King

Categories
Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized

Pillowman

 

You are so soft and warm, dusted with flowers
My face in the palm of your hand, I feel powerful
Tell me again that you like my soft head
I am an egg I will rest in your bed.

Hold me through nightshirts, hold me through pajama pants
Hold me so tight I am forced to give up the dance
Tie me to the bed and don’t let me escape from you
Outside it’s cold, but you are my you are my

Pillowman dance, Pillowman sing
Let me ride, let me ride in your basket that’s filled with the spring
Hope will come again, that’s what they say to me
Every green blade of grass bends down to pray for me

Filling my dreams with the scent of green fieldsSlippers
A world so soft; a world where the obstacles will yield
To a kind world, yield to a smile
A plate full of cookies will persuade luck to stay for a while

Then I’ll walk back to a world that is cold
Where the smiles and the cookies are all bought and sold
But first leave me with something I can understand
A scrap of pink flannel I’ll hide in my hand

Pillowman guard me, stand watch at my door
Comfort me when I can’t comfort myself anymore
When it hurts and they’re trying to charm me
Knock on my door with intentions to harm me

I bury my face in your pillowy skin
Breath through your pores and I feel peace descend
To my brain like a powder that fills up my nose
Is it true- everything comes and everything goes?

Just then the darkness begins to arise
Surprised to find that someone realized
That I I I I deserve to be befriended
Your hands on my heart til the day it has mended

And as the black blood seeps into my brain
Carrying the knowledge that made me go insane
Black leather images bite me with fangs
Held in your arms, I’m contorting with pangs

But Pillowman fights the past with his soft fists
Pulls out his scalpel for the pieces of evil that resist
Because I I I deserve to be defended
My tears on his sleeve for the things that have ended

Head on your heart and your fuzz fills my ears
Stroking my brain as it struggles with so many fears
I wish I knew how not to be afraid
But until then, Pillowman will be my friend.

 

Download Mp3: Pillowman