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Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Gray Clouds, Brown Boxes & Tubes

An excerpt from my journal.

I haven’t felt capable of writing in here for a while because all these heavy things have been hanging over my head. Literally. Gray clouds & brown boxes. Bars & tubes stuck into my skull, driving me insane.

I assume the gray clouds are depressive thoughts of which I’m not consciously aware. The boxes probably contain psychic junk I have been suppressing. The metal bars extend to various people & represent the pressure I feel to please them. The hollow tubes contain thoughts & perspectives pumped directly into my head.

At least I think this is the case. I haven’t taken the time to carefully dig into these things because there is just too much heavy stuff there & it feels unbearably tedious to sift through it all.

So it has been sitting there, having a slightly discouraging effect upon me, making me doubt the value of anything I could express and also the value of those I would be expressing to.

It hasn’t been the best time ever when it comes to relationships.

For starters James has been going through the darkest period a man lives through in a 264 period (Pluto on moon) also known as the Wife Beating transit. And I’ve been stuck in a house with him night & day.

Secondly, the political situation- shutdowns etc- has me on edge. I feel nervous that you are expected to accept the government’s increasing control without question. I can’t bring myself to wear a mask- because I believe something sketchy is underway- and this makes me seem like an asshole to others. And people already think I am an asshole for supporting Trump which bums me out as well.

But the fact is basic freedoms- such as free speech & the ability to live life on my own terms- are very important to me. I don’t want to live in North Korea. And this makes me a nazi klansman in the eyes of most people I know, making me feel even more isolated.

And on a personal level these past months have released a series of events which made me realize most people I believed to be friends were actually enemies from the beginning. All this has me doubting how many good people actually exist in the world. Is everyone your enemy once you get to know them? Or am I just doing something majorly wrong?

Regardless though, I know I must push through these gray clouds & attempt to express myself, if only to provide balls for my enemies’ cannons.

Because I do believe in life. I know there is a higher purpose and our actions matter. We have to place our faith in doing the right thing, letting the chips fall where they may when it comes to peoples’ reactions.

And I also believe in people because they are made in Life’s image. Still this faith is a muscle I have to consciously exercise. I think the most important part of writing is summoning in your mind an image of an ideal audience that you are writing to. People who are caring, interested, thoughtful…. whatever qualities excite you. These imaginary people become your muse.

Sometimes you imagine specific people have these qualities and you make them your muse. Sometimes you find out they never had those qualities to begin with and it feels as though a piece of your muse has been lost. I guess that is what has been happening to me.

But then you summon your faith again and once again imagine a beautiful golden blob of humanity dangling above your head, filled with endless possibility. People so inviting you want to tell them everything.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Pluto in Capricorn

A king sliced cruelly in two- the sexual fantasy of Pluto in Capricorn.

Have you noticed people being much angrier than usual in recent years and that this anger is generally directed towards government, authority figures, statues, rich people and anyone who holds a position of prestige in society?

Astrologically, this is due to Pluto moving through the sign of Capricorn, which it entered in 2008 and will remain in until 2024. Pluto is the planet which causes repressed rage to rush to the surface and it is currently surfacing repressed emotions of a Capricornian nature.

Capricorn rules authority, career, fame, respect and success. Having a place in society. Being somebody. So basically this is a time when all pent up feelings relating to an inability to be someone who matters are bubbling to the surface.

This is why, currently, the angriest people are frequently those who work in fields where it is quite difficult to achieve a position of respect and stability- music, the arts, restaurants etc. Feeling unable to fulfill their Capricornian urges, they prefer to watch things burn to the ground as a form of catharsis.

From a rational perspective, it is quite likely that ‘toppling the system’ would place these people in a much WORSE positions. But Pluto is not a rational planet. He is famous for being willing to destroy himself so long as he can take down others in the process. He is known for lashing out blindly at anyone who makes him feel his inner anguish.

The best way to deal with Pluto however, is not to take your frustrations out on statues and Jeff Bezos, but rather become aware of buried feelings & motivations. You want to BE that noble statue. You want to BE that powerful rich guy. But wrong ideas have led you to believe this is impossible so you comfort yourself by believing these things are your enemies rather than your own secret desires.

Don’t despair though. You are in luck, because it is actually quite simple to find the sense of importance you are seeking and the sign of Capricorn can show you how.

You see, seeking respect in the eyes of others is actually a warped expression of Capricorn. What Capricorn actually stands for is the ability to build something of value. Something you can take pride in. Something that makes the world a better place. Frequently this will cause people to become respected by others but that is just a side effect. The sense of worth Capricorn seeks actually comes from the work itself- never from how others regard you. And working towards something meaningful is within the grasp of every person.

It matters not how privileged you are, nor if the work of your hands be grand or humble. Capricorn favors the poor, so a poor person who manages to save the life of one turkey is just as important in his eyes as the billionaire who runs an endangered species preserve.

The important thing is to consider what you feel you should give to the world and then get to work giving it. It could be anything. Making people smile. Raising kids. Learning to live off the land. Translating obscure Greek texts. Learning how to get rich. Anything which requires you to make an effort is worthy.

There are a couple dumb ideas in circulation though, which I feel need to be cleared up so that people realize how easy it actually is to be someone of value.

DUMB IDEA #1 You need to do the thing you love.

This is a definite no. Capricorn rules your life’s work and he is by no means the sign of fun and pleasure. He is a sign of virtue, hard work, duty and sacrifice. So forget about your “bliss.” Consider what you feel you SHOULD do, what you COULD do, what you secretly suspect may be your calling even if it seems a bit odd or out of step with how you normally think about yourself.

Worry not as to whether or not your calling seems enjoyable or torturous. If you believe it is meaningful, then welcome pain, boredom & tedium with open arms. Activities done in a spirit of duty tend to become more pleasurable over time.

DUMB IDEA #2 You need to make money doing the thing you love.

This is an even worse idea which greatly limits a person’s ability to contribute. Capricorn is about what you GIVE to society. Not what you RECEIVE. Sometimes a person’s vocation and avocation may be the same thing, but frequently they are not. In many cases, a person pours their money INTO their calling as opposed to receiving money from it.

Maybe you are called to befriend those in prison by writing them letters. Maybe you will open a Turkey Refuge for rescued thanksgiving turkeys and take a second job at McDonalds to fund your efforts. Consider famous people throughout history and you will see it is practically a minority who made their living off their famed contributions. Nobody paid Newton to discover gravity nor did Orpheus make money from trying to lead his true love out of hell.

Capricorn is about what you put into the world, not what you take out of it. Self-esteem comes from what you give to the world, not from what the world gives you.

So to summarize, if you are one of the people who finds themselves dissatisfied with the status quo, consider that this may be an expression of your own frustrated success drive. And consider that if you place your focus on your life’s work itself- however humble- that no one has the power to stop you from doing something meaningful and building an existence you can feel proud of. Maybe you will be a prisoner who inspires others with your creative prison cell decorations. Maybe you will be a prisoner who teaches other prisoners how to connect with Jesus. Maybe you will be a prisoner who heal’s broken hearts through your sexual touch. It is a certainty that no matter who you are and where you are there is something meaningful you can do.

And perhaps years down the road your contributions will be recognized and rewarded. But by the time this happens, you probably will not care anymore, because you have already found a way to find worth and meaning in your own efforts.

Personally, I think Capricorn tends to delay external rewards until a person reaches the point where they no longer seek them. Being celebrated & even appreciated too early in the process of walking one’s own path can have a warping effect, causing a person to subconsciously start playing to the crowd. And integrity to ones own vision + persistence upon one’s unique path are possibly the attributes the Crusty Goat likes best.

Related post…. The Yellows

A love song inspired by Capricorn…  Bone to Bone

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Buying Pink Things

Recently my mind has been so overloaded it is hard to function. It feels like all I have to do is briefly consider something, and I start to get bombarded with information and insights concerning the object of focus. So I have been putting a bit of my focus on astrology, just as a way of channeling this energy.

And when I connect my mind to one of the planets, I don’t just get abstract insights but also ones regarding my own life. Like, a few days ago I realized my financial problems are rooted in the fact that I attempt to use money to impress others in order to ensure my place in the community and thus my personal safety.

I remember the moment in high school when decided  I would use money this way. I realized people saw me as being weird and that this could be a problem on multiple fronts. But I also noticed that wearing polished, conservative and stuffy clothes could override the messages my personality put out- or at least cast them in a more flattering light.  So, I made a little vow to myself I would always wear clothes that were as normal and pompous as possible. This would be my way of staying safe in the world. I later extended this vow to include all other possessions. It certainly seemed to me that- as an adult- people look to your home, your car, your style of decorating etc, to determine the sort of person you are and how much respect and consideration they should give you.

One thing about being “weird” is that people are likely to reach the conclusion that you are either stupid/insane or some kind of a genius. I have been cast at both ends of this spectrum and- until recently- it seemed to me that an association with money and status would make people more likely to reach for the genius category.

When I was in high school though, seeming intelligent was the least of my concerns. I was branded intelligent at a young age and as long as I went to the same k-12 school with the same group of people, there was little I could do to change that (slightly disagreeable) perception.

At that point, I mostly wanted to fit in. A few years later, my main concern became mateability. It felt like- after looks- a normal personality was the most valuable quality a female could possess. And clothes were the easiest way to accomplish this, since if I focused on acting super normal, it almost seemed to have the opposite effect. Whereas if you wore normal clothes and tried not to say anything, what could go wrong? This is probably why my first boyfriend dumped me for not having a personality.

Eventually, though, I realized men will still mate with you if you seem odd. Some might even like it. Nonetheless, I continued to feel that seeming as normal (which to me meant wealthy, stuffy, snobby, preppy, conservative) as possible was critical to survival. I was terrified of James dying and being left destitute on my own to roam the streets. (He is my only friend and only family member.)  It seemed that a poised and dignified person (ie a nicely dressed person surrounded by stuffy and valuable possessions) would be more likely to garner social support than someone drooling on themselves in an oversized tshirt and no pants. Winning the sympathy of strangers in case of an emergency became my new motivation for wanting to be normal.

A few days ago- after getting in touch with a planet-I had the opportunity to go to Walmart. Since I don’t drive, any time I have the opportunity to visit a store, it feels like a holiday. While admiring all the beautiful things on display, it hit me like a lightening bolt that I struggle financially because I am always buying the wrong things. My attempts to use money to impress others were causing the planets to block me from having any.

I started filling up a cart with everything pastel pink and lavender. It felt like breathing oxygen. Then I left the cart in the middle of the store since I couldn’t pay for it, but did take home a few gems, such as pink notebooks covered in baby kittens- the very sorts of things I try to avoid owning since I feel they will project “I have psychological problems and arrested development” out to the rest of the world.

Now, just to be clear- sticking to the rigid and pompous is what I felt I *should* do- not always what I did in practice. Half of my house and most of my wardrobe is light pink, and if it weren’t this way I couldn’t function at all. But I was always trying to push myself in the other direction- to get by with as little pink as possible. The things I imagined I would spend money on if I got rich were always those that would make me seem wealthy & calcified to others, so that I could finally feel safe. Because a wealthy person- a woman of dignity and grace- will never be left to die on the streets.

But I have come to believe that-although the planets each have their own energy and character- they are working together as a team to accomplish the same goal. The goal being that each person fulfill their own destiny and role in the scheme of life. And my desire to use money as a shield which could protect me from criticism and draw love and support is counter to my personal purpose. If I do manage to ever draw support from the outside world, it will have to be through expressing myself, not hiding behind a mountain of Rolexes.

In essence the planets are aligners. They live above our heads in the spiritual realms to enforce God’s plan and purpose. They can block or challenge us to bring us into alignment with divine plan. But the plan for each person is so unique. Certainly, there are some people who will ONLY achieve their purpose once they learn to hide behind a mountain of Rolexes and project a false image of wealth to impress people. I do not think expressing one’s inner self to the outer world should be the goal of all people.

Now only time will tell if my new understanding of money is superior to my old one!

I have more to say, but it is 4:25 am and getting to where I can hardly keep my eyes open. I can only hope I am still making sense. I will write more later. Thanks for listening!

Me, examining the study of the Governor’s Mansion. This is more or less a lightweight version of the vibe I felt I needed to be projecting.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Uncategorized Writings

Safety First on Valentine’s Day

The timing of most holidays makes perfect sense astrologically, except for Valentine’s Day. Why does the holiday of romantic love fall under the dry and mental sign of Aquarius? Aquarius is the opposite of candlelit dinners and gazing into eyes.

Aquarius is the love you feel for humanity while gazing at them from an airplane, causing each human to look like an indistinguishable dot. While Scorpio, the most romantic sign, lives to blow up buses of children to save their loved one, Aquarius will sacrifice their loved one to save the children. They love their girlfriend, of course, but they also love the children, the mailman, the hungry people living in China. Their love diffuses equally across all humans.*

Plus, Aquarius and its governing planet- Uranus- rule divorce and break-ups. Celebrating romantic love while they control the sky is not the safest thing to do.** So I would like to recommend a few safe, healthy and appropriate ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day instead.

  1. In school, we celebrated this day by exchanging valentines with everyone in the class. We were required to give a valentine to everyone- no one excluded. A perfect expression of the Aquarian spirit. Aquarius rules friendship, brotherly love, platonic love diffused across groups.

  2. So rather than spending 50 dollars on your romantic partner, use that money to send valentines to 50 different people. Quantity and not quality is what matters to Aquarius.

    Electronic valentines would be great as well, since Aquarius rules all electronics. Sure, it is dry and unromantic, but so is Aquarius.

  3. Aquarius rules all that is weird  and new fangled. Why not buy strange little gadgety gifts for all your friends?  Ideally new inventions that have just come on the market. And if you MUST get your spouse a gift, make it a technological one and leave the roses for a safer time of year.

  4. Since Aquarius spreads its love as thin and wide as possible, scrap dinner for two and get together with all your friends instead. If you belong to a club, this would be a great day for a club meeting or social event.

  5. Get a divorce. Dump your romantic partner. Breaking things off is what heartless Aquarius does best. If you are gonna do roses and candlelight, make sure it is for the purpose of telling someone goodbye.

    Or simply use this day to cut unwanted friends out of your life. Send them a valentine to let them know you aren’t friends anymore.

  6. Have an affair. This is one expression of romance that Aquarius can get behind. Aquarian affairs generally involve significant age gaps. Alternately, have an affair with someone who is very weird, bizarre looking, or completely different from you in a fundamental way.

    Aquarian affairs are not about emotional depth or even sex, but just the stimulation and sense of aliveness that comes from connecting with a person who can break up the crusty patterns in your brain.

  7. Get a mohawk. If you are being pelted by chaotic influences in your life (a sure sign that Uranus is in the house), doing something bizarre with your appearance can act as a lightening rod to safely absorb and express some of this energy.

    So, if you are spending this day by yourself, consider dyeing your hair a strange color, getting piercings or tattoos,  shopping for strange clothes and makeup or having futuristic nails applied.

  8. Electrocute yourself. Or try any new fangled, futuristic form of self-care such as a leech facial, crystal healing, ear candling etc. Anything that is new and strange will do the trick.

  9. If you are hellbent on taking your love out on a date, play it safe by doing things which are unusual or Aquarian. Ride motorcycles, wear neon clothes, eat mystery meats, play laser tag. Or go to a shooting range. Aquarius rules everything electronic, all forms of transportation and all weaponry.

    Or you could simply take a taxi to have dinner at an airport. Afterwards play video games.

  10. While I would never encourage people to have sex on Valentine’s Day, I can’t stop them either. But to keep it safe, make sure to include weird toys and gadgets as part of your sexual activity. Or- if you are heterosexual- include a third party which will compel one of you be gay for the day.

    Gay sex and weird sex is the only sex Aquarius approves of.

  11. If you have been needing to come out of the close sexually, this would be a good day to do it. If there is anything odd about yourself which you have been hiding from the world, use this day to reveal it. Aquarius rewards the weird and those who are true to themselves.

  12. Lastly if-like me- you are lazy, just spend the day playing video games, especially new ones. This is always a safe way to discharge Aquarian energy.

    Or if-like me- you hate video games, use this day to consult an astrologer, since astrologers fall under Aquarian rule.

    Or if- like me- you are an astrologer- use this day to give free readings to as many faceless members of humanity as possible. A perfect way to express you dry and expansive love for the ants that surround you.

    Please don’t judge me for the mess- this is Jame’s office & he doesn’t allow me to clean in there. Notice the tub of Vaseline though. That is a protective device designed to protect James from upcoming Pluto transits. I will write about that later!!! The furry thing is Patton.

     

    * Not everything I am saying about the constellation Aquarius will be reflective of those who were born with the sun in Aquarius. What we call our “sign” is only the sun’s position at our time of birth. Which represents only a fraction of our astrological make up.

    ** When I refer to safety, here is what I mean… astrological forces will find a way to express themselves one way or another. So when we offer them a healthy (or neutral) expression, it acts like a lightening rod, absorbing energy which could otherwise cause disruption. Keep in mind though, that in some cases disruptive Uranical events are both fated and invaluable.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Enjoy winter by not enjoying it!

From an astrology perspective, there is only one reason people are depressed- Saturn. Saturn rules time and karma- the consequences we eventually harvest from our actions. He is the reason for the saying “the wheels of the Gods turn slowly,” because with Saturn there is always a delay between our actions and their inevitable reward or punishment.

Saturn rules everything that is old and cold, grim and dim. He rules bones and stones. When he casts his shadow over any part of our life, things get serious. Life comes to collect its debts. Or- occasionally- life may reward us for good work that previously went unrecognized. Either way, we reap what we sow.

Saturn guides us to let go of the trivial while redoubling our efforts towards work that will stand the test of time. He loves endurance, thrift and humility.

Saturn rules Saturdays and also the cold dark months of January and February. So if you would like some ideas for honoring this Saturnine time of year and turning it into a two month long party- here you go!

  1. Stop spending money on fancy foods to tickle your palate. Saturn does not approve. Focus on simplicity and thrift. Saturnine meals include:
    1. Stale whole wheat bread topped with crunchy peanut butter.
    2. Beans and rice. Buy the dried beans which are cheaper. Personally, I prefer brown rice with black beans, since these are Saturn’s colors.
    3. A potato topped with humble crumbles of meat. Potatoes are the angels of Saturn. Even if you don’t eat them, keep them around for friendship and inspiration.
    4. Accompany your meals with cheap black coffee.
  2. Dress in rags or work clothes. If you must dress up for work, dress somberly, like you are going to a funeral.
  3. Wear men’s perfume. I always find this weighs down my spirit. Of course, if you are a man, Saturn would not approve of you wearing perfume at all. Put that money in the bank!
  4. If you must listen to music, choose boring wordless music, such as classical. Or the somber sounds of celibate monks singing in Latin.
  5. Wear brown nail polish or no polish at all. Bonus points for eschewing makeup altogether. (If you are a man, Saturn hopes this does not even need to come up!)
  6. Spend more time around old people. Be helpful to them if you can. If they are lonely, be a friend.
  7. If you pass a beggar, give them money. Beggars are sacred to Saturn. The point is not so much to help them, but to remind yourself that you could also fall upon hard times one day.
  8. Do you feel depressed? No? I believe we all have a depressed person living somewhere inside, we just need to find them. Try starting your day with a frown, eyes cast downward. Connect with that heavy part of yourself.
  9. Watch movies about old people who die or better yet watch no movies at all.
    Take walks through a graveyard, a sacred place for Saturn. If you like, treat yourself to a plot, both for yourself and loved ones!
  10. Stop doing things for fun. Stop seeking happiness. Saturn does not approve. Rechannel this energy into hard work.
  11. Buy a wall calendar once they are 50% off. At the end of each day, mark a big black X through it to remind yourself this is time you will never get back.
  12. Spend as little money as possible. Saturn loves a penny pincher.
  13. When you pass a person on the street, either frown or cast your sad eyes downward.
  14. Wear a watch and glance at it frequently to remind yourself and others that time is wasting.
  15. Make daily to do lists and complete them.
  16. Saturn rules foresight. Take the time to imagine where your current choices are leading you. Make a 1 year, 10 year, 25+ year plan.
  17. Find a humble looking stone lying by the side of a country road.These are called “Country Stones” and are sacred to Saturn. Carry one in your pocket.
  18. Stop reading and use that time to work instead. Or read books that were written 100+ years ago. Or take the time to study a heavy and dry subject, such as math, geology, mineralogy etc. But please, nothing fun or trendy. And no pseudo-intellectual gems from the New York Times bestsellers list. Saturn is not impressed by fame nor by displays of intellectualism lacking true content.
  19. Celibacy is sacred to Saturn so get as close to this ideal as possible. And for the love of God, do not pleasure yourself. Saturn has a special place in hell for masturbators.
  20. Saturn rules the country way of life, so all country activities are approved of- cooking, sewing, raising animals, carpentry, churning butter, etc.
  21. Stay off social media. You don’t need the stimulation or the attention. Saturn is about toiling in the shadows while others dance in the sun.
  22. Saturn rules career ambition, so take this time to work harder and get ahead in your career.
  23. The essence of Saturn is investing in those things which endure. Drop all relationships which will not stand the test of time, and reinvest in those which will.
  24. Make a will.
  25. Visit the dentist. Saturn rules teeth and nothing captures the Saturnine feeling better than visiting doctors. So visit a whole bunch of doctors if you like!
  26. Basically just don’t do anything fun, spend as little money as possible, and work as hard as you can! When you feel like you are dying and you can’t go on, just remind yourself this is Saturn making you stronger.

Just making this list is starting to depress me… I always get so excited about boring, soul crushing Saturnine energy, but the reality is that a complete absence of levity and fun can make it hard to move at all.

Still, if you want to try being Saturnine, go for it! They say it is good for the bones!

THE END

Slippers and me both feeling that Saturnine feeling, where you try to smile but can’t quite.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Writings

Reading Balls

Since James is asleep and I need someone to talk to, I have decided to spill my mind on you, my wise and invisible friend.

As I mentioned before, I used to begin each day with “ESP Journaling” which entailed drawing pictures of the colored balls that were (psychically) pelting me. Each ball represented a thought, emotion, or intention coming towards me or James from someone else.

As I started to get more traffic on my website, though, the number of balls grew and blended until eventually it just felt like a wall of fire surrounding my head. So I stopped the whole ESP journal thing because the energy felt too overwhelming to break apart. ESP is easiest when you are dealing with a small amount of information.

Today though, I decided to put on my purple necklace and ESP journal again, just for old times sake.

Let me share with you how it is done.

1. First, I scan my body to find the areas most under attack. Generally, this is my head. If, for example, I have recently posted something political on Facebook, my head will get bombarded. This has held me back from public sharing on many occasions, since balls to the head can be quite distracting, and -what is worse- draw your attention away from more vital interactions taking place lower in the body.

Other common ‘attack sites’ are the heart, stomach and sexual organs. The heart is generally linked to betrayal, affection, manipulation, and people trying to get stuff from you. Stomach attacks seem to relate to professional competition (people rarely direct these at me, but I pick up the ones sent to my husband.)

The sexual organs, unsurprisingly, link to sex. Sexual ESP is a world unto itself, and hopefully I will write about it at length in the future. For now, I will just say that it has radically transformed my view of life- and not for the better. I am still trying to dig beneath conventional understandings of sex though, to understand what the energy is all about. I feel like it is the key to something huge.

2. Next, I use my hands to determine the color of the energy and what it is doing. The color part is easy. Understanding what the color is doing, though, is more confusing and sometimes ties my brain in knots. The color can be moving towards you, away from you, hiding behind another color, slithering two ways at once through a metal tube, etc.

If, for example, someone is intentionally ignoring you, you will see a ball filled with color, but the color will be moving away from you to the far side of the ball. If someone is hiding something from you, the color will hide behind a gray field. If they are hiding something from themselves (trying to be unconscious of it) the color will hide behind a clear field.

Sometimes I will see clear fields coming from James when he doesn’t want me to ESP him. Unfortunately, the clear field only attracts my attention and then it is quite easy to peak behind it.

3. Next, I check to see who the energy is coming from. This can be obvious, if it is James or someone I am familiar with. But -to my own surprise- even when it is a stranger I can usually make out their gender, hair color, age range and body type. Still, to get this information I have to squint my eyes, which can feel uncomfortable, so I sometimes skip this step out of laziness.

Keep in mind that most of these balls are not revealing fascinating secrets, but rather mundane information. If someone argues with James on Twitter, for example, they will show up as a ball. In fact, there may even be a ball for each individual tweet. So once you do this enough, you start to lose your patience for squeezing your brain just to determine the hair color of the dude James tweeted at.

4. Finally, I see what other information I can glean from the balls. Generally, this is nothing more than the basic emotion being emitted. If- however- it is an area of fascination- relating to love or secrets for example- then I will sometimes look hard enough to see images forming in the colors.

But generally, I don’t take it this far, because there are so many balls to cover that I have to keep moving. I normally do my journal for about an hour and in that time can only cover a fraction of the balls available. Because every little thing that does or doesn’t happen in this world leaves a ball behind.

Of course, it isn’t just balls. Other things I might draw in my journal include:

  • Mind overlaps. This occurs when someone is thinking about you to the extent that their mind overlaps yours and you can’t think your own thoughts. I don’t know if anyone can overlap anyone else’s mind at will, or if there have to be pre-existing conditions in place.
  • Rectangle ghosts. I wrote about these before. It is my name for when a person’s whole energy system overlaps your body at once. I mostly experienced these when I did astrology readings for people, and it is the main reason I stopped. The good part is you can get a lot of information about a person. The bad part is being filled with thoughts, feelings and urges that make no sense and can sometimes be painful or destructive. Of course, once you realize it is just someone else’s rectangle ghost you gain some amount of control over the situation.
  • Poles & Barbs: Poles are used to control people and barbs are used to injure. I mostly see poles on the head and barbs at the heart.
  • People Balls: In addition to balls representing thoughts and emotions, there is a more stable set of balls which represent the various people in your life. These balls tend to stay in the same place and remain the same color. When they do change position or color, you know something has changed in the relationship. The balls of those you are look up to appear above your head, while the balls of those you relate to as children appear beneath the shoulders.

    You will also see lines coming off these balls, which show the other people each person is connecting to. So, people with whom you have no personal relationship are still showing up in your aura, just by being connected to the same people as you. These balls and lines together look a lot like drawings of molecules.

    *
    Okay, thanks for listening, friend. Sometimes I feel isolated- as though I am living in my own world. But now that you have read this, it is a world that we share. You are a ball in my mind, and I am a ball in yours.

Random page from ESP Journal. Generally I would do maybe 3 or 4 pages like this a day & it would still be a tiny fraction of everything I could have drawn.

Sometimes when things get X rated I switch to a code to preserve the chastity of all involved. Since I am kind of paranoid when it comes to secrets, the code doesn’t translate directly into a specific language. Sometimes I can’t even read it myself, since I change the language up over time. All names are blurred except for James’s, since he told me not to. He thinks I should be more transparent & less secretive.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Politics Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

The Yellows

Political conflict in America tends to happen between two groups- the Reds & the Yellows. Presently, the Reds are more or less aligned with the Republicans and the Yellows  with the Democrats.

I am going to discuss Yellows first, because they are currently on the offensive, attempting to brand Reds as racist, hateful, and ignorant, and in some cases going so far as to ostracize them from social groups.

Astrologically, the Yellows may be agitated by to Pluto’s voyage through the sign of Capricorn. Pluto represents lust for power and Capricorn our desire to be someone of importance in society. This transit intensifies the desire for prestige and social position, urges which are key to a Yellow’s psychology.

Yellows feel confident in their physical survival and tend to take it for granted. Unlike Reds, they do not worry that they will die of starvation or freeze to death in the cold. They don’t care about gun rights, for example, because they can’t easily imagine a time when they would be fighting for their lives.

Yellows’ drama revolves around their need to feel successful and respected. However- viewing life through a mental/social lens and frequently lacking connection to the physical and spiritual worlds- Yellows tend to harbor so many judgments about what it means to be a person of value, that it can be difficult for them to live up to their own standards. And that is where the problems begin.

Ideally, when a person feels like a loser they could take the opportunity to re-evaluate their own ideas. What does it mean to be a loser? What yardsticks am I using to measure success? Are these truly valid? But Yellows are unlikely to do this, since they are typically surrounded by people who share their ideas, making it difficult to step back and reevaluate .

The reason they tend to be surrounded by like-minded people is, of course, because they judge those with different values so harshly that they cannot easily associate with them, much less forge a deep bond. Although Yellows tend to be bright on a mental level, this mental light frequently blocks other levels of consciousness that run on darkness, giving them less access to imagination, spirituality, and the ability to change perspectives at will. They are mentally locked in to one view of life.

So, being unable to easily rearrange the contents of their own mind, when a Yellow feels blocked in their ability to achieve social status and validation, they begin to sublimate.

A first step of sublimation is when they cease to judge themselves by the success they have achieved, and instead pride themselves on their knowledge. Being mental, knowledge is an easy thing to devote themselves to.

Yellows are the ones to seek Phd’s with no obvious application. Maybe they would fail at running a business, but who can stop them from becoming an expert on George Washington? Who can stop them from obsessively following the news and then considering ignorant those who can’t place Syria on a map? Who can stop them from learning a second language and talking in a haughty tone about the importance of being multi-lingual?

This, of course, backfires when they become so terrified of looking stupid that it retards their ability to learn. The desire to seem smart, ironically, causes a person to become increasing stupid. The desire to seem knowledgeable causes a person to pick up less information from the world around them.

In another, more extreme form of sublimation, the Yellow may detach from the color Yellow altogether and try to become a Gold- a saintly, altruistic person who desires to save the world. This allows them to decide that personal success is, in fact, a superficial goal in the face of all the world’s suffering, and gives them a graceful way to exit the rat race without admitting defeat. For it is the rat race itself which is the problem- they tell themselves- and now they are part of the solution.

As a bonus, once Gold, they can occupy their minds with “those less fortunate” and those whom they see as beneath them. While those who- by their own standards- are superior to them are turned into villains, rather than painful reminders of their own suppressed desires.

For even when a Yellow goes Gold, that old yellow pain is still inside them. If they were competing in the rat race, at least the pain could spur them on towards better performance, but now that they have dropped out, the pain must be released in other ways.

So, even while ostensibly trying to change the world, the lion’s share of their energy will go towards disparaging those who are not doing their part. They cannot help but feel rage towards those who are murdering whales and enslaving orphans as they take another bite of their whale meat sandwich and check news reports from a phone made in a child slave shop.

Because, in essence, Yellows have a competitive, hierarchical view of life. They want to be better and more important than others, but- especially once they go gold- they can no longer admit this since it would be a moral flaw, and what’s worse, force them to deal with their own pain rather than turning it into hatred.

Communism and socialism are appealing to desperate Yellows (though less appealing to Yellows who feel they are “winning”- a group I have not touched on in this post). Communism demonizes the rich and successful. It turns them from objects of envy into hated villains. In addition, it promises the ultimate escape from the painful rat race- by abolishing the game altogether. Yellows would feel less conflicted leaving the rat race behind if everyone else was forced to leave it as well.

Of course, even in communism, Yellows would seek a way to feel superior to those around them. But perhaps they could accomplish this more easily once the most powerful all have a hand tied behind their back.

So, what is the solution for Yellows? How can they escape their own internal hell without dragging the rest of us into it?

If Yellows could form relationships with those who don’t share their values- i.e. people from other cultures- this could go a long way towards loosening the grip that their own prejudices have on them.

Perhaps this is why Yellows frequently idealize travel. Sourcing information primarily from the human world, they may need to be surrounded by different sorts of minds in order to step outside of their own.

Of course, travelling to faraway lands is not always practical. Ideally, Yellows could simply associate with those nearby who are unlike themselves, those who think differently. But this they will find more challenging. Faraway people are not competition, not much of a threat, and thus it is easier to see the good in them.

A related skill that would benefit Yellows is learning to suspend judgment. Can you set aside your judgments, your values, for brief periods of time, just long enough to enter the imagination of another person and see the world through their eyes?

Yellows are frequently so caught up in evaluating the world that their imagination becomes stunted. They don’t realize that life takes on completely different patterns- like a kaleidoscope- when seen through different eyes. Truths that are towering from one frame are no longer visible from another.

But if Yellows could practice this purple skill of changing their point of view at will, it could begin to loosen the knots in their stomach. Perhaps this is why Yellows are frequently a fan of drugs, because drugs give them relief from an overly fixed view of reality and help them to move into their third eye.

Above all, though, Yellows need to change how they define success. They need to realize that success is what you give to the world, not what the world gives to you. If others admire and respect you- that is their doing and possibly a credit to them- but no credit to you. You get credit for the light you emit, but not for the light that is shined on you.

Yellows tend to get caught up in striving to catch a glorious reflection of themselves in someone else’s eyes. Their fundamental need is self-esteem. But you can never gain self-esteem that way. I have come to believe that self-esteem is actually a  simple thing which hinges on one factor- work.

When a person focuses on doing whatever work they feel called to do- and the work itself becomes their goal- a source of light begins to build up from within. You see your own value made manifest around you- the cars you have fixed, the children you have raised- whatever it is you are doing.  You see in concrete form your own value and therefore naturally begin to lose the need for your value to be affirmed by others. It is already self-evident.

And luckily, this places self-esteem under our own control. To achieve a place of honor in society is difficult, may require sacrificing parts of our identity, and hinges on many factors outside of our control. But doing good work, and taking pride in it, is a universal cure available to everyone. Like sunshine.

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Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Projection

Although you probably hear the word “projection” being thrown around a lot, if you are like me (or at least the person I was until yesterday) you might not have a clear idea of how psychological projection works.

I vaguely saw projecting as the act of imagining others to have qualities they don’t actually possess. But what I’ve realized is that projecting is more about actively trying to dissociate from a specific part of yourself, which you then try to see in others. But seeing this quality in others is more of a side effect. The heart of projection is trying to detach from a part of yourself.

Another aspect of projection is that you don’t realize you are doing it. And while it is easy to imagine other people doing things unawares, it can come as a shock to realize you have been doing this yourself.

Yesterday, I experienced this shock when I became aware of a projection I have been carrying on throughout my life. I realized I have always tried to divorce myself from being in any way intellectual, educated, or sophisticated. Instead, I would project these traits onto others and feel in awe of their cosmopolitan qualities, despite the fact that they would frequently be people less “cultured” than myself.

This may seem like a strange aspect of oneself to project, since many people view sophistication as a desirable quality. Astrologically, though, it makes sense. There are a few factors in a person’s chart that determine which parts of themselves they desire to offload onto others. For example, the qualities of any planet opposite to Venus at the time of birth, will tend to get projected. I was born with Venus opposite Jupiter, who rules higher education, philosophy, wealth,  and the high brow parts of a culture in general. Therefore, I would want to see scholarly, urbane qualities in others, but never in myself.

I grew up wealthy and as a child my identity was the smart, intellectual one, which never made me feel especially cute. Perhaps this is why I dreamed of being an uneducated hayseed from the country.  When I first read Rousseau, his glamorization of the Noble Savage went straight to my heart. I wanted so badly to be that natural, lovable person, uncorrupted by human culture. And it seemed to me that poor people were somehow closer to Rousseau’s ideal.

Eventually I began trying (subconsciously) to associate myself with everything the opposite of the wealthy world I knew.  My favorite wine had to be Boone’s Farm, Strawberry-Kiwi. I tried to read harlequin novels and listen to cheesiest forms of country music. I attempted to become a secretary, a stripper, a worker at KFC. Some of which are noble jobs, but to the culture I came from, they were shocking and inappropriate choices. Especially secretary.

It was probably this same projection which caused me to move to West Virginia. I remember as a child how Kentucky (where I lived) was generally ranked second to last in everything. This made me proud. But West Virginia was always dead last in education, wealth, etc, which made me jealous. Being in last place made West Virginia pure. Beautiful.

And the more I convinced myself that I was, in fact, a rube, the more I would take pleasure in being wowed by the wealth and sophistication of those around me. If someone spoke a few words of another language, attended an art gallery, or took a plane ride to another country, I would be floored with admiration. Impressed. Delightfully intimidated. Feelings that gave me an almost sexual thrill. It made me feel warm and rosy to be a nothing, looking up in astonishment at someone else. Again, this was happening subconsciously, at the reptile level.

Over time, the projections grew more extreme. At first, it took a person’s trip to Africa to impress me. Eventually, their trip to the Olive Garden would do the trick. There was a point when I came close to being institutionalized for  mental retardation, while just a few years earlier I had been getting scholarships to Ivy League schools. So why did I feel such a desperate need to separate myself from the gloss of education and wealth? What was I trying to gain?

I don’t know. Maybe I felt more feminine and lovable as a simpleton. Maybe I felt restricted by my identity as a smart person. One drawback to being tagged intelligent is that you can only keep that label by expressing ideas that other people find intelligent. While for me, the ideas closest to my heart usually fall into realms which society finds fruit loopy, or sometimes just too far our and individualistic to be considered at all.

Maybe I felt confined by growing up wealthy. When your dinner chairs are valuable antiques, you can’t paint purple polka dots on them when the mood strikes. No one glues dinosaur figurines to a brand new Mercedes. It always seemed as though “the poor” had more options for how to express themselves. Of course, now I see things differently. Whimsical life choices are far more appealing when money is all around. When you are really poor, you don’t want to glue dinosaurs to your car.

Or it could be that we project aspects of ourselves as a response to external pressure. Another person convinces us to leave parts of ourselves behind so he can feed off them. After all, my obsession with being lowly made me eager to give away anything of value that I did possess, and to treat those around me like nobles. Maybe there were people encouraging me.

Causes aside, it is easy to see the damage this sort of projection can cause. Of course, people can project their “negative” qualities as well. If, for example, someone has a testy planet like Mars or Pluto opposite Venus, they will tend to see anger, hatred, and manipulation in those around them. Nonetheless, these projections are still damaging to the one doing them, because we can’t project our aggression onto someone else without giving them our power and agency as well.

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So, that is all I have to say. My hope is that by sharing my longstanding pattern of projection with the wide and faceless world, it will be harder for me to keep doing it! 🙂

 

 

 

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Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized Videos Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Looking for a King (Video)

A song about kings, as we approach the month of kings. Sometimes I think the whole winter is the time of kings, it is so solemn and intent on not letting anyone have fun. Plus, it is a time when the amount of money you have comes to the forefront.

Probably due to the fact that Pluto- the dark God of the underworld- has recently entered my House of Money, money has become a subject of interest for me. Not actually making it, of course. More like bringing it up in conversations to make people squirm. Nothing is more deliciously taboo than money, not even sex.

Why is money taboo? Well, when you are poor you can’t let anyone know, or they will realize you are powerless and treat you with less respect. And when you are rich, you can’t let anyone know or they will try to take your money. I find all of that incredibly exciting.

Another thing I love about money is how it allows you to perform simple tests to find out if others care about you (hint: they don’t.) People throw words of love at each other all the time, but how many will back up their words with cold hard cash? Of course, you have to be careful when running these tests, because there are people in the world who are truly generous and still don’t care about you. And some who are generous just long enough to hook their fish. But still, I think it is a good idea to ask your friend for $100 dollars every now and then, and if they say no, never talk to them again.

And now I am remembering all the times friends asked me for money & I said no. I always said no, because I hate to give people money… maybe this is not a good test after all. I am not greedy, you know. In fact, I doubt I have based a single life choice around gaining money (unfortunately.) But I am stingy. Once I get a dollar bill in my hand, I don’t want to let it go. And a true friend would never ask me to.

Money, gifts, and shiny balls… come to Julien now!!! 

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Corn Bread Days

Sitting on my lucky corn colored stool.

I have been hounding James for a while to let us move to the woods of Maine & live off the land, certain the only way I could find happiness would be to live a simple life as a lumberjack.  And just like an answered prayer, it has turned quite cold and we have no heat in our house, giving me the chance to live out as least parts of my fantasy. The worst part of being cold, I think, is how your wrists freeze up, making it hard to do things with your hands like type or play guitar. The best part is that you never forget to cook. Instead, I hover around the warm stove all day, cooking up anything that can be made out of corn, beans, eggs, butter, sugar, and dandelions. Which is quite a lot, actually.

As you may know already, I am quite obsessed with corn- more as a spiritual entity than a food source- and I have a corn colored stool which I can place next to the oven, giving me a warm(er) spot to write or sing while corn sandies are baking or dandelion tea is brewing. So all in all, the cold life is not a bad one.

Sometimes I think about the relative virtues of poverty vs wealth. Do you? I mean, on the surface, it is obviously much better to be rich and perhaps that is all there is to it, but at the same time there are many valuable things which only poverty can create. I wonder how many of the negative feelings we have about poverty are based in reality, and how many are due to our collective imaginations absorbing the dreams and life goals given us by Hollywood.

Poverty can give you focus, humility, ingenuity, appreciation, and perhaps above all, the need to fall back on your own inner resources. How many rich people remove their own teeth with a pair of pliers? Additionally, since no one will respect you when you are poor, poverty forces you to mine you self-esteem from within. There are lots of movements now to eliminate poverty from our society which always seem to start off with the assumption that the poor are worse off than the rich. That is an assumption I do not share. From an astrological perspective, the rich can be said to be learning the lessons of Jupiter- ease, growth, expansion, generosity- while the poor are learning the lessons of Saturn- endurance, patience, faith and how to thrive within restriction.  Sometimes when the rich want to help the poor, I wonder if they are merely projecting their own sense of emptiness onto someone else, in order to feel better about their lives.

I don’t think the poor should be pitied or helped- they should be admired and learned from. Most of all, we should stop making people feel bad or ashamed for living on a limited material budget, and stop treating it as a problem to be solved.

My change of heart about poverty came when I realized one day that life is really what you give to it, not what you get out of it. Because we all come here from a spiritual dimension, I believe, where we are kings. We do not need to be kings in this world, but what we do need is the opportunity to make something of ourselves. Poor people have the same opportunities to contribute to life as the rich ones. They are not less blessed, just financially thinner.

In some ways, poor people can contribute more easily, I think, because they have less to lose. They have no pride, no dignity that they must cling to, and therefore they can develop true integrity more easily. In a moment of time when everyone is clamoring to be respected by society, I think we have also forgotten how easily external respect can rot a person’s character. It isn’t respect that we should be seeking- much less demanding- instead we should be turning ourselves into someone that WE can respect, by aligning ourselves with our own guiding stars. Because we are only in this world for a short time. When we leave, we leave behind the approval or disapproval of the crowds. But whatever gold we have managed to weave into our souls will travel forward with us.

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And now my fingers are too cold to keep writing.  So let me summarize by saying, Poor people, you are awesome, always hold your head high. Your true treasure is stored in a vault in the sky.

 

I have to include this clip because it contains the song “Beer for my Horses” by Toby Keith, one of maybe 3 songs in the world that I like. What a man Toby Keith is, or at least pretends to be in this song. 🙂