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Charleston, West Virginia men On My Own Uncategorized Writings

The Problem With Men

I’m trying to figure how men and women can be in long term relationships. The problem is the difference in how they process emotions. It appears that men place all emotions into two categories:

A) Positive emotions. Yay! Good!

B) Negative emotions. Bad! No!!!

Positive emotions mean “Wow! You are a Great Man!”
Negative emotions mean “I’m Angry Because You Suck!”

To women, emotions are colors and flavors. There are thousands of them and always new ones to be discovered. They rarely stand alone but are combined to form intoxicating brews. A dash of anger, 3 tears, a laugh…. now some bitterness to make the joy pop…. a glug of euphoria grounded by a trickle of disgust. Emotions are paints and we paint something new every day. It is an exhilarating world. But strangely- to men- this world does not even exist.

They see “good” emotions. YAY! “Bad” emotions. BOO! The emotional experience they crave seems- to the female palette- like the sort of tasteless goo you would serve an invalid. That’s what men call happiness.

They want Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Every day. Try serving something more complex and they excuse themselves. To give you space until you get it together. They’re not mad at you. They’ll just give you the time you need to get back into Mac & Cheese mode.

To a man, the perfect woman has one emotion. Happiness. If you curve your lips upward and say “Gee that was Terrific!” they are satisfied. Happiness has been reached. Happiness is the goal.

From a female perspective, happiness is the yellow crayon. What can you draw with just that? Straight happiness is a stack of saltine crackers. Yay, yay, yay, yay, hooray, hooray, hooray. Eventually you can’t eat anymore. But he doen’t want you to eat anything else. Black coffee means you’re mad. Black coffee means he’s bad.

Being pressured into permahappiness is like a slug being salted to death. Every bland smile is more salt on your back. Unadulterated happiness is mental and dehydrating.

But men need you to pull out that yellow crayon every time you see them. NOT THE RED CRAYON!!!! NOT THE BLACK ONE!!!! THOSE ARE BAD CRAYONS!!!!

And it hurts to give up this magic. It’s like being lobotomized; just in a different part of yourself. It makes life flat. Something is gone that no amount of smiles can replace. The man can no longer please you because you’ve been separated from the source of pleasure. Pleasure is hatred, terror, insanity, confusion, intrigue, jubilation, awe & crankiness. The full range of feelings running wild.

But I don’t like hurting people. And to men, complex emotional palettes are a form of torture. Same as it might be torture for a woman to listen to a man explain engines for three hours. So I try to be nice by being the sort of woman they understand. Somebody with a brain like theirs, but only half as large and twice as smiley. I don’t want to give nobody nothing they don’t want.

But then I can’t breath. So what is the solution? I don’t think men are bad for disliking emotions. Nor do I think it makes them less loving. It just seems to be a form of energy they can’t process.

It makes sense that women speak the language of emotions since it is the language of babies. We automatically interpret cries and screams as opportunities to connect and help.

Sometimes men prey on this. Life has shown me that… generally when men cry and scream like babies they are not communicating anything real. They just know it triggers something in us. I think men’s most common response to pain is to hide it. It probably makes sense for warriors to hide their vulnerabilities. An excessively emotional man is usually being strategic. Perhaps then, when women are emotional men see it as strategic as well. Trying to control.

My opinion is that women rarely try to control men simply because we lack the desire to dominate them. The idea of throwing a man down on the bed and trying to mount him is repulsive.

But men interpret dark and negative energy as an attack, rather than an opportunity for depth, romance & healing. A man reading this post will likely respond “Wow you hate men! You think they suck!” To a male brain, I am discussing problems because I am mad at men and want to attack them.

To a female brain, I am discussing problems because I value men and want to make things better. Women dwell on problems as an expression of love. We find it enjoyable and transformative, like marinating in a broth. New understandings gel. Possibilities open up.

But men don’t like this. And you care about him so… you try not to bring up problems and focus on compliments instead. The compliments become repetitive, because without dark energy to carve new spaces, light energy has nowhere new to go.

Of course the dynamic changes when men want to have sex. The man in pursuit is not a man at all, but his own species. These creatures can take all your emotions. They swim, they live underwater. Your very essence is beautiful to them. Finally, a man with whom you can be yourself!

The problem is, much like sperms, these humanoids have short life spans. They die once their goal is reached. Even if they don’t reach their goal, they die soon enough. A man appears where the sperm being once was. His mind is transformed from an accomodating squiggle to a tower of fragile cubes. It is no longer safe to jump up and down in his presence. Positive energy only. Your days of being free are over.

So what is the solution?

To only date males in their sperm phase then throw them back once they turn into men? A tempting idea, but they turn into men at the exact time you are getting attached to them. It is hard to let go of someone you love once every cell in your body wants to please them instead.

Perhaps the answer is to always stay immersed in a private world of creativity, like a fish in a bowl, a secret universe where you can use every crayon in the box. Maybe this magic world does not need to be shared with them, maybe that’s too much. Maybe they just need the depth subliminally absorbed from the little things women add to their life…. a mug, a meal, a scented candle. Women fret that men don’t notice these things, but that may be for the best. They swim into his subconscious directly, never dried out and sealed inside his cube tower.

And we need men to hide much of themselves from us as well. We like to enjoy the benefits of male intelligence. But can you imagine if they shared all their thoughts? We would die of boredom within the hour. Perhaps when we open our female worlds to them, they drown.

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Bring Me Down

Look at you and listen to what you say
Follow you whereever you will stay

For so many years I ran away places where I’d hide
I want you to hold me there inside.

Look at you a smile fills up my mind
Feeling warm and burgundy with wine

For so many years I dreamed of places far away
I want you to take me there today

Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?

Looking down and smiling to the side
All the secrets that I hold inside

When he turned to burgundy drag me cross the floor
I cry, then go back for more

Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?

Look at you another shade of red
Rub my eyes and stumble back to bed
All the ropes and wine and fantasy scattered on the floor
Rest first then go back for more

When I think of you, I suffocate something I can’t find
Could you hurt me pull me back again somewhere in my mind?

When you seperate me suffocate dragging on the floor
All the voices hurt me teling me maybe I want more
Will you bring me down?

Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos

The Window

They say the rain will play that song again
You know the way it will go.
To feel his net within my mind again
I’ll lead the way even so.

But if you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you want to say that they was wrong when they was barely born
Save it for another day.

If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you walk to the window by my side-
Water running through the drain and
Everything remains the same and

If you want to find the open road and go
First you walk to the window and you’ll know-
Clouds are foaming in the blue, man.
Do you think they’re reforming you man?

I feel the baker take her time again
Stir slow, stir slow all of the corn.
Green fields appear within my mind again
Grow slow, grow slow, only born.

But if you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you want to say that they was wrong when they was barely born
Save it for another day.

If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk to the window by my side-
Water running through the drain and
Everything remain the same and

If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk to the window and you’ll know-
Clouds are foaming in the blue, man.
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?

You know the way to pull that cold from me
Pull hard, pull hard, pull with your hand.
My hair was rope inside your hand, you see
Pull hard, pull hard see if you can.

But if you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you want to say that they was wrong when they was barely born
Save it for another day.

If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk to the window by my side-
Water running through the drain and
Everything remains the same and

If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk to the window and you’ll know-
Clouds are foaming in the blue, man.
Do you think they’re reforming you man?

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Videos

Grass is Green

Grass is green
A sunny day
Come outside alone let’s play!

Slip and slide
The riverside
Should we take a water ride now?

I love you so
Let’s fly away
Clouds stretch into another day.

You don’t tell me you need me
You lay my shoes down on the floor
I ask you why but I won’t get an answer
Still I’m not alone anymore.

Clouds fly
I chase them why?
Come my friend let’s run so high!

You and I
Together we
Crawl across the grass so green oh!

You take my hand
We roll and sway
Clouds stretch into another day.

You don’t tell me you need me
You lay my shoes down on the floor
I ask you why but I won’t get an answer
Still I’m not alone anymore.

Sun shines
The future climbs
High above us like a vine.

We two
Upon the grass
Covered by a space so vast oh!

You take my hand
We roll and sway
Down by the river waiting for the rain.

You don’t tell me you need me
You lay my shoes down on the floor
I ask you why but I won’t get an answer
Still I’m not alone anymore.

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Videos

Long Long Time

Look around and hope to see you
Look around and wonder where you been
Like a man you come towards me
Hold you like a razor in my hand

Oooooo… you always knew the way
But I could never see the way
The fire was in my eyes- it burns and still I’m fine
Why can’t someone love you for a long long time?

Dancing with you at the bar
All the stars they circle round to fall
Come close stick the pin into me
You love me cause I can take it all

Oooooo… you always knew the way
But I could never see the way
The fire was in my eyes- it burns and still I’m fine
Why can’t someone love you for a long long time?

Believe in things that cut you most
Believe in magic like a ghost I swear
I’ve never felt this way before
You move towards the open door

Then turn
It burns but still I’m fine
It burns but still I’m fine
Why can’t someoe love you for a long long time?

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs On My Own Videos

Pegs (Video)

Late at night feel the thrill
Running down another hill
Moon stands still so bright.

Black and green the world surrounds me
Spread my arms and let it drown me now
I give no fight.

And my eyes were open into the night.

In the distance way behind me
Run and run can you find me now?
I hope.

Like a cat you overtake me
Trip and fall so you can break me down
And down we go.
Uh oh.

Could it be that love’s a game?
All the players are the same
Like pegs they stand. No eyes.

Then again another thought
Every battle bled and fought
By men who stand to die.

Maybe all they wanted was something to try.

In the distance way behind me
Call and call can you hear me now?
I hope.

Could you fly to overtake me?
If I fall then would you break me down
And down so slow?
Uh oh.

Maybe all you wanted
Was to play. Could you say
The way you feel about me?

To be so hunted running away
To a day when they will always love you
Say it’s so.

If I fall then will you take me
Somewhere slow where you can break me down
And down we’ll go?

Like a path you’ll never find me
Spin me backwards & unwind me now
And now we go.
Uh oh.

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos

Leave the Ones who Love You (video)

Leave the ones who love you
Tell yourself they did you wrong
Now you’re drinking in your bedroom
Ceilings come to comfort you they fall on you like song.

Tell yourself they left you
Every single day
Clouds will come haunt you and pull you away
Ride into the blue now. Ride it all away.
Cause you change your mind to make it all okay.

I remember you now
Seemed like we were one
Wrap myself in your arms and your skin, I’m done
I remember you now. Every single day.
And you’ll change your mind to make it all okay.

Follow the things that lie
Follow the things that change
Follow the ways that times flows slowly into lines.

Cut from an easy time
Cut from an easy strain
Cut from the way that time flows slowly
Slowly drifting into lies.

Thinking of your body
Wasn’t even that
Clouds will come to haunt you and cover you flat.

Only wanted something
You couldn’t even try
Reach for clouds to warn you, they turn you goodbye.

Follow the things that lie
Follow the things that change
Follow the ways that times flows slowly into lines.

Cut from an easy time
Cut from an easy strain
Cut from the way that time flows slowly
Slowly drifting into lies.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Videos

Half the Time

Sometimes you love me but its wrong
Still I beg for you to stay.
You can only take me for so long
Til you turn and walk away.

Half the time, if I let my mind go freely
I can see the world in aqua blue.
Pull me down with you into the deep we’ll die there nearly
Then I feel I’m really loving you.

Sometimes I start to go insane
And it makes you feel confused.
You’ll get your things and leave so fast
That I end up feeling used.

Half the time, give me love you know I’ll take it
Spilling down the floor in aqua blue.
Pull me down beneath the waves until you start to break me
Then I feel I’m really loving you.

Walking by the river with you
You seem to love me too but
You’ll go away you always do.

You look at me with ice blue eyes
Like a stone upon the stairs.
Even if I said goodbye for good
Well you wouldn’t even care.

Half the time when I look at you I’m smiling
In your eyes a world of aqua blue.
Pull me down beneath and we’ll begin the reconciling
Then I feel I’m really loving you.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Videos

King of Spades (Video)

Holding hands with the King of Spades
As the sun float by in a yellow parade
He came, he saw, he rose into the flow.

Sun drop down and it turn to gray
All the shadows stretch and they reach away
To who? To why? To what? You’ll never know.

So you tell yourself it’s enough when baby
There are three men waiting to kill you
And if he isn’t tough enough to fill you
You gotta let him go.

Cause when night fall like a sheet of black
You’re going to need someone
You can’t waste your time on a man whose having fun.

King of Spades lying on his back
When you leave the room with his eyes on your back
He came, he saw, he rose into the flow.

Mirror resting against the wall
Till you throw your brush, watch it crumble and fall
To scream, to feel, to cry and to explode.

Then you tell yourself it’s enough when baby
There are three men waiting to end you
And if he isn’t tough enough to defend you
You gotta let him go.

Cause when night come and the stars appear
You’ll need a place to run.
You can’t waste your time on a man whose having fun.

King of Spades, purple robe, eyes at night, shine and glow
Spread the deck tell him everything you know.

Eyes that shine, circling, oh my God I can’t remember anything
Except I wanted you to come and carry me home.

So I tell myself it’s enough when baby
There are three men waiting to bleed me
And if you isn’t tough enough to need me
I gotta let you go.

Cause when night come and the chill appear
The game has just begun.
I can’t waste my time on a man whose having fun.

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs On My Own Videos

The Hole

Well I know that he twist me
Didn’t want me around.
Walked off cold, didn’t miss me.
So I’m on my way down
to the town like a ho.

Oh nowhere to go but the sky, dark
Shining for me all alone
On my way home.

First they sneak up behind you
And they want you so bad
Then they roll off to race for the river
Leaving you broken and sad
so you go to the hole.

Oh nowhere to go but the sky, dark
Shining for me all alone
On my way home.

First the sound of the river will make you insane.
But as long as he wants you, then you will remain
You’ll just stay there amazed
You’ll just lay in the dark.

First he show you the starlight
Then he show you the rain
But when his footsteps so dark make you quiver
Then really how can you complain?
You just lay on the ground.