One thing I think about a lot is how to combat various influences in your life.
Some transits, for example, will bring in a lot of dark energy. Others aggressive red energy. Others uplifting delusions that lead to your doom. What is the best way of handling this?
In theory, you could harness this energy for a successful outcome. Use the red energy to become a fireman. The dark energy to become a detective. But what about when the energy is coming from outside sources…. someone is screaming at you, someone is trying to murder you? Will becoming a fireman really help?
Let’s say for example, you are having a Mars transit causing clash and conflict in relationships. In my experience, if you try to become more assertive at this time it will blow up in your face. You are cranking up the heat on a situation that is already too hot.
Same as trying to become more spiritual under a Neptune influence. You are already too deluded. If you try to become more spiritual you just end up in white robes with a dick in your mouth. You could even go insane.
I’ve experienced this a lot with dark Pluto transits. I’ll tell myself maybe Pluto is fucking with me because I’m not black enough. This line of thought stems from when I lived in New England. They really hated fire there and yet their houses were always burning down. So I assumed fire was getting revenge on them for not embracing it. But maybe I was wrong & the houses were just burning due to being hundreds of years old or people needing insurance money.
But regardless, this led me to try adding black energy when Pluto got too scary in the hopes this would pacify him. Which always led to disaster. Violence, injuries, being scapegoated & generally ass raped which is Pluto’s signature move. Things got scarier. No matter how much I liked the idea in theory it didn’t work in practice.
Applying opposite energies seems to work better. You can cut down on anger & aggression during Mars transits if you stick to colors like blue and green, while avoiding red hots at all costs. But sometimes this gives me a little bit of FOMO. Sure, I am dodging a bullet but am I also missing a once in a lifetime chance to become a fireman?
I don’t know. Some people think air conditioning is an appropriate response to hot & humid summers while others think it is better to eat chile peppers & bake in the sun to acclimate yourself. Who is right & who is wrong? I worry about this every day.
But one thing is sure. In a crisis, when suffering from heat stroke, AC, shade & water are better than building a bonfire. At least until the immediate threat passes.
So perhaps when assaulted by darkness it is better to go to church & become a saint rather than buy a cauldron.
I’m not sure. I am currently being assaulted by darkness so I will try the “Become a Saint” approach & let you know how it goes. If you don’t hear from me again, you will know it didn’t go well.
I’ve made great strides with red in recent years, being more willing to express myself, ruffle feathers etc.
Red lets you stick your neck out, take action, fight. Not care what anybody thinks.
Black also deals with conflict and enemies. But the sorts of enemies you can’t fight straight on. Maybe they hide & use deception so you don’t know where to swing. Maybe they dominate you to the point that fighting back would be suicidal. Maybe they have you leveraged, black mailed, so that you must follow their will to protect to ones you care about.
Red is a boxing match where both people get bloody. Black is getting raped when you’re drugged & tied down. There is nothing you can do. You can’t move.
People always say be assertive and stand up for yourself. People are so naive. In situations where standing up for oneself is an option, most people will take it. But people usually won’t victimize you until they have you in a situation where fighting back will be difficult or even impossible. They attack when they are fully leveraged.
War is red and black. Red is the brawn and black is the brains. Force + deception.
Men overpower women because they have more red. You can’t fight a man. But they have more black as well. Their brains instinctively think in a strategic fashion, calculating how their moves position them power-wise in relation to their opponents. Women tend to assume others are on the same page as them until shown otherwise.
Black knows we are not all one. We don’t share the same will. Others are not who they appear to be. They may be indifferent to harming us or they may get off on it. To be safe you must always keep a touch of black in your pocket- one independent wit that reminds you to never trust completely.
This is hard for me. Maybe for all women. I’ve always wanted to merge with someone to feel safe and loved. And when I feel threatened I focus on trusting more, following more closely the will of whomever I feel threatened by in the hopes of appeasing them. I try to be nicer in the hopes of winning their love. I appeal to their sympathy. It never works. When people are in black mode empathy has turned off. Being nice does not keep you safe. The most gentle animals get eaten first. Survival is selfish. It goes after the easiest target.
Black is boundaries. But what are boundaries? Too often we think of boundaries as ‘standing up for yourself.’ “Hey Lion! Don’t eat me! I’m NOT okay with that.” But unless we have a machine gun these ‘boundaries’ are pretty pointless. People are not going to obey our will just because we verbalize it. They obey their own.
Boundaries are really a state of awareness in which you can separate your own will from the wills of those around you. You know your own mind & do not project the contents of your mind onto others. You attempt to see them as they truly are.
When you project positive or negative glamours onto others you blur the distinction between you & them. Imagination & reality. This is a no boundary state. Boundaries mean seeing yourself & others as the two distinct- and possible opposed- entities that you truly are.
Without this clear psychic separation, you end up carrying out the wills of others without realizing it. You are unable to act in your own best interests. But when there is a willingness to see the truth of yourself and the truth of others, thinking automatically becomes more strategic because it starts to line up with reality. Not sentiments.
With black, you know your aim and you know your opponent. You know when telling the truth is useful and when deceit is the only option. Unlike red, you do not try to win every battle. You know some battles must be lost to win the war. You wait. You bend over. You take it up the ass. You say you like it. You wait some more. And when your moment of opportunity comes you are ready.
Patton wearing his favorite “Trust Me” tshirt. You can trust him. Would he lie to you?
* I have another song named Paradise too. Is that okay? Actually Paradise is one of my favorite words & I am thinking I might write a bunch more songs with this name if it doesn’t present practical problems….
Place your finger on the window seal tap it three times three. Lift your eyes towards the skies and tell me what you see.
I can see him blowing in again, glowering like the corn. Wrap the black around me I won’t take it anymore.
Do you think I’ll feel this way again? Do you think I’ll feel the same? Black clouds coming down and all I can feel again is rain.
Half of life is memory. Half of life is storm. Tell yourself it’s changing when it’s only shifting form.
Half of life is far away, misty and unclear. Feel the fog surround you but that’s only when he’s near.
Do you think you’ll feel this way again? Do you think you’ll feel the same? Black strings coming down and all that I can feel is rain.
You’ll let me know somehow the ways That you’ll allow you know I never disappoint. A cloud for you I’ll be a fog a mystery To fade then vanish to a point.
Place your hand upon my forehead now Turn me three times round. Stars behind my eyes and then I’m falling on the ground.
Take the handkerchief away from me- I know where he goes. I know where the bodies lie and I know all the little things they hold.
Do you think you’ll feel this way again? Do you think you’ll feel the same? Black strings coming down and all that I can feel is rain.
Above all I feel disoriented and confused. Of course, this is my normal state. I wish there was some magical way of knowing truth. Then I could have clarity. But life is a collage of feelings, words, half-eaten evidence and none of it ever adds up. And so I become obsessed. Because there is no closure. What is real? What isn’t? How do I make good choices from a position of darkness?
My only comfort is this blog but even then it’s walking on ice cause one wrong step and I fall into bad wife zone. What is okay to express and what isn’t? I don’t know. From what I gather you aren’t supposed to speak of your husband at all unless you’re singing his praises. But then how can you talk about yourself? It’s like a person in a concentration camp writing about their life while trying to leave out the concentration camp part. Especially for females, I imagine, romantic partners take up so much space in our life that if we can’t talk about them what the fuck are we supposed to talk about?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a Scorpio & I love having a secret life that is hidden beneath a veil. That’s where I thrive.
But I’ve learned something else. Secret worlds are prone to toxicity. They can’t help it. They are dark, stagnant pools of water. Unconditional love, loyalty and dependence give power to your partner. Power corrupts. And in a finite set one element corrodes the others, like that game rock, scissors, paper. And so a cycle begins. There are no outside elements to mitigate. What happens behind closed doors is nobody’s business.
Christians say marriage is a rope of three strings- man, woman, god. I don’t think this is the right model since God will certainly be defined by the partner with the most power. I believe the three strings are man woman & society.
But human society is not what we think. There is this tendency to de-mystify it because it seems so mundane to us. When in reality it is the color gold & an expression of virtues & idealism that come from a higher realm but demand embodiment THROUGH us. In this way, it is distinct from white spirituality in which higher powers act on our behalf. From what I can tell, gold is the one and only antidote to the toxicity of excessive blackness.
Being cut off from gold is the problem my husband is facing (Am I allowed to say this or crossing a wife-line?). These last 5 years he has been bombarded with Pluto transits which immerse a person’s mind in blackness. Power issues, paranoia. And he is Plutonic to begin with. He wears black. He isolates. He sleeps during the day and wakes when the sun sets. He spends all his time in the darkest room of our house, the one that gets no sunlight. He doesn’t laugh. He brews & stews in his own juices around the clock. And I like dark guys more than sunny ones. But the darkness has gone way too far even by Scorpio standards and begun to take on a life of its own. What I call a backwards black 8 spiral. If you want to see a tv series about this dynamic watch the show ‘The Affair.’ It’s really good. Undealt with childhood issues basically cause a happily married man to unravel until he ends up accidentally whacking off to his daughter & being imprisoned for murder.
James grew up a Jehovah’s Witness and was expected to embody moral perfection or being ‘beyond reproach.’ He wasn’t expected to do anything per se- in fact achievement was discouraged since it’s ‘of this world’- but not making mistakes was critical. A wrong thought, a mispelling, a crumb in your mustache…. all these little errors could potentially drive others away from the Good News the witnesses were trying to spread. This maybe created a dynamic where if he feels he can’t be absolute perfection, he just crawls into a hole and waits for Paradise to arrive. But in the hole the juices pile up, darkening mind & feelings. Men are solar powered.
But obviously it isn’t my choice how connected or disconnected James wishes to be from humanity. I just gotta reach for the gold myself. The last two weeks were desperately focused on learning to make money, pay bills, ride busses and use telephones. But ultimately my survival will depend equally on integrating into the golden arms of society.
This is sort of a picture of Patton. I think if he were a human he would like sports.
You can leave if you want to but don’t look back I’m warning you- You won’t like the way that things have changed. Two black leaves will be my eyes, the winds will roll, the water rise- All the things that time can rearrange.
If you go. These are the things you should know. Backwards the water will flow. Eyes in skull. Bouncing ball.
You were mine. We lived in a house made of time. The prayers and the sayings would rhyme. Dream you feel. Not quite real.
In the end you were a man, you stood there on your own. Always smiling like a friend yet somehow quite alone.
You can leave if you want to but don’t look back I’m warning you- You won’t like the way that things have changed. Two black leaves will be my eyes, the winds will roll, the water rise- All the things that time can rearrange.
If you see a picture that holds you and me, A pitcher of pure family. Dark things hide. Stay inside.
But the flame. He lived in a cage with no name. The day he was born he was blamed. Bouncing ball. Animal.
In the end, he was a fire he stood there on his own. Worlds would disappear inside him Who knows where they go?
You can leave if you want to but don’t look back I’m warning you- You won’t like the way that things have changed. Two black leaves will be my eyes, the winds will roll, the water rise- All the things that time can rearrange.
This picture perfectly captures my life at the moment… a bear on one side representing everything humans dream of and a black swirl on the other, representing the forces of darkness. And in the middle, confusion. I hope I’m not being too dramatic. I actually hung the black swirl picture in the hopes that a picture of black swirls would cancel out real black swirls, but I don’t think it worked. Don’t worry though I’m not suicidal & you shouldn’t be either. For all we know black holes lead someplace wonderful. Maybe to paradise.
Would you come away with me and Put the bar upon the door Take away the black and blue and gray Maybe I don’t want them no more.
First the clouds began to gather Then they thicken to a bruise Then you wait for them to strike Looking at the things you’ll lose.
Maybe you should tell him stop then From the waters you will climb and Wander in the dusty world Leaving everything behind.
No. No. The water’s fine. Suck it down. Suicide. Down. Down. It never ends. Let it come, come again
Would you come away with me and Take me to a coffee shop We could wander through a peaceful town Find a pleasant way to talk.
Never push and never tumble Never hurt and never bleed- no! Never lost and dressed in rags Never grovelling with need.
Come. Come. The water’s fine. Suck it down. Suicide. Down. Down. It never ends. Let it come, come again.
Bleeding out Then you realize All the things you’re running from Were the things that you desire.
Come. Come. The water’s fine. Suck it down. Suicide. Down. Down. It never ends Let it come, come again.
And great…… it seems like the sounds gets weird at the higher parts but I still have zero idea how microphones & recording devices work. They are so complicated. Of course I should try to figure out how they work, but it seems so complex that there is really no hope of ever making progress in that realm. And so boring I could possibly die. I must be resigned to my fate and continue on. Just realize it sounds better in person & make adjustments in your imagination. Thanks!
