Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers

Suicide

This picture perfectly captures my life at the moment… a bear on one side representing everything humans dream of and a black swirl on the other, representing the forces of darkness. And in the middle, confusion. I hope I’m not being too dramatic. I actually hung the black swirl picture in the hopes that a picture of black swirls would cancel out real black swirls, but I don’t think it worked. Don’t worry though I’m not suicidal & you shouldn’t be either. For all we know black holes lead someplace wonderful. Maybe to paradise.

Would you come away with me and
Put the bar upon the door
Take away the black and blue and gray
Maybe I don’t want them no more.

First the clouds began to gather
Then they thicken to a bruise
Then you wait for them to strike
Looking at the things you’ll lose.

Maybe you should tell him stop then
From the waters you will climb and
Wander in the dusty world
Leaving everything behind.

No. No. The water’s fine.
Suck it down. Suicide.
Down. Down. It never ends.
Let it come, come again

Would you come away with me and
Take me to a coffee shop
We could wander through a peaceful town
Find a pleasant way to talk.

Never push and never tumble
Never hurt and never bleed- no!
Never lost and dressed in rags
Never grovelling with need.

Come. Come. The water’s fine.
Suck it down. Suicide.
Down. Down. It never ends.
Let it come, come again.

Bleeding out
Then you realize
All the things you’re running from
Were the things that you desire.

Come. Come. The water’s fine.
Suck it down. Suicide.
Down. Down. It never ends
Let it come, come again.



Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Writings

The Smallest Blog Post

I go through phases where my arms and legs freeze up. I can’t move. The blood has retracted to my core. My brain freezes. My kidneys hurt. It is a response to fear I guess.

I can’t sing. It’s hard to talk or write. The feeling of silence is so thick and blood pumps in my ears. The acute phase lasts 24 hours. Then a lingering reluctance to make sounds or speak words. Eventually I remember to surround myself with the color red and it gives me the urge to be again. I can’t even say I like red in a ‘favorite color’ sense but it has thrown me a lifeline so many times it is like an angel.

That is the phase I have been in today. I’ve been listening to Hello by Lionel Ritchie on endless repeat. I don’t usually listen to music but when I do it is one song that hits me and so I listen to it over and over and over again. I like this song. It is so beautiful. Soon I will try surrounding myself with warm colors & hopefully it will become easier to speak. But first I will listen to Hellow a few more times.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized Videos

The Sky (Video)

You came to me just like the sky
Gave me a box and it was filled with only time
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know it was never there at all.

Flowing away I watch you go
I was prepared- I know the ways that life can go
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know if was never there at all.

Burning me to the ground now
Scatter the dust around now
Into the wind I fly, I feel you there surrounding me.

Enter in the rains to brings me down
Luminous hands from all around
You are the sky you hold me in, you press me down, you keep me.

Reach for a life within your sky
I know that I’m a bird and I can truly fly
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna play the game at all
But you know it was never real at all.

Pushing me down upon the stones
Making me strong within the bones
It’s not a dream- I fight the mud, I dig the dirt, this is my home.

Watching all the blood flow on the ground
Luminous red within the brown
It’s not a dream- you are the sky, you press me down, you keep me.

I came to you because of need
I came to you because you’d teach me how to bleed
And I’ll be the one to say it; and I’ll be the one to take the fall
But you know it was never real at all.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies

The Sky

Recently I have been too busy painting everything I own green to post much on here. I am always convinced there is one color who is my knight in shining armor & can make everything better and maybe it is green. I will let you know how it works out!

You came to me just like the sky
Gave me a box and it was filled with only time
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know it was never there at all.

Flowing away- I watch you go
I was prepared- I know the ways that life can go
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know if was never there at all.

Burning me to the ground now
Scatter the dust around now
Into the wind I fly, I feel you there surrounding me.

Enter in the rains to brings me down
Luminous hands from all around
You are the sky- you hold me in, you press me down, you keep me.

Reach for a life within your sky
I know that I’m a bird and I can truly fly
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna play the game at all
But you know it was never real at all.

Pushing me down upon the stones
Making me strong within the bones
It’s not a dream- I fight the mud, I dig the dirt, this is my home.

Watching all the blood flow on the ground
Luminous red within the brown
It’s not a dream- you are the sky, you press me down, you keep me.

I came to you because of need
I came to you because you’d teach me how to bleed
And I’ll be the one to say it, and I’ll be the one to take the fall
But you know it was never real at all.

Download MP3: The Sky

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized Videos

Following Fire (Video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyTt_plxUi8

I wish I could dive head first into a pool of mud. Can you even imagine how amazing that would feel?

Following fire, half-deranged by desire
Like a zombie I walk through the night.
Every dark alleyway, every car breakaway
Leads in my fantasy somewhere so bright.

Reason, morality- never my gifts;
I had the gift of belief.
I light a fire for you, filled with desire for you-
I know you see. I know you see.

Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God,
I will open myself to you, please!

Following fire, melted down by desire
And the star that I follow is hope.
Making me pay like a knife every day-
I know you won’t, I know you won’t.

Lighting a candle for you every night
Cause I know you are drawn to the flame.
I see your spirit a butterfly flicker-
You won’t cause me pain, you won’t cause me pain.

Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God
I will open myself to you, please!

Lighting a fire, half-deranged by desire
And the stars that are drawing me high.
Thinking of you, like a fire you can burn away
Hands on my throat, lay down or die.

Holding my finger right next to the candle wick-
Strong is the thing I must be,
Just until I can draw you to my flame.
You won’t hurt me. You won’t hurt me.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized

Following Fire

Following fire, half-deranged by desire
Like a zombie I walk through the night.
Every dark alleyway, every car breakaway
Leads in my fantasy somewhere so bright.

Reason, morality- never my gifts;
I had the gift of belief.
I light a fire for you, filled with desire for you-
I know you see. I know you see.

Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God,
I will open myself to you, please!

Following fire, melted down by desire
And the star that I follow is hope.
Making me pay like a knife every day-
I know you won’t, I know you won’t.

Lighting a candle for you every night
Cause I know you are drawn to the flame.
I see your spirit a butterfly flicker-
You won’t cause me pain, you won’t cause me pain.

Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God
I will open myself to you, please!

Lighting a fire, half-deranged by desire
And the stars that are drawing me high.
Thinking of you, like a fire you can burn away
Hands on my throat, lay down or die.

Holding my finger right next to the candle wick-
Strong is the thing I must be,
Just until I can draw you to my flame.
You won’t hurt me. You won’t hurt me.

Download MP3: Following Fire

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Checkerboard of Night

Following your footprints through the checkerboard of night
Guided like a lantern by the moon’s uncertain light
Oh I…. an animal that bleeds for you
Oh I… a spirit of the air.

Once I crossed the checkerboard to find a golden ring
Hidden like a promise in the pocket of a king
To the line where only pines remain
All the men afraid to kill had dropped out of the game.

First a flame appeared upon the ocean
Then a message flashed upon the wall
Please don’t tell me nothing has been broken
That’s just to say it was never there at all.

Walking through the dark world where the moon still rules the sky
Everything I wanted came & then left me behind
Oh I… a spirit seeking blood from you
Oh I… a spirit of the air.

Shadow of a sword appears within a silver creek
Could it be a knight and not another king I seek?
Someone who can bring the blood from everywhere
Spreading it like glory through my hair.

First a flame appears upon the ocean
Then a message flashed upon the wall
Please don’t tell me nothing has been broken
That’s just to say it was never there at all.

You were strong & wealthy & your made me feel alive
Everyone was made to kneel; I never had to hide
Oh I… an animal that lived with in your shoe
All the golden dreams I had they came from you.

First a silver light falls on the ocean
Silver men line up against the wall
Please don’t tell me nothing has been broken
That’s just to say it was never there at all.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Music & Songs Uncategorized Videos

Knife (Video)

A song about something that really bothers me- human sacrifice.

Turn your eyes to the side
We promise you won’t see the knife
Cold, glide, pain, slide
Goodbye strife, life.

Cold marble burns the skin
Checkerboard floor never ends
Life is a maze, I chose wrong
White on black, I do not belong-
I let them in.

They will sing, I have no choice
Candlelight will be my voice
Fear flows, let it spread
Life was the box into which I bled-
I bled for them.

They will stare into my eyes
They will watch me with eyes dry
They shine, anticipate
Lift the chalice from the plate-
I fly for them.

Turn your eyes to the side
We promise you won’t see the knife
Cold, glide, pain, slide
Goodbye strife, life.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized

Little Red

Little Red consults with a red magician.

Here, have a seat.
Have a treat.
Do you like my library? Let’s talk

About life
One day you’ll be someone’s wife-
You’ll need knowledge to guide you, my girl.

Little Red, Little Red, Little Red
Little Red, Little Red, Little Red

There on the street
You will meet
First you’ll look in his eyes then you’ll dream

Of a touch
Thinking it means something much-
Now you’re already bleeding, my girl.

Little Red, Little Red, Little Red
Little Red, Little Red, Little Red

First
Only smiles, only dreams
With his blood flowing wild through your veins

Then a ring,
Thinking it means the same thing-
You’ll need magic to guide you now, girl.

Little Red, Little Red, Little Red
Little Red, Little Red, Little Red

Fade, like a dream
So you’ll scream
But there’s no one to catch you now, girl

To the lake-
There you can feel your heart break
You’ll need water to guide you now, girl.

Little Red, Little Red, Little Red
Little Red, Little Red, Little Red

So, now we’ve talked
Now you’ll walk
When I open this door on your own

Even so
Please take a cookie to go
For your blood is an angel, my girl.

Little Red, Little Red, Little Red
Little Red, Little Red, Little Red

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Paradise

Father, I need to sit.
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me what it is.
Father, what is the time?
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me if it’s mine.

You built a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in the sand.
Clouds flew above me light flashing out of their eagle eyes
Now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, where are my hands?
I need to touch my eyes- something tells me they are hurting me again
Father, am I lying in bed?
Why are the curtains drawn? What is this thing upon my head?

You built a tower in a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so safe in the sand.
Sun shimmered on my body like I was a pegasi
But now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, why are the curtains drawn?
So many things to do. I can’t remain in here too long.
Father, I need to ask
Of all the things you’ve done, which ones are the ones that you’d take back?

You built a world around my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so safe in your hand.
Cities they swirled around me like they was a race of lights
But now I can feel those cold things dripping again.

All of the men in the world lined up side by side.
A bundle of twigs they wait for the flame.
Dance by the fire and you will realize.
A burning twig will never feel the pain.

 

Download MP3: Paradise