Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos

Invisibility (Video)

(Originally published February 17, 2023 before server crash.)

They came on clouds to comfort me
Lay down they said
I close my eyes now, I close my eyes now
They said one day they’d ride with me
We’ll fly so far- invisibility.

Play play another game for they don’t know
What may be coming down the line
Lay out the cards or they won’t go
So sure the king would come this time.

One man was fire, one man was rain
What mad desire
I close my eyes now, I close my eyes now
Between the two, which one should I believe?
I trusted fire the more- invisibility.

Play play another game for they don’t know
What may be coming down the line
Lay out the cards or they won’t go
So sure the king would come this time.

And so fire came to get down on one knee
And gift me pain
I close my eyes now, I close my eyes now
For I know that I was made to suffer and to bleed
Hurt me more, invisibility.

Play play another game for they don’t know
What may be coming down the line
Lay out the cards or they won’t go
So sure the king would come this time.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story Uncategorized Writings

For Whom Empowermint Tolls

I wrote this a few weeks back but only now got the nerve to publish it. Cause it references neighbors & I’m not sure if it’s cool to blog about neighbors or not.

I’ve been feeling kind of bummed, like I reached the end of empowermint. There may be no way of getting more powerful than I already am. My last empowermint was smoking illegal drugs. It blew my mind I was able to achieve this and now it kind of feels like I’ve peaked. What more can I do? Rob a bank? Dallas? These things require cars and I still don’t have one.

I also sang a couple songs on stage without dying of a heart attack. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it’d be. Felt like floating, like I wasn’t there at all. Still counts as a mint though.

I’ve now been to bars three times. They are scary but exciting. People do drugs. I received a pot gummy bear. But this was after I’d completed my illegal drugs empowermint, so I didn’t eat him. Instead he was flayed and quartered. I fed the meat to a friend each time he got angry in the hopes it would calm him.

At the bar a guy told me he was hard and asked what color panties I was wearing. I asked if I could see his jockstrap. Then he starts shouting how much he loves sucking cock. Then he smashes a bottle over a man’s head. They start punching and blood is dripping down their faces. One of them has black X’s painted on his cheeks. It felt like being in a dark wonderland. Nothing like the world I am used to.

Everyone in the bar was larger than life. Some wore diamonds despite being men. One had just escaped max security for murder. One said he would fuck me over a fireplace. One had only three fingers on his hand. One wore an earring of a butt and said he likes doing everyone up the butt regardless of gender. One had just gotten stabbed. If I could be certain of not getting murdered it would be quite exciting.

But I’ve been so cloistered I don’t totally get where excitement ends and danger begins. A friend told me I was on my way to getting my organs removed. So I tried returning to pre-empowermint days. But that isn’t safe either. Once I believed that being a good housekeeper would ensure my safety in life. Now I know that sooner or later God throws everyone out on the streets. So you gotta be ready.

And then you get addicted to the thrill. I kind of want to see more of this crazy world. How many men are out there with X’s on their face? How many want to see my underwear?* What is PCP? What signals do drug addicts use to find dealers? What sweet words and caresses will organ dealers use to win the trust of healthy people? Can you be fucked over a working fireplace? If a man offers to let you watch him jerk off is it yes or no? I want to know everything.

But those lesbians. They keep reminding me I’m courting disaster and I know they’re right. What I really need is to join a ladies book club and I promise I will. Ladies help you become smarter and more organized. They encourage you to make crafts and sell them at a fair. Around men you grow clear and gelatinous. You wait to see what they’ll do next. You try not to set them off. Men are a feast for the imagination yet a practibrain disaster. And we all know exciting choices rarely pay off in the end.

So I’m trying to be good. Today I had the opportunity to do something fun but instead stayed home and ate 12 slices of cheesecake. Cause that is what Mr Rogers would do. Virtue today is happiness tomorrow. Thrills lead to chills. Aids. And death.

*FYI- I realize nobody wants to see my underwear. Men only feign sexual interest as a way of getting your money or something much worse.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Pain (Video)

First bring the needle out
Tighten up the tourniquet
And now you feel the waters flow
And now the whole world grows so wet

And now how blood is beautiful
Liquid ruby through your veins and
I will love you fire to fire
Desire. You make me feel pain.

Falling back again
With your eyes an inch a way
And somehow turn from day to night
Then somehow turn from night to day

And now you light your pipe again
And now you speak your words they’re never true
You feel the room spin round and round
Theres only me and you and now

How red is beautiful
Liquid ruby through my veins
And I, I feel the world dissolve resolve
You make me feel pain.

First bring the needle out
Slide it through my eye oh I oh I
How I could live for this
So high above the world I fly I fly

I’ll love you fire to fire
And I will love you flame to flame
And I oh will I marry you, I do
You make me feel pain.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Pain

First bring the needle out
Tighten up the tourniquet
And now you feel the waters flow
And now the whole world grows so wet

And now how blood is beautiful
Liquid ruby through your veins and
I will love you fire to fire
Desire. You make me feel pain.

Falling back again
With your eyes an inch a way
And somehow turn from day to night
Then somehow turn from night to day

And now you light your pipe again
And now you speak your words they’re never true
You feel the room spin round and round
Theres only me and you and now

How red is beautiful
Liquid ruby through my veins
And I, I feel the world dissolve resolve
You make me feel pain.

First bring the needle out
Slide it through my eye oh I oh I
How I could live for this
So high above the world I fly I fly

I’ll love you fire to fire
And I will love you flame to flame
And I oh will I marry you, I do
You make me feel pain.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

A Little Red

This picture was supposed to look more happy than how it turned out.

Gonna break out of this rut
Trade a drop of blood for a little cut
Gonna break out of this little world of blue.

Gonna get me what I like
A big cup of tears, a handful of lies so I
Come crawling on my knees again to you.

Baby no- you don’t need to change
You were born to play and life’s a game
You can be yourself & only us will know.

Hush baby, close your eyes
You were born to kill, I was born to sacrifice-
Wanna cut a little red & watch it flow?

Sometimes though it hurts so red
It’s like a knife that pins me down to the bed so I
Close my eyes to find another place and time.

Suddenly then you grow so cold
All the blood recedes into a world of stone and I
Wonder what I did again to make you fly.

Baby no- you don’t need to change
When men say love they mean a different thing and
They can only find their strength in being alone.

They gotta kill, just to stay alive
And the voice they hear tells them to survive and so they
Wanna cut a little red and watch it flow.

But in this world, love’s a flame; my
Hands are cold I need something so
Can you tell me that you only just love me alone?

Cause the voice I hear tells me to survive
I give you my life, to keep me alive
And now I wanna cut a little bit of red to watch it glow.


(Please note- this song is not to be confused with Little Red.)

Also, if you would care to donate a dime or dollar for a song it would be most welcome- thank you.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized

Lie Down

And the shine
Is the thing you will remember
For the longest time
Down the line

Like the sky
How it fell on you as dark sheets
When the stars were high
They would fly

Open nights stretch out before you
Open roads lay down before you
You were there
Going everywhere

Lie down
You are sleepy
It’s all over now
You are bleeding

Lie down
You can see me
Let your hair fall round & round
We are leaving

And the time
Is the thing you will remember
When the stars are high
It could fly

Like the men
How they reach out with their flat hands
Till the day begins
They were friends

Open hands stretch out before you
All the ones who came before you
You were there
Going everywhere

Lie down
You are sleepy
It’s all over now
You are bleeding

Lie down
You can see me
Let your hair fall round & round
We are leaving

All the trees that stood like strangers
Shadows blacking out the dangers
You were there
Going everywhere

Lie down
You are sleepy
It’s all over now
You are bleeding

Lie down
You can see me
Let your hair fall round and round
We are leaving.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

A Home

All this time
All this cold
All this scared to go back home

Sometimes faint
Sometimes bleed
Sometimes hold you as you try to leave but I

Knew the time would come when you
You would walk away & I would wander
Thru the world with no place there to stay

Sometimes fast
Sometimes burn
Catch you when you try to turn

Sometimes fight
Sometimes fall
Sometimes flying through the wall but I did know

That the time would come when you
You would walk away & I would wander
Thru the world with no place there to stay

A home

Sometimes red
Sometimes black
Sometimes bruising in the back

But I heard
That there lives
A Great Fire who never burns the things he gives

All the time I knew that you
You would walk away & I would wander
Thru the world with no place there to stay

A home

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers

Suicide

This picture perfectly captures my life at the moment… a bear on one side representing everything humans dream of and a black swirl on the other, representing the forces of darkness. And in the middle, confusion. I hope I’m not being too dramatic. I actually hung the black swirl picture in the hopes that a picture of black swirls would cancel out real black swirls, but I don’t think it worked. Don’t worry though I’m not suicidal & you shouldn’t be either. For all we know black holes lead someplace wonderful. Maybe to paradise.

Would you come away with me and
Put the bar upon the door
Take away the black and blue and gray
Maybe I don’t want them no more.

First the clouds began to gather
Then they thicken to a bruise
Then you wait for them to strike
Looking at the things you’ll lose.

Maybe you should tell him stop then
From the waters you will climb and
Wander in the dusty world
Leaving everything behind.

No. No. The water’s fine.
Suck it down. Suicide.
Down. Down. It never ends.
Let it come, come again

Would you come away with me and
Take me to a coffee shop
We could wander through a peaceful town
Find a pleasant way to talk.

Never push and never tumble
Never hurt and never bleed- no!
Never lost and dressed in rags
Never grovelling with need.

Come. Come. The water’s fine.
Suck it down. Suicide.
Down. Down. It never ends.
Let it come, come again.

Bleeding out
Then you realize
All the things you’re running from
Were the things that you desire.

Come. Come. The water’s fine.
Suck it down. Suicide.
Down. Down. It never ends
Let it come, come again.



Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Writings

The Smallest Blog Post

I go through phases where my arms and legs freeze up. I can’t move. The blood has retracted to my core. My brain freezes. My kidneys hurt. It is a response to fear I guess.

I can’t sing. It’s hard to talk or write. The feeling of silence is so thick and blood pumps in my ears. The acute phase lasts 24 hours. Then a lingering reluctance to make sounds or speak words. Eventually I remember to surround myself with the color red and it gives me the urge to be again. I can’t even say I like red in a ‘favorite color’ sense but it has thrown me a lifeline so many times it is like an angel.

That is the phase I have been in today. I’ve been listening to Hello by Lionel Ritchie on endless repeat. I don’t usually listen to music but when I do it is one song that hits me and so I listen to it over and over and over again. I like this song. It is so beautiful. Soon I will try surrounding myself with warm colors & hopefully it will become easier to speak. But first I will listen to Hellow a few more times.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized Videos

The Sky (Video)

You came to me just like the sky
Gave me a box and it was filled with only time
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know it was never there at all.

Flowing away I watch you go
I was prepared- I know the ways that life can go
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know if was never there at all.

Burning me to the ground now
Scatter the dust around now
Into the wind I fly, I feel you there surrounding me.

Enter in the rains to brings me down
Luminous hands from all around
You are the sky you hold me in, you press me down, you keep me.

Reach for a life within your sky
I know that I’m a bird and I can truly fly
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna play the game at all
But you know it was never real at all.

Pushing me down upon the stones
Making me strong within the bones
It’s not a dream- I fight the mud, I dig the dirt, this is my home.

Watching all the blood flow on the ground
Luminous red within the brown
It’s not a dream- you are the sky, you press me down, you keep me.

I came to you because of need
I came to you because you’d teach me how to bleed
And I’ll be the one to say it; and I’ll be the one to take the fall
But you know it was never real at all.