Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies

Step on the Train

If I sound out of breath its cause I am. But I had to get this recorded anyway. It is from a dream in which I was on a train & sometimes I worry if I let too much time pass I will lose the dream’s feeling.

Step on the train my friend
Down beneath your feet it rolls
Hands upon the window now
We watch the clouds begin to blow

See the sky fill up with wind
Press against us like a flag
Til the evening comes again
And then the clouds begin to drag

No one can know us now
We are unknown to ourselves
Flying forward here we go
And now the sky begin to melt

Nobody knows the way
Flying forward here we go
No one can help us now
Sing cause its the only thing we know

Watchin the sun rise now
And the sky he comes again
I tried to help you but I only
seemed to make the darkness bend

Through a tunnel now we’ll fly
Rest your eyes for just a while
Darkness push upon us push upon us
Let confusion lie

I didn’t know you then
You didn’t even know yourself
Flying forward through the dark
And now the tracks begin to melt

First we’ll reach the tunnels end
Then we’ll move into the light
Golden beams upon us
Sing cause it’s the only thing inside

Step on the train my friend
Press your face against the sky
Watch the blue forever flow
Watch the world begin to fly

Feel the dream begin again
Feel your eyes begin to close
Press your face against glass
Sing cause it’s the only thing we know.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Minerals, Mountains, Crystals, Ice, and White Music & Songs Uncategorized

Pieces

Live in a sea of broken glass
Pieces were shining everywhere
Somebody turned to walk around
Somebody watching from the stairs

Pick up the piece to find you
Has this always been your face?
Pick up the piece behind you
Has this always been your face?

Watching the moonlight dripping down
Watching the starlight spin away
Everything moves around and round
Never a way to make you stay

Pick up the piece to find you
Has this always been your face?
Pick up the piece behind you
Has this always been your face?

Mirrors were broken on the ground
Pick up a piece to keep me sound
You leave the room and then you’re gone
Watching the walls spin round & round

How can I not believe in you?
You were the one man standing there
Everyone knows the things you do
But underneath it all you care

Swim in a sea of broken glass
Throwing the rainbows on the wall
Breathing so hard I have to gasp
Caught in the ecstasy I fall

Pick up the piece to find you
Has this always been your face?
Pick up the piece behind you
Has this always been your face?





















Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs

The Gleaming Atmosphere

Drag me cross the floor
Tell me that I’m dead
Music fills my ears
Lightning fills my head and it’s like ah….You’ve been there all along.

Push me on the ground
Pick me up again
Push me down and laugh at me
You don’t know who I am and it’s like ah…. I’ve been here all along.

And now I’m standing in a night so clear
The air so still
The stars so near
It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.

Staring at the wall
Water in my hand
No one there to hold me and I don’t know who I am
And it’s like ah… I’ve been here all along

Dreams that slip away from you somehow when I didn’t know how
To hold onto the bottle for myself.
Dreams that lead the way for your somehow when I didn’t know how
To follow down the glassy road myself.

Pull me to the stairs
Hold me in your hands
Who knows what you’ll do this time or where the dice will land
And it’s like ah… we’ve been here all along.

And now I’m standing in a world so blue
A sphere so far away from you

A stream that leads me down so low
There is no me I flow and flow

A world so far away and clear
The music plays, the stars are near
It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.

Download MP3: The Gleaming Atmosphere

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Uncategorized Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Tumble to the Day

Take my hand but take it slowly
Let it grow just like a lowly
Bean towards a grain of light

Let it be so small and hidden
Mixed into the air, forbidden
With my mind alone I might

Fallen in the green where you wait around for me
Fallen in between with your hand upon my knee

Kidneys shrink inside the darkness
I know I must stay regardless
Gonna do the best I can

Lay my hand down when he makes me
I alone must save or break me
This I swear I understand

Still I feel a cold like a shadow in my ear
It’s that sound again and I wonder if you’re near

No nothing’s wrong, I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey did you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Hands go limp just like a baby
Sun breaks through the glass and maybe
You alone could make me smile

Life moves on then like a train
To crash and clatter in my brain, but please
Could you stay with me awhile?

Its that gold again, something warm against my ear
Sun is pouring in and it feels as though you’re near

No nothing’s wrong, I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away
Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Feel you breathing, how could I?
There’s no one here but I
Feel your hands upon my face

Feel you standing square and solid
Heavy arms upon me I…
Now I feel a sense of place

If you found me there, if there was a way to meet me
Could I follow you, no I could never take your hand completely

No nothing’s wrong, I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey did you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Download Tumble to the Day

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Frayed Nerves

I feel like something is off with my nerves. While walking down the sidewalk (in daylight), a jogger passed by saying “Excuse me” and I let a blood curdling scream rip into his ears. I didn’t mean to. He didn’t like it. Then a bicyclist rode by on the opposite side of the street, and I accidentally screamed at him as well.

Next, while standing alone with a candle in my hand, I suddenly smashed the candle as hard as I could against the ground. Glass flew everywhere & it broke a window too. (Oopsy!) I don’t know why I did it. My hand just moved faster than my brain could think. Now my recording room is filled with glass and James won’t let me in there since he is convinced I can’t clean it up without getting cut.

After that, I accidentally topped James’s pasta with a thick layer of salt rather than Parmesan cheese. And to make things more bizarre, I discovered I was wearing two pairs of shorts at the same time, one on top of the other. Somehow I hadn’t noticed.

Something is off. But what to do? I secretly tried cleaning the recording room and now my feet feel as though they are filled with glass though that is probably imagination. I have no paper left or else I would draw a picture of a man masturbating in a glass chamber, or maybe a picture of someone bleeding through the hands.

Many things have me unnerved at the moment. One is an incident from the other night. I was taking Slippers out & a car approached, slowing down as it came near me then parking. It gave me the creeps.

James came outside because he had gotten a bad feeling. He walked up to the car but they didn’t see him because they were looking towards me, with one man talking on the phone. He was telling someone that I had my dog with me. Once they saw James they zoomed off.

James thinks they were just random men up to no good and not looking for me specifically. But so many people have come looking for me in the past that I am a little paranoid. Just thinking about it makes my kidneys bubble.

I might be slightly disturbed by my little #metoo moment as well. The fact that none of the very liberal organizations, such as his record label, gave even a cursory response to my story (posted in reply to their tweets about his deep humanity) makes me realize the whole #metoo thing was completely fake. No one cares about sexual assault anymore than they ever have.

Not that I expect them to. Why should they care? This is their golden moment to sell records and selling records is their job- not social justice. But why do people have to fake care? I don’t think it is right to use social issues for personal elevation & branding, especially if you aren’t willing to put out when they land in your own backyard. It would be less confusing if people could just be honest about their true motivations. But why should they be? Wars were never won through transparency.

And what are values really, but the flags we wave to signal tribal affiliation? That is another thing that has been weighing on me- realizing the central role tribes play in human life while also realizing that I have no tribe and probably never will.

Tribes are everything though. Consider music. A musician’s value is judged by how much access they have to the tribes who run the music business. A performer at the Grammy’s is ‘talented’, even if you don’t personally like them. They have a recognized social value. They can trade on this value for resources & protection.

What makes the musical tribes- such as record labels- a little sinister is their efforts to convince people that they are a distillation of America’s best talent, and anything outside their glossy grip is not worth listening to. It is lower tier music that couldn’t make the cut. When in reality these record companies are just families- tribes- with the resources to buy lots of makeup for their members.

Once upon a time, when I thought getting a record contract was important, I submitted blank cds to them, because I had a suspicion the submission process was a sham (I already had experience with this sort of thing from my time in the art world.)

And of course, they all sent me back polite rejection letters, telling me that my music was not what they were looking for. So why lie? Because they need to pretend to be meritocracies in order to monopolize people’s musical imaginations. They need to pretend they have already searched out the “good” music so people won’t feel the need to search for themselves. This lie hurts music.

So, anyway, I guess feelings of mounting threats along with a growing awareness of my precarious position in society has me feeling on edge. Or maybe it is something else entirely. The problem is, when you are blogging with your actual name you are doomed to share only the most superficial aspects of your life. I wish I had thought of that from the beginning. I would have given myself the name Lacey Pendleton and she would do a complete Tell All. That would be paradise. But instead I am forever stuck in the gray zone, balancing an urge to express with a need to survive.

Oppossums have been showing up everywhere. Does that mean anything? This one is in the back yard. It is pregnant & you can see the curly little baby tails hanging beneath her stomach.