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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

The Bird King

This song was from a dream. Mostly at the moment I only write songs when I hear them in dreams which can be annoying because I don’t always want to wake up. But I usually do, just in case there is some meaning behind it.

A bigger problem though is that dream songs have some added dimension that can’t be captured…. kind of like they are being sung from all directions at once- or there is some kind of harmony but not any harmony that can be replicated…. it is just like there is an additional dimension somehow that creates a feeling of infinite spaciousness, but when you wake up that dimension is gone & all you can write down are the melody and words. I suppose you could try to replicate that other quality with a children’s choir & orchestra, but I am lactose intolerant.

Take a step into the silence
Smell the air- the scent of violence
To close your eyes & tell us all what you see.

A single bird on the tallest tree now
From all directions a harmony
Somehow I know- we must follow his lead.

‘Yes I flew up to the tallest tree
O do you see me there? Hellow it’s me-
I have been watching you
I am the reason you cried.

I alone am the crown of kings
I am the god of birds and little things
You oughtta know by now
I’ll be the reason you die.

I fell down.
I was saved.
I was thrown.
In a pauper’s grave.’

Wading now into the water
Oh my god, are you my father?
A little boy crying there at your feet.

The waters clear & the pictures come now
From all directions the boys will drum now
A sea of men blowing into the creek.

‘Look again into the tallest tree
And you will see me there- bow to me
I have been watching you
I am the reason you cried.

I alone am the crown of kings
I am the god of birds and little things
You oughtta know by now
I’ll be the reason you fly.

I fell down.
I was saved.
I was thrown.
In a pauper’s grave.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Gray Clouds, Brown Boxes & Tubes

An excerpt from my journal.

I haven’t felt capable of writing in here for a while because all these heavy things have been hanging over my head. Literally. Gray clouds & brown boxes. Bars & tubes stuck into my skull, driving me insane.

I assume the gray clouds are depressive thoughts of which I’m not consciously aware. The boxes probably contain psychic junk I have been suppressing. The metal bars extend to various people & represent the pressure I feel to please them. The hollow tubes contain thoughts & perspectives pumped directly into my head.

At least I think this is the case. I haven’t taken the time to carefully dig into these things because there is just too much heavy stuff there & it feels unbearably tedious to sift through it all.

So it has been sitting there, having a slightly discouraging effect upon me, making me doubt the value of anything I could express and also the value of those I would be expressing to.

It hasn’t been the best time ever when it comes to relationships.

For starters James has been going through the darkest period a man lives through in a 264 period (Pluto on moon) also known as the Wife Beating transit. And I’ve been stuck in a house with him night & day.

Secondly, the political situation- shutdowns etc- has me on edge. I feel nervous that you are expected to accept the government’s increasing control without question. I can’t bring myself to wear a mask- because I believe something sketchy is underway- and this makes me seem like an asshole to others. And people already think I am an asshole for supporting Trump which bums me out as well.

But the fact is basic freedoms- such as free speech & the ability to live life on my own terms- are very important to me. I don’t want to live in North Korea. And this makes me a nazi klansman in the eyes of most people I know, making me feel even more isolated.

And on a personal level these past months have released a series of events which made me realize most people I believed to be friends were actually enemies from the beginning. All this has me doubting how many good people actually exist in the world. Is everyone your enemy once you get to know them? Or am I just doing something majorly wrong?

Regardless though, I know I must push through these gray clouds & attempt to express myself, if only to provide balls for my enemies’ cannons.

Because I do believe in life. I know there is a higher purpose and our actions matter. We have to place our faith in doing the right thing, letting the chips fall where they may when it comes to peoples’ reactions.

And I also believe in people because they are made in Life’s image. Still this faith is a muscle I have to consciously exercise. I think the most important part of writing is summoning in your mind an image of an ideal audience that you are writing to. People who are caring, interested, thoughtful…. whatever qualities excite you. These imaginary people become your muse.

Sometimes you imagine specific people have these qualities and you make them your muse. Sometimes you find out they never had those qualities to begin with and it feels as though a piece of your muse has been lost. I guess that is what has been happening to me.

But then you summon your faith again and once again imagine a beautiful golden blob of humanity dangling above your head, filled with endless possibility. People so inviting you want to tell them everything.

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Butterfly Wings

In your hand was the green
and it felt like the dream that you wanted for me.
You were muscular yes
so I gave you my best still your hand held the key.

And I pleaded, because I want to feel needed
to be broken and bleeded by something so bright.
Like you found me, your arms wrapped around me
the sun shining down me, I’m covered in light.

And you eyes like the sky
spinning blue round the mind that you opened for me.
Warming up to your smile
gazing back for a while still your hand held the key.

And you taught me to learn how to cower
to be overpowered by something so bright.
I conceded because I want to feel needed
to be broken and bleeded and covered in light.

With your hands on my arms, have I been here before?
With your hand in my mouth and a light through the door?
There’s no need to scream, there’s no need to escape
he is pushing me through space.

Though the asphalt was cracked
still I leapt like a dragonfly smiling inside.
You gave me butterfly wings
all the beautiful things that you grow when you hide.

Like a flower, to be overpowered
to learn how to cower and crush in the night.
In the doorway, your shadow before me
until there’s no more me, I’m covered in light.


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Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Uncategorized Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Tumble to the Day

Take my hand but take it slowly
Let it grow just like a lowly
Bean towards a grain of light

Let it be so small and hidden
Mixed into the air, forbidden
With my mind alone I might

Fallen in the green where you wait around for me
Fallen in between with your hand upon my knee

Kidneys shrink inside the darkness
I know I must stay regardless
Gonna do the best I can

Lay my hand down when he makes me
I alone must save or break me
This I swear I understand

Still I feel a cold like a shadow in my ear
It’s that sound again and I wonder if you’re near

No nothing’s wrong, I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey did you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Hands go limp just like a baby
Sun breaks through the glass and maybe
You alone could make me smile

Life moves on then like a train
To crash and clatter in my brain, but please
Could you stay with me awhile?

Its that gold again, something warm against my ear
Sun is pouring in and it feels as though you’re near

No nothing’s wrong, I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away
Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Feel you breathing, how could I?
There’s no one here but I
Feel your hands upon my face

Feel you standing square and solid
Heavy arms upon me I…
Now I feel a sense of place

If you found me there, if there was a way to meet me
Could I follow you, no I could never take your hand completely

No nothing’s wrong, I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey did you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Download Tumble to the Day

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Made Love to My Father (video)

bandage on my eye
sun shines on the barrell of my gun
& the blood on my hands is dry

today i turn thirteen
i’m pretty strong but i ain’t that old
& they call me brave cause the truth be told
the very youngest in the calvary…

hey hey little boy blue
get over here we got something for you
the shiniest gun that you’ve ever seen

all the men are squinting in the sun
& they’re knocking the flies away
they treat me kind & they pat me on the head
& i think i’m gonna die today…

i made love to my father & now I must pay…

my horse i named him Queen
he does whatever i tell him to
tho he’s four times bigger than me

sun shines on grass of green
i watch the sun rise up in the sky
and the time slip away from me

hey hey little blue boy
i’m gonna show you something today
bite down on your finger son cause you’re gonna be a man today

childhood skips after the sun
thru the checkerboard of the sky
blue tears welling up in my eyes
& i think i’m getting ready to die…

i made love to my father & now i must pay…

a rabbit sits on my shoulder
& he sometimes talks to me
i do whatever he tells me to
tho he’s four times smaller than me

bugle splits the sky
drum beat pounds up thru the earth &
the men get ready to die

canon splits the sky
sun leaps up over my head
& it pours in through my eye

hey hey little boy blue
you’ve got a daddy up in the sky
he’s up there waiting for you
with his hand stretched down from the sky

guns unzip the gates of hell
but it seems much different to me
blood shines & peals like a bell
that’s how it seems to me

three clouds drift like kings
thru the checkerboard of the sky
they look so soft to me
that my heart begins to cry

i made love to my father & now i must pay…

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

The Yellow Shelter

I haven’t been able to post anything in here for a while due to being in a state of confusion & constantly switching identities. I’m not sure why this happens. If I were to trace it back to something I think it probably began with accidentally making a bunch of people mad on social media. I hate making people mad since I am the world’s biggest wuss. On the other hand, the more I try to please people, the more I accidentally end up saying exactly what they don’t want to hear.  Just like the harder I try to make sure I don’t say anything sexual, the more some kind of phallic imagery will slip its way into my mouth. The only way to avoid trouble is not to speak at all, but that causes my sense of self to rapidly deteriorate until I have no idea who I am.

Anyway… I wrote this song a couple weeks back when I was hoping yellow could be the answer to all my troubles. 🙁 It wasn’t. Since then I have hoped white could be the answer and then I tried moving everything to the left side of my house. And then I hoped red could be the answer. None of these things worked, but still I learned a little bit from each of them. 

There was a fire born inside. It left me with no place to hide;
I took my shelter out in the rain.
He looked me up, he looked me down, but could he keep me safe and sound?
Like a needle against the pain?

Ten years, like a fool, waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the road stretched on- it was hard and it was long
Water running through my veins.

He was counting on his hands, such a practical man;
It made me wish that I could have my chance.
But all I got was the rain, it beat me harder than a cane
Till my blood knew the shape of romance.

Ten years, like a fool, waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the rain stretched on- it was hard and it was strong
Water running through my brain.

Yellow save me cause I, I don’t want to be free
Won’t you take me to your thick warm shelter, come now
To the source of the sound, you will recognize me
Lead me on into your thick warm shelter come now come now come now

And the rain how it poured; it split me open like a gourd
And it came on my face till I bled.
Still when I look in your eyes and see a shelter warm and dry
I want to climb right into your head.

Ten years, like a fool, I was waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the road stretched on- it was hard, it was long
Water running through my veins.

Yellow save me, cause I don’t want to be free
Won’t you take me to your thick, warm shelter? Come now
To the source of the sound, you will recognize me.
Lead me on into your thick, warm shelter. Come now, come now, come now.

Download MP3: The Yellow Shelter

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

The Illuminati are Real

Normally, my thinking does not extend far beyond my domestic world. But recently, I have been connecting with the color white and it has made me think about new things.

For example, I have concluded that the Illuminati certainly exist.

Human societies have always formed pyramids. This is a natural result of the fact that power gives one the ability to gain power more power. So power consolidates over time, until it is weakened by a fragile base and toppled by a competing power source. Likewise, throughout history, those at the top have always developed a God complex.

Currently, though, since we resent the very idea of kings and hierarchies, it makes sense for the top of the pyramid to stay hidden behind a cloud.  Instead of being ruled by Golden Kings whom we bow down to worship, we our ruled by Dark Kings who operate behind the scenes. A wonderful place for Kings to live, if they value their heads.

Kings have always risked everything to expand their kingdoms. They have always dreamt of conquering the world. So it makes sense that our hidden Kings- the Illuminati- would dream of a one world government if they felt it within their reach. Which now more than ever- due to an increasingly connected world- it probably is.

We also have a media which works its tentacles into all realms of our life. I imagine this is the primary method the Illuminati use to maintain their power. It allows them to shape our view of reality, to provide us with our goals in life. It allows us to be herded without putting up a fight.

If you consider the net impact of movies, music, news etc and all the messages they contain, it is insane. And we don’t only hear these ideas FROM the media- we hear them coming from the mouths of everyone we know- spoken as their very own thoughts. And supposedly all this media power is ultimately concentrated in a very few hands.

As for who and what these Illuminati would be, I have no idea. I am only using the term “Illuminati” because it is a popular, romantic term, which also conveys the idea of a God complex, something common to all conquerers.

Ultimately, I think it is naive to believe that we live in a world where power has not managed to congeal and be concentrated within a small number of hands, as power always has. Or perhaps there are multiple Illuminati groups, who compete with one other. Unfortunately, I know nothing about the top of the pyramid. But I believe it is reasonable to assume it exists, as it always has.

So what relevance does this line of thought have to our everyday lives?

On the one hand, none. Humans have always lived beneath Kings and always will. Perhaps this is how we survive as a species. It is nothing to feel oppressed by.

On the other hand- if the media is the primary weapon of our rulers-I think there is great value in unraveling these messages which we have been devouring since birth. Not the explicit ones, but the implicit sense of what life is all about which slides through the cracks.

Because I believe we all have a spiritual purpose, but that it might not be visible to us if we are viewing life through the wrong framework. By questioning the framework, the full scope of life’s possibilities become visible again. We can make sense of life in a way that matches our spirit.

Down with the Illuminati!

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Checkerboard of Night

Following your footprints through the checkerboard of night
Guided like a lantern by the moon’s uncertain light
Oh I…. an animal that bleeds for you
Oh I… a spirit of the air.

Once I crossed the checkerboard to find a golden ring
Hidden like a promise in the pocket of a king
To the line where only pines remain
All the men afraid to kill had dropped out of the game.

First a flame appeared upon the ocean
Then a message flashed upon the wall
Please don’t tell me nothing has been broken
That’s just to say it was never there at all.

Walking through the dark world where the moon still rules the sky
Everything I wanted came & then left me behind
Oh I… a spirit seeking blood from you
Oh I… a spirit of the air.

Shadow of a sword appears within a silver creek
Could it be a knight and not another king I seek?
Someone who can bring the blood from everywhere
Spreading it like glory through my hair.

First a flame appears upon the ocean
Then a message flashed upon the wall
Please don’t tell me nothing has been broken
That’s just to say it was never there at all.

You were strong & wealthy & your made me feel alive
Everyone was made to kneel; I never had to hide
Oh I… an animal that lived with in your shoe
All the golden dreams I had they came from you.

First a silver light falls on the ocean
Silver men line up against the wall
Please don’t tell me nothing has been broken
That’s just to say it was never there at all.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Politics Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

The Yellows

Political conflict in America tends to happen between two groups- the Reds & the Yellows. Presently, the Reds are more or less aligned with the Republicans and the Yellows  with the Democrats.

I am going to discuss Yellows first, because they are currently on the offensive, attempting to brand Reds as racist, hateful, and ignorant, and in some cases going so far as to ostracize them from social groups.

Astrologically, the Yellows may be agitated by to Pluto’s voyage through the sign of Capricorn. Pluto represents lust for power and Capricorn our desire to be someone of importance in society. This transit intensifies the desire for prestige and social position, urges which are key to a Yellow’s psychology.

Yellows feel confident in their physical survival and tend to take it for granted. Unlike Reds, they do not worry that they will die of starvation or freeze to death in the cold. They don’t care about gun rights, for example, because they can’t easily imagine a time when they would be fighting for their lives.

Yellows’ drama revolves around their need to feel successful and respected. However- viewing life through a mental/social lens and frequently lacking connection to the physical and spiritual worlds- Yellows tend to harbor so many judgments about what it means to be a person of value, that it can be difficult for them to live up to their own standards. And that is where the problems begin.

Ideally, when a person feels like a loser they could take the opportunity to re-evaluate their own ideas. What does it mean to be a loser? What yardsticks am I using to measure success? Are these truly valid? But Yellows are unlikely to do this, since they are typically surrounded by people who share their ideas, making it difficult to step back and reevaluate .

The reason they tend to be surrounded by like-minded people is, of course, because they judge those with different values so harshly that they cannot easily associate with them, much less forge a deep bond. Although Yellows tend to be bright on a mental level, this mental light frequently blocks other levels of consciousness that run on darkness, giving them less access to imagination, spirituality, and the ability to change perspectives at will. They are mentally locked in to one view of life.

So, being unable to easily rearrange the contents of their own mind, when a Yellow feels blocked in their ability to achieve social status and validation, they begin to sublimate.

A first step of sublimation is when they cease to judge themselves by the success they have achieved, and instead pride themselves on their knowledge. Being mental, knowledge is an easy thing to devote themselves to.

Yellows are the ones to seek Phd’s with no obvious application. Maybe they would fail at running a business, but who can stop them from becoming an expert on George Washington? Who can stop them from obsessively following the news and then considering ignorant those who can’t place Syria on a map? Who can stop them from learning a second language and talking in a haughty tone about the importance of being multi-lingual?

This, of course, backfires when they become so terrified of looking stupid that it retards their ability to learn. The desire to seem smart, ironically, causes a person to become increasing stupid. The desire to seem knowledgeable causes a person to pick up less information from the world around them.

In another, more extreme form of sublimation, the Yellow may detach from the color Yellow altogether and try to become a Gold- a saintly, altruistic person who desires to save the world. This allows them to decide that personal success is, in fact, a superficial goal in the face of all the world’s suffering, and gives them a graceful way to exit the rat race without admitting defeat. For it is the rat race itself which is the problem- they tell themselves- and now they are part of the solution.

As a bonus, once Gold, they can occupy their minds with “those less fortunate” and those whom they see as beneath them. While those who- by their own standards- are superior to them are turned into villains, rather than painful reminders of their own suppressed desires.

For even when a Yellow goes Gold, that old yellow pain is still inside them. If they were competing in the rat race, at least the pain could spur them on towards better performance, but now that they have dropped out, the pain must be released in other ways.

So, even while ostensibly trying to change the world, the lion’s share of their energy will go towards disparaging those who are not doing their part. They cannot help but feel rage towards those who are murdering whales and enslaving orphans as they take another bite of their whale meat sandwich and check news reports from a phone made in a child slave shop.

Because, in essence, Yellows have a competitive, hierarchical view of life. They want to be better and more important than others, but- especially once they go gold- they can no longer admit this since it would be a moral flaw, and what’s worse, force them to deal with their own pain rather than turning it into hatred.

Communism and socialism are appealing to desperate Yellows (though less appealing to Yellows who feel they are “winning”- a group I have not touched on in this post). Communism demonizes the rich and successful. It turns them from objects of envy into hated villains. In addition, it promises the ultimate escape from the painful rat race- by abolishing the game altogether. Yellows would feel less conflicted leaving the rat race behind if everyone else was forced to leave it as well.

Of course, even in communism, Yellows would seek a way to feel superior to those around them. But perhaps they could accomplish this more easily once the most powerful all have a hand tied behind their back.

So, what is the solution for Yellows? How can they escape their own internal hell without dragging the rest of us into it?

If Yellows could form relationships with those who don’t share their values- i.e. people from other cultures- this could go a long way towards loosening the grip that their own prejudices have on them.

Perhaps this is why Yellows frequently idealize travel. Sourcing information primarily from the human world, they may need to be surrounded by different sorts of minds in order to step outside of their own.

Of course, travelling to faraway lands is not always practical. Ideally, Yellows could simply associate with those nearby who are unlike themselves, those who think differently. But this they will find more challenging. Faraway people are not competition, not much of a threat, and thus it is easier to see the good in them.

A related skill that would benefit Yellows is learning to suspend judgment. Can you set aside your judgments, your values, for brief periods of time, just long enough to enter the imagination of another person and see the world through their eyes?

Yellows are frequently so caught up in evaluating the world that their imagination becomes stunted. They don’t realize that life takes on completely different patterns- like a kaleidoscope- when seen through different eyes. Truths that are towering from one frame are no longer visible from another.

But if Yellows could practice this purple skill of changing their point of view at will, it could begin to loosen the knots in their stomach. Perhaps this is why Yellows are frequently a fan of drugs, because drugs give them relief from an overly fixed view of reality and help them to move into their third eye.

Above all, though, Yellows need to change how they define success. They need to realize that success is what you give to the world, not what the world gives to you. If others admire and respect you- that is their doing and possibly a credit to them- but no credit to you. You get credit for the light you emit, but not for the light that is shined on you.

Yellows tend to get caught up in striving to catch a glorious reflection of themselves in someone else’s eyes. Their fundamental need is self-esteem. But you can never gain self-esteem that way. I have come to believe that self-esteem is actually a  simple thing which hinges on one factor- work.

When a person focuses on doing whatever work they feel called to do- and the work itself becomes their goal- a source of light begins to build up from within. You see your own value made manifest around you- the cars you have fixed, the children you have raised- whatever it is you are doing.  You see in concrete form your own value and therefore naturally begin to lose the need for your value to be affirmed by others. It is already self-evident.

And luckily, this places self-esteem under our own control. To achieve a place of honor in society is difficult, may require sacrificing parts of our identity, and hinges on many factors outside of our control. But doing good work, and taking pride in it, is a universal cure available to everyone. Like sunshine.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Videos Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Paradise (Video)