Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos

Tumble to the Day (Video)

I’m in mute phase right now, so all I will say is that it is so easy to learn things others have already learned & so hard to learn things that no one has learned yet.

Oh & regarding this song, I will say one thing too. It is more or less about whether or not doing something stupid is a good idea. What do you think? Act now, think later has mostly been my approach to life. The only thing that has saved me is being so fearful, since usually my body will be too afraid (or grossed out) to do the dumb things I try to get it to do. But I’ve still managed to be dumb enough to learn that if you constantly act on impulse you are likely to one day find yourself in a crevice it will be hard to climb out of. Still, the actual moment of doing something dumb feels amazing, like a quick flash of enlightenment followed by 20 years in a Saudi prison.

If you are super tough though it may be that you can get away with doing dumb things more easily. You have to be grounded & practical if you want to be adventurous, otherwise you are doomed.

Take my hand but take it slowly
Let it grow just like a lowly
Bean towards a grain of light

Let it be so small and hidden
Mixed into the air, forbidden
With my mind alone I might

Fallen in the green where you wait around for me
Fallen in between with your hand upon my knee

Kidneys shrink inside the darkness
I know I must stay regardless
Gonna do the best I can

Lay my hand down when he makes me
I alone must save or break me
This I swear I understand

Still I feel a cold like a shadow in my ear
It’s that sound again and I wonder if you’re near

No nothing’s wrong- I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Hands go limp just like a baby
Sun breaks through the glass and maybe
You alone could make me smile

Life moves on then like a train
To crash and clatter in my brain, but please
Could you stay with me awhile?

Its that gold again, something warm against my ear
Sun is pouring in and it feels as though you’re near

No nothing’s wrong- I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Feel you breathing, how could I?
There’s no one here but I
Feel your hands upon my face

Feel you standing square and solid
Heavy arms upon me I…
Now I feel a sense of place

If you found me there, if there was a way to meet me
Could I follow you? No, I could never take your hand completely.

No nothing’s wrong- I told myself
I would be strong but I let it slip away.
Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall
Tumble to the day?

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Hi Again

(Warning- slight reference to astrology. Does this bother people who know nothing about astrology? Personally, I never mind a few indigestible references, but I don’t know if others- especially men- feel the same.)

I haven’t been able to express anything in a while. I’ve written about 50 blog posts but have not been able to publish any of them due to this feeling that everything I say is completely pointless. So, I thought maybe I would take some time off to become more presidential & then go back to expressing myself.

Last night though I realized this reluctance to speak wasn’t about a true desire to resemble Nixon but rather a clamming up in response to a recent spike of low level enemies. For starters, Mars Bringer of War had been moving through my House of Relationships and when this happens you tend to experience death by a thousand cuts. Minor hostility directed at you from multiple directions. No single event worth crying over and yet the sum leaves you feeling demoralized, as though no good people exist. And as I’ve said before, faith in people, the dream that good people exist, is the force that pulls the words out of your mouth. Without that the words stay stuck inside.

Also, Pluto has been sextiling my sun. When Pluto sextiles* a planet, it basically releases a stream of mini enemies in that planet’s direction. These minis teach you how to fight & stand up for yourself so when the biggie transits happen, you are be ready.

Plutonic enemies are different from Martian ones. Martians attack fast and furious, shooting you in the knees, elbows, wherever. Plutonic enemies study you to find your kill spots. Then they execute the most subtle blow necessary to inflict true damage while appearing not to do anything at all. They do not want to be seen covered in blood and guts. They want to be seen as your friend. An understanding of your insecurities is essential to them. So you could see why the presence of Plutonic enemies would make you uninclined to blog about your inner self. They make you want to close off. Obscure. Misdirect.

And they were attacking me in a different way from usual. Normally, the attacks I get are “You’re dumb. You’re dumb. You’re dumb.” Recently it has been people sending me messages about how I’m a horrible singer, criticizing my videos, my blog, saying I’m a bad wife & leaving weird stuff on my doorstep. And other stuff which I can’t go into without seeming paranoid. That is the weird paradox of life- that you have to lie to seem truthful & if you try to be truthful you seem like a liar.

So anyway, like I said, the sextile releases baby enemies. What are baby enemies? They are enemies who you clearly have the power to defeat. The trick is, you might convince yourself they are too small to be worth defeating. You are a big boy. You can shrug it off. But this is big boy’s big mistake. When something is small, that may be the only chance you have to squash it. Once problems get bigger than you are, your chance of success goes down considerably.

So I prefer to over-analyze the heck out of the tiniest of things. It is probably natural for women to do this, though we are sometimes mocked for it. But if people understand how the female mind works they will realize we are humanity’s first line of defense. Your current problems would probably not exist had you listened to your wife. Once the problems do become full grown gorillas then women tend to take a step back and let men do their thing.

***

While I was busy not expressing myself, I did have the chance to go on a learning spree. But let me say here that I am not a huge advocate of learning. I think people are too obsessed with it and overlook more important mental activities like thinking. Still, I do consider myself 15% scholar and like to learn the life stories of those who came before. I like history. My only problem is that it focuses so much on politics and war. I want to know- I NEED to know- what people ate for breakfast. Were their hankerchiefs embroidered? With what kind of flower? Why that one? What perfume did they wear? Did they match their perfume to their hankerchief? These are my obsessions, the little details that cue me in to what was really going on in their minds, but it is hard to find that sort of info. Cause history trumps herstory, right? Once again we are encouraged to look at the big things and overlook the small ones.



* A sextile is basically the softest bump one planet gives another as it circles round your chart. To put it more technically, it is when the current position of a planet is 60 degrees away from the position of a planet in your birth chart, inside the ring of the zodiac.



Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia men Writings

First, An Apology to Men

Recently I have been writing a ton of blog posts but not publishing them. I have a lot to say but feel hung up about saying it.

In some cases, the things I want to share fall somewhat into the #metoo category. Although the excesses of #metoo (Believe Women. Believe the Victim.) are frightening, it is also hard to overstate the value of sharing true stories of victimization. There is simply no other way these processes can be understood and prevented.

We know this when it comes to wars and large scale atrocities. Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it. But the principle applies equally to the issue of predatory behavior in relationships, which- while less dramatic- causes just as much carnage in totality.

In astrology, the sun rules the government and husbands, while the populace and wives are ruled by the moon. With apologies to men, it seems accurate to say that governments and husbands are more likely to abuse power than the reverse. The people & wives have to be aware of this possibility to ensure safety. They need knowledge of what can happen, a clear sense of rights & boundaries so they can tell when these are being violated, and some form of power so they will have the possibility of fighting back if it comes to that.

Of course, the government also has to fear the population rising up against it. Likewise, women sometimes kill their husbands. But this most commonly happens as a response to tyranny (in the case of the government) and physical abuse (in the case of the husband). Conversely, men- who kill their wives far more frequently- generally do so in response to the woman trying to leave.

I know many men object to abuse being made into a gender issue and I understand the reasons for this. The fact is, some women are inclined to use false claims of victimization as a tool. I have known them. But the only reason this works is because it is believable. It is believable when you accuse a gorilla of tearing a sink out of the wall with its bare hands, less so for a cat. This is one of the risks of power. But pretending to not have power so that you can’t be falsely accused of abusing it is not the solution.

Lies breed lies and truth breeds truth. One facet of that truth is that women are more vulnerable in relationships. Men have more force and hardness built into the structure of their beings. They are less permeable. Marriage is like throwing a chunk of quartz and a chunk of calcite into the same pocket. If these differences are not accounted for, it is easy to predict which stone will get fucked.



P.S. I realize that when a person’s mind is far from root level concerns and focused on things like movies and restaurants, the power differential between genders and government overreach can both seem like the far-fetched concerns of the paranoid. Sure men CAN overpower women, but so what? We live in a post-physical power reality, right? Sure, governments HAVE killed their citizens, but like wasn’t that in the past?

A decade ago, my perspective on these issues was very different. I thought women could just as easily abuse men and there was no legitimate reason people needed guns. When you are focused on trying out new falafel recipes, it is easy to pretend these red levels of power don’t exist. But once you are forced to confront them, you see how these lower frequencies of life have actually been influencing your choices all along.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Should I become a new person until spring? Or not?

Hi, I have been wanting to write in here for a while, but too confused & conflicted to know what to say. I keep writing things & deleting them because there are too many parts of myself (or possibly parts of other people) vying for control.

It is so cold, but luckily I have a space heater & as long as I sit right in front of it I am okay. This has forced me to do lots of boring things, like obsess endlessly over minor astrology transits & review relevant moments in my journals. (I have 100 million.)

One thing I have noticed from reading them is that my perceptions are uncannily accurate, but my thoughts & interpretations are absurdly offbase. I recorded all these dreams which -with the benefit of hindsight- I can see were quite literal. But my interpretations of them could not have been more absurd. I just interpreted things as meaning whatever I wanted them to mean rather than seeing what was staring right at me in the face.

Is it bad luck to tell people your dreams? I mean desire dreams. My greatest dream is to discover my own form of astrological magic. These past couple weeks it seemed as though I had done just that. I ‘tapped’ into a couple transits I was having and BAM!- I seemed to become a different person overnight. I opened a Cardano Stake pool (AKLEI- and I hope you will stake with me) and started promoting it and messaging people about it obsessively- something extremely out of character for me- but you see Pluto is currently moving through my house of money to sextile my sun & this was the transit that I tapped.

Eventually though, the change in my character became so intense I couldn’t tell if I was obsessed or possessed. Slowing down was impossible & it felt as though in a moment I had suddenly become a different person. I was waking up to watch tech videos, helping streams of friends solve their tech problems & discussing tech with my husband at night. All this started to make me wonder if was approaching magic in the wrong way. The changes were not bad per se… just weird.

But my intention had been to try to become someone else until the spring anyway, because right now life is hard & I needed a means of escape. Focusing on tech & money- for better or worse- is helpful for separating from life’s physical & emotional aspects. The physical are probably the hardest. It is just so freaking cold & I have anemia but no money for iron supplements, making it hard to do things like play guitar. I just thought if I had some way of escaping until spring then things would be easier. In spring it will be warm for starters & the price of Cardano should be on the rise, making it easier to purchase things.

In spring, I will be able to walk around. Right now it is hard to even walk around my house & I hate to stay in one place.


P.S. If you have any thoughts, please do comment or contact me. I like connecting with people more than dancing for an invisible audience.



Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

Fly Away

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

When the time wasn’t over yet
When the time was ready to begin
When my heart was red lying in a box
Waiting for the sticking pin.

There you go, I know your eyes
Fire like a flash of pain
Feel it burn, feel it end
What is the name of this thing that remains?

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

There you go, the hand that wears the glove of velvet red
Like a woman, like a child, is the man afraid of his own death
Like a woman, like a child- the man who will never fight
Flickering beneath the sky and dying that same night.

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

There you go, the man I know whose legs are far too thin
Find the box and open it to push your stick pin in
Fire I know, death I know, I also know your eyes
Like a woman, like a child- the man who never lies.

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

Download Mp3:  Fly Away

Categories
Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Red Rum

 

Red Rum

 

 

The sky it will fill with red
Water pours over our head
As our voices rise up and they mingle with those of the dead.

The sun watches from far away
Today will be his longest day
As we line up his sons and he watches us blow them away.

Follow me, crowds
Hear the screams so loud
Pouring like blood from the mouths of the proud.

“Red Rum!” we cry
Red Rum, we are willing to die
But promise us an eye for an eye.

Red blood you’ll flow
Through the streets of the world I know
But today don’t ask for me to go.

The sky it will fill with cries
Water pours into our eyes
As we raise up our voices and scream “Down with their lies!”

The flags how they shriek and fly
I gaze over my shoulder into your eye
And every five seconds I tell you goodbye.

Because I know death
He was there on the street where we met
And the way that he watched I knew he wouldn’t forget.

“Red Rum!” I cry
Red Rum, I am willing to die
But I need you to promise an eye for an eye.

There will be no more tears for now
Nobody knows what we have lost anyhow
We will not look back, the past is a fading cloud.

We’ll line them up against the wall
Today it will be the proud ones who fall
Ready and fire; we won’t falter at all.

Because we know pain
Falling down all around us like rain
And we never forget who to blame.

“Red Rum!” we cry
Red Rum, we are willing to die
But promise us an eye for an eye.

 

Download MP3: Red Rum

Categories
Los Angeles Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies

Never Be Alone

 

I remember writing this song while walking home from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Los Angeles. Obviously, L.A. is more than just a giant brothel, but for whatever reason, it does seem like relationships there take on more unsavory notes than they do in other places. Maybe due to Hollywood’s influence, maybe due to the fault lines, or maybe from the desert-like climate causing some of people’s emotions to evaporate. Personally, I think it is the latter, especially for white people who have less defense from the sun’s rays.

Painting of girl in pink jacket with purse in subway. Blue eyes.I think this is also the reason for L.A.’s greater interest in all things spiritual- the uplifting impact of the sun, which makes you feel that everything is wonderful and all things are possible- combined with water-loss from the dry air, which removes the heavy, sticky and complicated feelings that are the enemy of most religions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Download MP3: Never Be Alone