Tag: money

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts

The Rites

What you mean to me- what you represent
Is a world that isn’t down below
Where the neon doesnt shine through a window filled with grime
Hahahaha laughing at men’s jokes all of the time

Working for nuns- putting hotdogs in their buns
And you always have to do it with a smile
And when the men laugh-hahaha- you laugh right back
Cause there’s a million other women who will serve it with a lemon

Will you take the rites with me- I want to bow before you
Will you step towards the water- lay your wallet on the altar
Can you hear them singing in the dark- prick you with a little spark
Disgraced by the thorn again- we want you to be born again.

Don’t touch the velvet curtain, cause it’s absolutely certain
That it’s crusted with somebody’s dream- better not touch anything
Just close your eyes and dream about the days when you ran wild about
The night and know for certain that them days are coming back alright.

Will you take the rites with me- I want to bow before you
Will you step towards the water- lay your wallet on the altar
Can you hear them singing in the dark- prick you with a little spark
Disgraced by the thorn again- we want you to be born again.

Do you love me do you don’t? Will you stay or will you won’t?
I don’t need your fidelity to open up a world where we
Can run and run where flower fly, through the night until we lie
On grass neath a bed of stars- the beauty of the world is ours.

Will you take the rites with me- I want to bow before you
Will you step towards the water- lay your wallet on the altar
Can you hear them singing in the dark- prick you with a little spark
Disgraced by the thorn again- we want you to be born again.

The RitesDownload

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Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts men Music & Songs Videos

Easy To Love

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Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs On My Own

Easy to Love

Pin me down, feed me grapes
Lay your shirt upon my face
So easy to love

Pin me down beneath your shoe
You have better things to do
So easy to fall

And you say
That I’m easy to love
And you say
That you’ll always be the one who I can run to

You have better things to do than lie
I have better things to do than cry

In the dark, meet you there
Run your fingers through my hair
So easy to fall

From the dark to the dawn
Make me feel like love will just go on
So easy to crawl

And you say
That I’m easy to love
And you say
That you’ll always be the one who I can run to

You have better things to do than lie
I have better things to do than cry

Had your money on my mind
It doesn’t matter if he’s kind
You close your eyes and let it roll away

Meet you at a new location
In between the conversation
Something makes me feel like I’m okay

Cause you say
That I’m easy to love
So I’ll try
To be easy to love
And I’ll try
To never need nobody I can run to cause

You have better things to do than lie
I have better things to do than cry

Easy to LoveDownload

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Videos

Arms

Come home take my heart out of its box
Lie down let the voices talk
And they tell me to survive
It’s good to be alive
So feed the fire inside

Money is the green light, don’t you know?
When it’s gone you gotta go
I know

Arms- a place no one can stay
Love is a word- words fly away
Learn to remain
And I’ll be proud of you babe

See the world in all its lies
Learn to see through different eyes
Driving past men in your car
Can you see through their charms?
They heal, they harm

Money is the green light, don’t you know?
When it’s gone you gotta go
I know

Arms- a place no one can stay
Love is a word- words fly away
Learn to remain
And I’ll be proud of you babe

Learn to love the fire inside
Do whatever you do to survive
When they lead you to the cave
You can act like it’s okay
But just remember- they lie

Learn to take the money then you run
Down by the river to the setting sun
The world a place no one can stay
Everybody’s words will fly away

Learn what remains
And I’ll be proud of you
I’ll be so proud of you
I’ll be proud of you babe

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Writings Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Julien Conquers the Dark Side & Begins her Advance on the World of Sun

How am I doing? Well, I’ve conquered the world of vice and now I can afford to buy a car. A few months back I was on the verge of homelesshess. Draw your own conclusions.

So what’s next for the woman who has turned Pure Evil into her little lap dog?

The World of the Sun.

The most wonderful thing about life is how there are infinite worlds to conquer. You can never exhaust them. A new world is a new mathematics. Everything changes. I love it. Every world is lucent and perfectly crystallized. It’s own rules. It’s own morality. I love it so much. Nothing makes me more excited than preparing to enter a new world. I am cleaning my apartment right now in anticipation.

I always thought of a home as a spaceship that lets you travel between worlds. You program it for the new world you want to enter and it flies you there. The most exciting thing ever.

Who knows what the future holds & when I’ll have to face the plane of survival again. God probably plunges all of us there periodically to give our red a tune up. But for this one moment, I am relatively safe. Safer than before. My apartment is warm. Warm air is the ultimate luxury.

And all through no virtue of my own. Quite the opposite. In fact, when I was living out my own version of virtue- working hard, setting sights low, inflicting pain on self when possible- I was sinking the fastest. Hard work can’t save you once you get too close to the realm of slaves. Cause money comes from other people. If money is about anything, it’s about social intelligence, not work. I still don’t have any of that though. I just temporarily hit some good luck.

Had I been saved by my own efforts, perhaps I’d emerge from the pit with a different philosophy. But as it is, I move forward with the feeling that a person’s own efforts have little impact on their destiny. It’s external influences that make or break us. We are one, they are many & hence far more powerful.

So while some see responsibility as focusing on what you can control, to me it means trying to befriend those things more powerful than you.

Like the sun. He is the King of our Solar System.

Decorating my apartment to prepare for the Sun’s arrival.
Luckily the sun doesn’t care if you are neat or messy.
He only cares that you display pictures of him.
That is all he asks.
In exchange he gives us Everything.
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Writings

Jupiter’s World

I never wanted to leave my country- The United States of America- but something came up and I had to go to Argentina. It is scary. I had planned to make my way through life as a Beggar but now I eat gigantic steaks with wine every night. Plus appetizers & desserts. Anything I want.

Here cost is no object. Before it was the only object. I don’t know how to think about this new reality. It will be hard to go back to the world I knew before. If that world still exists.

You don’t know how delicious this food is. So much pleasure squeezed into every meal. I have never been a food person but this is a transcendent experience. A dimension of life I didn’t know existed. Here, you don’t eat to survive. You eat to experience pleasure. And the people you eat with want you to experience pleasure. It makes them happy.

Pleasure is confusing. I always felt my value came from pain. Increasing my pain capacity, my pain appreciation, the value I could extract from pain. Believing I could turn pain into something life sustaining was the source of my confidence.

Now I’m trying to make sense of life through a pleasure lens. I don’t know where this is leading yet. I’m afraid I’ll puff up then dissolve like a cracker left in soup. Doesn’t pleasure make people soft, selfish, inconsequential? It tastes so good tho I can’t say no. Do you have any idea how many flavors are packed into every meal? Little treats they bring you between courses?

What will happen to me if I start to crave pleasure? Will I still be okay with people being assholes? I’m afraid I’ll lose the strengths that helped me survive.

Here I’m supposed to order what I want. Okay then. Appetizer, entree, main course, dessert one. Dessert Two. Wine. More wine. Strange liquors.

No one is critical of me. Before, I worked so hard, but was considered dumb and lazy. Now I’m sprawled in bed like a pig, yet considered smart and kind. The room costs $750 a night. Why? No one knows. Why is the bed the size of a swimming pool? Why are the walls covered in gold? The rules of life have changed. It may be a trick, but it feels so good- bread, wine, cookies, desserts- I can’t pull myself away.

Beds so large. Rooms so gold. The people are educated and polite. Best of all, they are so sympathetic. They never say, “Whose fault is that, bitch?!” when you slip on a marble floor. It’s “My poor baby!” instead. They don’t hoard money but let it go like feathers. Why am I in this world and what am I supposed to learn from it? Am I really here just to pleasure myself? Is there some deeper meaning?

The people are so smart. Their thinking is conventional. They never peer behind curtains to see what is hidden. If a dog is sleeping they let it lie. Why rock the boat when each person is served a giant toasted cheese- the size of a book- to eat before dinner?

Everyone speaks different languages too. If they wanted to say something snarky how could they? It’s buenos and smiles as far as the eye can see.

And if you want to walk home after dinner, you’ll be escorted. If you prefer to drive, you’ll be driven. I don’t know what is happening but I hope it turns out well.

Two weeks later I’m back on American soil. Slippers is so happy.
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos

Hi It’s Me Again

Hi, I wanted to write a blog post but I decided to try speaking in video again because the fact is that I have to switch things up in this way or else I will get exploded by Uranus since he is currently passing through my house of work…. he is opposing my sun too which means I need to get a nose ring or something….

If anyone is reading this, please say hi. I have been isolating myself in an attempt to get more work done & stay out of trouble but it is really getting to me…

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Videos

Hello

Hi, I hope I am even making sense in this video. The struggle to survive is real & it has my brain in a frazzled state from dusk til dawn. Vibrating with panic.
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story Uncategorized Writings

The Merchant’s Taser

My practilife is going ok. An ongoing issue is transportation. I walk in the day (busses cost money without saving much time) but at night don’t know how to calculate the odds of danger. One friend sent me a taser which allows you to electrocute people if they get too close. Another said a crossbody bag keeps you safe from muggers so I bought one. I’ve never needed a purse before since I had no keys, phone or wallet. Now I mumble keys phone wallet… keys phone wallet….to myself one hundred times a day. You keep these three on you at all times.

I tried to select a crossbody bag that says Professional Crisp. The one that arrived looks more like Back to Preschool. This is a problem because people keep asking if I’m autistic. Pretty sure this is code for retarded. So Not Retarded is the main message I want my clothes to send.

I know it is bad to use the word retarded. And cool- almost trendy at the moment- to be autistic. Just one more reason I don’t want to be seen that way. Not to mention that it *won’t* be cool anymore once the wheel of the gods turn a bit further. I’m trying to prepare for the future by building a competent Can Do persona. You should too.

But back to the purse- not only does its shape seem dimwitted, its color is too noticeable. I thought it was light colored when I bought it. My goal for now is to blend in. There are too many holes in my skill set to completely avoid a retarded feeling. But I can avoid becoming a Famous Retarded Person. I don’t want people pointing me out as they drive by in their cars.

Maybe I shouldn’t care though because the other weak spot in my practivitization is that I don’t know anyone where I live. I have learned though that long distance friendships are very real. Not only did facebook friends send me enough money to make it through the initial crisis, they also patiently explained how everything in the practiworld works & even called 911 for me when I couldn’t figure out how to do it.

I couldn’t breath & thought I was going to lose consciousness. But when the cops and ambulance arrived a few minutes later then I could breath and felt so bad for wasting their time even though they were really kind. They asked me if I wanted to get into the ambulance just in case. But being laid out horizontally & placed in the back of a mini van is actually one of my worst nightmares. I associate it with being retarded.

So anyway, I am not sure how to meat people where I live. Friends have suggested open mics. But can me and musicians be friends? I feel like we’re oil & water. It’s a bro culture. You aren’t supposed to care about things smelling bad and being covered in goo. Worse than a bro culture, though, cause it specifically revolves around young, lazy men with no moral compass. Still, I’m trying to be open minded. I might have bad ideas about musicians that it’s time to release.. I’ll try to meet some just in case we get along. Maybe I’d like doing drugs. My facebook friends are always high.

Or maybe astrology readings would be better. Then I’d be dealing mostly with women. And you really get to know people when you read for them. I like the feeling of becoming no one & focusing on someone else’s problems. People’s lives are so much messier than anyone lets on. Realizing this has made me more socially comfortable.

And if you’re wondering how I’m currently able to survive, it’s mostly through my new identity as Arabian Merchant. Selling on ebay. It’s a decent fit for me because shopping is my one true vice. And I’m finding most things in my bulging vault of possessions have gone up in value since I bought them. I’m able to make a profit while clearing space for future shopping. I’m like a fat person who finally got a tapeworm. Now mama eats what she wants.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story Writings

No Words

Well, it has happened. My worst nightmare has come true. James is gone. I don’t know if he’s coming back but it’s not likely to be soon.

Let’s start with the practical. I’ll break it down for you.

No money. No access to his money. No knowledge of money. Never paid a bill. Don’t even know what bills exist. No phone. No car. No family. No friends.* Two big dogs both stronger than me.

Water gets turned off. I panic and start opening all mail. James didn’t let me open mail before. Realize internet and electricity are about to go. Facebook friends come to the rescue. They send me money. I get water back on and pay just enough of the other bills to prevent disaster. I’ve never dealt with these things before. Had facebook friends not shared money (and knowledge), I would be doomed. Who gives people money? They did.

Had no food but a facebook friend drove over with 5,000 pounds of raisins, pistachios, canned salmon, canned pears, macaroni & cheese and applesauce. She just dropped it off and vanished. Crates of food so heavy I couldn’t lift them. I won’t starve.

Another friend brought me elderberry juice, the only thing that relieves the weakness in my kidneys that can make it hard to move. I didn’t know how I was going to get by without it. So my body will survive for the next few weeks.

But house is in foreclosure. In two days, someone comes to appraise it. But how can they appraise it when Patton will try to bite them? I couldn’t lock him in a room even if I wanted to. If he hears a bunch of freaks roaming around he will bust a door to get at them. I used to feel ashamed of having the meanest dog in Charleston, but now he makes me feel safe. He is the reason I sleep at night.

And if the house does get foreclosed, what do I do? Move all my possessions onto the sidewalk and sit next to them?

Still, the immediate crisis has been cleared. That itself is a miracle. The amount of skills gained has been insane. I found a phone in the house and managed to activate it. I went to court. I learned about apps. I discovered porn of myself online. I picked up dog turds with a bag. I made decisions on my own without considering what James would do. I’ve even made a few decisions he would disapprove of. Because I thought they were the right thing. I wish I’d done that sooner.

But the future remains foggy. I can’t remain a charity case much longer. I’ve been listing everything I own on ebay, hoping to make money while reducing the number of items I’ll need to place on the sidewalk. I’ve ordered business cards for astrology readings and plan to start promoting myself.

People are cheering me on. Others are critical, as though I’m getting my just desserts. Was I a slacker before? I cooked, I cleaned, I tried to fulfill my purpose. Yeah I got screwed but so did Jesus. Is that always a sign you made the wrong choice?

And why do I sound so crisp and glib while facing utter ruin? I don’t know. I keep switching into practimode where I feel nothing at all. Then I can’t stop crying. An ambulance came cause I couldn’t breathe. Losing James is not something I can wrap my mind around.

But I don’t even know if I’ve lost him. I’m not allowed to talk with him for six weeks.