5 Bright Stars- that I’ve never seen before Step by step- walking on the checkerboard, you know Some things get easier with time Blood flows much easier when I know the blood is mine.
5 Dark Knights- sleeping underneath the skies Toss and turn- thinking of the way you died, I can’t Describe what is left of me more delicate than a lace Hold me in your hand then let me slip into the wind and watch me fly.
Sometimes the sky is filled with eyes.
5 Small Boys- I saw them inside a dream Step by step- but the checkerboard was green, you know They never cried they were a bubble in the air Flying in the wind they never knew that you were there all of the time.
They were oblivious to the feeling of your eyes.
Step by step- walking to the rabbit hole And there I will forget, slip into a black so fine That you were there with me when every wind was filled with time.
Stars shine, tracking time Watching us they gleam. Warning do not live inside a dream.
So stern you check your watch. Light your cigarette Look at me: Are you ready yet?
We could chase the the happy things that disappear Running like a stream Watch me now and see the way I follow them Dying in your dream
Running through the green green grass Dandelions bloom A universe just inside a room
Draw the curtain burgundy I’m staring at the stars You come close hold me in your arms. Pour wine it’s your time, light your cigarette Whatever you want is what you’ill get
We can chase the the happy things that disappear Running like a stream Watch me now and see the way I follow them Dying in your dream
Running through the green green grass Dandelions bloom A universe just inside a room
Pour your wine it’s your time your gone. All the things you wanted will go on and on Leave the room, watch your step, find your light Stepping out like darkness into night.
But everytime you leave I feell so cold inside How can that be right? Turn my head & think about another day. Running through the night
Running down a green green path Dandelions bloom A universe just inside a room.
Did we chase the happy things that disapear Running like a stream Did you see the way that I Drowning in your dream
All the starts align into a cube A universe born just inside this room Stepping there so easily a dream inside your mind
Then lit his cigarette I knew so soon Cigarette shine across the room Pour your wine its time then your gone.
Pour your wine, it’s your time, light your cigarette All the things you wanted are the things that you will get All the stars seem to aligning forming in a cube A universe just inside this room.
Pour your wine it’s your time your gone. All the things you wanted will go on and on Leave the room, watch your step, find your light Stepping like a adfe into the night.
Even with you here i feel so cold inside How can that be right? Turn my head to dream about another day. Running through the night
Running down a green green path Dandelions bloom A universe just inside this room.
light your cigarette When you leave the room I will forget Nothing in this world has touched me yet.
Push me back onto my feet Where life can bring so many things I know No where to belong.
Push me back onto the wall I wont need you catch me when I fall Water on my own.
What I feel is calm What I feel is slow Push me to the wall Down onto the floor
Step inside the ring Push me to the side What I feel is you What I do is hide.
Close your eyes or go to sleep One million ways to never feel a thing Do you want to take that ride?
Close your eyes then find a way Another world is never far away Just three cuts and then you fly.
What I feel is calm What I feel is slow Push me to the wall Down onto the floor
Step inside the ring Push me to the side What I feel is you What I do is hide.
Push me back onto my feet Where life can bring so many things I go Moving through the crowd.
Lost inside I’ll find a way One million ways to never see the day Turn your eyes onto the ground. What I feel is calm What I feel is slow Push me to the wall Feel the water flow
Step inside the ring Push me to the side What I feel is you What I do is hide.
Pictures come just like a dream Then fade I don’t know what I should believe Were you really there at all?
Were you there when I was down? Were you the one carried me to ground? Water for a home.
What I feel is calm What I feel is slow Push me to the wall Down onto the floor
Step inside the ring Push me to the side What I feel is you What I do is hide.
Backing up for full chaos view. Being single really does feel like being bombarded by winds in a world with no gravity. Thats the worst part. People focus a lot on how they are treated in relationships but the thing is that regardless of how you are treated, loyalty to someone else is a gift you give yourself, since it centers, condenses & focuses your energy.
To be pulled in all directions simultaneously, with no one thing having greater or lesser claim on you is disorienting.
Maybe if I had more money then I could enjoy blowing in the wind b/c I wouldn’t fear being dashed upon rocks at any moment. I may have gotten my income up to $500 a month however, due to having a second gig each week.
Maybe the air is blowing me in the right direction and in the end it will all be okay. My plan for being single had been to paint little signs with flowers & bible verses and hang them everywhere. To make God my replacement husband & gravity center. But the reality is too chaotic for that.
And also, although God is superior to a husband in the sense of being all powerful, all knowing & perfect, he is inferior because you have to use your own brain to connect with him and my brain is too overwhelmed already. There is no space to associate with more beings of the sky.
(Originally published March 9th 2023, but my website went down so I am trying to resurrect the posts that were lost.)
Okay I was underachieving a little harder than normal today with this picture.
Like a piece of string dangling in something you wrote Hanging there on a chair in the darkness and oh Feel the clouds rushing in and I start to feel hazy
So I think about you like a drink in my mind Stir it round pour it down and im wondering why With your eyes to the side make me feel like I’m crazy
With your hair and the palm of your hand If you wanted to I could believe. All the things that nobody can teach you You learn when you’re down on your knees.
You were lost in a world where the pieces don’t fit Break a bottle in anger and stare at the bits Beams of light on the stage casting diamonds so dreamy
Break a piece of a candle to hold in your mind Your whole face is a mask no one knows what’s behind But for now hold it down in the darkness we’re dreaming
There it stood open three feet between us A whole world that nobody knew. Close my eyes, maybe I could be dreaming Cause sometimes I feel so confused.
When we step on the stage then we step in the war My mind breaks I don’t know how to think anymore Crumple down to the ground where the red lights are beaming
Say you won’t hurt me, the palm of your hand If you wanted to I could believe. All those things that we promise To hold in the darkness where no one can see.
Dreamcatcher of the night Look at what I’ve done. I’m in a bad way now.
He told me no more fight No more hide & run Hold it inside somehow.
How?
Touch me on the arm again with all your little strings, your little strings, oh god I can feel them coming now with all their little wings, their little wings And they tell me that someone is on my side.
I did it. Spit it out. Pin me by the neck. Didn’t obey his will.
Soft voices. Close my eyes. I know what I get. Reach for another pill.
Uphill.
Come onto my head again with all your little strings, your little strings, oh god I can feel them coming now with all their golden wings, their golden wings And they tell me that someone is on my side.
If I sound out of breath its cause I am. But I had to get this recorded anyway. It is from a dream in which I was on a train & sometimes I worry if I let too much time pass I will lose the dream’s feeling.
Step on the train my friend Down beneath your feet it rolls Hands upon the window now We watch the clouds begin to blow
See the sky fill up with wind Press against us like a flag Til the evening comes again And then the clouds begin to drag
No one can know us now We are unknown to ourselves Flying forward here we go And now the sky begin to melt
Nobody knows the way Flying forward here we go No one can help us now Sing cause its the only thing we know
Watchin the sun rise now And the sky he comes again I tried to help you but I only seemed to make the darkness bend
Through a tunnel now we’ll fly Rest your eyes for just a while Darkness push upon us push upon us Let confusion lie
I didn’t know you then You didn’t even know yourself Flying forward through the dark And now the tracks begin to melt
First we’ll reach the tunnels end Then we’ll move into the light Golden beams upon us Sing cause it’s the only thing inside
Step on the train my friend Press your face against the sky Watch the blue forever flow Watch the world begin to fly
Feel the dream begin again Feel your eyes begin to close Press your face against glass Sing cause it’s the only thing we know.
Hey mister where you go? I was waiting too? Laying all my things around for you. Stars shining in the night if they only knew Waiting like I said I’d wait for you.
And its hard to be that strong When I was waiting there for you for so long. And its hard to live that low When I was waiting there for you to go.
Big man walks the night alone, I was walking too. I was walking til I find the the line to you. Yes he walked beside me then, for a while it’s true Tell me comfort til I found the round to you.
Cause it’s hard to live that low But there is nowhere in the dark where you can just go. And its hard to hear that song The one I sang inside my head to you for so long.
I prayed you’d walk before me Mountains that fall before me I never knew the way that things would change.
Take my hand before the star rise Pull the cotton away from my eyes I wait for you to come and bring the change.
Stars shining in the night I’ll be waiting too. Waiting like I said I wait for you. Soft breeze blow upon me now tremble in the dew I just stood there like I said I’d stand for you.
And it’s hard we live so long Always dreaming of a man whose so strong. And its hard, the things we know When there is no place in the world where you can just go.
Recently I have been obsessed with the color brown… in the past few years, my life has been so immaterial… always using the internet & social media to escape physical reality… now I am hoping my life can become all about the physical world and I can crack it open like a big fat nut.
I just want to go to restaurants and buy clothes covered in little flowers and meet people with physical bodies that don’t smell bad. I want to have a big red car and drive around to see the mountains and coal factories without worrying about the price of gas. I want to drive all the way to the ocean and buy a house right next to it. I want my houses to be glossy & historical, like lacquered chestnuts. I want to spend my time wondering if I detect notes of blueberries in a bottle of wine. I want to eat sushi. I want to pay people to massage me with their elbows. I want to stop at gas stations and grab red bulls for the road, checking to see if they sell pink t-shirts as well. I want to collect Fiestaware from the past, when they made it in earth tones and pastel colors. I want to deck my dogs out in expensive plaid collars & take them to the salon to get their hair puffed up like a couple of politicians. I want to buy them takeout from expensive restaurants. Eat lobster rolls with them every Sunday. I want arch supports for all my shoes. Pictures hanging in frames from my walls. To buy expensive jewelry and keep it in a pink safe. To panic if the scent of my body lotion does not match my shampoo. I want to be a lady who lunches & worry about whatever they worry about. AHHHH… this is a great dream! Being buried alive in the material world… I want this so bad!!!
**** Oh- this has nothing to do with the song though… just my thoughts of the moment. Here are the lyrics….
To adore me you must Go before me Build a path for me.
Laying stones down you Must prepare the ground Build a home for me.
Remember when you fall so far Remember I was there for you to give you something more
Softly touch me we’re noplace now- this is just a dream. Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend. We are family.
Looking your eyes All the lies Beautiful to me.
You say you won’t hurt me no more Well what else are friends for? Someone to believe.
Remember when you fall so hard Remember I was there for you, always safe and warm.
Softly touch me we’re noplace now- this is just a dream. Fingers through your skin- you were never just a friend. We are family.
Closing my eyes, I See it all unfurl I know how it ends.
Dark things fly towards me Still you walk before me Vanish round the bend.
And all the stars that beg for you To sparkle in your time. Remember I was there for you Second in the line.
Softly touch me we’re noplace now- this is just a dream. Fingers through your skin, you were never just a friend. We are family.
