Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Butterfly Wings

In your hand was the green
and it felt like the dream that you wanted for me.
You were muscular yes
so I gave you my best still your hand held the key.

And I pleaded, because I want to feel needed
to be broken and bleeded by something so bright.
Like you found me, your arms wrapped around me
the sun shining down me, I’m covered in light.

And you eyes like the sky
spinning blue round the mind that you opened for me.
Warming up to your smile
gazing back for a while still your hand held the key.

And you taught me to learn how to cower
to be overpowered by something so bright.
I conceded because I want to feel needed
to be broken and bleeded and covered in light.

With your hands on my arms, have I been here before?
With your hand in my mouth and a light through the door?
There’s no need to scream, there’s no need to escape
he is pushing me through space.

Though the asphalt was cracked
still I leapt like a dragonfly smiling inside.
You gave me butterfly wings
all the beautiful things that you grow when you hide.

Like a flower, to be overpowered
to learn how to cower and crush in the night.
In the doorway, your shadow before me
until there’s no more me, I’m covered in light.


Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized Videos

Ferris Wheel (video)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3ZTHLzpYCw

Definitely, I would say this is the song that describes me most, except that I have never thought of myself as green, except for maybe one short year, when I was trying to get in touch with the spirit of music, and I figured it was somewhere in between the colors blue & green, so I gave away all my pink & white things to trade them in for blue & green ones.

I even wore a stretchy blue teddy bear sweater on my head as a hat. I was very poor and it was on clearance for $1, so I just hoped no would would notice the little sleeves. I also tried to eat as much black licorice as possible & scent everything with anise & fennel, which seemed to me (along with lilac) to be the most musical scents, due to their twisted nature.

Music is a twisty sort of thing that connects what is real to what isn’t. Like an affirmation in reverse, music is a channel through which bad things can exit reality. You should never sing about anything good, because you might spin it out of existence.

Music expands our reality in a horizontal direction. It can’t connect us to upper or lower realms, but rather opens the door to realities that are parallel to our own. I think of these as the etheric worlds- where beings similar to the ones in storybooks live. Beings who are eternal, amoral and tied in to the same physical reality as us. Especially those semi-transparent humanoid beings who are around 4 feet high.

But none of this relates to this song, which was written more recently and not during that blue & green time. It was a song I heard while sleeping, which turned out to be the time of a lunar eclipse, which makes sense, given its silvery feeling. I don’t think of the moon as being only silver though, but also green since it turns everything into goo, just like the primordial green ooze that the world came out of.

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in primordial ooze and struggling to come up for a breath of crisp air.

*

The moon a crescent in the sky
The world a carpet down below
He came to place me on the ferris wheel
His face a shadow in the show.

Green. Green.

Pull back the curtain and you’ll find
An empty room that know one knows
Shake your head and climb the ferris wheel
This is the world that you will come to know.

Green. Green.

I thought the flowers they would one day, one day
I thought the leaves and trees would one day call me home.

You take my hand just like a leaf
You show my foot just where to go
You help me climb upon the ferris wheel
You point down at the world below.

Green. Green.

Mostly, I think it is a really bad idea to include photographs of husbands. Not to mention that James values his invisibility. And yet… for the sake of context, I feel he needs to make a yearly appearance. After all, most of my adult years my identity has been that of a wife (to him + a previous husband) & not so much an individual.

But of course, I am trying to defy nature by changing that which is just one reason why including any photographs of James is a bad idea.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Videos

The hill was high. (Video)

A video which reminds me that I should probably trim my hair, organize my kitchen & play my guitar more carefully, but no- these things will never happen.

I don’t really believe in female instrumentalists, for starters.  I always thought I hated male instrumentalists as well, until I recently discovered David Rawlings & Stevie Ray Vaughn & both of them blew me away.  Normally, I hate listening to people play guitar. What could be more nauseating than a pointless guitar solo followed by audience applause? But these 2 guys just have something inside of them that comes out through their fingers and it touches me, I don’t know where or why.

I noticed David Rawlings also uses the same pink capo as me. That is where the similarity ends, of course, but do I care? No. I don’t aspire to be something more than I am. I think the crude & rustic will have a seat right next to the skilled & refined at God’s table.

The hill was high, I couldn’t climb
though I knew you were there.
A world of green surrounded me
it stretched out everywhere.

So I got back in my car and drove
to try and find a home.
I thought of you, the whole way through
it made me feel alone.

I thought of you and of the field
with the hill that was so high.
A temple built to something
that lives only in the sky

Everything is always high
and always far away.
I tell myself I must never stop and
I will get there someday.

Many gods and many men
have lived upon a crest.
Though the clouds pass over all of them
it is you I like the best.

All these hills and all these gods
and each man has his own.
Except for me, a tiny breeze
still searching for a home.

A tiny breeze who when she flies
is cut down by the winds.
They slice my heart and splay it
like a butterfly and then

Then I can scale these hills, but even so
my shadow looms so small
that to you it was just the same as though
I was never there at all.

Big men shadow over me
there is no other way
than to watch them with admiring eyes
through a film of gray.

For me there can be no other way for me
than to lie back on the ground
and to let the dreams wash over me
until a home is found.

A home that could be anywhere,
a home so hard to find.
Oh God, but please let it be somewhere real
not somewhere in my mind.

Someplace real, someplace strong
mountainous and grave
nothing flimsy like a butterfly
with her wings upon your leg.

Everyone has gods upon
these hills where claddows fly.
Except for me, I have only you
and only in my mind.

I reached for you, but there was no use
the world was large and green.
It stretched out wide and endlessly
like the sky within a dream.

And who am I, but a dot so small
that no one else could see
as you passed me by invisibly
your shadow touching me?

As you passed me by just like a plant
pressed flat upon the ground
just a thing too small to be cared about
when hills are all around.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom

The Green

So many times already that I thought my heart would die
Nobody here to hold me & I’m gazing on the sky
So far from home. So far away.
I wanted something I could own. I wanted something that would stay.

You stretched yourself around me like a field that never ends
People smiled & laughed but I knew they were not my friends
Just like an ache. God help me to smile.
Or go ahead and break me & just make me cry.

You bring the green.
You bring the green.
You bring the green.

A river flows around you & it carries things away
A sun that circles round you but it won’t just end the day
Reaching out your hand to touch some stupid things.
Nothing to hold you so you grow some stupid wings.

You bring the green.
You bring the green.
You bring the green.

A little creek contains a little girl
Glass falls like snow on another little world

You bring the green.
You bring the green.
You bring the green.

 

The Green MP3:  Green

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Uncategorized

Ferris Wheel

The moon a crescent in the sky
The world a carpet down below
He came to place me on the ferris wheel
His face a shadow in the show.

Green. Green.

Pull back the curtain and you’ll find
An empty room that know one knows
Shake your head and climb the ferris wheel
This is the world that you will come to know.

Green. Green.

I thought the flowers they would one day, one day
I thought the leaves and trees would one day call me home.

You take my hand just like a leaf
You show my foot just where to go
You help me climb upon the ferris wheel
You point down at the world below.

Green. Green.

Download MP3: Ferris Wheel

Categories
Brooklyn Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom

You Built a Tower

 

Hispanic man with emerald green backgroundAt the time I wrote this song I was obsessed with the color green. After all, green is the color of money, and money was something I desperately needed. Mostly, I needed money so that my husband would stop being depressed. I needed him to stop being depressed so that I could take a break from trying to make him happy.

So, I painted everything in my apartment green and filled it with plants. Every bit of wall space was filled with a picture of a saint in a green frame, since I figured saints would be lucky. Everyday I burned rosemary, sage, parsley and thyme to fill our home with their scent. To me they represented the four archangels, Rosemary for Auriel, Sage for Gabriel, Parsley for Raphael, and for Michael, Thyme.

*

When I think of green people, I think of people who are smooth and accomplished, while perhaps a little on the fake side. They hide their true self in order to get ahead and take advantage of opportunities. Just like plants, they are flexible, changeable, and eager to grow in any direction. They conform to the norms of society for the advantages and ease it brings them.

I had the notion that if my husband became more green, more willing to fit in and go with the human flow, that it would ease his troubles, both emotionally and financially. After all, it is hard to get a job when you are crying and wearing a batman costume. So I tried to change him, to get him to reign in his personality and emotions.

For starters, I had him change up his wardrobe and exchange football jerseys (which had the side effect of exposing large puffs of chest hair) for the more contained polo shirt. I tried to get him to wear socks and close-toed shoes. We compromised on socks inside of sandals. Every morning, I forced him- as best I could- to sit with a cup of coffee (which he didn’t drink) and pretend to read a newspaper. I felt that coffee and newspapers would both be civilizing influences. He wanted to get his news from the computer, but I felt the dry scratchiness of the newsprint itself  would somehow soak up the black bile that was troubling him. I also insisted he wear glasses. He didn’t need them, but luckily we were able to find some ladies reading glasses that were practically clear. I felt spectacles would lead to a more organized mind.

I also convinced him to trade in his meals of “animal style” burgers and meats dripping in dark sauces, for something more mental and crisp, like a turkey sandwich with a side of chips and a Sprite.

Download MP3: You Built a Tower