Here is my feeling on submitting to your husband- it is inevitable. Wills are made of iron & men have more iron than women.
Still, it annoys me when submission is made into a moral accomplishment. Is falling down the stairs an accomplishment? What about riding down a mountain in a grocery cart? I don’t see anything particularly noble about yielding to someone else. It is more a practical choice.
I don’t like it to be sugar coated either. The happy submissive wife holding a tray of cookies. In real life, submission is an extreme sport. Like surfing. Giant waves come at you and there is nothing you can do to change them, just learn how to not get knocked down. Maybe there is value in living that way.
I recently read the autobiography of Bin Laden’s wife and couldn’t believe how much her life resembled mine. She must follow her husband around and not ask questions. When he comes he comes, when he goes he goes. Things blow up and she isn’t supposed to cry. He moves her to a frozen mountain top with no water or electricity and she doesn’t complain. Only once does she make a request from him- that he spend more time with his boys. He complies by encouraging them to become suicide bombers.
What resonates with me most about all this is that conservative propaganda leads people to believe you submit to your husband in exchange for security. False! There is little security in it. For Bin Laden’s wife, machine guns, bombs & grenades were everywhere. Even if your husband doesn’t lead a militia, full dependence puts you in a precarious position. If he leaves you or you leave him, you are doomed. Yet the odds are over 50% this will happen. If he goes insane you are also doomed. The odds are probably high for this as well. I recently took a poll of women asking what percentage of men- that they have known behind closed doors- were decent & the response averaged out to around 5%. So the probability of dependency meaning security plus home sweet home cookie platters is somewhere around 2%*. And you have little control over whether you end up in this 2% or not. From what I can tell, men are like movies. We can watch them but not impact what happens on the screen. Following a man’s will is not for the faint of heart.
Men seem to think women are obsessed with empowerment and proving they can do what a man can do. But I don’t know any women like this. So called “empowerment” usually serves the more humble purpose of not dying & ensuring your kids survive as well. I imagine most women would prefer decorating cookies for their loving husband to working in a sausage factory making ends meet. They just aren’t in the mood to play russian roulette when the odds are 98% not in their favor.
And it is really really hard to be both the empowered woman and the not-empowered woman at the same time. To devote oneself to home, wife & motherhood while also having a high-powered law career to fall back on.
There are definitely advantages to being a traditional obedient wife. You lose one type of freedom but gain another. The freedom of not having the spend the majority of your energy making a living. This allows you to devote yourself to what you find most meaningful. Maybe you will raise kids. Maybe you will learn to fly. I don’t think being a submissive/dependent wife is a bad option. But it troubles me that the cultural forces which promote it are the same one’s unwilling to acknowledge its true risks & challenges. Conservatives say things like “ a woman can’t be abused unless she wants to cause otherwise she would leave.” Well, how do they figure that? How does a person with no access to resources or survival skills just walk out the door?
This is why conservatives annoy me even though I am one. They are not realistic at all when it comes to women. They love to say that women abuse men just as much as men abuse women. But how exactly? Normally they fall back on the idea that women must be doing some super subtle form of invisible evil which ends up being the exact equivalent to all the dastardly deeds men quite obviously perform in the world. I don’t believe this at all. At the risk of giving someone a hernia, I do believe men are more “bad” than women. Because the masculine principle relates to power. The feminine principle relates to love. There is a reason the taliban is male. It’s not a coincidence.
So what is the solution? I don’t know. Submit to your husband or to your boss at the sausage plant. Her choice. Personally, I avoid the smell of sausage at all costs.
I’ve been trying for a while to post something on here & written about 50 blog posts which I didn’t publish due to a desire for invisibility. I toggle between urges to be visible & invisible based on which seems the safest.
On the one hand, people knowing you exist makes you safe. It increases the odds that someone would notice if you went missing. Perhaps in extreme cases, someone would come to your aid. On the other hand, the more people know you exist the more enemies you have. And the more information they have about you, the more nooks & crannies for landing their little arrows. The wider you stretch out your personality, the larger the target becomes.
Still though, I consider it part of my destiny to try and trust in the soft mush of faceless unseen people & to believe that something good might emerge from that mush one day.
***
He points the gun at me I say please don’t shoot He says, ‘What makes you think I would do that to you? After all that I’ve done that’s the way that you see me? Then walk out that door cause you might as well leave me.’
Oh no…. my brain…..something cracking inside Please I need to find darkness some place I can hide Just climb under the bed, just lie there very still I wish someone would find me but they never will.
Walking around it’s a daze in my mind now The flowers are blooming, the sun is behind now But inside it’s raining I can’t make it stop And I bite on my tongue cause I need not to talk.
Oh no…. my head… something breaking inside Now I need to find shelter some place I can hide But behind every door there’s a man with a new gun There’s no where to go if I had the strength to run.
Clouds in the sky I don’t think I can join you So fluffy and free all the bullet pass through you You’ve nothing to fear and you rain when you want to I wish you saw me I need someone to talk to.
Oh no… my heart… something breaking inside Can you hold it together until we can hide? Just climb under the bed just lie there very still I wish someone would find us but they never will.
He points the gun at me I say please don’t shoot He says what makes you think I would do that to you? After all that I’ve done that’s the way that you see me? Then walk out that door cause you might as well leave me.
Oh no…. my brain…..something cracking inside Please I need to find darkness some place I can hide Just climb under the bed, just lie there very still I wish someone would find me but they never will.
Walking around it’s a haze in my mind now And the flowers are blooming, the sun is behind now But inside it’s raining I can’t make it stop And I bite on my tongue cause I need not to talk.
Oh no…. my head… something breaking inside Now I need to find shelter some place I can hide But behind every door there’s a man with a new gun There’s no where to go if I had the strength to run.
Clouds in the sky I don’t think I can join you So fluffy and free all the bullet pass through you You’ve nothing to fear and you rain when you want to I wish you saw me I need someone to talk to.
Oh no… my heart… something breaking inside Can you hold it together until we can hide? Just climb under the bed just lie there very still I wish someone would find us but they never will.
Light on the wall Just stare at it hard then he’s coming to call He said that your name was the cause for it all But you knew truth- he knew nothing at all And next thing it’s all coming down.
Blue on your mind Then come the words that you’re struggling to find A world that don’t change and his arm like a vine till he’s lifting you up by the shoulder.
Waited too long You can’t hold it back now you’re lost in the song To enter a world where you could not belong only lay hypnotized in the smolder.
Cotton is shame But when you’re alone then you’re primed for the game The way you’ll go out is the way that you came To touch is to know that you’re feeling the same And next thing it’s all coming down.
Light on your mind It hurts when you know he’s not looking to find Anything more than to have a good time and that you were the one he could roller.
Melted again Everyone knows it’s the heart of these men To lower you down till you can’t rise again then they turn to a friend and grow colder.
You will remain Just hold your hands close to the fire of the pain And in the end only the fire will remain The men will return to the light where they came And next thing it’s all coming down.
(Please note, this post is about the sign Aquarius, which is always operative- to a greater or lesser degree- in all events & humans. We are ALL aquarian to some extent & are currently living in a very aquarian time- a trend that will continue in years to come. Therefore, it seems valuable for everyone to acquaint themselves with this energy whether you consider yourself “an Aquarius” or not.)*
Have you ever left family, relationships or hometown behind in order to become the person you were meant to be? If so, you have experienced the pull of Aquarius.
Aquarius is a sign of relationship, but it is our relationship to humanity as a whole- the faceless crowds, the people who have yet to be born, the aquaintances who come and go freely from our life without leaving broken hearts behind. It is the sign of all relationships which are unbinding, which leave us free to come and go, which do not restrict our individuality. It is the sign of relationships born from an abstract love of humanity, with no desire to possess the other person. Governed by benevolence but also an absence of passion.
Our intimate and familial relationships always restrict- to some extent- our ability to be free. We care about these people and try to become what they need. We merge and our identities blend. Aspects of self get rubbed down and reshaped from the friction.
Aquarius seeks relationships which will not restrict but enable an uncompromised expression of self. Online, for example, people seek out groups who share their opinions or passions, allowing them to fully express aspects of themselves in a way they cannot do around grandma. And when these virtual connections begin to chafe, they are discarded with the click of a button & replaced.
Aquarius can also mean an abstract love for humanity itself. Or even a love for abstractions, such as God, math, virtue, or the planets. These are the sort of loves that will not keep you warm at night, but will never desert you either. They give people the strength to continue when other sources of meaning have failed them.
Being the wide open field of humanity, Aquarius also brings opportunity. It is well known that developing a wide social network is one of the best ways to advance yourself in any career. Your mother may not know anyone looking to hire a clown, but *somebody* does. And by developing acquaintances in a detached, non-emotional way, it becomes quite easy for you to know the person who knows the person who wants to hire a clown and thus fulfill your childhood dream of becoming a pedophile.
Aquarius can also relate to acquiring large amounts of money with ease. Imagine someone successfully selling their product to the masses, money pouring in from all directions. Now imagine someone selling lemonade to his friends and neighbors. Not only is the second man’s audience limited, but every sale becomes a drama of sorts. People who buy his lemonade now feel he owes them one as though they were doing him a favor. Perhaps they WERE just buying it as a favor and pretty soon annoyance and resentment start to flow all around.
When a person sells to strangers on the other hand, emotional entanglements rarely enter the picture & the business is free to soar.
The downside to the lofty, detached energy of Aquarius is that it can be demotivating for some, especially females who- like cold blooded animals- tend to need the warmth of human connection to thrive. This cold, high minded energy can be the kiss of death in intimate relationships. Hence the reason that in charts it frequently forebodes divorce or perhaps a person who never gets married at all. Successful aquarian romantic relationships do exist, but they requires both individuals to prefer devotion to God over romance, to be swingers, live on separate continents, or have some other factor in place to prevent their identities from becoming overly merged & keep emotional complications to a minimum.
Sometimes Aquarius is a means to an end and not the final destination. A person breaks out of a restrictive situation & expands into the blue in order to find the place where they belong, so that they may put down roots which will last. Dating sites, for example, are Aquarian in that you can coldly sift through the humans on display, tapping or dismissing them as you wish, but the ultimate goal is to find a place where a fire can begin and the Aquarian expanse left behind.
Aquarius is a mental energy and linked to advances in science and technology, fields commonly fueled by an abstract idealism- a desire to solve the problems of humanity and make the world a better place.
Aquarian love- a heady mix of idealism & possibility- can lead to feelings of exhilaration. Still it is a cold, impersonal love, which will not set your loins on fire nor cause your heart to burst into flame. Consider, though, that heat is movement. Heat requires energy and therefore an energy source to feed upon. With romantic love, people may not even know what food their passion is feasting upon & therefore feel lost & bewildered when passion dies and love grows cold. But Aquarian love, being forever cold, needing neither food nor warmth to maintain it, lasts forever.
This is why Aquarius is known as a “fixed” sign. While it is popular nowadays to view reality as an ever changing flux, in astrology there are signs whose job it is to always change & other signs- like Aquarius- whose job it is to stay the same (hence ‘fixed.)
When we develop a love for humanity, a love for God, or even a love for virtue- these are Aquarian loves that will never abandon us or let us down. Even if we consider ourselves a warm, fiery person, it is important to have at least a slice of this cold, eternal love in our love portfolio. It can carry us through those times when when warm love- subject to destruction by the constant sway of emotions- is no where to be found.
Perhaps this is why the ancients considered Aquarius to be under the rulership of Saturn- bringer of fortitude and king of all things which time cannot decay. When we have a friend in Aquarius, we have a friend forever.
* When someone says “I am an Aquarius” they mean they were born with the sun in Aquarius. Whether or not they relate to this energy, however, depends on many factors, including the placement of the other 9 planets in their chart. At any rate, I can not stress enough that this post is about Aquarius itself- an energy which we all contain & contend with- not a particular group of people.
I just need to write a quick post in defense of a dear friend- Hatred. Just like Mr. Rogers, I am a big fan of all feelings. What are feelings really, but colors that enter our body, giving us the energy & wisdom to do what needs to be done? And what is hatred but a surge of red fire to our heart, enabling us to respond appropriately to extreme situations? To set aside our vanity, our social hangups, our desire to be pleasing and simply fight for something we care about?
Why has hatred has been so demonized? I hate hatred? Hatred has no home here? Do these people love hatred so much they are hoping to keep it all for themselves? Are they are prepping future victims to not have a swift and violent response to being attacked? Do they want men to be so impotent they won’t stand up for women? Women to be so zenned out they will walk over the murdered bodies of loved ones with a smile?
There is little chance a human will overdose on hatred. It simply consumes too much energy to be sustained over time- much like an erection. No one needs to worry that their erection will become permanent and live in their pants forever. Likewise, there is no chance that hatred will set up a permanent station in your heart. It is too combustible- flaring up under extreme circumstances and then dying down once released.
When hatred comes into your heart it should be embraced so that your red circuits can flow freely. If you try to smother it down with an extra scoop of white spirituality you will only end up with social impotence. Because a man incapable of hatred has no meaningful role to play in society. He can’t get married if he is unable to summon enough red to hate those who would threaten his wife. He can’t even stand up for his own life and can only hope that men who are capable of hatred will be in his vicinity if extreme circumstances ever arise. In essence, a man who cannot hate is a wuss.
Hatred comes to us to enliven the heart and give it courage. When you really boil it down- hatred is the flame of love, turned up so bright that it begins to hurt. You only hate when you love something so much you are willing to protect, destroy & sacrifice for it. It is a beautiful thing.
Like the string that brings the rain, you could feel him coming Like the rain was dripping down Overflowing for a while and no man could hold it They just watched it pouring down.
First his hands were on your face- maybe this is love? Then your head upon the ground With his shoe upon your face, time to close your eyes now Listen to the rain fall down.
Watch the window through the rain, hands upon your shoulders Watch the things you knew fall down First you feel a flash of pain, maybe this is love? Watch the world you knew fall down.
Pour your heart into his mind, read the figures in the wood There were things that you got right and some things misunderstood Watch for shadows that approach, darkened faces that draw close They’re the remnants of the fire; they’re the ones who love you most.
Like to watch the sky through lace, only for a moment You could fly away somehow Learn to watch the flow of days and the flow of moments Like the fear they’re dripping down.
Like to watch the sky through pain, only for a moment. You could fly away somehow Learn to watch the flow of days and the flow of moments Like the fear they’re dripping now.
Hold my head in my hands and I struggle to think
I cannot understand, I can never be sure
Though I struggle to stand, still I have one more drink
Then I follow the hand that will open the door
And he will be there for sure.
In the blue of your room where you fall over me
I begin to forget when you hover above
Till our minds overlap, like a bubble I break
Spilling into your hand, dripping down on the rug
And we will live for love.
Change me. Change me.
You could teach me the things that you know
You could give me the money that you’ve made
Lay your hands on my fingers let me know
All the things that you want for me to say.
As long as you will stay
I tried so hard to pray, but they didn’t respond
They just fluttered away, so I reached for a pill
Till the waves came to crash, cold and aquamarine
I swore I would obey, I would follow your will
As long as you love me still.
Change me. Change me.
You will teach me the things that you know
You will give me the money that you’ve made
I don’t know where the things with wings they go
Why the sound of a scream they flow away…
And so I will stay.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist
And we will live for this.
Change me. Change me.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around, blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist.
I could see in your mind, it was just like a dream
All the things that were gone and those that stayed
But I stayed there too long and I struggled to breath
But we always knew there’d be a price to pay.
