Charleston, West Virginia men Writings


Here is my feeling on submitting to your husband- it is inevitable. Wills are made of iron & men have more iron than women.

Still, it annoys me when submission is made into a moral accomplishment. Is falling down the stairs an accomplishment? What about riding down a mountain in a grocery cart? I don’t see anything particularly noble about yielding to someone else. It is more a practical choice.

I don’t like it to be sugar coated either. The happy submissive wife holding a tray of cookies. In real life, submission is an extreme sport. Like surfing. Giant waves come at you and there is nothing you can do to change them, just learn how to not get knocked down. Maybe there is value in living that way.

I recently read the autobiography of Bin Laden’s wife and couldn’t believe how much her life resembled mine. She must follow her husband around and not ask questions. When he comes he comes, when he goes he goes. Things blow up and she isn’t supposed to cry. He moves her to a frozen mountain top with no water or electricity and she doesn’t complain. Only once does she make a request from him- that he spend more time with his boys. He complies by encouraging them to become suicide bombers.

What resonates with me most about all this is that conservative propaganda leads people to believe you submit to your husband in exchange for security. False! There is little security in it. For Bin Laden’s wife, machine guns, bombs & grenades were everywhere. Even if your husband doesn’t lead a militia, full dependence puts you in a precarious position. If he leaves you or you leave him, you are doomed. Yet the odds are over 50% this will happen. If he goes insane you are also doomed. The odds are probably high for this as well. I recently took a poll of women asking what percentage of men- that they have known behind closed doors- were decent & the response averaged out to around 5%. So the probability of dependency meaning security plus home sweet home cookie platters is somewhere around 2%*. And you have little control over whether you end up in this 2% or not. From what I can tell, men are like movies. We can watch them but not impact what happens on the screen. Following a man’s will is not for the faint of heart.

Men seem to think women are obsessed with empowerment and proving they can do what a man can do. But I don’t know any women like this. So called “empowerment” usually serves the more humble purpose of not dying & ensuring your kids survive as well. I imagine most women would prefer decorating cookies for their loving husband to working in a sausage factory making ends meet. They just aren’t in the mood to play russian roulette when the odds are 98% not in their favor.

And it is really really hard to be both the empowered woman and the not-empowered woman at the same time. To devote oneself to home, wife & motherhood while also having a high-powered law career to fall back on.

There are definitely advantages to being a traditional obedient wife. You lose one type of freedom but gain another. The freedom of not having the spend the majority of your energy making a living. This allows you to devote yourself to what you find most meaningful. Maybe you will raise kids. Maybe you will learn to fly. I don’t think being a submissive/dependent wife is a bad option. But it troubles me that the cultural forces which promote it are the same one’s unwilling to acknowledge its true risks & challenges. Conservatives say things like “ a woman can’t be abused unless she wants to cause otherwise she would leave.” Well, how do they figure that? How does a person with no access to resources or survival skills just walk out the door?

This is why conservatives annoy me even though I am one. They are not realistic at all when it comes to women. They love to say that women abuse men just as much as men abuse women. But how exactly? Normally they fall back on the idea that women must be doing some super subtle form of invisible evil which ends up being the exact equivalent to all the dastardly deeds men quite obviously perform in the world. I don’t believe this at all. At the risk of giving someone a hernia, I do believe men are more “bad” than women. Because the masculine principle relates to power. The feminine principle relates to love. There is a reason the taliban is male. It’s not a coincidence.

So what is the solution? I don’t know. Submit to your husband or to your boss at the sausage plant. Her choice. Personally, I avoid the smell of sausage at all costs.

Brooklyn Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom

You Built a Tower


Hispanic man with emerald green backgroundAt the time I wrote this song I was obsessed with the color green. After all, green is the color of money, and money was something I desperately needed. Mostly, I needed money so that my husband would stop being depressed. I needed him to stop being depressed so that I could take a break from trying to make him happy.

So, I painted everything in my apartment green and filled it with plants. Every bit of wall space was filled with a picture of a saint in a green frame, since I figured saints would be lucky. Everyday I burned rosemary, sage, parsley and thyme to fill our home with their scent. To me they represented the four archangels, Rosemary for Auriel, Sage for Gabriel, Parsley for Raphael, and for Michael, Thyme.


When I think of green people, I think of people who are smooth and accomplished, while perhaps a little on the fake side. They hide their true self in order to get ahead and take advantage of opportunities. Just like plants, they are flexible, changeable, and eager to grow in any direction. They conform to the norms of society for the advantages and ease it brings them.

I had the notion that if my husband became more green, more willing to fit in and go with the human flow, that it would ease his troubles, both emotionally and financially. After all, it is hard to get a job when you are crying and wearing a batman costume. So I tried to change him, to get him to reign in his personality and emotions.

For starters, I had him change up his wardrobe and exchange football jerseys (which had the side effect of exposing large puffs of chest hair) for the more contained polo shirt. I tried to get him to wear socks and close-toed shoes. We compromised on socks inside of sandals. Every morning, I forced him- as best I could- to sit with a cup of coffee (which he didn’t drink) and pretend to read a newspaper. I felt that coffee and newspapers would both be civilizing influences. He wanted to get his news from the computer, but I felt the dry scratchiness of the newsprint itself  would somehow soak up the black bile that was troubling him. I also insisted he wear glasses. He didn’t need them, but luckily we were able to find some ladies reading glasses that were practically clear. I felt spectacles would lead to a more organized mind.

I also convinced him to trade in his meals of “animal style” burgers and meats dripping in dark sauces, for something more mental and crisp, like a turkey sandwich with a side of chips and a Sprite.

Download MP3: You Built a Tower