Anything like Free

Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.

Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .

But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time

Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.

I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Download MP3: Anything Like Free

A not happy selfie. Are those taboo? Although- as I mentioned earlier- I am terrified of photos, the one exception is that if I am very upset I will take a photo of myself crying. I don’t know why. Pain witnessed is pain reduced, I suppose, and sometimes you have to be your own witness.

 

Anything Like Free (Video)

Well, I didn’t have anyone who could hold a phone for me to take a video, so I had to try another way.

I don’t know what to say about this song so I will just put the lyrics below.

Hope you are doing well.

Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.

Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .

But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time

Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.

I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

My brief life as an astrologer…

Recently, I decided to embark on a practical career path- astrology- to make my life feel more brisk and tidy. Not only would it be more sociable than being a solitary musician, but I hoped the dry objectivity of planets, houses & angles would add a touch of refreshing crispness to my existence.

However, it didn’t take long to realize that I can’t look at someone’s chart without being visited by their “ghost.” It isn’t an actual ghost, I suppose, but more like a colored transparency containing their emotions. These ghosts seem to arrive before I even have a chance to look at the person’s chart- as soon as I have the intent to look, there they are, super-imposing themselves onto me, causing me to feel and think in ways outside my normal character. It is a very unpleasant experience & makes me want to drop chart reading altogether.

I had hoped this experience would wear off once I had a little experience under my belt, but instead it seems to be getting worse. I tried stacking many different readings together, hoping that if there were a large enough number of ghosts they would cancel each other out. But that just made the ‘hauntings’ more confusing  and chaotic. At any rate, for this reason, I will probably retire on astrology after reading one last batch. But it has at least been a learning experience for me, and here are some things I have learned.

  • Everyone has their crosses to bear. This should be obvious, of course, but for me it was eye opening to realize how much pain and distress the average person is holding, especially when everyone appears so happy and perfect on the surface. But so long as Mars, Saturn & Pluto are flying around in the sky, I suppose we will all have our faces bashed against concrete walls from time to time, and all have our secrets to hide.
  • Women suffer more than men. At least emotionally. Male ghosts have a more abstract and mental quality, as though they are standing on top of a mountain. Their suffering tends to have a hollow, empty quality. Female ghosts, on the other hand, are more humid and visceral. Mothers are the most dense and muccoid of all.

    Perhaps men are designed to detach more easily from their emotions so they can perform well under stress, while women- and especially mothers- are forced by nature to remain connected to those around them, so they can’t easily abandon their families when times get rough.
  • Women are more vulnerable to relationship injuries. The majority of women seem to be living in an actively injured state, frequently due to stresses in their marriage. Of course men have relationship troubles too, but their ghosts are rarely oozing pus and blood as a result. They are more likely to feel discontent, or confusion. Disturbed, but not actively loosing life force. This may be where the idea of chivalry comes from… to remind men to treat women a little better than they themselves need to be treated.
  • Nobody has it all. In fact, nobody has more than anybody else. We all have the same number of planets in our chart, we just store them in different places. An excess in any area of life must always be balanced out by a deficiency somewhere else. Put an extra scoop in your house of marriage and there is less left for your children. An extra scoop for career leaves just a crumb behind for inner growth.

    What’s more- we don’t just have the name number of planets- they are actually the exact same planets. The person who isn’t married might experience Venus- the planet of love and romance- in a different part of their life. The person with no physical home might experience the moon- the planet of domestic bliss- through their relationships with friends or God.

    It is like we are all eating at the same Mexican restaurant. Whether you order tacos, enchiladas or chimichangas, you are getting the exact same ingredients.

Please Stop Putting us on Coins!!!

Although I am by no means a phallocrat, I do wish people would stop pushing for so-called gender equality. I don’t want half of the coins to have female faces on them, nor for 50% of statues and politicians to be women. I don’t want more female soldiers, engineers & race car drivers. And most of all, I would prefer it if “he” could remain the default pronoun.

Why? Because it takes something from people to be in the position which men have held for so long, and I don’t wish that for women. I think it is better for us to have a mixture of sunshine & shade so we can step into the public sphere when desired, but not be pressured to make it our home.  Someone needs to retreat from consensus reality in order to stay in touch with broader and deeper truths,  and traditionally that has been the role of women. Others need to be committed to staying in touch with consensus reality to work out its kinks and problems, and traditionally that has been the work of men.

I think men are better suited to ruling consensus reality, since they are slightly more mental and less emotional than women, giving them greater protection from the soul crushing ideas consensus reality inevitably contains.

It seems to me that the shared, public world of humans will always be a harsh one, filled with half-truths and warped values. I think this is just the inevitable outcome of a thousand different desires and perspectives coming together and clashing in the middle. For women to have one foot in and one foot out of this zone of harshness is a privilege that enables us to keep our psychic integrity and by extension preserve the sanity of the human race.

I definitely think women should be allowed in the public sphere just as men should be allowed in the private sphere, because you need these two spheres to have a high degree of overlap and communication to keep the public sphere relatively hygienic and the personal sphere sufficiently energized. But what I don’t like is women being forced more and more into the public sphere as though this is some great accomplishment and honor.

I still think the only true bastion of sexism in our culture is Hollywood & its buddy industries of fashion, music, beauty etc. They are sexist because they only cast women as sex objects or male persons living in female bodies. They don’t understand females as seperate beings in their own right. That is probably because these industries (for whatever reason) are so soulless that they no longer remember that an inner world exists and have mistaken shared beliefs and judgments for absolute truths. They are the enemy of the world within and by extension the enemy of women. If women want to fight sexism they should focus on these industries and not on getting more women into the senate. There is nothing in the political world that can give us what we are seeking.