I am still in a mute phase where I have nothing to say, but am forcing myself to write one quick paragraph anyway. It is funny, because I can write endlessly on Facebook but that is because I am simply responding to a sea of people and not having to pull anything from within myself. Left to my own devices, I am clear and flavorless jelly, I think.
Drag me cross the floor Tell me that I’m dead Music fills my ears Lightning fills my head and it’s like ah….You’ve been there all along.
Push me on the ground Pick me up again Push me down and laugh at me You don’t know who I am and it’s like ah…. I’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a night so clear The air so still The stars so near It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Staring at the wall Water in my hand No one there to hold me and I don’t know who I am And it’s like ah… I’ve been here all along
Dreams that slip away from you somehow when I didn’t know how To hold onto the bottle for myself. Dreams that lead the way for your somehow when I didn’t know how To follow down the glassy road myself.
Pull me to the stairs Hold me in your hands Who knows what you’ll do this time or where the dice will land And it’s like ah… we’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a world so blue A sphere so far away from you
A stream that leads me down so low There is no me I flow and flow
A world so far away and clear The music plays, the stars are near It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Meeting the perfect, ultimate man at the mall… but this was from a few months ago when malls were still allowed to be open. 🙁
I haven’t been able to write much recently, because something has made me non-verbal. I am worried about what is going on with the government & the worldwide response to corona virus which seems blown so far out of proportion from our normal responses to disease and death, that it is hard not to fear something nefarious is going on.
I also feel distressed that some seem to revel in the shutdowns. I suppose my faith in humanity tends to wax and wane and right now it is at a waning point. During the waning times, it is harder to speak, because what is the point in speaking if there are no sincere people to hear you?
I was expecting things to grow darker this spring as Neptune moved into the third and darkest phase of Pisces. In the second phase, which we have been living through for the past 4-5 years, the public grows infantile & self-serving, emotional & out of touch with reality. The good part is that it is a time when people are too lazy & pathetic to do much damage.
But in the third phase of Pisces, that changes. Now Pisces begins to pick up force and momentum, yet it is still insane, like a person whose body has woken up while their mind remains dreaming. The last time Neptune passed through Pisces’s third phase was when the civil war began.
So it is hard for me to look at what is happening, the words which don’t make since, the explanations which always morph and never add up, without fearing that something scary could be afoot.
Perhaps though, this is simply Neptune in Pisces’ third phase playing its tricks on my mind. Neptune colors our perceptions of life and in its third phase can fill us with irrational fear. Perhaps that is why it is so easy for people to be respond to corona virus with a level of horror they have never shown for far more dangerous diseases.
Anyway, let’s hope for the best and that we soon return to the old ways. Let’s hope this does not result in a permanent restriction of our freedoms. Let’s hope it never dampens our desire to mix and get dirty with other humans.
Here are the lyrics:
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do. That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars. Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind. There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know. Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl. You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay. Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more. I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see. The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone But either way, you are my home.
Please realize that if Slippers looks round it is because I recently discovered she has been breaking into the food bag to feast every time we leave the house. She lives for food, whereas Patton has to be coaxed into eating.
Also please realize there are bits of paper everywhere because Patton is in a phase where he shreds paper at every opportunity. Thank you.
Drag me cross the floor
Tell me that I’m dead
Music fills my ears
Lightning fills my head and it’s like ah….You’ve been there all along.
Push me on the ground
Pick me up again
Push me down and laugh at me
You don’t know who I am and it’s like ah…. I’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a night so clear
The air so still
The stars so near
It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Staring at the wall
Water in my hand
No one there to hold me and I don’t know who I am
And it’s like ah… I’ve been here all along
Dreams that slip away from you somehow when I didn’t know how
To hold onto the bottle for myself.
Dreams that lead the way for your somehow when I didn’t know how
To follow down the glassy road myself.
Pull me to the stairs
Hold me in your hands
Who knows what you’ll do this time or where the dice will land
And it’s like ah… we’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a world so blue
A sphere so far away from you
A stream that leads me down so low
There is no me I flow and flow
A world so far away and clear
The music plays, the stars are near
It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do.
That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong
to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall
but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop
but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars.
Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands
So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man
But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high
There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind.
There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know.
Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl.
You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay.
Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more.
I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me
But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see.
The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone
But either way, you are my home.
For a sign Some people complain about time, boy I could always see what was mine, boy I could stand for ever and just watch the stars unwind.
For a name, A piece of gold to hold in the rain, boy So buy up all the land you can claim, boy I will stay behind you in the darkness and I’ll pray-
Pray to men that live in water, men that live in dreams Show me how to love and conquer, show me what it truly means to
Fall Show me how to fall.
For a dream To chase after that glittering gleam, boy Though things will never be as they seem, boy Diamonds in your hand evaporating into steam.
And a fate You can’t stand beside the water and wait, boy Not many in this world who are brave, boy I will stay behind you in the darkness and I’ll pray-
Pray to stars that keep us shining, pooling in the night Stars of love and stars of violence, show me how to truly fight and
Fall Show me how to fall.
Then the mist It will flow around you like this, boy Your thoughts will start to garble and twist, boy Feeling with your hand to find the something you have missed.
Then the night It starts when you get used to the light, boy Then things will start to dim but not quite, boy Feeling with your hand you realize that you are dying…
But are you dying from asphyxiation, dying from a flood? Dying for a drop of luster, dying for some blood?
I will hold you in my mind then, shining like a dream Emerald lights upon your shoulder- shining like an emerald king and
Following fire, half-deranged by desire
Like a zombie I walk through the night.
Every dark alleyway, every car breakaway
Leads in my fantasy somewhere so bright.
Reason, morality- never my gifts;
I had the gift of belief.
I light a fire for you, filled with desire for you-
I know you see. I know you see.
Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God,
I will open myself to you, please!
Following fire, melted down by desire
And the star that I follow is hope.
Making me pay like a knife every day-
I know you won’t, I know you won’t.
Lighting a candle for you every night
Cause I know you are drawn to the flame.
I see your spirit a butterfly flicker-
You won’t cause me pain, you won’t cause me pain.
Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God
I will open myself to you, please!
Lighting a fire, half-deranged by desire
And the stars that are drawing me high.
Thinking of you, like a fire you can burn away
Hands on my throat, lay down or die.
Holding my finger right next to the candle wick-
Strong is the thing I must be,
Just until I can draw you to my flame.
You won’t hurt me. You won’t hurt me.
