And great…… it seems like the sounds gets weird at the higher parts but I still have zero idea how microphones & recording devices work. They are so complicated. Of course I should try to figure out how they work, but it seems so complex that there is really no hope of ever making progress in that realm. And so boring I could possibly die. I must be resigned to my fate and continue on. Just realize it sounds better in person & make adjustments in your imagination. Thanks!
I haven’t been able to write much recently, because something has made me non-verbal. I am worried about what is going on with the government & the worldwide response to corona virus which seems blown so far out of proportion from our normal responses to disease and death, that it is hard not to fear something nefarious is going on.
I also feel distressed that some seem to revel in the shutdowns. I suppose my faith in humanity tends to wax and wane and right now it is at a waning point. During the waning times, it is harder to speak, because what is the point in speaking if there are no sincere people to hear you?
I was expecting things to grow darker this spring as Neptune moved into the third and darkest phase of Pisces. In the second phase, which we have been living through for the past 4-5 years, the public grows infantile & self-serving, emotional & out of touch with reality. The good part is that it is a time when people are too lazy & pathetic to do much damage.
But in the third phase of Pisces, that changes. Now Pisces begins to pick up force and momentum, yet it is still insane, like a person whose body has woken up while their mind remains dreaming. The last time Neptune passed through Pisces’s third phase was when the civil war began.
So it is hard for me to look at what is happening, the words which don’t make since, the explanations which always morph and never add up, without fearing that something scary could be afoot.
Perhaps though, this is simply Neptune in Pisces’ third phase playing its tricks on my mind. Neptune colors our perceptions of life and in its third phase can fill us with irrational fear. Perhaps that is why it is so easy for people to be respond to corona virus with a level of horror they have never shown for far more dangerous diseases.
Anyway, let’s hope for the best and that we soon return to the old ways. Let’s hope this does not result in a permanent restriction of our freedoms. Let’s hope it never dampens our desire to mix and get dirty with other humans.
Here are the lyrics:
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do. That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars. Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind. There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know. Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl. You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay. Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more. I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see. The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone But either way, you are my home.
Please realize that if Slippers looks round it is because I recently discovered she has been breaking into the food bag to feast every time we leave the house. She lives for food, whereas Patton has to be coaxed into eating.
Also please realize there are bits of paper everywhere because Patton is in a phase where he shreds paper at every opportunity. Thank you.
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do.
That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong
to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall
but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop
but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars.
Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands
So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man
But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high
There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind.
There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know.
Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl.
You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay.
Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more.
I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me
But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see.
The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone
But either way, you are my home.
Step softly now
See their hooded eyes
Keep us close at hand
You may need our quick advice.
But everybody’s watching you
They got a lot to say
Just keep their words within a jar
We’ll open it one day.
After all
Life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
Step softly now
Feel the hidden hand
Through the bushes it extends to you
The outline of a man.
Then he says “Hide! Duck!
Back up against the van where they can’t see you
Crawl over to the shadows where we’re waiting
For we may be the only ones who need you.”
After all
Life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
And how do you feel now?
Standing on your own
Like a column made of fire
A feeling that you could be quite alone?
Move swiftly now
Don’t believe you have a friend
They just like to watch you trip and fall
They’ll push you down again.
So quickly run back
Into the alleyway where they can’t see you
Press up against a tree and we will be there
Perhaps we are the only ones who need you.
After all
Life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
I am posting this here, because it is my resolution & I need to remember it at all costs:
I must never be nice to any men or give them complements.
Not that I am going to be mean to them either. The goal is to be neutral and if I need a subject to talk about, I will talk about how awesome I am.
Because men are computers and kind words are milk that gum them up. Because men are dogs and complements register as signs of submission and inferiority.
Good men don’t want to be coddled anyway. Men don’t take bubble baths to relax. Generally, they can only relax through murdering something, in one form or another. Why waste precious milk on beings who don’t need it?
Not only will niceness corrode the character of good men, it also signals to bad men that you are available for mistreatment.
But this will be hard. Not being nice is probably the hardest thing for females to do. It may be physically impossible.
I am going to try, though, as an experiment. I can only pray Heaven will loan me the balls to follow through. If it works, and I have finally discovered the secret to men, I will let you know.
But let’s face it, I will never be able to follow through. I can already feel complements welling up in my mind. Women are programmed to sacrifice self for others and there is nothing we can do about it.
And, fwiw, when I compared men to dogs, I didn’t mean it as an insult. I really like dogs. Just like men. They are amazing.
A song… I guess… about my love for men who are boring on the outside but shady* on the inside- like detectives… or maybe it is a song about my love for the gray clouds and fog that hang over West Virginia in the early spring. All I know for certain is that I wrote this song while thinking about the constellation Scorpio in a bathtub… sometimes when I am feeling down or lost I will choose a constellation to think about to cheer me up… and the moon was in Scorpio at the time, which is why I chose it, maybe. I was in the bathtub because it was the only bathing device in the house, the house being from 1907. However, a shower head has just been installed, so life is more normal now.
*Secretive, I mean. I secretly admire people who have that quality, because I usually end up spilling all the contents of my mind, whether I mean to or not.
You could be my dark man Stranger in the park man Standing in your trench coat flashing Stars above but somethings crashing down
You could be my shady friend
Standing where the street lights end
Shadows fall always behind you
No one seeks and no one finds you now
Clouds stretch so far away
Endless worlds of endless grey
Walk before me and I’l follow you
This road leads us to tomorrow, true?
Clouds takes shape but they always lie
We’ll get bored but we’ll never die
Lay your hand upon my head now
Lead me through the fog and dread now
You could be my shadow man
To offer me your white bread hand
Shelling peanuts with your finger
A dusty feeling I remember now
Life can be so many things
Sometimes swirling like a dream
Sometimes flat I’m trapped inside it
Close my eyes but they won’t hide it
Half alive but that’s okay
The other half is filled with gray
Eyes are reaching through the fog and lace
From another world I can almost place
You could be my answer man
A book to dull to understand
A slice of bread upon my plate
The rusty and forgotten gate to now.
Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.
Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .
But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time
Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.
I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
A not happy selfie. Are those taboo? Although- as I mentioned earlier- I am terrified of photos, the one exception is that if I am very upset I will take a photo of myself crying. I don’t know why. Pain witnessed is pain reduced, I suppose, and sometimes you have to be your own witness.
