They say the rain will play that song again You know the way it will go. To feel his net within my mind again I’ll lead the way even so.
But if you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man You don’t know the way. If you want to say that they was wrong when they was barely born Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly First you’ll walk towards the window by my side- Water running through the drain and Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go First you’ll walk towards the window then you’ll know- Clouds are foaming in the blue, man. Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
I feel the baker take her time again Stir slow, stir slow all of the corn. Green fields appear within my mind again Grow slow, grow slow, only born.
But if you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man You don’t know the way. If you want to say that they was wrong when they was barely born Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly First you’ll walk towards the window by my side- Water running through the drain and Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go First you’ll walk towards the window then you’ll know- Clouds are foaming in the blue, man. Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
You know the way to pull that cold from me Pull hard, pull hard, pull with your hand. My hair was rope inside your hand, you see Pull hard, pull hard see if you can.
But if you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man You don’t know the way. If you want to say that they was wrong when they was barely born Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly First you’ll walk towards the window by my side- Water running through the drain and Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go First you’ll walk towards the window then you’ll know- Clouds are foaming in the blue, man. Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
I hope this is a video where I sing the song thru to the end rather than messing up in the middle & stopping, but I can’t bring myself to watch it and find out. The worst part of music (beside the technology) is having to think about, look at, and listen to yourself. I can’t really deal with that, so as much as possible, I don’t. I hate having to consider the impression I make on others & have a hard time doing it anyway, since I don’t know how others think.
Some people enjoy sculpting their self-image. For many musicians this seems to be a big part of their job. I think that is why I avoided music for so long, because I didn’t want to have to think about or promote myself anymore. But now I don’t, so its cool. I can stay in my own world.
The way the media portrays it, the essence of femininity is an obsession with one’s own image, but- for the average women- I think this is far from true. If anything, women have a diminished sense of self and increased sensitivity to things around them. Their focus on appearance is mostly a shield against the negative judgments of their value which they have been trained to fear since birth. And I don’t think these judgments come from men but are really a media creation.
I feel like a dork talking about the media, but at the same time I don’t know if you can overstate the influence Hollywood & its sister industries have had on our collective mind. They have truly seized control of the collective imagination- how we see life, what we think it is about. This is tragic, because the spell they cast is a dark one which seems consistently designed to make people devalue themselves & life.
And they are the one part of our society which is consistently misogynistic as though they are led by people who specifically have it in for women. They objectify women and see women in their natural role as worthless. The only way women can redeem themselves is either by 1. being a perfect object that many men want to have sex with (in real life being a perfect object & having a lot of opportunities for sex are probably not very related, but the media links these together so females will see being hit on as a sign of validation) or 2. being able to do masculine things as well or better than men. Both of which, for most women, are going to be unfulfilling.
I don’t think people realize the impact this has. When women complain about being objectified, men don’t seem to understand where they are coming from or exactly how deep the wound can be. They see it as an attack on men. “Hey, I’m a man, I like to look! Sue me! (Snort snort).” They see women focusing on their appearance and then asking not to be objectified and the whole thing seems quite hypocritical. In reality, men objectifying women isn’t the problem. Perhaps they aren’t even doing this. We’ll never know. The real problem is women objectifying themselves.
The problem with women believing that their value and power comes from their appearance is, of course, that it cuts them off from their true source of power and has them searching for water in a place where no water is to be found. In a natural state women retain the connection to those forces which created us and the memory of what we were before birth. Without female energy in the world, we become disconnected from our source and start a desperate search for something to replace it. We forget that we are immortal & the world is full of magic. Life becomes flat and dry. So many of the psychological problems in the modern world are related to the degradation of women. Women are the essence of depth but we have turned them into the essence of shallowness.
What is my point? I don’t know. I don’t mean to sound all goddessy- I don’t even like that stuff. But I see that people suffer mentally from the fact that our collective imagination is ruled by a heartless masculine cartel. As I’ve expressed many times, there is nothing I love more than masculine warriors, but ruling the collective imagination is not their proper place.
Mostly I just wanted to say sorry if the video is messed up.
Lyrics….
It was nearly close to sunset And the air it was swimming with flies They were swatted without regret As I laughed by his side
Dancing in the palm of his hand- fire Dripping through the blood in his veins I need to keep walking I can’t get tired Falling back again and again
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
First his shadow fell upon me Then he held my little hand in the fire So I tried to lift my eyes up But I was tired
Dancing on the back of my eyes now People always said he was gay But I saw him slip into the White Palm That was a good day.
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
Suddenly the trees begin to smile Twirl me on the pavement for a while You couldl give him one more chance After that I’m on my own.
Sink your fingers deep into the red Ringing in the air around my head You couldl give me one more chance After that I’m on my own.
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
Not much time until the sunset Just keep moving for a little more while Though he killed you without regret Still he always had the heart of a child
Dance into the river of regret Dance into the river of pain Dance into the aquador where we met That was a good day.
Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river Gonna see the river
Hey mister where you go? I was waiting too? Laying all my things around for you. Stars shining in the night if they only knew Waiting like I said I’d wait for you.
And its hard to be that strong When I was waiting there for you for so long. And its hard to live that low When I was waiting there for you to go.
Big man walks the night alone, I was walking too. I was walking til I find the the line to you. Yes he walked beside me then, for a while it’s true Tell me comfort til I found the round to you.
Cause it’s hard to live that low But there is nowhere in the dark where you can just go. And its hard to hear that song The one I sang inside my head to you for so long.
I prayed you’d walk before me Mountains that fall before me I never knew the way that things would change.
Take my hand before the star rise Pull the cotton away from my eyes I wait for you to come and bring the change.
Stars shining in the night I’ll be waiting too. Waiting like I said I wait for you. Soft breeze blow upon me now tremble in the dew I just stood there like I said I’d stand for you.
And it’s hard we live so long Always dreaming of a man whose so strong. And its hard, the things we know When there is no place in the world where you can just go.
I’ve been trying for a while to post something on here & written about 50 blog posts which I didn’t publish due to a desire for invisibility. I toggle between urges to be visible & invisible based on which seems the safest.
On the one hand, people knowing you exist makes you safe. It increases the odds that someone would notice if you went missing. Perhaps in extreme cases, someone would come to your aid. On the other hand, the more people know you exist the more enemies you have. And the more information they have about you, the more nooks & crannies for landing their little arrows. The wider you stretch out your personality, the larger the target becomes.
Still though, I consider it part of my destiny to try and trust in the soft mush of faceless unseen people & to believe that something good might emerge from that mush one day.
***
He points the gun at me I say please don’t shoot He says, ‘What makes you think I would do that to you? After all that I’ve done that’s the way that you see me? Then walk out that door cause you might as well leave me.’
Oh no…. my brain…..something cracking inside Please I need to find darkness some place I can hide Just climb under the bed, just lie there very still I wish someone would find me but they never will.
Walking around it’s a daze in my mind now The flowers are blooming, the sun is behind now But inside it’s raining I can’t make it stop And I bite on my tongue cause I need not to talk.
Oh no…. my head… something breaking inside Now I need to find shelter some place I can hide But behind every door there’s a man with a new gun There’s no where to go if I had the strength to run.
Clouds in the sky I don’t think I can join you So fluffy and free all the bullet pass through you You’ve nothing to fear and you rain when you want to I wish you saw me I need someone to talk to.
Oh no… my heart… something breaking inside Can you hold it together until we can hide? Just climb under the bed just lie there very still I wish someone would find us but they never will.
Can you close your eyes we’re almost there? I can feel the tendrils of his hair Look I see the pole they said we’d find First you know we saw it in our mind.
Close your eyes and let him start to speak First we fall down limply then go weak Though we cannot move we see the star And we know this man will take us FAR.
First we feel his hands caress our face Lips that part too gently to erase All the things that lay behind us now Things that hurt us in the mind somehow.
Darkened hands that lifted up the lid Of the heavy black box where we hid Till those heavy hands became a star And we knew this man would take us FAR.
Sister hold my hand it’s just the two of us To withstand what he gives. Let your mind give way you know they say the one who dies Will be the only one lives.
First his eyes seem black then they seem blue First he watches me then watches you As though we were dancing though we lie Paralyzed and facing towards the sky.
Then we feel his hands begin to touch Do we like it no or very much? Either way we’re flying in his car We have found the man who takes us FAR.
Light on the wall Just stare at it hard then he’s coming to call He said that your name was the cause for it all But you knew truth- he knew nothing at all And next thing it’s all coming down.
Blue on your mind Then come the words that you’re struggling to find A world that don’t change and his arm like a vine till he’s lifting you up by the shoulder.
Waited too long You can’t hold it back now you’re lost in the song To enter a world where you could not belong only lay hypnotized in the smolder.
Cotton is shame But when you’re alone then you’re primed for the game The way you’ll go out is the way that you came To touch is to know that you’re feeling the same And next thing it’s all coming down.
Light on your mind It hurts when you know he’s not looking to find Anything more than to have a good time and that you were the one he could roller.
Melted again Everyone knows it’s the heart of these men To lower you down till you can’t rise again then they turn to a friend and grow colder.
You will remain Just hold your hands close to the fire of the pain And in the end only the fire will remain The men will return to the light where they came And next thing it’s all coming down.
And great…… it seems like the sounds gets weird at the higher parts but I still have zero idea how microphones & recording devices work. They are so complicated. Of course I should try to figure out how they work, but it seems so complex that there is really no hope of ever making progress in that realm. And so boring I could possibly die. I must be resigned to my fate and continue on. Just realize it sounds better in person & make adjustments in your imagination. Thanks!
