Did you string the pearls on that long long line? Did you hear that sound? Don’t worry its just time.
Because love makes men cold. And in the darkness they grow bold. I know it dont seem fair; but that’s how it goes.
So walk walk walk away until you start to run. This is not the end- it is just the pain begun to show The places you need to go And when you reach the end- you’ll know.
Did you see those men as they sailed away? Everyone believing it was just another day?
When they sink in the night Their smiles still fastened tight Welcome to the velvet light.
They walk walk walk away until they start to run But this is not the end- it is just the pain begun to show The places you need to go And when you reach the end- you’ll know.
For an urge to please and a dream of sweet release Let the souls come marching in. You unfurl your map still You always end up trapped. That’s why I always win.
Lay down and let the red wash over you. Can you feel the whole world lying next to you? For a taste so nice It burns like skin on ice So you turn then come back twice.
You walk walk walk away until you start to run. But this is not the end- it is just the pain begun to show The places you need to go And when you reach the end- you’ll know.
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
When the time wasn’t over yet When the time was ready to begin When my heart was red lying in a box Waiting for the sticking pin.
There you go, I know your eyes Fire with a flash of pain Feel it burn, feel it end What is the name of this thing that remains?
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
There you go, the hand that wears the glove of velvet red Like a woman, like a child, is the man afraid of his own death Like a woman, like a child- the man who will never fight Flickering beneath the sky and dying that same night.
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
There you go, the man I know whose legs are far too thin Find the box and open it to push your stick pin in Fire I know, death I know, I also know your eyes Like a woman, like a child- the man who never lies.
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
I’ve been recording a lot of music and I don’t have the time or work ethic to create artwork for it all so it leaves me with the question…. use AI art or take random photos of my apartment?
AI art is a decent choice aesthetically but I don’t use any AI in my music, or writing for that matter, and it would make me feel sick if people thought it was an AI creation, generated by the click of a button, when in reality I’m slaving away away surrounded by black wires…
And fwiw the beautiful brand new PlushMellow in this photo is available for adoption. A $20 adoption fee includes shipping. One of my first gigs when I was desperately trying to survive was finding good homes for stuffed animals. I’ve learned I have to think bigger to make it in this world but I still need to find homes for the few I have left.
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
When the time wasn’t over yet When the time was ready to begin When my heart was red lying in a box Waiting for the sticking pin.
There you go, I know your eyes Fire with a flash of pain Feel it burn, feel it end What is the name of this thing that remains?
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
There you go, the hand that wears the glove of velvet red Like a woman, like a child, is the man afraid of his own death Like a woman, like a child- the man who will never fight Flickering beneath the sky and dying that same night.
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
There you go, the man I know whose legs are far too thin Find the box and open it to push your stick pin in Fire I know, death I know, I also know your eyes Like a woman, like a child- the man who never lies.
Fly away in a little bit Fly away in a cloud of strings Like the sun on an icicle You found your pair of wings.
Look at you and listen to what you say Follow you whereever you will stay
For so many years I ran away places where I’d hide I want you to hold me there inside.
Look at you a smile fills up my mind Feeling warm and burgundy with wine
For so many years I dreamed of places far away I want you to take me there today
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground? Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around? Will you bring me down?
Looking down and smiling to the side All the secrets that I hold inside
When he turned to burgundy drag me cross the floor I cry, then go back for more
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground? Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around? Will you bring me down?
Look at you another shade of red Rub my eyes and stumble back to bed All the ropes and wine and fantasy scattered on the floor Rest first then go back for more
When I think of you, I suffocate something I can’t find Could you hurt me pull me back again somewhere in my mind?
When you seperate me suffocate dragging on the floor All the voices hurt me teling me maybe I want more Will you bring me down?
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground? Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around? Will you bring me down?
I love candles. Many times a single candle has altered the course of my life.
Last night I lit a red candle and BAM!! All these realizations about sex started flooding me. I saw how it merges two people’s energy & if the man doesn’t value your survival & material well being as his own you best steer clear, cause he will dilute your energy. The energy you need to survive. Especially for someone like me who feels precarious in her own survival to begin with.
Wanting a man to invest in you materially isn’t selfish…. why would you merge your material body with someone who doesn’t love you that much? I invest in Slippers materially and take responsibility for her life. Even tho I suck at survival it isn’t that hard to expand your sense of self to include someone else. This should be the minimum sort of love a person has before you risk merging with them.
Cause for me, if I have sex with someone I become very attached. My mind and emotions are constantly drifting towards them. Why would you want to spend all day thinking about someone who wouldn’t even buy you groceries? It doesn’t make any sense. Until you find someone who at least loves you that much you should hold your energy inside cause you’ll need it. Cause I think survival is hard for females. At least for me.
It’s is hard for me to think practically, logically, selfishly and strategically which is how you need to think for survival. How would a man feel if he was expected to jack off to purple rectangles? It’s not how he’s wired up.
But men are more selfish & strategic by nature. (Not to mention that their testicles are 2 extra brains devoted to survival.) It’s what makes it dangerous to be intimate with a man unless his sense of self has expanded to include you. Because although men are designed to be selfish, they also have the ability to expand their sense of self to include wife, children, family, clan, country etc. In this way they are selfish and unselfish at the same time.
But don’t place your well being at the mercy of a man who sense of self does not include you. Because to people outside this sense of self they are ruthless.
This hit me like lightning last night. I was lighting a red candle to help me be better at surviving because I don’t know what I’m going to do for money yet. I lost my last job for not conning people hard enough & the two jobs before that were both lost for crying on the job due to smells. I’m sure there is something I can do but it always seems to require being something other than my nature. Just trying to get my brain to think about what I could do ends up with staring into space as no thoughts arise. My mind is wired to be hyperaware of what is, not to strategize a path forward.
But the red candle showed me that the first step to surviving is not forming relationships which don’t facilitate your survival. Cause why would you merge with someone not vested in you? How can it lead to anything good?
I’ve always been so afraid of being a gold digger that I sort of became the reverse. But really there is nothing wrong with a man investing in you materially. I invest in Slippers materially. I’m not going to be enjoying a delicious meal while she is hungry. That would be sick. To care about a loved one’s physical well being is the most basic form of love. If someone doesn’t love you in the most basic way WHY would you allow your mind & heart to center around them? It’s self abandonment.
It may be nobody’s responsibility to take care of me but it is not my responsibility to suck their dick either. It doesn’t really matter if someone claims to like or love you. Actions speak louder than words and if they can’t love me -at a bare minimum- like I love Slippers then being with them will dilute my raw power which I cannot afford.
I have to put myself first until I find somebody that puts me first.
Thank you red candle. I will add candles to the list of things that have always been my friends… colors, candles. End of list.
Did you know your Heart has a friend who follows him through life with only one goal- to protect? This friend is called The Heart Protector.
When you get heart broken or betrayed The Heart Protector can sink into depression. Where did he go wrong? How did he let his friend down?
Maybe he learns something, makes sense of his mistakes & goes back to work.
Or maybe he’s not sure what he did wrong. He moves into a state of hyper vigilance to ensure this never happens again. He builds new walls thick and crusty. The Heart lives inside these walls & starts to be deprived of light.
The Heart Protector builds walls in many ways. He may become paranoid & carry a magnifying glass looking for tiny red flags. He may become cynical & tell himself Love doesn’t exist. He may even reach the point of believing that Knights & Unicorns never walked the earth.
He can make you critical. Pointing out flaws in anyone who gets close. He can make you queasy at the thought of one day walking hand and hand with someone wearing matching pajamas.
He gives you reasons to reject people before they reject you. He fills your legs with adrenaline and tells you to run. Run to the river and drown yourself. He has a million ways of protecting his friend.
Recently my Heart Protector has been too tight & its hard to sing. I can’t catch my breath. I don’t want to go out and see people. I do it anyway but a part of me stays inside. I don’t want to write songs because there’s nothing to say. And no one to hear me.
I don’t know what I am supposed to have learned from my experiences or what I did wrong. I don’t know how to not let the same thing happen again. The Heart Protector is in a state of confusion. What to do? What to do?
So like the genius I am I’ve been trying to learn songs to make other people like me. My friend Arthur plays Sweet Home Alabama with me and Country Roads take me home. We play a gig which requires carrying 500 pounds of equipment for miles with the help of a grocery cart, setting up, playing for two hours, taking it down & carrying it back home. We make about 3 dollars each. I’m a bit worried about survival.
I can only hope popularity will help me survive. I want to reflect the culture back to itself so people will like me. Confederate flags are popular here. So are guns, knives, dicks, motorcycles, alcohol, drugs and nature.
Downtown Charleston West VirginiaA West Virginia Birthday cake. Do you see those two round cakes above it? It turns out they were boob cakes and I ate a slice when offered having no idea what I was eating. I am still trying to come to terms with this.The view from a West Virginia bar. If you combined this pic with one of a man driving 100 mph off a cliff in a motorized easy chair while high on mushrooms it would pretty much sum up the area.Giving a redneck hello to a guy(?) in a bar. My Yankee friends always assume the people down here are close minded. They don’t understand they are weirder than fuck.Burning a red candle in a desperate attempt to stave off the cold. The mug is resting on a tin of chewing tobacco.I finally had to decorate my bedroom because it was feeling too much like a prison cell. The theme is Friends. I am now expecting Dinosaurs and Elephants to come into my life.
One. Making his way cross the floor The second don’t come anymore Cause they only come when it’s easy easy.
Red lightning that flash in his eyes Holding my face in a vise This is the game that will please me please me.
Oh no lemme go I’ve been thinking about this so Something is not right although I love you so much beyond reason reason.
Haha funny bitch do you think that I need your lies? Lying bitch now what words will you say this time? After I put my dick on the line just to please you please you.
Cards cards on the table- no way That’s not the game that they play They only stay when it’s easy, easy.
Walk pacing around on the floor Did you dream anything more? More than the lessons they teach me teach me.
Oh no lemme go I’ve been thinking about this so Something is not right although I want you to love me and keep me keep me.
Ho ho gaming bitch do you think that I need you now? Do you think you can turn this around some how? I could jerk it right now to the thought of you bleeding bleeding.
Blood. One little drop just for you. That was the first time you knew This was a game that was easy easy.
Sigh. All of the things that you say Holding my mind in a sway All of the lessons you teach me teach me.
Oh no lemme go I’ve been thinking about this so Something is not right although When I close my eyes then it’s reeling reeling
And still I stay cause I want you to keep me from harm Wrapped up like a fly in your beautiful arms Drip drop from your mouth everything that you’re feeling feeling.
Swallow. Don’t snitch. Shut your cunt mouth you dumb fucking bitch. Are there voices do you hear their cries? Answer me but only when I tell you that it’s time.
