I’m in mute phase right now, so all I will say is that it is so easy to learn things others have already learned & so hard to learn things that no one has learned yet.
Oh & regarding this song, I will say one thing too. It is more or less about whether or not doing something stupid is a good idea. What do you think? Act now, think later has mostly been my approach to life. The only thing that has saved me is being so fearful, since usually my body will be too afraid (or grossed out) to do the dumb things I try to get it to do. But I’ve still managed to be dumb enough to learn that if you constantly act on impulse you are likely to one day find yourself in a crevice it will be hard to climb out of. Still, the actual moment of doing something dumb feels amazing, like a quick flash of enlightenment followed by 20 years in a Saudi prison.
If you are super tough though it may be that you can get away with doing dumb things more easily. You have to be grounded & practical if you want to be adventurous, otherwise you are doomed.
Take my hand but take it slowly Let it grow just like a lowly Bean towards a grain of light
Let it be so small and hidden Mixed into the air, forbidden With my mind alone I might
Fallen in the green where you wait around for me Fallen in between with your hand upon my knee
Kidneys shrink inside the darkness I know I must stay regardless Gonna do the best I can
Lay my hand down when he makes me I alone must save or break me This I swear I understand
Still I feel a cold like a shadow in my ear It’s that sound again and I wonder if you’re near
No nothing’s wrong- I told myself I would be strong but I let it slip away. Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall Tumble to the day?
Hands go limp just like a baby Sun breaks through the glass and maybe You alone could make me smile
Life moves on then like a train To crash and clatter in my brain, but please Could you stay with me awhile?
Its that gold again, something warm against my ear Sun is pouring in and it feels as though you’re near
No nothing’s wrong- I told myself I would be strong but I let it slip away. Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall Tumble to the day?
Feel you breathing, how could I? There’s no one here but I Feel your hands upon my face
Feel you standing square and solid Heavy arms upon me I… Now I feel a sense of place
If you found me there, if there was a way to meet me Could I follow you? No, I could never take your hand completely.
No nothing’s wrong- I told myself I would be strong but I let it slip away. Hey would you say the only way to get there is to fall Tumble to the day?
These plates, called “Friendly Village” (which I don’t own) were the inspiration for this song. There is something so romantic about plates, especially when they contain pictures framed in brown designs. The color brown itself is so dreamy. It represents that ideal you are always reaching for but can never find…. security, home.
His hands upon me I was spun around. Tripping over my feet through the softly fading town
Brother no… nobody leads the way Brother no… nobody leads the way
He turns towords me when the evening shines His hands upon my head I’ll wait until my time
Brother no….. nobody leads the way Brother no….. nobody leads the way
First it seems to be a no go Then he tells you things will fade away All the while the winds begin to blow And so you stumble on the way
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love This is just a matter of fact I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
His arm around my neck I start to smile We’ll watch the clouds pass by just for a little while
Brother oh…… I’ll let you lead the way Brother oh…. I’ll let you lead the way
First it seems to be a rainbow Then he tells me it’s a cloud of gray All the while the fog begins to grow so you will Wander through the day
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love This is just a matter of fact I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
He holds me up against the wall til I can fly Scenes of peaceful villages fade in & out of mind
Brother no… I’ll let you lead the way Brother no… I’ll let you lead the way.
First he tells you its a no no Then he tells me I must seize the day All the while the clouds begin to grow And they grow colder on the way
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love. This is just a matter of fact. I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
If I sound out of breath its cause I am. But I had to get this recorded anyway. It is from a dream in which I was on a train & sometimes I worry if I let too much time pass I will lose the dream’s feeling.
Step on the train my friend Down beneath your feet it rolls Hands upon the window now We watch the clouds begin to blow
See the sky fill up with wind Press against us like a flag Til the evening comes again And then the clouds begin to drag
No one can know us now We are unknown to ourselves Flying forward here we go And now the sky begin to melt
Nobody knows the way Flying forward here we go No one can help us now Sing cause its the only thing we know
Watchin the sun rise now And the sky he comes again I tried to help you but I only seemed to make the darkness bend
Through a tunnel now we’ll fly Rest your eyes for just a while Darkness push upon us push upon us Let confusion lie
I didn’t know you then You didn’t even know yourself Flying forward through the dark And now the tracks begin to melt
First we’ll reach the tunnels end Then we’ll move into the light Golden beams upon us Sing cause it’s the only thing inside
Step on the train my friend Press your face against the sky Watch the blue forever flow Watch the world begin to fly
Feel the dream begin again Feel your eyes begin to close Press your face against glass Sing cause it’s the only thing we know.
(Can you please just ignore the way my face looks in the frozen video screen? Youtube just selects a random moment from the video & it is hard to sing in a way where you never look weird. The hardest part of being a musician is how you are also supposed to be a professional engineer. And someone who likes to be on stage. And self promoter, etc etc etc)
Can you close your eyes we’re almost there? I can feel the tendrils of his hair Look I see the pole they said that we’d find First you know we saw it in our mind.
Close your eyes and let him start to speak First we fall down limply then go weak Though we cannot move we see the star And we know this man will take us FAR.
First we feel his hands caress our face Lips that part too gently to erase All the things that lay behind us now Things that hurt us in the mind somehow.
Darkened hands that lifted up the lid Of the heavy black box where we hid Till those heavy hands became a star And we knew this man would take us FAR.
Sister hold my hand it’s just the two of us to withstand what he gives. Let your mind give way you know they say the one who dies will be the only one lives.
First his eyes seem black then they seem blue First he watches me then watches you As though we were dancing though we lie Paralyzed and facing towards the sky.
Then we feel his hands begin to touch Do we like it no or very much? Either way we’re flying in his car We have found the man who takes us FAR.
He points the gun at me I say please don’t shoot He says what makes you think I would do that to you? After all that I’ve done that’s the way that you see me? Then walk out that door cause you might as well leave me.
Oh no…. my brain…..something cracking inside Please I need to find darkness some place I can hide Just climb under the bed, just lie there very still I wish someone would find me but they never will.
Walking around it’s a haze in my mind now And the flowers are blooming, the sun is behind now But inside it’s raining I can’t make it stop And I bite on my tongue cause I need not to talk.
Oh no…. my head… something breaking inside Now I need to find shelter some place I can hide But behind every door there’s a man with a new gun There’s no where to go if I had the strength to run.
Clouds in the sky I don’t think I can join you So fluffy and free all the bullet pass through you You’ve nothing to fear and you rain when you want to I wish you saw me I need someone to talk to.
Oh no… my heart… something breaking inside Can you hold it together until we can hide? Just climb under the bed just lie there very still I wish someone would find us but they never will.
Can you close your eyes we’re almost there? I can feel the tendrils of his hair Look I see the pole they said we’d find First you know we saw it in our mind.
Close your eyes and let him start to speak First we fall down limply then go weak Though we cannot move we see the star And we know this man will take us FAR.
First we feel his hands caress our face Lips that part too gently to erase All the things that lay behind us now Things that hurt us in the mind somehow.
Darkened hands that lifted up the lid Of the heavy black box where we hid Till those heavy hands became a star And we knew this man would take us FAR.
Sister hold my hand it’s just the two of us To withstand what he gives. Let your mind give way you know they say the one who dies Will be the only one lives.
First his eyes seem black then they seem blue First he watches me then watches you As though we were dancing though we lie Paralyzed and facing towards the sky.
Then we feel his hands begin to touch Do we like it no or very much? Either way we’re flying in his car We have found the man who takes us FAR.
There are different types of songs I guess. This is one of those songs that you hear playing in your head which you assume will annoy people, but you write it down anyway, just in case it matters somehow. In general, I try not to judge songs too much since their meaning changes to me over time. Lots of songs which I once thought were dumb started to seem important to me in hindsight.
Hold it together & fight through the mud You will find him there. Close your eyes tightly the fingers you feel A spider through your hair.
Hands on my head will you steady me, steady me There’s too much I’ve seen. I only thought things would be wonderful I didn’t know he could be mean.
I loved a dream. I loved a dream.
Hands on my head could you steady me, steady me Show me who I am. Winds on my mind they are blowing me, blowing me Blowing me round in circles again.
Sometimes I feel like I could do so many things Running fast & far. Finding myself in another place, other place Who took me here? Who drove the car?
I loved a dream. I loved a dream.
Hands on my head could you steady me, steady me Guide me through the dark? Keep touching me til I’m ready so ready then Let my mind restart.
Scanning my eyes through another town other town Always gray and blue Searching again for the boldest man, oldest man He will be you.
Forces of air are you trying to speak to me Why do you blow on my mind? Help me to be just one person, the same person All of the time.
I have been meaning to publish this for a month but I hate dealing with images of myself so much that I always procrastinate. Hearing myself sing makes me feel weird too.
Also, things have been so strange recently that I haven’t been able to play music until today, when finally I climbed back into being myself.
2020 was a weird year for many people due to all these bad planets forming a single mega-planet in the grim sign of Capricorn. It had been a dark year for me filled with many fears, mostly relating to money, marriage, totalitarian governments and eternal boredom. When I realized a couple of these planets were about to be moving into Aquarius- breaking up this monster after a year of total darkness- I got a little carried away with celebrating & think I accidentally got possessed by something in the process.
Which is why I have spent the last month setting up my Cardano stake pool & promoting it, trying to get people to stake, helping them with technical difficulties etc. If you knew me, you would realize how completely out of character this is. I would wake up in the morning, start watching tech videos & be at it- learning and helping others- until 5 am. Suddenly it was really easy for me to learn & understand these things. I found them interesting. It was very odd considering how much I hate all things tech. I can barely bring myself to record my own songs.
Eventually though, I was so different from my regular self that I started to get worried. I was so mental- basically 100% brain. I couldn’t even relate to the idea of ever having been a musician. Plus, I couldn’t turn it off. Solving tech problems & learning from dusk till dawn. I started to feel like the girl in that fairy tale who puts on dancing shoes that make her dance until she drops dead.
So, I tried to do an intervention on myself. I took down all the Aquarian things I had hung up on my walls so they are blank pink slates again. A few days later, I am starting to go back to normal. Luckily, I seem to have retained what I learned, so maybe I can be myself AND a tech zillionaire.
As you know, dying of poverty has been one of my dominant fears over the past few years, so to have hope of a different future feels…. well, it feels like the darkness has ended. And hope is actually what Aquarius stands for.
I LOVE YOU AQUARIUS! I’M SORRY FOR ALL THE BAD THINGS I SAID ABOUT YOU IN THE PAST!! Thank you for being my friend.
Live in a sea of broken glass Pieces were shining everywhere Somebody turned to walk around Somebody watching from the stairs
Pick up the piece to find you Has this always been your face? Pick up the piece behind you Has this always been your face?
Watching the moonlight dripping down Watching the starlight spin away Everything moves around and round Never a way to make you stay
Pick up the piece to find you Has this always been your face? Pick up the piece behind you Has this always been your face?
Mirrors were broken on the ground Pick up a piece to keep me sound You leave the room and then you’re gone Watching the walls spin round & round
How can I not believe in you? You were the one man standing there Everyone knows the things you do But underneath it all you care
Swim in a sea of broken glass Throwing the rainbows on the wall Breathing so hard I have to gasp Caught in the ecstasy I fall
Pick up the piece to find you Has this always been your face? Pick up the piece behind you Has this always been your face?
(Please note, this post is about the sign Aquarius, which is always operative- to a greater or lesser degree- in all events & humans. We are ALL aquarian to some extent & are currently living in a very aquarian time- a trend that will continue in years to come. Therefore, it seems valuable for everyone to acquaint themselves with this energy whether you consider yourself “an Aquarius” or not.)*
Have you ever left family, relationships or hometown behind in order to become the person you were meant to be? If so, you have experienced the pull of Aquarius.
Aquarius is a sign of relationship, but it is our relationship to humanity as a whole- the faceless crowds, the people who have yet to be born, the aquaintances who come and go freely from our life without leaving broken hearts behind. It is the sign of all relationships which are unbinding, which leave us free to come and go, which do not restrict our individuality. It is the sign of relationships born from an abstract love of humanity, with no desire to possess the other person. Governed by benevolence but also an absence of passion.
Our intimate and familial relationships always restrict- to some extent- our ability to be free. We care about these people and try to become what they need. We merge and our identities blend. Aspects of self get rubbed down and reshaped from the friction.
Aquarius seeks relationships which will not restrict but enable an uncompromised expression of self. Online, for example, people seek out groups who share their opinions or passions, allowing them to fully express aspects of themselves in a way they cannot do around grandma. And when these virtual connections begin to chafe, they are discarded with the click of a button & replaced.
Aquarius can also mean an abstract love for humanity itself. Or even a love for abstractions, such as God, math, virtue, or the planets. These are the sort of loves that will not keep you warm at night, but will never desert you either. They give people the strength to continue when other sources of meaning have failed them.
Being the wide open field of humanity, Aquarius also brings opportunity. It is well known that developing a wide social network is one of the best ways to advance yourself in any career. Your mother may not know anyone looking to hire a clown, but *somebody* does. And by developing acquaintances in a detached, non-emotional way, it becomes quite easy for you to know the person who knows the person who wants to hire a clown and thus fulfill your childhood dream of becoming a pedophile.
Aquarius can also relate to acquiring large amounts of money with ease. Imagine someone successfully selling their product to the masses, money pouring in from all directions. Now imagine someone selling lemonade to his friends and neighbors. Not only is the second man’s audience limited, but every sale becomes a drama of sorts. People who buy his lemonade now feel he owes them one as though they were doing him a favor. Perhaps they WERE just buying it as a favor and pretty soon annoyance and resentment start to flow all around.
When a person sells to strangers on the other hand, emotional entanglements rarely enter the picture & the business is free to soar.
The downside to the lofty, detached energy of Aquarius is that it can be demotivating for some, especially females who- like cold blooded animals- tend to need the warmth of human connection to thrive. This cold, high minded energy can be the kiss of death in intimate relationships. Hence the reason that in charts it frequently forebodes divorce or perhaps a person who never gets married at all. Successful aquarian romantic relationships do exist, but they requires both individuals to prefer devotion to God over romance, to be swingers, live on separate continents, or have some other factor in place to prevent their identities from becoming overly merged & keep emotional complications to a minimum.
Sometimes Aquarius is a means to an end and not the final destination. A person breaks out of a restrictive situation & expands into the blue in order to find the place where they belong, so that they may put down roots which will last. Dating sites, for example, are Aquarian in that you can coldly sift through the humans on display, tapping or dismissing them as you wish, but the ultimate goal is to find a place where a fire can begin and the Aquarian expanse left behind.
Aquarius is a mental energy and linked to advances in science and technology, fields commonly fueled by an abstract idealism- a desire to solve the problems of humanity and make the world a better place.
Aquarian love- a heady mix of idealism & possibility- can lead to feelings of exhilaration. Still it is a cold, impersonal love, which will not set your loins on fire nor cause your heart to burst into flame. Consider, though, that heat is movement. Heat requires energy and therefore an energy source to feed upon. With romantic love, people may not even know what food their passion is feasting upon & therefore feel lost & bewildered when passion dies and love grows cold. But Aquarian love, being forever cold, needing neither food nor warmth to maintain it, lasts forever.
This is why Aquarius is known as a “fixed” sign. While it is popular nowadays to view reality as an ever changing flux, in astrology there are signs whose job it is to always change & other signs- like Aquarius- whose job it is to stay the same (hence ‘fixed.)
When we develop a love for humanity, a love for God, or even a love for virtue- these are Aquarian loves that will never abandon us or let us down. Even if we consider ourselves a warm, fiery person, it is important to have at least a slice of this cold, eternal love in our love portfolio. It can carry us through those times when when warm love- subject to destruction by the constant sway of emotions- is no where to be found.
Perhaps this is why the ancients considered Aquarius to be under the rulership of Saturn- bringer of fortitude and king of all things which time cannot decay. When we have a friend in Aquarius, we have a friend forever.
* When someone says “I am an Aquarius” they mean they were born with the sun in Aquarius. Whether or not they relate to this energy, however, depends on many factors, including the placement of the other 9 planets in their chart. At any rate, I can not stress enough that this post is about Aquarius itself- an energy which we all contain & contend with- not a particular group of people.
They say the rain will play that song again
You know the way it will go.
To feel his net within my mind again
I’ll lead the way even so.
If you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way
If you want to say that they were wrong when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window then you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
I feel the baker take her time again
Stir slow, stir slow all of the corn.
Green field appear within my mind again
Grow slow, grow slow, only born.
If you wanna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you wanna say that they were wrong, when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window and you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
You know the way to pull that cold from me
Pull hard, pull hard, pull with your hand.
My hair was rope inside your hand, you see
Pull hard, pull hard see if you can.
If you wanna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you wanna say that they were wrong, when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same an
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window and you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?