Category: Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts
I mentioned a couple posts back that I was going to stop doing astrology readings in order to avoid being visited by people’s ‘ghosts.’ However, now that I have stopped, the ghost-thingies have not stopped coming. In fact, every interaction, even the briefest of facebook exchanges, is now accompanied by these emotion-filled transparencies. Luckily, these are usually just colored blobs that surround (and sometimes overlap) my head, and not head to toe ‘possessions’ like I was experiencing before.
Still, especially when I am interacting with a decent number of people, these blobs can become quite unpleasant, not to mention confusing, especially while I am still in the early stages of learning what they mean. James insists that the more I embrace and understand them, the less bothersome these perceptions will become. Considering that I seem to have no choice in the matter, I just hope he is right.
I don’t think of myself as someone who sees ghosts (now I am using the word ‘ghost’ in the technical sense) because- praise the Lord- I do not see transparent people floating through old houses. I cannot even imagine how freaky that would be. However, I do see things invisible beings which attach themselves to humans and feed off their energy. Sometimes I call these things ghosts. There are two different types I am aware of (although this isn’t a subject I have yet given much though to, so I may have to amend my statements at a later date.)
1. Ghouls. Ghouls are blobular entities that connect to the bottom half of a person’s body where they feed off their sexual energy. The telltale sign of a ghoul is little droplets of blood coming off the corners of a person’s mouth. (That is how I perceive them anyway.) Ghouls seem to have the effect of giving a person an outsized desire for ‘red things,’ such as sex, power, & bloody, iron rich foods. There is a gruesome quality to ghouls which make me feel nauseated in their presence although their host may be an otherwise pleasant person. If you are interacting with an intelligent, clean and thoughtful person who still leaves you wanting to wretch you may be in the presence of a ghoul.
2. Thin Men. (I just made this name up for fun. I don’t know if there are official names for these things or not.)
Thin men also live off a person’s red energy, but unlike ghouls they do not drive their host to seek more and more blood. Instead,the thin man will encourage the host to stay focused on spirituality, leaving the bottom half of the body unguarded. This allows the thin man to move in and live for free off a person’s life energy. I believe thin men are actually male ancestors, while ghouls are non-human. The telltale sign of a thin man is an empty gray rectangle overlaying the bottom half of the body. Or in a more practical sense, there may be a noticeable absence or rich earthy energy and colors in a person’s life.
In fact, if you want to protect yourself from thin men (who are far more common than ghouls), it is a good idea to be a little hearty and peasant-like in your approach to life rather than jumping onto the white, spiritual zen aesthetic that is currently trending. Think twice before doing the recommended morning meditation of focusing on your breath, and consider taking that time to clip coupons or google topless pics of your favorite Hollywood hunk (if you are a woman, I mean). If you are a man, you can take it up a notch and try hunting or chopping wood. Identifying yourself with all that is practical, tangible and lusty will make you an unsuitable host for the thin man.
I will probably have more to say about attachments in the future. I have seen these sorts of things for a while, but was always trying to push them out of my mind in an effort to avoid going insane. Now I am trying the opposite approach. Only time will tell which way is the wiser…
James said I should try to clean this up & not have my songs sound so messy, but the truth is I am just too lazy & don’t have the stomach for dealing with technology. I know I could push through it & try to get better, but that would take willpower, which is also in short supply.
So how to get more willpower? From what I can tell you are either born with it, get it from eating meat, or become a sexual predator to steal vital life force from your victims. I am sure there are other ways, but until I figure them out you will have to deal with messy songs!
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Feels like I’m falling in love
Feels like I’m falling in love
Feels like I’m falling in love
Everybody’s falling in love
I will never know what it’s like to be you
I have never held the keys to a cage.
See my hair is falling into my eyes, once again
Now you’re flying into a rage.
Feels like I’m falling in love…
Lock me up again in your cage every night
Leave me sitting there on my hands.
Leave me gazing into the moonlight
I already see the face of a man.
Feels like I’m falling in love…
I can smell the flowers inside of my mind
I’m crushing them inside my brain.
I can you standing behind of the willow tree
Peering through a cloud of cocaine.
Feels like I’m falling in love…
Tie by the wrist till it bleeds and it burns
Then watch me struggle against my cage.
All the while the universe twists and it turns
All the while I dance on its stage.
Feels like I’m falling in love…
Download MP3: Falling in Love
Black flags fly in the streets today
Misty air, sky of grey
Pull my scarf up around my face
Everywhere is this place
His face.
In my home where the pictures hang
His mustache, his white fang
Light a fire and remove my gloves
He is everything I know
Of love.
I would like to run, but consequences are too severe
Trip I lose a finger, fall down I lose an ear.
Cross the street where the neighbors play
Jump and run, lemonade
Walk downtown where the black flags fly
Spin and spin, which way to
The sky?
Faces peer behind every door
Big black holes, nothing more
Touch the door, but I won’t go in
Win I lose, lose I win
Again.
I would like to run, but consequences are too severe
Trip I lose a finger, fall down I lose an ear.
Cross the bridge where the soldiers stand
Setting sun, handsome man
Cross the tracks where the money lies
Pick it up, which way to
The sky?
Wake up in my bed again
Happy dreams always end
Big black bubble follows me
Spin and spin, which way to
The sea?
I would like to run, but consequences are too severe
Trip I lose a finger, fall down I lose an ear.
Download MP3: Ear
Everybody says the same old things; they don’t know what’s going on.
Lining up likes ducks in a row; they don’t know soon they’re gonna be gone.
Everything washes away they say, but they don’t know where it goes when it’s gone
Lining up with eyes on the drain they strain, while the moon rises above the lawn.
Shining silver on the great big house,
Shining silver on the little white mouse who runs to hide.
Shining silver on the white brick wall,
Shining silver where the shadows fall
The taste of iron inside.
Put the cuffs on their ankles and hands
Their legs will shake but we need them to stand.
Tuck a little piece of metal into each little mouth
Press their lips shut we need them not to shout.
Line them up against the white brick wall
Fire above their heads so they’ll start to crawl, looking for a place to hide.
Open up the back door, they’ll scramble in
Make certain that the last one is safely in then lock the door behind.
A man is asleep in a great big bed,
Stars glitter softly on his bald head,
He knows what’s going on.
He could try to change it, but it would still end the same.
He is just a player; he does not control the game.
He knows he’s just a pawn.
And so he sleeps with a contented snore
As they crawl like shaking children through his back door.
He knows they’ll be finished off by the stairs,
Choking on their own blood but he no longer cares.
All he can do is escape from their screams
By flying into a world made of beautiful dreams.
A world where the mice people are his friends,
A world in which life never ends.
Download Mp3: Mice People
5 bright stars that I’ve never seen before
Step by step walking on the checkerboard
You know, some things get easier with time
Blood flows much easier when I know the blood is mine.
5 dark knights sleeping underneath the skies
Toss and turn, thinking of the way you died
I can’t describe what is left of me more delicate than a lace
Hold me in your hand then let me slip into the wind and watch
Me fly.
Sometimes the sky is filled with eyes.
5 small boys I saw them inside my dream
Step by step but the checkerboard was green
You know, they never cried they were a bubble in the air
Flying in the wind they never knew that you were there
All of the time.
They were oblivious to the feeling of your eyes.
Step by step walking to the rabbit hole
And there I will forget, fall into a black so fine
That you were there with me when every wind
Was filled with time.
We were oblivious to the feeling of their eyes.
Download MP3: Five Dark Knights
Although I’m not religious, there are at least two Gods I believe in…
1. A White God, * whom I simply call “God.” He is the man in the sky who hears our prayers and answers them, so long as they are not in conflict with our destiny or personal growth. But no matter what, when we reach out to him, he will respond with care and love. He is above all our friend.
2. A Gold God, whom I call “God the Father.” He is the watchmaker who created the laws which run the universe. There is no need to pray to him, because he has already constructed the universe to run according to the highest good of all. Plus, he is far away, standing outside the world as he watches it turn.
He does, however, contain vast reservoirs of intelligence and wisdom that we can tap into, and also the Virtues. Virtues are, of course, things like honesty, courage, kindness etc. But on the golden level, they are power sources built into the fabric of the universe. By tapping into them we release external forces as well as internal ones.
Basically, the Virtues are stars- shining above us from all directions- with some diametrically opposed to others (frugality vs generosity, for example.) When we embody a virtue, we unleash a powerful wind blowing us in that star’s direction. If we tap into the right virtue, one that is aligned with our destiny, we will experience this as powerful forces of synchronicity coming to play in our favor, helping us to achieve our purpose. But if we tap into the wrong virtue, one that is not aligned with our destiny, it can be a disaster, carrying us into a foreign life where our strengths are useless. Or worse still, blowing us into a hostile world where our gifts are liabilities.
This is why I have yet to tap into any virtues myself. I don’t have the self-knowledge to know if I ought to be jovial or sober, trusting or crafty. But one day I look forward to doing it. Who wants to slog their way through life when they could be blown swiftly away by forces beyond their control?
* Given the mood of the moment with everyone on the lookout for racism, I feel the need to point out that this God being white has nothing to do with “white people.” At any rate, he is not the “white” color of Caucasian skin, he is white like bones, the color of bones that all humans and animals share.
Why is the wind so cold? Shiver and shake, then shut the door…
I don’t need friends like that much anymore.
Why is the sun so silver, shining in the sky like a dime?
I must have lost track of the time.
Where did I put my glasses? Knocking the jars down with my hand
Spilling the corn meal and the sand.
Three legged stool, I think I’ll sit down on you just for a while…
Head in my hands, I’m crying now.
Time. Sky. There must be somewhere nice where all the birds go when they fly.
Space. Darkness falls casting its purple on my face.
Where is my cane, again? Oh, I see it leaning by the door.
Perhaps the two of us will go explore.
Just take a walk and let the wind try to hurt us as it will…
Friends that can bleed but cannot kill.
Time. Pain. Blood dripping in the mason jar- but not in vain.
Need. Planting us painfully with a golden seed.
And when the moon comes up we’ll capture it silver in our eyes…
Just a man and his cane walking side by side.
And when the moon comes up we’ll follow the silver it unrolls…
Just a man and his cane going for a stroll.
Download MP3: The Pine Fairy Takes a Stroll
My first attempt at making a video. Although I hate having my photograph taken, somehow video cameras are less intimidating.
At any rate, this is another song about the Pine Fairy, a fairy on his way to becoming a magician. Being of a piney nature, he is prone to piercing, torturous bouts of grief. However, in the end, these feelings become the key to his power, lifting him above the humdrum of life and compelling him to seek out those things which are truly eternal.
Cloud at my door, come in, come in.
Where have you wandered, my friend, my friend?
I have grown weary, I have grown tired;
Every day get up and start a new fire.
But what bothers me most is this feeling I get
That my life is a story that’s already writ;
And that faith has no magic except to forgive-
And if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna live.
See you next Sunday, let me open the door
And you’ll walk down the cobblestone path like before-
Just a fluffy white cloud, one who never asks why,
You just wobble a bit then you climb to the sky.
But what bothers me most is that when you are gone
I stare hard at my hands and tell them to keep on,
Cause you gotta keep grinding and keep with the toil
Because life is just this; it is not something more.
Too tired to struggle, too bitter to give-
And if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna live.
I watch you flying; I watch how you soar.
I know you are a cloud, you are not something more.
And the sky is a flag- something flat, something blue;
And yet you are my friend and I’m a friend to you.
But when I close my eyes all the blue grows so deep
That it drowns me in currents too wavy to sleep;
And I need to decide if the water’s a dream
Or if there’s still a chance life is not what it seems.
Caught between hard things and things elusive-
But if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna to live.
Download MP3: Ben