Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs

Anything like Free

Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.

Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .

But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time

Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.

I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Download MP3: Anything Like Free

A not happy selfie. Are those taboo? Although- as I mentioned earlier- I am terrified of photos, the one exception is that if I am very upset I will take a photo of myself crying. I don’t know why. Pain witnessed is pain reduced, I suppose, and sometimes you have to be your own witness.

 

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized Videos

Anything Like Free (Video)

Well, I didn’t have anyone who could hold a phone for me to take a video, so I had to try another way.

I don’t know what to say about this song so I will just put the lyrics below.

Hope you are doing well.

Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.

Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .

But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time

Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.

I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.

I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Videos

Old Guitar (Video)

Trying to take a video with my telephone.

This song is called “Old Guitar” which is strange because I hate songs that mention guitars in them. It is creepy- like a painting of a paint brush. I don’t trust artists that are so into art that they actually write songs about it. It feels masturbatory when artists set art too high on a pedestal. If artists are going to worship anyone, it should be the people who make it possible for them to pursue lacy ephemeral things- people like lumberjacks, soldiers, carpenters, farmers, moms etc. It is only thanks to these practical people that the ones like me can exist.*

Also,  I sort of believe that- as much as possible- artist should try to be soldiers & lumberjacks themselves, not just sit around fingering a guitar all day. Otherwise, they are like cut flowers that don’t have much to draw upon.

 

 

Categories
Astrology Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia

My Life

The Kanawha River, one block over from where we live. I really like this river for some reason. Maybe it is the name, or the fact that rivers look extra nice when winding through mountains. I think this was the day I wrote “Park Man” inspired by how grey the river and the sky become in the spring. I have started to love the color grey. To me, grey represents everything that is hidden, but could potentially be known.

 

Recently, my life has fallen into such a hyper-mundane phase that it is hard to say anything about it. Setting the tone for a day of laziness and apathy, is my morning ritual of writing in my “ESP” journal, in which I write down some of the colors & shapes that are floating in the air around me- along with my best guess at their meaning- until I get too exhausted & find myself scrolling through facebook instead. I have been doing this for a few months now and am on my 4th notebook.

Aside from a couple things I learned “from the ethers” which sent me into a state of shock that has taken me about 2 months to recover, the funny thing about my ESP journal is how hyper-mundane it is. No mystic secrets of the pyramids, but an endless stream of details mostly about my husband’s life and business transactions. Why that? Why not winning lottery numbers or perhaps useful information pertaining to my own life? I don’t know. I guess I haven’t yet learned how to adjust the frequency of my antennae.
One rule of ESP seems to be- the more a person wants to keep something hidden or even push it out of their own mind, the more it shows up highlighted and spotlighted in the invisible realms.  Same with lies. It is as though there is a siren and a strobe light attached to them. Which has made me incredibly annoying to my husband, like a nightmare wife. Whatever little details of his day he would most like to forget, whatever tiny thorns are lodged in his side, are the first things to show up in my pictures.
The unrelenting trivia of it and the fact that most of the trivia is related to other people (usually husband, but not always), does leave my wondering what the point is. (Yeah, I was drinking straight lemon juice, SO WHAT!?!)
And since I was too in shock, for a while, to follow my normal routines,  I have also spent a lot of time indulging in languid and miscellaneous interests, usually involving either planets or colors. One day, for example, I lay in front of a green lamp to see what would happen. Being a practical sort of person, I hoped it would make me rich. Instead, it overstimulated my brain so much that it was impossible to sleep that night. In the place of sleep were red lights which flashed inside my body, each one lighting up a horrible image of catastrophes that could befall either myself or a loved one. I became painfully aware of how little I was doing in real life to stop these bad things from happening. I swore to myself that from then on, I would be a different person, living by the book, and dutifully following the advice of experts in every field. When morning finally came, though, my limbs were so weak I could barely move. By the time I regained my strength, the feeling of eminent death and disaster had faded, so I ate 2 king sized bags of M&Ms to celebrate & let my dog have her favorite dinner- spaghetti.
A happy day, at least weather-wise, at the New River Gorge. I am not trying to peer into his skull at this moment because I am terrified. We are near a ridiculous drop-off and I am freaking out.
Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Uncategorized

What is the sky made of?

Stars shine like mesmerizing, reaching their hands to me
False my man, you shouldn’t taken a stand if you wanted to be that free.

Shadows stretch themselves before me, won’t let me say no
Like a trail of women they will follow you where you go.

Night is long
Filled with something strong.

And when you walk away, you thought no one would realize
What is the sky made of? It’s made of eyes.

Star shine like mesmerizing, filling my heart with black
Though I travel here and there in the daylight I come back.

Shadows stretch out in the sand, I watch their bright eyes shine
Travels through the desert are just travels through the mind.

Time is long
Leaves you wanting something wrong.

And when you walk away, you thought no one would realize
What is the sky made of? It’s made of eyes.

Swords through hearts, black blood pours
Catches stars, seeps through doors.

Eyes fill the shadows stretched so languid on the dunes
Look away, my man, you shouldn’t reach that land too soon.

Cause if you walk away, you know that you will realize
What is the sky made of? It’s made of eyes.

 

Download MP3: What is the sky made of?

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Nightfall

This song, which I wrote around a month ago, turned out to be prescient, since the following weeks have been spent uncovering secrets and sitting around crying because of them. Oh well. At any rate, I am now left with the feeling that I don’t want to be me anymore. At least not the suffocating me I have grown accustomed to. All I really want out of life is to live on the beach in a tiny pink shack and do psychic readings for people. And have enough money to buy t-shirts, scented soaps, and fish sandwiches. And to be able to swim through the ocean every day with my eyes open.

Would I want to do music? Maybe… I don’t know. Some parts I don’t like, like having to record it and upload it to a website. The process is straightforward and takes very little time, but still I seem to dread it. I am a technophobe, maybe. Plus, it is lonely, but the alternative is to sing and dance on a stage with people watching and that has a hollow feeling as well. Maybe I just don’t feel the need to share anything of myself with the world in the first place. What is the world but a big hollow ball? Why did I ever decide to “express myself” to begin with? I can’t remember what the point was…

 

When it comes to gold and kings
When it comes to killing things
When it comes to what we know
Stairs that lead us down below

Nightfall, falling away
Nightfall, come and play
Nightfall, will you help us slide
into the place where secrets hide?

All along, we travelled through a star encrusted sky
But did you ever know he watched you fly?

When it comes to giving things
and the happiness it brings
When to bravery and pride
Ribbons on our horses tied

Nightfall, falling away
Nightfall, come and play
Nightfall, will you watch us ride
into the place where secrets hide?

All along, we travelled through a star encrusted sky
But did you ever know he watched you fly?

When it comes to time and space
We remain in the same place
When it comes to killing me
Lift the knife and you will see

Nightfall, tumbling bone
Nightfall, velvet home
Nightfall, bury us inside
to reach the place where secrets hide.

All along, we travelled through a star encrusted sky
But did you ever know he watched you fly?

 

Download: Nightfall

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs

Cream Pot

 

 

Hand in the cream pot
with a silver spoon.
Times past remembered
in the month of June.

The fluid of time
Your face my mind

Dripping in milk
Framed by a black sky
Men walk on legs
I let them pass by.

One hand, pure white
Your moon, my kite

Fingers that slip
Slither into you
Wishing to touch
Wishing they knew you

Hand of the mother
in an apron string.
Face of the clover
through a silver ring.

The slime of night
I fly, I might

Words made of smoke
Changing forever
Tearing apart
Weaving together

One hand, one jar
To fill with stars…

 

Download MP3: Cream Pot

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

Park Man

You could be my dark man
Stranger in the park man
Standing in your trench coat flashing
Stars above but somethings crashing down

You could be my shady friend
Standing where the street lights end
Shadows fall always behind you
No one seeks and no one finds you now

Clouds stretch so far away
Endless worlds of endless grey
Walk before me and I’l follow you
This road leads us to tomorrow, true?

Clouds takes shape but they always lie
We’ll get bored but we’ll never die
Lay your hand upon my head now
Lead me through the fog and dread now

You could be my shadow man
To offer me your white bread hand
Shelling peanuts with your finger
A dusty feeling I remember now

Life can be so many things
Sometimes swirling like a dream
Sometimes flat I’m trapped inside it
Close my eyes but they won’t hide it

Half alive but that’s okay
The other half is filled with gray
Eyes are reaching through the fog and lace
From another world I can almost place

You could be my answer man
A book to dull to understand
A slice of bread upon my plate
The rusty and forgotten gate to now.

 

Download Mp3: Park Man

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Videos

Ear (Video)

 

Categories
Astrology Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia

Ghouls and Thin Men

I mentioned a couple posts back that I was going to stop doing astrology readings in order to avoid being visited by people’s ‘ghosts.’ However, now that I have stopped, the ghost-thingies have not stopped coming. In fact, every interaction, even the briefest of facebook exchanges, is now accompanied by these emotion-filled transparencies. Luckily,  these are usually just colored blobs that surround (and sometimes overlap) my head, and not head to toe ‘possessions’ like I was experiencing before.

Still, especially when I am interacting with a decent number of people, these blobs can become quite unpleasant, not to mention confusing, especially while I am still in the early stages of learning what they mean. James insists that the more I embrace and understand them, the less bothersome these perceptions will become. Considering that I seem to have no choice in the matter, I just hope he is right.

I don’t think of myself as someone who sees ghosts (now I am using the word ‘ghost’ in the technical sense) because- praise the Lord- I do not see transparent people floating through old houses. I cannot even imagine how freaky that would be. However, I do see things invisible beings which attach themselves to humans and feed off their energy. Sometimes I call these things ghosts. There are two different types I am aware of (although this isn’t a subject I have yet given much though to, so I may have to amend my statements at a later date.)

1. Ghouls. Ghouls are blobular entities that connect to the bottom half of a person’s body where they feed off their sexual energy. The telltale sign of a ghoul is little droplets of blood coming off the corners of a person’s mouth. (That is how I perceive them anyway.) Ghouls seem to have the effect of giving a person an outsized desire for ‘red things,’ such as sex, power, & bloody, iron rich foods. There is a gruesome quality to ghouls which make me feel nauseated in their presence although their host may be an otherwise pleasant person. If you are interacting with an intelligent, clean and thoughtful person who still leaves you wanting to wretch you may be in the presence of a ghoul.

2. Thin Men. (I just made this name up for fun. I don’t know if there are official names for these things or not.)

Thin men also live off a person’s red energy, but unlike ghouls they do not drive their host to seek more and more blood. Instead,the thin man will encourage the host to stay focused on spirituality, leaving the bottom half of the body unguarded. This allows the thin man to move in and live for free off a person’s life energy. I believe thin men are actually male ancestors, while ghouls are non-human. The telltale sign of a thin man is an empty gray rectangle overlaying the bottom half of the body. Or in a more practical sense, there may be a noticeable absence or rich earthy energy and colors in a person’s life.

In fact, if you want to protect yourself from thin men (who are far more common than ghouls), it is a good idea to be a little hearty and peasant-like in your approach to life rather than jumping onto the white, spiritual zen aesthetic that is currently trending. Think twice before doing the recommended morning meditation of focusing on your breath, and consider taking that time to clip coupons or google topless pics of your favorite Hollywood hunk (if you are a woman, I mean). If you are a man, you can take it up a notch and try hunting or chopping wood. Identifying yourself with all that is practical, tangible and lusty will make you an unsuitable host for the thin man.

I will probably have more to say about attachments in the future. I have seen these sorts of things for a while, but was always trying to push them out of my mind  in an effort to avoid going insane. Now I am trying the opposite approach. Only time will tell which way is the wiser…