Hey mister where you go? I was waiting too? Laying all my things around for you. Stars shining in the night if they only knew Waiting like I said I’d wait for you.
And its hard to be that strong When I was waiting there for you for so long. And its hard to live that low When I was waiting there for you to go.
Big man walks the night alone, I was walking too. I was walking til I find the the line to you. Yes he walked beside me then, for a while it’s true Tell me comfort til I found the round to you.
Cause it’s hard to live that low But there is nowhere in the dark where you can just go. And its hard to hear that song The one I sang inside my head to you for so long.
I prayed you’d walk before me Mountains that fall before me I never knew the way that things would change.
Take my hand before the star rise Pull the cotton away from my eyes I wait for you to come and bring the change.
Stars shining in the night I’ll be waiting too. Waiting like I said I wait for you. Soft breeze blow upon me now tremble in the dew I just stood there like I said I’d stand for you.
And it’s hard we live so long Always dreaming of a man whose so strong. And its hard, the things we know When there is no place in the world where you can just go.
I am still in a mute phase where I have nothing to say, but am forcing myself to write one quick paragraph anyway. It is funny, because I can write endlessly on Facebook but that is because I am simply responding to a sea of people and not having to pull anything from within myself. Left to my own devices, I am clear and flavorless jelly, I think.
Drag me cross the floor Tell me that I’m dead Music fills my ears Lightning fills my head and it’s like ah….You’ve been there all along.
Push me on the ground Pick me up again Push me down and laugh at me You don’t know who I am and it’s like ah…. I’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a night so clear The air so still The stars so near It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Staring at the wall Water in my hand No one there to hold me and I don’t know who I am And it’s like ah… I’ve been here all along
Dreams that slip away from you somehow when I didn’t know how To hold onto the bottle for myself. Dreams that lead the way for your somehow when I didn’t know how To follow down the glassy road myself.
Pull me to the stairs Hold me in your hands Who knows what you’ll do this time or where the dice will land And it’s like ah… we’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a world so blue A sphere so far away from you
A stream that leads me down so low There is no me I flow and flow
A world so far away and clear The music plays, the stars are near It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Meeting the perfect, ultimate man at the mall… but this was from a few months ago when malls were still allowed to be open. 🙁
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do.
That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong
to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall
but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop
but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars.
Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands
So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man
But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high
There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind.
There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know.
Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl.
You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay.
Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more.
I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me
But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see.
The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone
But either way, you are my home.
‘Oh! I wish you were dead. Then I could get some sleep, just please put a bullet in your head. Oh! You better not speak again.’ Slide to the floor, let it hold me once more, my thick and heavy friend.
Here come the Lights! Here come the Lights! I’ll follow them now, though they’re guiding me down Because they’ve come to set things right. Here come the Lights!
Oh! It’s like a parade- Everyone dancing around in the sun while I’m searching for the shade Or someone who can help me understand the things I’ve seen; But the dark world engulfs me, he’ll never let go because I am his queen.
Here come the Lights! Here come the Lights! I’ll follow them now, though they’re guiding me down Because they’ve come to set things right. Here come the Lights!
Oh! So this is the night? And these are the friends who slide under the door in the guise of liquid light? Oh! This is the Column of Heat! You have arrived, now I will shut my eyes because I know it’s safe to sleep.
Here come the Lights! Here come the Lights! I’ll follow them now, though they’re guiding me down Because they’ve come to set things right. Here come the Lights!
This is a song sung by a person who has been murdered. She is singing to her parents who are searching for her, not knowing if she is still alive. It is based on real events. 🙁
I hate dark & scary things. That is why I sometimes write songs about them. Songs can spin bad things out of this reality into another one. For the same reason, I rarely write songs about good things, for fear that I might accidentally spin them out of this world.
Here is the lyrics. That is wrong grammar, right? but I am so tired of good grammar. What has it ever done for me? I just want grammar to match the way I feel. But there are people who judge intelligence by adherence to proper form. I know you aren’t that way, and it is part of why I like you so much.
But I do fear the judgments of others. Mostly, because I don’t feel confident in my ability to survive in this world. Maybe one day I will be walking the streets without food or shelter and the judgments people have of my value will be the only thing standing between me and death.
So, for the sake of survival I try to be dignified. But it is a heavy load to bear. Sometimes I wish I could be free- but you know where freedom leads- straight to the homeless shelter. Or the insane asylum. I also have a fear of being locked up in a mad house, with people using my own words to prove that I am out of my mind. It is a very easy thing for me to imagine.
Did I tell you about the time I was accused of wanting to murder a gigantic man and taken to be evaluated by psychiatrists who viewed my “eccentricities” (such as nail polish & proclivity for walking) as signs of a murderous personality? Did I tell you about the time I was said to have raped a gigantic woman? How would I even do these things and why? I don’t know. But what I do know, is that if you seem different somehow, it is easy for others to project whatever meanings they like onto these differences.
If you want to stay safe, dignity is the best choice. But it is a heavy load to bear.
*
Push through trees at night you’ll never Find the one you’ll love forever. Some die, some don’t; some will, some won’t Follow me & I will show you.
Come find me, keep in mind we won’t be coming home- I am bone.
Shine a flashlight on the dark ground Time changes thing until they can no longer be found. I once swore to go before you Follow me & I will show you.
Come find me, keep in mind we won’t be coming home- I am bone.
When they scream you’ll know they’ve found me Terror and shock they will surround me. Don’t shake don’t cry, I am nearby Follow me and I will show you.
Come find me, keep in mind we won’t be coming home- I am bone.
