Light on the wall Just stare at it hard then he’s coming to call He said that your name was the cause for it all But you knew truth- he knew nothing at all And next thing it’s all coming down.
Blue on your mind Then come the words that you’re struggling to find A world that don’t change and his arm like a vine till he’s lifting you up by the shoulder.
Waited too long You can’t hold it back now you’re lost in the song To enter a world where you could not belong only lay hypnotized in the smolder.
Cotton is shame But when you’re alone then you’re primed for the game The way you’ll go out is the way that you came To touch is to know that you’re feeling the same And next thing it’s all coming down.
Light on your mind It hurts when you know he’s not looking to find Anything more than to have a good time and that you were the one he could roller.
Melted again Everyone knows it’s the heart of these men To lower you down till you can’t rise again then they turn to a friend and grow colder.
You will remain Just hold your hands close to the fire of the pain And in the end only the fire will remain The men will return to the light where they came And next thing it’s all coming down.
I just need to write a quick post in defense of a dear friend- Hatred. Just like Mr. Rogers, I am a big fan of all feelings. What are feelings really, but colors that enter our body, giving us the energy & wisdom to do what needs to be done? And what is hatred but a surge of red fire to our heart, enabling us to respond appropriately to extreme situations? To set aside our vanity, our social hangups, our desire to be pleasing and simply fight for something we care about?
Why has hatred has been so demonized? I hate hatred? Hatred has no home here? Do these people love hatred so much they are hoping to keep it all for themselves? Are they are prepping future victims to not have a swift and violent response to being attacked? Do they want men to be so impotent they won’t stand up for women? Women to be so zenned out they will walk over the murdered bodies of loved ones with a smile?
There is little chance a human will overdose on hatred. It simply consumes too much energy to be sustained over time- much like an erection. No one needs to worry that their erection will become permanent and live in their pants forever. Likewise, there is no chance that hatred will set up a permanent station in your heart. It is too combustible- flaring up under extreme circumstances and then dying down once released.
When hatred comes into your heart it should be embraced so that your red circuits can flow freely. If you try to smother it down with an extra scoop of white spirituality you will only end up with social impotence. Because a man incapable of hatred has no meaningful role to play in society. He can’t get married if he is unable to summon enough red to hate those who would threaten his wife. He can’t even stand up for his own life and can only hope that men who are capable of hatred will be in his vicinity if extreme circumstances ever arise. In essence, a man who cannot hate is a wuss.
Hatred comes to us to enliven the heart and give it courage. When you really boil it down- hatred is the flame of love, turned up so bright that it begins to hurt. You only hate when you love something so much you are willing to protect, destroy & sacrifice for it. It is a beautiful thing.
Like the string that brings the rain, you could feel him coming Like the rain was dripping down Overflowing for a while and no man could hold it They just watched it pouring down.
First his hands were on your face- maybe this is love? Then your head upon the ground With his shoe upon your face, time to close your eyes now Listen to the rain fall down.
Watch the window through the rain, hands upon your shoulders Watch the things you knew fall down First you feel a flash of pain, maybe this is love? Watch the world you knew fall down.
Pour your heart into his mind, read the figures in the wood There were things that you got right and some things misunderstood Watch for shadows that approach, darkened faces that draw close They’re the remnants of the fire; they’re the ones who love you most.
Like to watch the sky through lace, only for a moment You could fly away somehow Learn to watch the flow of days and the flow of moments Like the fear they’re dripping down.
Like to watch the sky through pain, only for a moment. You could fly away somehow Learn to watch the flow of days and the flow of moments Like the fear they’re dripping now.
I have been wearing yellow tinted glasses today, which makes it a bit easier to find words to express myself.
This is one of many songs I have written about protective spirits, the sorts that follow a person around. In this case, they are spirits of the air. They help a person to avoid danger, but if the emotional connection to them grows too strong then a feeling of detachment from life can take hold. Because they are spirits of freedom & escape. Not spirits of building a nest within this world.
Although they do provide friendship to some extent, if a person is trying to resolve loneliness, fire spirits would be a better choice. Because they warm the heart & make it easier to connect to others.
Still, I love spirits of the air. They are always around us and never far away.
Step softly now.
See their hooded eyes.
Keep us close at hand-
You may need our quick advice
But everybody’s watching you- they got a lot to say.
Just keep their words within a jar- we’ll open it one day.
After all, life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
Step softly now.
Feel the hidden hand.
Through the bushes it extends to you
The outline of a man
Then he says hide! duck! back up against the van where he can’t see you!
Crawl over to the shadows where we’re waiting, for we may be the only ones who need you.
After all, life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
And how do you feel now, standing on your own?
Like a column made of fire?
A feeling that you could be quite alone.
Move quickly now- don’t believe you have a friend
They just like to watch you trip and fall- they’ll push you down again.
So quickly crawl back into the alleyway where he won’t see you
Back up against the tree and we will be there- perhaps we are the only ones who need you.
After all, life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
I have to include a random picture here for practical purposes. (Otherwise, Facebook attaches a photo I hate to my posts when I try to share them.) This is me at Blenko- a place where they make glass in West Virginia. It is one of my favorite things about the state.
Originally the chorus was “I feel you growing like a lamp behind me,” but then I got paranoid that lamp could have some alternate sexual meaning, as 90% of words seem to, so I changed it to Light, just to be safe. No one will read anything seedy into pure, disembodied Light.
Open the shade- I know what is coming
The stars, the sky, the moon- they are all watching
Kidneys hurt- too hard to stand
Hello floor- it’s me again.
Down on the floor- I see him beside
His golden eyes- they shine they guide.
He can’t touch; he can’t do nothing to save.
Those are the rules and he is just a slave.
Give it just a little more time- I’ll know you’ll save me.
Though you are not my man and I’m not your baby.
Give it just a little more time- I know you’ll find me.
I feel you growing like a lamp behind me.
He is silent, he is strong and standing in his square
A pane of glass between us and his body made of air
Sometimes I will slump down on that glass and I will breath him
Till I’m weak and I am crying from believing that I need him.
He says- Stand up on your legs. Oh, no, no, no- I am too weak
And if I don’t crumble like a slut who will be there for me?
Because half of all these days I can’t remember who I am
I just look around and grab onto the first hand that I can.
Give it just a little more time, I’ll know you’ll save me
Though you are not my man and I’m not your baby
Give you just a little more time, I know you’ll find me
I feel you drawing like a light behind me.
When God is your witness please say you will vouch for me
No no not to say that I was good, nor that I tried to be
But please tell him that my leaves reached up like arms towards his sky
Tell him that my roots would suck so hard they made the earth grow dry.
Give it just a little more time, I’ll know you’ll save me
Though you are not my man and I’m not your baby
Give you just a little more time I know you’ll find me
I feel you drawing like a light behind me.
I haven’t been able to post anything in here for a while due to being in a state of confusion & constantly switching identities. I’m not sure why this happens. If I were to trace it back to something I think it probably began with accidentally making a bunch of people mad on social media. I hate making people mad since I am the world’s biggest wuss. On the other hand, the more I try to please people, the more I accidentally end up saying exactly what they don’t want to hear. Just like the harder I try to make sure I don’t say anything sexual, the more some kind of phallic imagery will slip its way into my mouth. The only way to avoid trouble is not to speak at all, but that causes my sense of self to rapidly deteriorate until I have no idea who I am.
Anyway… I wrote this song a couple weeks back when I was hoping yellow could be the answer to all my troubles. 🙁 It wasn’t. Since then I have hoped white could be the answer and then I tried moving everything to the left side of my house. And then I hoped red could be the answer. None of these things worked, but still I learned a little bit from each of them.
There was a fire born inside. It left me with no place to hide;
I took my shelter out in the rain.
He looked me up, he looked me down, but could he keep me safe and sound?
Like a needle against the pain?
Ten years, like a fool, waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the road stretched on- it was hard and it was long
Water running through my veins.
He was counting on his hands, such a practical man;
It made me wish that I could have my chance.
But all I got was the rain, it beat me harder than a cane
Till my blood knew the shape of romance.
Ten years, like a fool, waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the rain stretched on- it was hard and it was strong
Water running through my brain.
Yellow save me cause I, I don’t want to be free
Won’t you take me to your thick warm shelter, come now
To the source of the sound, you will recognize me
Lead me on into your thick warm shelter come now come now come now
And the rain how it poured; it split me open like a gourd
And it came on my face till I bled.
Still when I look in your eyes and see a shelter warm and dry
I want to climb right into your head.
Ten years, like a fool, I was waiting for you-
The yellow man who never came.
And the road stretched on- it was hard, it was long
Water running through my veins.
Yellow save me, cause I don’t want to be free
Won’t you take me to your thick, warm shelter? Come now
To the source of the sound, you will recognize me.
Lead me on into your thick, warm shelter. Come now, come now, come now.
I wish I could dive head first into a pool of mud. Can you even imagine how amazing that would feel?
Following fire, half-deranged by desire Like a zombie I walk through the night. Every dark alleyway, every car breakaway Leads in my fantasy somewhere so bright.
Reason, morality- never my gifts;
I had the gift of belief.
I light a fire for you, filled with desire for you-
I know you see. I know you see.
Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God,
I will open myself to you, please!
Following fire, melted down by desire
And the star that I follow is hope.
Making me pay like a knife every day-
I know you won’t, I know you won’t.
Lighting a candle for you every night
Cause I know you are drawn to the flame.
I see your spirit a butterfly flicker-
You won’t cause me pain, you won’t cause me pain.
Fire in the sky if you let him come by
I will pay you back for all that you’ve given me.
Pay you with blood, it’s the ruby of God
I will open myself to you, please!
Lighting a fire, half-deranged by desire
And the stars that are drawing me high.
Thinking of you, like a fire you can burn away
Hands on my throat, lay down or die.
Holding my finger right next to the candle wick-
Strong is the thing I must be,
Just until I can draw you to my flame.
You won’t hurt me. You won’t hurt me.
Step softly now
See their hooded eyes
Keep us close at hand
You may need our quick advice.
But everybody’s watching you
They got a lot to say
Just keep their words within a jar
We’ll open it one day.
After all
Life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
Step softly now
Feel the hidden hand
Through the bushes it extends to you
The outline of a man.
Then he says “Hide! Duck!
Back up against the van where they can’t see you
Crawl over to the shadows where we’re waiting
For we may be the only ones who need you.”
After all
Life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
And how do you feel now?
Standing on your own
Like a column made of fire
A feeling that you could be quite alone?
Move swiftly now
Don’t believe you have a friend
They just like to watch you trip and fall
They’ll push you down again.
So quickly run back
Into the alleyway where they can’t see you
Press up against a tree and we will be there
Perhaps we are the only ones who need you.
After all
Life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
