Well…. I’ve started adding lyrics to videos- what do you think? Some say this is good & some say it is bad.
Tag: Love
If you’re wanting power
Someone to control
Come when you feel broken
Then go when you wanna go
I won’t disappoint you
Cause I never really care
I just love not being there.
If you love the darkness
Want someone you can use
Pin them down to hurt them
Leave them there feeling confused
All the times you break me.
I never really care
I just love not being there.
Drinking on your bacolny
Looking out at the big big sea
All the things you want me for
They got nothing to do with me.
Spiritual power
That’s what you’ll give to me
Make the world so broken
When I want to I can leave
And I won’t look behind me
Cause I never really cared
I just love not being there.
Look at you and listen to what you say
Follow you whereever you will stay
For so many years I ran away places where I’d hide
I want you to hold me there inside.
Look at you a smile fills up my mind
Feeling warm and burgundy with wine
For so many years I dreamed of places far away
I want you to take me there today
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?
Looking down and smiling to the side
All the secrets that I hold inside
When he turned to burgundy drag me cross the floor
I cry, then go back for more
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?
Look at you another shade of red
Rub my eyes and stumble back to bed
All the ropes and wine and fantasy scattered on the floor
Rest first then go back for more
When I think of you, I suffocate something I can’t find
Could you hurt me pull me back again somewhere in my mind?
When you seperate me suffocate dragging on the floor
All the voices hurt me teling me maybe I want more
Will you bring me down?
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?
Look around and hope to see you
Look around and wonder where you been
Like a man you come towards me
Hold you like a razor in my hand
Oooooo… you always knew the way
But I could never see the way
The fire was in my eyes- it burns and still I’m fine
Why can’t someone love you for a long long time?
Dancing with you at the bar
All the stars they circle round to fall
Come close stick the pin into me
You love me cause I can take it all
Oooooo… you always knew the way
But I could never see the way
The fire was in my eyes- it burns and still I’m fine
Why can’t someone love you for a long long time?
Believe in things that cut you most
Believe in magic like a ghost I swear
I’ve never felt this way before
You move towards the open door
Then turn
It burns but still I’m fine
It burns but still I’m fine
Why can’t someoe love you for a long long time?
Leave the ones who love you
Tell yourself they did you wrong
Now you’re drinking in your bedroom
Ceilings come to comfort you they fall on you like song.
Tell yourself they left you
Every single day
Clouds will come haunt you and pull you away
Ride into the blue now. Ride it all away.
Cause you change your mind to make it all okay.
I remember you now
Seemed like we were one
Wrap myself in your arms and your skin, I’m done
I remember you now. Every single day.
And you’ll change your mind to make it all okay.
Follow the things that lie
Follow the things that change
Follow the ways that times flows slowly into lines.
Cut from an easy time
Cut from an easy strain
Cut from the way that time flows slowly
Slowly drifting into lies.
Thinking of your body
Wasn’t even that
Clouds will come to haunt you and cover you flat.
Only wanted something
You couldn’t even try
Reach for clouds to warn you, they turn you goodbye.
Follow the things that lie
Follow the things that change
Follow the ways that times flows slowly into lines.
Cut from an easy time
Cut from an easy strain
Cut from the way that time flows slowly
Slowly drifting into lies.
Sometimes you love me but its wrong
Still I beg for you to stay.
You can only take me for so long
Til you turn and walk away.
Half the time, if I let my mind go freely
I can see the world in aqua blue.
Pull me down with you into the deep we’ll die there nearly
Then I feel I’m really loving you.
Sometimes I start to go insane
And it makes you feel confused.
You’ll get your things and leave so fast
That I end up feeling used.
Half the time, give me love you know I’ll take it
Spilling down the floor in aqua blue.
Pull me down beneath the waves until you start to break me
Then I feel I’m really loving you.
Walking by the river with you
You seem to love me too but
You’ll go away you always do.
You look at me with ice blue eyes
Like a stone upon the stairs.
Even if I said goodbye for good
Well you wouldn’t even care.
Half the time when I look at you I’m smiling
In your eyes a world of aqua blue.
Pull me down beneath and we’ll begin the reconciling
Then I feel I’m really loving you.
Jay, when you wanted to go
Were you wanting to mate her mainly?
Never wanting to save your baby oh
Stay cause I wanted to know
Sometimes I come to cry down this town
Cause I needed a home. Do you ever come near
Come far? Do you ever think of me as someone
Who could be part of your world
Wrapped in a warm red fire?
Jay, when we talk on the phone
Could you ever conceive that maybe
I could not understand why you’re always alone?
And the weather is cold?
Sometimes I come to cry down this town
No one knows where I go. Would you ever come near
Come far? Do you ever think of me as someone
Who could be part of your world
Wrapped in a warm red fire?
Hold your hands behind your back
And tell me that you’re coming back
Leave me with the fire inside
Shadows dancing on the wall
Like crazy men they trip and fall
Somewhere in the fire I hide.
Jay, when you leave me alone
Sometimes I go and stand there crazy
Broken glass in my hand cause I gotta hold on
And the weather is cold.
Every night when I wander this town
No one knows where I go. Would you ever come near
Come far? Do you ever think of me as someone
Who could be part of your world
Wrapped in a warm red fire?
Following you, you walk ahead of me
Don’t need no one to tell me the things that my eyes can see.
You look at your cars & you play all your games
& I follow you round that’s the way that God made me.
And I want you to protect me but I know you won’t
So I change my mind to make it all okay.
Cause I know what you love most is just to be alone
Because you love space so I fade away.
You don’t like my dog, you want me to be tan
But when I reach for you, you feel like a man.
And I watch you so careful, you stare at your beer
And you talk about where you think you’ll go fishing next year.
And I want you to protect me but you think that’s gay
Because you love space so I fade away.
Touch your face your nose your hair I love you. Wrap my arms around.
Turn your head you pull your herb out. Then the light go down.
Gotta be silent, I gotta not to scream
Cause said that loud noises can trigger your PTSD.
So I ride in your car as the Tom Petty plays
And you sing at the top of your lungs how you’re free falling.
And I wish you would protect me but I know you wont
So I write a song to make it all okay.
And my friends all tell me that I would be better alone
Cause they hear me crying every other day. Fade Away.
All the streets dip & sing
Everything’s a different thing to you.
All the clouds like cotton fly
Every day a different sky.
When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.
Every day you drink your drink
It doesn’t matter what I think or do.
Reach for you to feel the pain
On your chest then it rain.
When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.
Make a wish for you to love me
Reach for something far above me
High.
Wish I knew the day the rain came
Spend the day just waiting for goodbye.
In your car at night we drive
And the secret world go by.
Thru the window everything
Will we ever see again.
When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.
Why do people say hell is red and fiery? When really it is gray and icy with each person held alone under a cold metal bell. Pumped full of pain medication, they breath, feel no pain and think thoughts of their own well being. They are glad the bell protects them. They have 100,000 dollars plus a gold brick and they are glad no one will steal it. They know no one can lift the heavy bell to find them. They have won the game of life. Every day tasty meals are dropped into the bell. Anything they choose. They eat with relish. Winning! When they relieve themselves, the byproducts magically disappear. Hell is sanitary. People never cry there. They think they are smiling and maybe they are. Who knows? No one can see them.
Pain is when you go to Heaven. Looking down, you see everything you missed. St Fanci compared entering heaven to having both your legs sawed off with a rusty blade. Pain is the price of admission.
Stabbed in the chest by remorse. You never saw the beauty of everything until it was too late. And now in heaven you’re face to face with everything you wanted to avoid.
The people you least want to see are your greeting committee, standing there waiting in white robes. Those you wanted to impress stand behind you, noticing how you’ve shit your white pants.
Everyone you ghosted, neglected, abandoned, wait for you there with arms outstretched. They hug you and the memories of how you hurt them return. The clarity is excruciating because in heaven there are no clouds, fog or shadows.
And why did you do it? Why were you such an asshole?
Because there was some wound you didn’t want to feel and now it is probed with a million forceps and scalpels. Your mind explodes in an infinite sun of pain. In heaven there are no pain killers.
What is the relevance of this? I don’t know. In life, I am hanging in there. I got a job as a phone psychic and felt I was really in my element. Then I got fired. I was keeping people on the line for an average of 22 minutes rather than 35 minutes like they wanted. There is a bell that rings at 20 minutes and you’re sposed to keep people on for a while after that, because the rates get jacked up. But the callers want to hang up once they hear the bell so they don’t end up with a huge bill.
So money is hard.
And love is hard too because I don’t understand it. I feel like a retard in math class. A bunch of squiggles on the board and I have no idea what anything means. I was good at math but could never understand it which drove me nuts. I couldn’t figure out what numbers WERE. What the fuck is a one? A zero? Are they things themselves or ways of seeing things? The more I thought about it, the less sense it made.
Sometimes I read books about love and it makes things worse because there are always more and more things you aren’t supposed to do because they will emasculate men. Words you aren’t supposed to say- like can would but. Tenses you aren’t supposed to use. If you follow the rules he will love you forever! But if you can’t…. well, no one to blame but yourself for what happens next.
And I don’t want to emasculate anyone. Rip off their dick and leave them with a bloody stump. But following all these rules feels impossible, especially when one of the rules is to be yourself. And you are supposed to be vulnerable and show your emotions, the problem is there’s only one emotion you are supposed to feel- pleased. But the more bound up I feel the harder this mild & flavorless state is to achieve.
Somewhere I must find the strength to take a solemn vow that I won’t abandon myself for love anymore. Because I love romance so much. But romance comes from being yourself and feeling the chemical reaction of self touching the world. Romance comes from the beauty of your own emotions welling up to surprise you. If men need you to be completely colorless and drained of life just to be in their presence then what is the point? Money? Or just avoiding a wound- the infinite pain of being abandoned? Love is one of the bells of hell. Blocking the pain while keeping you dead inside.
I need to find the strength to choose myself but I don’t know how. I don’t feel that strength anywhere.
