Tag: sex
If you’re wanting power
Someone to control
Come when you feel broken
Then go when you wanna go
And I won’t disappoint you
Cause I never really care
I just love not being there.
If you love the darkness
Want someone you can use
Pin them down to hurt them
Leave them there feeling confused
All the times you break me.
I never really care
I just love not being there.
Drinking on your bacolny
Looking out at the big big sea
All the things you want me for
They got nothing to do with me.
Spiritual power
That’s what you’ll give to me
Make the world so broken
When I want to I can leave
And I won’t look behind me
Cause I never really cared
I just love not being there.
If you’re wanting power
Someone to control
Come when you feel broken
Then go when you wanna go
I won’t disappoint you
Cause I never really care
I just love not being there.
If you love the darkness
Want someone you can use
Pin them down to hurt them
Leave them there feeling confused
All the times you break me.
I never really care
I just love not being there.
Drinking on your bacolny
Looking out at the big big sea
All the things you want me for
They got nothing to do with me.
Spiritual power
That’s what you’ll give to me
Make the world so broken
When I want to I can leave
And I won’t look behind me
Cause I never really cared
I just love not being there.
Hearing men talk, I get the impression they store sexual acts in a Precious Memories scrapbook. “We’ll always have that night in Paris.” They seem to be under the delusion that women will also remember sex fondly regardless of what came after.
But for women, sex is a portal which can’t be separated from the world it led to. If it led to nothing, looking back the sex seems bland and sandy. If it led to degradation, retrospectively the sex feels like a spider.
It’s like unwrapping a beautiful present only to realize it contains your parent’s head. Once you know what’s inside, you remember the ribbons differently.
Ultimately, the dick cannot impress unless the man does.
Your penis will never occupy a special place in anyone’s memory unless you- the being connected to the penis- made a beautiful impact on that person’s life. Otherwise, your best moves are quickly overshadowed by a donut vibrator as your weiner’s memory fades in the rearview mirror. To shrink, to shrink again, then vanish altogether.
Or does a speck remain?
Either way, it is the man that makes the dick. Never the reverse.
And when a man himself is something wonderful- when he has an uplifting transformative impact on people- when he changes their lives for the better- when he isn’t afraid to roll up his sleeves and get messy and dream, grow, hurt, be humbled, change, endure- when he can embrace pain & strive to become a hero like the ones in storybooks- then I believe his penis lives forever- growing longer & longer in the memory of everyone he touched.
It was given to me by an astrology non-believer who of course has Neptune in the House of Sex. Fascinating perverts.
Look at you and listen to what you say
Follow you whereever you will stay
For so many years I ran away places where I’d hide
I want you to hold me there inside.
Look at you a smile fills up my mind
Feeling warm and burgundy with wine
For so many years I dreamed of places far away
I want you to take me there today
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?
Looking down and smiling to the side
All the secrets that I hold inside
When he turned to burgundy drag me cross the floor
I cry, then go back for more
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?
Look at you another shade of red
Rub my eyes and stumble back to bed
All the ropes and wine and fantasy scattered on the floor
Rest first then go back for more
When I think of you, I suffocate something I can’t find
Could you hurt me pull me back again somewhere in my mind?
When you seperate me suffocate dragging on the floor
All the voices hurt me teling me maybe I want more
Will you bring me down?
Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?
Grass is green
A sunny day
Come outside alone let’s play!
Slip and slide
The riverside
Should we take a water ride now?
I love you so
Let’s fly away
Clouds stretch into another day.
You don’t tell me you need me
You lay my shoes down on the floor
I ask you why but I won’t get an answer
Still I’m not alone anymore.
Clouds fly
I chase them why?
Come my friend let’s run so high!
You and I
Together we
Crawl across the grass so green oh!
You take my hand
We roll and sway
Clouds stretch into another day.
You don’t tell me you need me
You lay my shoes down on the floor
I ask you why but I won’t get an answer
Still I’m not alone anymore.
Sun shines
The future climbs
High above us like a vine.
We two
Upon the grass
Covered by a space so vast oh!
You take my hand
We roll and sway
Down by the river waiting for the rain.
You don’t tell me you need me
You lay my shoes down on the floor
I ask you why but I won’t get an answer
Still I’m not alone anymore.
Life you told me
On my knees you sold me
But only for a day
Held my face said don’t cry
Soon you’ll understand why
Tiny price to pay.
But it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
Why do they go away?
Moon falls down
To the room beneath the ground
Where all the memories don’t fit.
Open a box to find you
Shut it down to bind you
In the darkened corner where I sit.
But it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
Why do they go away?
And the moon roll down
Thru the tunnel under the ground
Where the memories remain
In the corners where they crouch
Their little hands reach out
Another drop of rain.
Pain like a paint stripe
Your face the dark of night
You crawl across me like the moon
Laying down for a surprise
Your fingers on my eyes
Didnt know you’d disappear so soon.
And it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
Why do they go away?
Life you told me
On my knees you sold me
But only for a day
Held my face said don’t cry
Soon you’ll understand why
Tiny price to pay.
But it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
I’ve decided that- as an experiment- I will make a few pacts with myself for the next couple years. These pacts have one shared purpose- to not abandon myself for a man.
- Unless I find someone who is absolutely devoted to me, I will not be committed to anyone. This means- barring a man who wants to marry me, take a bullet for me, give me all his money & live with me in the afterlife- I am not going to be anyone’s girlfriend.
What is the point in being a girlfriend? It’s not a commitment. It just means you belong to someone until they dump you. If it is some kind of test run for marriage then okay. But otherwise, being someone’s temporary whore seems ridiculous. It gives you the feeling of having someone when really you don’t. - This isn’t a pact but just a strong suggestion to myself to avoid having sex. Men call sex “fun” but that is gross to me. Maybe it would be “fun” to set your house on fire but you don’t do it because the consequences are severe.
Sex is a magic spell that holds women in thrall. Christians talk about submission as a moral attainment. When really submission is a state that occurs naturally when you have sex with someone. Sex awakens powerful instincts of trust & devotion that may not be merited by this person. A man has to love you A LOT and be a very good person for this to be a wise course of action. The problem is… if he is trying to have sex with you that is exactly the sort of person he will appear to be.
It’s the sex paradox… his true character will only come out AFTER you’ve had sex but by then you will be too attached to leave him anyway. - This is the most important part. I am going to attempt to freely express myself. In my astrology chart, it is expressing myself- about things that are secret, magical, emotional or even (gasp!) sexual- with no regard for how others will take it- that moves me towards my destiny. I want to try moving towards my destiny for a couple years.
The main thing that keeps me silent are men. I feel like their testicles are these little eggs and one wrong word from me will shatter them. Then I deserve what happens next. I feel so guilty when I fear I may have disrespected them that I begin to punish myself.
But I gotta let myself off that hook for just two years- as an experiment- and say its okay if I’m disrespectful. It’s okay if I say something men don’t like. My zodiac chart indicates that I must avoid at all costs becoming an unctuous servant. I need to speak and sing and let the chips fall where they may.
For two years I can try to see what happens if I place true expression above pleasing people. Thinking of this fills me with fear but that’s why I’ve begun collecting red stones.
Perhaps no one can love you anyway if you aren’t being yourself. If someone loves you because you are down on your knees kissing them is that love or something else?
But philosophical considerations aside, in real life, my abandonment panic controls me, overwhelming all reasonable considerations. I’m a love addict basically. I stop having needs cause men don’t like those. I stop talking cause the brains of men are easily taxed.
And I enjoy being a clear blob to a large extent because it allows me to absorb the flavor of the other person. The problem is a point inevitably arrives when something VERY IMPORTANT must be expressed or asked for. A boundary must at last be set or things begin spinning in the wrong direction And then I find myself frozen. Unable to express it. And even when I do manage to, the person rarely honors it cause why would they? If they wanted someone with expectations they wouldn’t have chosen me to begin with. Being nothing is my selling point.
That’s why for two years I am going to take a risk & follow the destiny outlined in my zodiac chart. To place the focus on expressing myself and let the chips with people fall where they may.
It is extra challenging because I feel so insecure in terms of survival. I might be homeless soon. I spend about 4 hours a day crying. I apply to jobs every day but my resume is just a blank sheet of paper. This seems like the time to suck dick if ever there was one.
But the idea in astrology is that under stress people tend to run in the wrong direction. So for me, the less sure I feel of survival, the more I focus on being polite & servile. When really I should do the opposite- become bolder & more expressive because that is where my luck lies.
As an experiment I want to try placing my faith in this idea for two years to see if it actually works!
And by the way- if you got some money- I can tell you where your destiny lies too! Contact me at [email protected]!
