Hi, I wanted to write a blog post but I decided to try speaking in video again because the fact is that I have to switch things up in this way or else I will get exploded by Uranus since he is currently passing through my house of work…. he is opposing my sun too which means I need to get a nose ring or something….
If anyone is reading this, please say hi. I have been isolating myself in an attempt to get more work done & stay out of trouble but it is really getting to me…
Category: Videos
Also, can I just share this super cute photo? I was at an outdoor karaoke event & fireworks went off so Slippers freaked out and started fleeing running onto a little corner onstage cause she was terrified. Then there was this male dog walking on three legs (a wild holler dog) and he went up after her to stand guard and protect her. He succeeded in making her feel safe to where she was smiling again after a few minutes. I just thought that was so sweet. Gallant male animals are so dreamy.
Also, can I just say…. on a personal note, that I need something in my life to change because the pace has gotten so frenetic & the energy is so mental that I can’t calm down or keep up. And yet I’m still teetering on the edge of survival. I wish I could write songs but I can’t slow down long enough to get in touch with myself or access emotion. I feel completely isolated because the way I am making money is secret & places me in no contact with other humans. Isolation increases feelings of panic and danger.
On the other hand, I’m anti-isolated due to many messages from screen people that I have to keep up with but this just makes the wheels spin faster while offering no feelings of safety. I feel like that girl in the dancing shoes fairy tale where everything keeps spinning faster and faster and faster but its never enough.
I don’t know what to do, but probably if I wait until July things will get better. That is when Jupiter moves from my House of Labor & Servitude to the House of Partnership & Marriage. Maybe then I won’t be so alone anymore.
The House of Servitude contains an element of isolation by its nature, being opposite the House of Solitude. Think of how alone a servant is, toiling, toiling, toiling & yet surrounded by those who don’t consider it a full human. Disposable & on the edge of survival.
Categories
Hello
All the streets dip & sing
Everything’s a different thing to you.
All the clouds like cotton fly
Every day a different sky.
When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.
Every day you drink your drink
It doesn’t matter what I think or do.
Reach for you to feel the pain
On your chest then it rain.
When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.
Make a wish for you to love me
Reach for something far above me
High.
Wish I knew the day the rain came
Spend the day just waiting for goodbye.
In your car at night we drive
And the secret world go by.
Thru the window everything
Will we ever see again.
When I knew you didn’t care
Turn & walk away.
One more day.
My recording machine broke & I don’t know what to do about that so at the moment I am just gonna record songs on my phone as videos cuz I don’t know what else to do.
Don’t be sad you’re never alone.
Take my hand why would you say that now?
Cause you could only love me when I was gone.
Close my eyes I try to fight it but I
Something inside me knows where you go
Daylight comes I wait for the change
Wrap your golden arms around me why
Could you only love me when I was strange?
Laugh and smile I try to hide it but I
Something inside me knows where you go
So I’ll try to run away
It’s the hardest thing to do
I want to cling to you tell you all the things
That you don’t care about
But if I decide to stay
Just to watch you slip away
And all the while the orange
Bleeding out.
You don’t come and then come the moon.
So he fall like fire upon me but why
Could you only love me when I was new?
Drag myself towards the mirror help me
Something inside me knows where you go
Like a piece of string dangling in something you wrote
Hanging there on a chair in the darkness and oh
Feel the clouds rushing in and I start to feel hazy
So I think about you like a drink in my mind
Stir it round pour it down and im wondering why
With your eyes to the side make me feel like I’m crazy
With your hair and the palm of your hand
If you wanted to I could believe.
All the things that nobody can teach you
You learn when you’re down on your knees.
You were lost in a world where the pieces don’t fit
Break a bottle in anger and stare at the bits
Beams of light on the stage casting diamonds so dreamy
Break a piece of a candle to hold in your mind
Your whole face is a mask no one knows what’s behind
But for now hold it down in the darkness we’re dreaming
There it stood open three feet between us
A whole world that nobody knew.
Close my eyes, maybe I could be dreaming
Cause sometimes I feel so confused.
When we step on the stage then we step in the war
My mind breaks I don’t know how to think anymore
Crumple down to the ground where the red lights are beaming
Say you won’t hurt me, the palm of your hand
If you wanted to I could believe.
All those things that we promise
To hold in the darkness where no one can see.
(Originally published February 4, 2023 then lost in server crash & resurrected on this day.)
Since I am currently having a Saturn transit I am torn between my desire to crawl under a rock and that voice which tells you you must always press forward so I’m just going to publish this then go hide.
Cold tea, dance with me
Give me something more to eat
Hold my head & help me find the sun.
Red fire, warm & bright
Stay with me for one more night
Tomorrow we go pay for what we’ve done.
You are my red eye by & by
You are my fire come from the sky
Now take my head & tell me what I need to know this time.
Like a slave
I was placed on earth to follow.
Like a dog, put down when I’m wrong.
But I won’t break at a jagged fate to swallow
You just play; I sing along.
Words spin round and round
Only sky where was the ground?
Leave my house you dirty cunt I’m done.
Fist eye, hot head fly
Falling down the stairs was I
Hold my head & tell me I was fun.
You are my best friend by & by
You are my fire come from the sky
Now take my head and tell me what I need to know this time.
Like a slave
I was placed on earth to follow.
Like a dog, put down when I’m wrong.
But I won’t break at a jagged fate to swallow
You just play; I sing along.
Come to me love like a bone
The only love I’ve ever known
A spark of light then miles and miles of dark.
Burning hands and sparkly eyes
And miles and miles away the skies
To settle down around around us in the park.
Like a slave
I was placed on earth to follow.
Like a dog, put down when I’m wrong.
But I won’t break at a jagged fate to swallow
You just play; I sing along.
(Originally published February 17, 2023 before server crash.)
They came on clouds to comfort me
Lay down they said
I close my eyes now, I close my eyes now
They said one day they’d ride with me
We’ll fly so far- invisibility.
Play play another game for they don’t know
What may be coming down the line
Lay out the cards or they won’t go
So sure the king would come this time.
One man was fire, one man was rain
What mad desire
I close my eyes now, I close my eyes now
Between the two, which one should I believe?
I trusted fire the more- invisibility.
Play play another game for they don’t know
What may be coming down the line
Lay out the cards or they won’t go
So sure the king would come this time.
And so fire came to get down on one knee
And gift me pain
I close my eyes now, I close my eyes now
For I know that I was made to suffer and to bleed
Hurt me more, invisibility.
Play play another game for they don’t know
What may be coming down the line
Lay out the cards or they won’t go
So sure the king would come this time.