James says it is important to write some kind of introduction to a song, to help people understand it. And while I agree with him, it is not really possible for me to do so at this time. Because… whenever I write in prose I feel that I end up channeling some strange personality not my own. Sometimes I call this voice Mr. Pompadou and other times Mr. Belvedere, but at any rate it is horrifying to imagine that someone might mistake this voice for me.
A person’s writing voice is partially, I suppose, a reflection of who they imagine their audience to be. I imagine people reading this who are intelligent, but also close-minded and hostile. Therefore, Mr. Belvedere comes out as a protective measure. Nobody could be mad at a man like him!
Cards and Slots
Cards and slots, drinks and dots,
dropping more things than you got
forms a rift, continental drift…
essential things float away in the mist
and you are pissed.
But if you want to play the blame game you know
it will only be your name on the list;
still I insist
you reconsider all the evidence.
Lost in time, lost in sea, lost in space…
a man was born who never had a face;
they all say he doesn’t exist,
but they can’t explain the pain that emits from his wet kiss.
Is it amiss to be sad, to be mad
when you think of the things that you missed…
and yet you should always remember this:
That you were placed in this space
because you are the man with the gift,
to bringing light into the heart of the pit;
flying high- the blackest soil provides the greatest lift,
the deepest dose of nutrient.
Half the time you fall, half the time you are in pain
but it’s not your fault that you wear chains.
Half of what you said only made your heart lose hope,
but its not your fault that there’s
a black man stalking you dragging a long white rope.
Valentines just in time
twist your brain to form a rhyme-
tell her that you love her the most…
say that you’re about to explode!
(Knuckles crack crack, echoing inside your abode,
but as the tensions rise there are things you must know.)
Is a friend in need the type of friend you need-
what about a scratch for your back?
a feather you can slap into your cap?
cause it stalls in your craw that nobody never gives back.
A thousand faces laugh from their seats-
you’re the only man on the stage,
trying not to fly into rage, and you wonder…
were you that dumb at their age?
Goodbye, goodbye
to everything that never made sense,
to all the knots that only grew dense;
my repentance will be vengeance.
Half the time you crawl, half the time you are insane
but it’s not your fault that you wear chains.
Half of what you said, it was only a way to cope,
but soon you will turn to fight
the black man stalking you dragging his long white rope.
It looks like I succeeded in writing a relatively happy song that doesn’t include death or murder, but still, somehow bones managed to work their way into it. I really do wish I could write a song without mentioning bones, but apparently I can’t. Before bones, it was ice and people dying from hypothermia. Why the obsession with uncuddly white things? I don’t know, but hopefully I will grow out of it.
I have been learning a little bit about bones recently- dinosaur bones. I was trying to celebrate the dullest time of year (I mean that as a complement) by learning about the most boring thing I could imagine, which for me was dinosaurs. But I have to say, once I knew a little more about them, they no longer seemed so boring. What I like most about them is how they opened my mind to larger cycles of time- deep time, as paleontologists call it. It’s a refreshing antidote to the “shallow time” perspective of our culture, which encourages us to see each decade as a major historical epoch.
Bone to Bone
People say you are the dark one
dim and dusty, cold and hard one
dry and scaly skin
blood so sour and thin
draw the curtains and let our time begin
Bone to bone now
in a dark room
press your forehead to mine
let the world resume
let them stick to their ways
I will come out changed
I will speak my mind and I
won’t care what they say
People tell me you’re a creep
you tell me people are sheep
I believe you will outlast them
watching from your mountain so steep
Your room so dark and blue
the whole world is a shadow to you
your bones they bear the lines of
every tooth that sank into you
Claw marks across your arm
why did they mean you harm?
you with a spine so straight that I
I cling to your arm
Outside the winds derange, but I
I will come out changed
I can feel your bones upon me now
so cold and so strange
Let the vinegar spill out
let it roll down your chin
let me hear your blackest words now
let your long long story begin
Nights in the jungle survived
you are the one who came out alive
dipped in blood you walked back home
so thin but swollen with pride
Your blood in my veins, I
I will come out changed
I will laugh at all of their words
I won’t care what they
Your hand on my hand now I
I can see through your eyes
all the chains were only shadows
all the flags were only their lies
The imprint of your bones
like an angel to follow me home
you will always be beside me
blood to blood and bone to bone.
Hmmm… I just realized that 72% of my recent songs have been about death, 31% about sadistic murders, and the remaining ones mostly about people being beat up, kidnapped, or chased. Time to seek professional help or is this just normal Scorpio behavior? Next week I will try writing happy songs, maybe.
Hunt for Me
Smile, smile, smile, smile
Sin, sin, sin
You were born the king of our town
I will bow, I will bend.
Two, two, two stars collide
Please stay warm upon your throne now
I will run I will hide.
Ladies in silk
Wanting to adore you
Laughing at your jokes
Kneeling on the floor for you
Look at your life, a page of fantasy.
So please, don’t hunt for me.
Dad knows best
Watch me kneel down and beg for forgiveness
Watch me stand up to the world and confess.
Gold and lace
Everything I have will be piled at your feet
Please don’t chase, please don’t chase.
Look at me crawl
Scratching at the dirt now
Look at me fall
Ripping up my shirt now
Rolling in mud, pig for all to see.
So please, don’t hunt for me.
Run so far you always follow me
Shadows so dark they always swallow me
I can make sure that no one ever loves me
I can make sure everyone’s above me
Run so far but tripping on the black lines
I can hear you say I’m running out of time
You knew it was all a big lie
Licking on your lips, because you love to watch things die.
Please no blade
No dogs die, please no rabbits,
Just humiliate, please humiliate.
Your smile is warm
Only sun, only summer
Please no storm, please no storm.
You can take some snips; I won’t try to mend me
I will tell the people never to defend me
I will tear myself apart for all to see.
So please, don’t hunt for me.
I see you smiling in your gold frame, baby, but I always turn away my eye.
I see the chief out with his gold star shining, but he knows I’ll never testify.
I won’t testify.
People ask me all the time now how are you doing when they know I’m never gonna say.
They all heard me screaming on that black night, baby, but they only turned and walked away.
I won’t testify.
You can’t go waiting too long little baby or you know the fingerprints will rust.
You can’t go waiting too long little baby or the bones are gonna turn to dust
I won’t testify.
I walk outside of your apartment building, baby, and the gall starts to fill my throat.
I pray that God will burn it down to the ground, but as for me I’ll never rock the boat.
I won’t testify.
I keep my eyes down on the sidewalk, baby, because everybody makes me cry.
Every sweet smile is just another fucking person who will stand there as they watch me die.
I won’t testify.
I see their little fingers lifting up the blinds and their eyes peering eagerly.
I know they’ll stand there, they’ll never lift a hand when they see the man come for me.
I won’t testify.
Anybody who stands up to the man is gonna be the one to take the blame.
I lay your gun out on my living room mantle right next to your picture frame.
I won’t testify.
I walk at night out with a big stick, baby, but I know it won’t keep bad away.
You always said that when the man’s out to get you he can always find another way.
I won’t testify.
I asked the officer now how can I help you, when you know I can’t recall a thing.
I only saw a hand swing out of the darkness and the flash of a diamond ring.
I won’t testify.
I got some secrets that I wouldn’t mind sharing, but there ain’t nobody I can trust.
They talk so sweet with all their big eyes smiling, but it’s evil covered up in crust.
I won’t testify.
I try to tell myself to myself to go to California and to rearrange my style of hair.
It used to seem like such a big world, baby, till I found out that nobody cares.
I won’t testify.
I cry at night over them white bones, baby, but I always let them to turn to dust.
I lay your gun out on my bedside table, then I only sit and watch it rust.
I won’t testify.
you bought me candy and you held my hand and we walked, just the two of us, there on the sand and we watched the horizon so far away and i smiled- i knew it would all be mine someday
but then when you left the horizon turned flat it was an empty line, who wants to waste their time chasing that? and all the dreams were shadows that left the world colder and the future was only a place to get older and die
death was everywhere behind every smile it fueled the people’s dreams, they drove mile after mile but i stood there, just waiting for my time to run out tousled by the purple sheets blowing about
in a wind that came from somewhere, but from where no one was sure life was just a riddle then, so pointless and obscure that no one even tried to answer it, they just drove faster in their cars wanting to go anyplace as long as it was far
from the place they were born, a birth they could not even remember memory was a flashlight, a tiny handheld ember that we used to move forward, but never to look back, while behind us a presence grew so ominous and black
and in front of us we were certain we heard footsteps descending we knew they were death’s feet, heralding our ending for i’d seen my own mother slide like a child into his robes so we focused with exclusion on the things we could control
studiously shining our little lights on tombstones memorizing names that belonged to the bones and at times i would lie down and dream i was dying i’d close both my eyes and watch purple flags flying
thru a sky with two moons and my hands would grow colder would my mother recognize me now thirty years older? would we walk again, the two of us, on a beach in the sky? would i feel hope again when i found a world where you don’t have to die?
or would death be there, as well, would he slide through the curtain a jack in a black box who makes pain so certain when he scoops out the fruit and then leaves me the rind until i’m clawing like an animal for a way to feel full inside
when you were here, i was here, i occupied this place, but now my heart is stretches like an ache throughout space i look everywhere to find you, people tell me to let go but i see their eyes shine with a demonic glow
i will follow you, i’ll follow you, i’ll fight through the veils we will meet again, i don’t know where, but please let your trail lead me outside of time where we can hold hands forever and i can dream again, knowing we’ll be best friends forever.
bells ring, people sing nobody cries about anything they just let go, follow the flow this is the wisdom that people know
but i dream in stone- i know this world of air it can’t be the world that’s really there through my fingers the tears keep falling down they’ll fall and fall until they reach a solid ground
aye aye bye bye theodore has left us and we’ll never know why try not to cry when people die
ok, but where do they go? they go to the light that’s what you say, but it doesn’t seem right to have to stay in a world so slight
change is life, life is change these are the things you can’t rearrange nothing in this world lasts forever this brings value to the time we spend together
but I dream of bodies that God won’t take away with limbs that never fall off and decay through fingers my tears keep falling down they’ll fall and fall until they reach the solid ground
aye aye bye bye theodore has left us and we’ll never know why try not to cry when people die
ok, but where do they go? they go to the light that’s what you say, but it doesn’t seem right to have to stay in a world so slight
we won’t cry, this is a celebration theodore made his life into a joyous creation
he was smart, fun, hardworking and modest now he’s invisible and made of air just like God is
but i dream of gods with bodies of their own who walk this world decked out in flesh and bone just like angels, my tears keep falling down they’ll fall and fall until we reach the solid ground aye aye bye bye theodore has left us and we’ll never know why try not to cry when people die
ok, but where do they go? they go to the light that’s what you say, but it doesn’t seem right to have to stay in a world so slight
don’t despair, he’s still sort of there living in your heart like a puff of warm air
