Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Uncategorized Writings

Safety First on Valentine’s Day

The timing of most holidays makes perfect sense astrologically, except for Valentine’s Day. Why does the holiday of romantic love fall under the dry and mental sign of Aquarius? Aquarius is the opposite of candlelit dinners and gazing into eyes.

Aquarius is the love you feel for humanity while gazing at them from an airplane, causing each human to look like an indistinguishable dot. While Scorpio, the most romantic sign, lives to blow up buses of children to save their loved one, Aquarius will sacrifice their loved one to save the children. They love their girlfriend, of course, but they also love the children, the mailman, the hungry people living in China. Their love diffuses equally across all humans.*

Plus, Aquarius and its governing planet- Uranus- rule divorce and break-ups. Celebrating romantic love while they control the sky is not the safest thing to do.** So I would like to recommend a few safe, healthy and appropriate ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day instead.

  1. In school, we celebrated this day by exchanging valentines with everyone in the class. We were required to give a valentine to everyone- no one excluded. A perfect expression of the Aquarian spirit. Aquarius rules friendship, brotherly love, platonic love diffused across groups.

  2. So rather than spending 50 dollars on your romantic partner, use that money to send valentines to 50 different people. Quantity and not quality is what matters to Aquarius.

    Electronic valentines would be great as well, since Aquarius rules all electronics. Sure, it is dry and unromantic, but so is Aquarius.

  3. Aquarius rules all that is weird  and new fangled. Why not buy strange little gadgety gifts for all your friends?  Ideally new inventions that have just come on the market. And if you MUST get your spouse a gift, make it a technological one and leave the roses for a safer time of year.

  4. Since Aquarius spreads its love as thin and wide as possible, scrap dinner for two and get together with all your friends instead. If you belong to a club, this would be a great day for a club meeting or social event.

  5. Get a divorce. Dump your romantic partner. Breaking things off is what heartless Aquarius does best. If you are gonna do roses and candlelight, make sure it is for the purpose of telling someone goodbye.

    Or simply use this day to cut unwanted friends out of your life. Send them a valentine to let them know you aren’t friends anymore.

  6. Have an affair. This is one expression of romance that Aquarius can get behind. Aquarian affairs generally involve significant age gaps. Alternately, have an affair with someone who is very weird, bizarre looking, or completely different from you in a fundamental way.

    Aquarian affairs are not about emotional depth or even sex, but just the stimulation and sense of aliveness that comes from connecting with a person who can break up the crusty patterns in your brain.

  7. Get a mohawk. If you are being pelted by chaotic influences in your life (a sure sign that Uranus is in the house), doing something bizarre with your appearance can act as a lightening rod to safely absorb and express some of this energy.

    So, if you are spending this day by yourself, consider dyeing your hair a strange color, getting piercings or tattoos,  shopping for strange clothes and makeup or having futuristic nails applied.

  8. Electrocute yourself. Or try any new fangled, futuristic form of self-care such as a leech facial, crystal healing, ear candling etc. Anything that is new and strange will do the trick.

  9. If you are hellbent on taking your love out on a date, play it safe by doing things which are unusual or Aquarian. Ride motorcycles, wear neon clothes, eat mystery meats, play laser tag. Or go to a shooting range. Aquarius rules everything electronic, all forms of transportation and all weaponry.

    Or you could simply take a taxi to have dinner at an airport. Afterwards play video games.

  10. While I would never encourage people to have sex on Valentine’s Day, I can’t stop them either. But to keep it safe, make sure to include weird toys and gadgets as part of your sexual activity. Or- if you are heterosexual- include a third party which will compel one of you be gay for the day.

    Gay sex and weird sex is the only sex Aquarius approves of.

  11. If you have been needing to come out of the close sexually, this would be a good day to do it. If there is anything odd about yourself which you have been hiding from the world, use this day to reveal it. Aquarius rewards the weird and those who are true to themselves.

  12. Lastly if-like me- you are lazy, just spend the day playing video games, especially new ones. This is always a safe way to discharge Aquarian energy.

    Or if-like me- you hate video games, use this day to consult an astrologer, since astrologers fall under Aquarian rule.

    Or if- like me- you are an astrologer- use this day to give free readings to as many faceless members of humanity as possible. A perfect way to express you dry and expansive love for the ants that surround you.

    Please don’t judge me for the mess- this is Jame’s office & he doesn’t allow me to clean in there. Notice the tub of Vaseline though. That is a protective device designed to protect James from upcoming Pluto transits. I will write about that later!!! The furry thing is Patton.


    * Not everything I am saying about the constellation Aquarius will be reflective of those who were born with the sun in Aquarius. What we call our “sign” is only the sun’s position at our time of birth. Which represents only a fraction of our astrological make up.

    ** When I refer to safety, here is what I mean… astrological forces will find a way to express themselves one way or another. So when we offer them a healthy (or neutral) expression, it acts like a lightening rod, absorbing energy which could otherwise cause disruption. Keep in mind though, that in some cases disruptive Uranical events are both fated and invaluable.

Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs

Cards and Slots


James says it is important to write some kind of introduction to a song, to help people understand it. And while I agree with him, it is not really possible for me to do so at this time. Because… whenever I write in prose I feel that I end up channeling some strange personality not my own. Sometimes I call this voice Mr. Pompadou and other times Mr. Belvedere, but at any rate it is horrifying to imagine that someone might mistake this voice for me.

A person’s writing voice is partially, I suppose, a reflection of who they imagine their audience to be. I imagine people reading this who are intelligent, but also close-minded and hostile. Therefore, Mr. Belvedere comes out as a protective measure.  Nobody could be mad at a man like him!


Cards and SlotsMan in Orange Shorts

Cards and slots, drinks and dots,
dropping more things than you got
forms a rift, continental drift…
essential things float away in the mist
and you are pissed.

But if you want to play the blame game you know
it will only be your name on the list;
still I insist
you reconsider all the evidence.

Lost in time, lost in sea, lost in space…
a man was born who never had a face;
they all say he doesn’t exist,
but they can’t explain the pain that emits from his wet kiss.

Is it amiss to be sad, to be mad
when you think of the things that you missed…
and yet you should always remember this:

That you were placed in this space
because you are the man with the gift,
to bringing light into the heart of the pit;
flying high- the blackest soil provides the greatest lift,
the deepest dose of nutrient.

Half the time you fall, half the time you are in pain
but it’s not your fault that you wear chains.

Half of what you said only made your heart lose hope,
but its not your fault that there’s
a black man stalking you dragging a long white rope.

Valentines just in time
twist your brain to form a rhyme-
tell her that you love her the most…
say that you’re about to explode!
(Knuckles crack crack, echoing inside your abode,
but as the tensions rise there are things you must know.)

Is a friend in need the type of friend you need-
what about a scratch for your back?
a feather you can slap into your cap?
cause it stalls in your craw that nobody never gives back.

A thousand faces laugh from their seats-
you’re the only man on the stage,
trying not to fly into rage, and you wonder…
were you that dumb at their age?

Goodbye, goodbye
to everything that never made sense,
to all the knots that only grew dense;
my repentance will be vengeance.

Half the time you crawl, half the time you are insane
but it’s not your fault that you wear chains.

Half of what you said, it was only a way to cope,
but soon you will turn to fight
the black man stalking you dragging his long white rope.


Download MP3: Cards and Slots