Enjoy winter by not enjoying it!

From an astrology perspective, there is only one reason people are depressed- Saturn. Saturn rules time and karma- the consequences we eventually harvest from our actions. He is the reason for the saying “the wheels of the Gods turn slowly,” because with Saturn there is always a delay between our actions and their inevitable reward or punishment.

Saturn rules everything that is old and cold, grim and dim. He rules bones and stones. When he casts his shadow over any part of our life, things get serious. Life comes to collect its debts. Or- occasionally- life may reward us for good work that previously went unrecognized. Either way, we reap what we sow.

Saturn guides us to let go of the trivial while redoubling our efforts towards work that will stand the test of time. He loves endurance, thrift and humility.

Saturn rules Saturdays and also the cold dark months of January and February. So if you would like some ideas for honoring this Saturnine time of year and turning it into a two month long party- here you go!

  1. Stop spending money on fancy foods to tickle your palate. Saturn does not approve. Focus on simplicity and thrift. Saturnine meals include:
    1. Stale whole wheat bread topped with crunchy peanut butter.
    2. Beans and rice. Buy the dried beans which are cheaper. Personally, I prefer brown rice with black beans, since these are Saturn’s colors.
    3. A potato topped with humble crumbles of meat. Potatoes are the angels of Saturn. Even if you don’t eat them, keep them around for friendship and inspiration.
    4. Accompany your meals with cheap black coffee.
  2. Dress in rags or work clothes. If you must dress up for work, dress somberly, like you are going to a funeral.
  3. Wear men’s perfume. I always find this weighs down my spirit. Of course, if you are a man, Saturn would not approve of you wearing perfume at all. Put that money in the bank!
  4. If you must listen to music, choose boring wordless music, such as classical. Or the somber sounds of celibate monks singing in Latin.
  5. Wear brown nail polish or no polish at all. Bonus points for eschewing makeup altogether. (If you are a man, Saturn hopes this does not even need to come up!)
  6. Spend more time around old people. Be helpful to them if you can. If they are lonely, be a friend.
  7. If you pass a beggar, give them money. Beggars are sacred to Saturn. The point is not so much to help them, but to remind yourself that you could also fall upon hard times one day.
  8. Do you feel depressed? No? I believe we all have a depressed person living somewhere inside, we just need to find them. Try starting your day with a frown, eyes cast downward. Connect with that heavy part of yourself.
  9. Watch movies about old people who die or better yet watch no movies at all.
    Take walks through a graveyard, a sacred place for Saturn. If you like, treat yourself to a plot, both for yourself and loved ones!
  10. Stop doing things for fun. Stop seeking happiness. Saturn does not approve. Rechannel this energy into hard work.
  11. Buy a wall calendar once they are 50% off. At the end of each day, mark a big black X through it to remind yourself this is time you will never get back.
  12. Spend as little money as possible. Saturn loves a penny pincher.
  13. When you pass a person on the street, either frown or cast your sad eyes downward.
  14. Wear a watch and glance at it frequently to remind yourself and others that time is wasting.
  15. Make daily to do lists and complete them.
  16. Saturn rules foresight. Take the time to imagine where your current choices are leading you. Make a 1 year, 10 year, 25+ year plan.
  17. Find a humble looking stone lying by the side of a country road.These are called “Country Stones” and are sacred to Saturn. Carry one in your pocket.
  18. Stop reading and use that time to work instead. Or read books that were written 100+ years ago. Or take the time to study a heavy and dry subject, such as math, geology, mineralogy etc. But please, nothing fun or trendy. And no pseudo-intellectual gems from the New York Times bestsellers list. Saturn is not impressed by fame nor by displays of intellectualism lacking true content.
  19. Celibacy is sacred to Saturn so get as close to this ideal as possible. And for the love of God, do not pleasure yourself. Saturn has a special place in hell for masturbators.
  20. Saturn rules the country way of life, so all country activities are approved of- cooking, sewing, raising animals, carpentry, churning butter, etc.
  21. Stay off social media. You don’t need the stimulation or the attention. Saturn is about toiling in the shadows while others dance in the sun.
  22. Saturn rules career ambition, so take this time to work harder and get ahead in your career.
  23. The essence of Saturn is investing in those things which endure. Drop all relationships which will not stand the test of time, and reinvest in those which will.
  24. Make a will.
  25. Visit the dentist. Saturn rules teeth and nothing captures the Saturnine feeling better than visiting doctors. So visit a whole bunch of doctors if you like!
  26. Basically just don’t do anything fun, spend as little money as possible, and work as hard as you can! When you feel like you are dying and you can’t go on, just remind yourself this is Saturn making you stronger.

Just making this list is starting to depress me… I always get so excited about boring, soul crushing Saturnine energy, but the reality is that a complete absence of levity and fun can make it hard to move at all.

Still, if you want to try being Saturnine, go for it! They say it is good for the bones!

THE END

Slippers and me both feeling that Saturnine feeling, where you try to smile but can’t quite.

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