My Resolution

I am posting this here, because it is my resolution & I need to remember it at all costs:

I must never be nice to any men or give them complements.

Not that I am going to be mean to them either. The goal is to be neutral and if I need a subject to talk about, I will talk about how awesome I am.

Because men are computers and kind words are milk that gum them up. Because men are dogs and complements register as signs of submission and inferiority.

Good men don’t want to be coddled anyway. Men don’t take bubble baths to relax. Generally, they can only relax through murdering something, in one form or another. Why waste precious milk on beings who don’t need it?

Not only will niceness corrode the character of good men, it also signals to bad men that you are available for mistreatment.

But this will be hard. Not being nice is probably the hardest thing for females to do. It may be physically impossible.

I am going to try, though, as an experiment. I can only pray Heaven will loan me theĀ  balls to follow through. If it works, and I have finally discovered the secret to men, I will let you know.

But let’s face it, I will never be able to follow through. I can already feel complements welling up in my mind. Women are programmed to sacrifice self for others and there is nothing we can do about it.

And, fwiw, when I compared men to dogs, I didn’t mean it as an insult. I really like dogs. Just like men. They are amazing.

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