Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Improve Yo Mercury

One feature of my new life is how complex everything is. At least compared to when I was married.

I’m having the transit uranus opposite mercury. A time when your mercury gets shook up and taken into overdrive. Stressful as it is, I can’t deny that it’s giving me a new lease on life.

Mercury is the planet that rules communication, transportation & the ability to navigate our environment. It gives us mental sharpness, physical agility & the ability to multi-task. To wear many hats. To dance like a monkey while solving math problems, to dodge traffic while counting change & to talk on the phone with our boss while making a baby smile. It’s a VERY important planet.

Mercury itself does not have goals. It navigates what is thrown at us and explores what is around us. It is pure ability. It is light, quick moving energy that staves off depression & moodiness. It is an alert curiosity that makes life fun and bubbly.

If our Mercury is strong though, whatever goals we do set can be achieved. Because we are versatile, flexible, energized & competent. If our Mercury is weak, we are thick as a brick & our dreams go unrealized.

Sometimes though, we design our lives in such a ways that our mercury gets fat & dull. Cause we are constantly trying to make life easier, more streamlined and convenient. We hire someone to do our laundry, rather than hiring someone to throw pancakes at us while we do our laundry. This has to stop. The chaotic annoyances of life actually are the bubbles & our opportunity to develop a bright & buoyant personality.

A lot of it comes down to no longer begrudging chaotic difficulties but embracing them. They put the sizzle in life and can really fill you with glee when you take them in the right spirit. Imaging getting attacked by a rooster while running to catch the train… couldn’t that be fun?

If you have any of the following issues, you may want to take a month to whip your mercury into shape by making your daily life more challenging…

1. You are dumb.
2. There is no pep in your step, your swagger lacks ginger.
3. You have goals but are too lazy, dumb or incompetent to achieve them.
4. You are a depressed moody blob.
5. You are afraid to leave the house.
6. You feel your life would be better if your brain fired faster.

Mercury is about breadth, not depth. Multi-tasking, not single mindedness. Jack of all trades. Once any skill becomes familiar enough to do it on automatic, it no longer energizes your Mercury. To build Mercury, step outside your skill set to gain new rudimentary skills that are foreign to you. You need to put yourself in new situations or two situations at once.

The housewife must gain computer skills, the hacker must chop trees, the meathead must read a book, and the scholar must jerk off in the street before zooming away on his motorbike. This is how Mercury works. Breadth not depth. Jack of all trades. Keep repeating those words to yourself.

If you wish to fizzle this sizzle, here are some mercury building tips…

  1. Change your mode of transportation. If you drive, try walking, biking, bussing or hitchhiking. It’s best if you sell your car, so you can’t revert to it when these other transportation methods are inconvenient. Cause it’s when they are inconvenient or even disastrous that they feed your Mercury the most.
  2. Talk to new people. Everyone you encounter. Make sure you aren’t being selective because its especially important to talk to those who are invisible to you or outside your comfort zone. Do you see all those faceless, soulless bodies moving through the world? Take a minute to say hi to each one of them. Even babies and animals.
  3. Fix things. Mercury rules puzzles & problem solving, so when things break down in your environment try to repair them yourself. Especially if this is something you would not normally do.
  4. Multitask. Multitasking gets a bad rep just because it isn’t conducive to depth & focus but those aren’t the only games in town! Give two handjobs at once. Put on your makeup while dodging traffic. Make it through your to-do list two tasks at a time. Juggling many tasks at once perks up your brain especially when done in a spirit of fun.
  5. Get a part time job that is unlike what you would normally do.
  6. Get a dog. Slippers has definitely made my single life more complex. Walking her while carrying home my groceries and trying to figure out how to pick up the turd she dropped while the neighbor yells at me and Slippers tries to pull me into traffic. Taking her with me on dates & hoping the man won’t notice. She brings a Mercury challenge with her everywhere she goes.
  7. New Environments. You know that sinking feeling when you enter a social situation where you *really* don’t feel comfortable? For mega-Mercury, keep placing yourself in strange, uncomfortable environments until social discomfort loses its sting. Go places too stuffy, wealthy & formal. Places too rowdy & redneck. Young places, old places. Gyms, libraries, bars and dance clubs. Black churches, white churches, gay bars & strip clubs. Keep doing this until the sting of social discomfort loses its sting.
  8. Change up your technology. If you rely on technology, try living like you are in the 1800s or at least 1984. If you are a technophobe, go high tech in all areas of your life.
  9. Sports. Mercury is equally about mental & physical agility. So if you are more mental- like many people in our culture- find a sport to get involved with. Especially one involving complexity and agility, like soccer or tennis.
  10. Poverty. Mercury is all about invention & as you know necessity is its mother. If you are already super poor, embrace the challenge of finding work arounds for things which normally require money as well as finding new ways to make money. If you aren’t poor, try living off a dollar a day for a month to force yourself to be innovative.
  11. Communication. Change your methods, patterns & people. If you never talk on the phone, start calling new people daily. Visit people in person. Send snail mail. Video call. Meet up for coffee. The more diverse people you talk to in the more diverse ways the stronger Mercury becomes.


Thank you for reading my blog post on how to strengthen Mercury. This is the end. Please try my suggestions and tell me if you end up feeling bubbly as I do!


Below is a little video I made about the transit Uranus opposite Mercury. I’m partially making these videos to strengthen my own Mercury since it is a novel approach to communication for me.





Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Another Storm…

Well the last astrological storm was as bad as predicted with all those special 8th house touches- sluts, crime, violence, financial catastrophe, etc. I survived although I’m now unable to walk since I kicked a door in a fit of rage.

This is not typical for me. (Well once I did shatter a glass candle.) But pressure was building. Two days earlier I spontaneously set a pair of underwear on fire. Please don’t judge. The planets can bring anyone to this point.

Anyway, the bad part is another storm is beginning now. Through around the first week of August. And unlike the last one, this storm may impact YOU- especially if you’re already dealing with Uranus transits (this may be the case if your life feels crazy and erratic.)

Basically Mars, Uranus & the North Node all join together in the sky. So for those having Uranus transits, this is when the earthquake cracks a nuclear power plant. But maybe it will be great, who knows? Perhaps you’ve been trapped in a prison, the walls break free and you start running.

The point of this transit is to supply you with extra energy to transform those areas of your life which feel stagnant and oppressive. To help you be more alive, independent, & free. To help you become more real.

There are a couple pitfalls you want to avoid however.

  1. DO NOT suppress yourself. (This was my mistake.) If you are sitting on a pressure cooker it will find a way to blow. Take a stand even if it causes some friction. If you can’t take a stand, do whatever you can to let off steam. Exercise, do physical labor, act crazy on social media, etc. Don’t hold things inside. Find people you can spill your guts to.
  2. DO NOT give yourself permission to be stupid and destructive. This is the other extreme people go to. You have to find a meaningful way to create change & freedom in your life. Yelling at your boss, attacking your spouse & snorting a line of sluts will likely make matters worse.

    So THINK for once. Come up with a meaningful way to break out of your rut. Don’t destroy the things you need and value. Don’t flush the baby with the bathwater.

And keep in mind this transit may be about things happening TO you. Explosions most likely. The same advice still applies. Be bold. Be brave. Don’t be a dumbass. Find ways to release pressure. Look for opportunities to gain freedom. And above all, to thine own self be true.

Two rows of corn flanking the walkway to our house. I have strong feelings about corn, as I do for all the Staffs of Life who modern people so disrespectfully call “Carbs.”








Technically the st

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Politics Uncategorized Writings

Practivizing

Apparently there is WAY more to running for office than sticking your name on a ballot. Just got a notification that I’m late in filing my Quarterly Finance Report. My WHA??? I don’t even have a bank account! Is there any chance you’ll accept an astrology report instead?

The good part is I’m getting a crash course in practical life skills. I now have a wallet. Containing two credit cards which I don’t know how to use. A phone-watch. Which I don’t know how to use. A personal identification card. I didn’t have this before and it made many things impossible. A few semi-normal outfits from Walmart. And some aquaintances that live in my city. Before I knew no one.

Feeling unpractical has been my greatest source of shame for so long. It made me afraid to interact with people cause I never knew when they would ask for my SK27 number and I would have no idea what they were talking about and then everyone would start laughing at me. And I didn’t know how deep everyone else’s practical skills went. How many forms do they fill out on a daily basis and how many bureaus do they visit? How many sequences of random numbers and letters are stored in their memory and what do they use them for? What cards do they make sure to have on them at all times and who do they show them to?

Even if blood is squirting from your ears it’s not like you can just walk into a hospital with a big wad of cash. You need cards. Papers. Letters. Numbers. Don’t know the square root of pi? “I’m sorry Ms. Aklei, but unless you can recite it to the 33rd digit there’s really nothing we can do. Our hands are tied.”

I don’t even feel confident in my ability to buy groceries. No matter how I position the card it is always the wrong position. Then pictures start flashing on the screen showing what you’re supposed to do but my brain goes into a panic and can’t compute. Then the sirens start going off. “STEP AWAY FROM THE BAGGING AREA!!! MA’AM!! STEP AWAY FROM THE BAGGING AREA NOW!!!! PLACE YOUR HANDS ON YOUR PSYILISUS MUSCLES AND FACE EAST UNTIL AN ATTENDENT ARRIVES!!!!” Fuck, life is complicated. You gotta be so slick to survive.

But for some reason, I can’t even memorize my address. I don’t know why. I memorize songs all the time so I made my address into a little song about dicks but somehow it just slips in and out of my brain. But now I’m sure I will be asked my address constantly. Knowing your address is 50% of politics.

The other 50% is enemies.

I was confused at first because everyone I met seemed like the absolute nicest person of all time. And yet- after an initial period of exhileration- I was starting to have a mental & physical breakdown. I would just lie in bed crying all the time in a state of unbearable tension. I could hardly walk without a cane. I couldn’t write about this because public servants are supposed to be strong. I wanted to drop out so the torture would end but didn’t want to let anyone down.

James suggested my state could be caused by people messing with me. Psychically. Which annoyed me because the last thing you want when feeling overwhelmed is for someone to bring up the astral plane. But he pressed the issue until I finally lit a red candle and recited the 91st Psalm, a classic cure for enemies. And BAM! Just like magic I could walk again. I stopped crying and felt happy. And it occurred to me that most of the universe is currently transiting my House of Secret Enemies. Perhaps it is the case that in politics the majority of enemies are the secret kind.

Door knocking is still fun though and highly recommended. James goes with me. ‘Just be yourself’ he says. ‘Oh but don’t say that.’ ‘You didn’t tell them your name!.’ ‘You can’t make jokes about bribes Julien- you could go to jail!’ ‘Don’t use words relating to violence or murder- people might take you seriously!” It is funny how being taken seriously changes the meaning of what you say. I have never been taken seriously before.

My wallet with an ID inside & two crypto credit cards. I chose this wallet because I am preparing myself for Pluto’s movement into Aquarius which I need to write about ASAP to help people prepare.

I only use crypto money for the same reason. Well, that is also due to Uranus’s passage through Taurus. Obviously almost anything is superior to government controlled currency at this point.
Pansies, geraniums & a gardenia brought inside due to frost. Since my political messaging consists mostly of flowers, I need to have plenty at my own house to avoid seeming like a hypocrite.
I love yellow. My initial theory was that the left went insane due to an insufficient supply of positive yellow in their life.
Poppies, forget me nots, canterbury bells & larkspurs.
Patton preparing to eat the cardboard. I promise I clean but Patton is constantly shredding things so it never looks like it.
Pausing for a manspread.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Uranus & Saturn- Progress & Regress

Some people are so dumb they think time always runs forward. But in astrology time is various forces running in an eternal circle. The passage of time could make you old. Or it could make you young. It all depends on whether Jupiter or Saturn is rising to power. We become old and young in alternation. Sometimes at the same time.

Some view success as an upward climb. But that is a circle too. What goes up comes down and then up again. Some people begin life in success and end in failure. For others the reverse. We become visible & then sink back into invisibility. Or vice versa.

Some believe society progresses over time- eternally advancing in technology and humanitarian values. This progress is the work of Uranus. But he too has an opposing force- Saturn- who is always dragging us backwards and returning us to the past. Traditional roles & primitive technologies. Like what is happening in Afghanistan with the takeover of the Taliban. This backwards pull happens everywhere eventually and is just as certain as the forward pull of Uranus.

Right now, for example, Uranus is passing through Taurus– the sign of money. Crypto technology is moving forward in leaps & bounds. The financial institutions of today will soon be obsolete as power is once again democratized and returned to the people. The central overlords of money fall down & it becomes a simple matter for a poor person to get a small loan. (Btw- you should buy crypto yourself & hopefully stake with my AKLEI cardano pool!)

Meanwhile, Saturn is passing through Aquarius– the sign of social networks. At least for me, I am going backwards in terms of how I connect. The increasing censorship of big tech & social media sites like facebook had made this necessary since all my friends now rotate in and out of facebook jail on a regular basis. They have started censoring private messages as well.

So, I am trying to build up my interactive skills in other ways- learning how to use snail mail, learning how to use a phone & text, learning how to meet people in person or use email, all more old fashioned ways of connecting that don’t give you the reach of social media but do lead to more personal- and hence more solid, lasting & heavy relationships- something Saturn values.

We move forward into the future and we return to what was. One aspect of life may be progressing while another is regressing. Both movements have value.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Uranus in Taurus- A Money Revolution

The things which interest me most are generally too personal or obscure for public consumption. I have a second, secret blog on which I am more prolific and write about feelings, colors, planets & my experiments with these things without needing to worry if anyone else will understand.

Conversely, there are ideas which I feel would be useful to share, but are so basic in my world that it is hard to find the motivation to write about them. Uranus in Taurus is one of these things. I have been meaning to blog about it for years, but just never got up the energy to do so.

Still, in the interest of public welfare (and because I want my friends & readers to be able to cash in on the moment!) allow me to tell you a touch about Uranus in Taurus. I will make this simple for those who have no interest in astrology but would enjoy having more money.

Uranus is the planet ruling change, revolution & technological advances. When he passes through a zodiac sign, he transforms & upgrades the affairs of that sign. Old regimes get toppled. New, forward-thinking ideas step in to fill the void. Uranus is currently passing (2018-2026) through the sign of Taurus, which rules- among other things- money.

So, we could expect a financial revolution- a change in the nature of money itself- to take place during this time. And while the future is always uncertain, cryptocurrency overtaking traditional forms of money seems to be the most likely outcome.

Cryptocurrency is Uranical in many ways. Like Uranus, it is new, technological, abstract & first adopted by society’s fringes. It is unappealing to many though, because we feel we are already drowning in an overly high tech world. The last thing we want is for money to become more complex & immaterial as well.

However, despite its unromantic aura, I believe the crypto revolution will be a good thing. Uranus breaks up existing power structures. It is an egalitarian planet- making opportunity available to all. It is decentralized- a key aspect of cryptocurrencies. It is the planet of freedom & individuality- a welcome concept at a time when many are terrified by the possibility of government overreach. Cryptocurrencies represent a form of money which is more challenging for governments to control & more difficult to corrupt. The currencies now being created also have the ability to provide stable financial infrastructures (based on math) in locations where such infrastructures don’t exist.

So these years should represent both a changing of the financial guard and a golden window of opportunity for those who feel economically disenfranchised & would like to change their fate.

There are three phases to Uranus’s passage transit through Taurus.

Phase One: The relevant cryptos are now in the process of being built. A disruption to people’s quality of life makes the man on the streets more open to new solutions.

Phase Two: (Beginning April 18 2021) The most dynamic phase. A time of mass adoption & rapid changes. Cryptos battle each other & some die a brutal death.

Phase Three: (Beginning May 29, 2023) Pre-existing financial power structures begin to crumble. Meanwhile, crypto begins the process of crystallization to become a power structure of its own. It would be best to invest BEFORE phase three begins. At this point the government will be forced to come to terms with crypto- either through adoption or some other method.

***

And there is one last concept I need to throw out. While this should be its own blog post, I am feeling lazy, so will just throw it out in brief.

If- like me- you have been worried about the looming shadow of tyranny, do NOT- I repeat- ***DO NOT*** try to escape society & head off to the woods to live a primordial existence. From an astrological perspective, the war against tyranny will be lost or won on the battlefield of technology. And we need as many soldiers as possible.

This is yet another reason I am enthusiastic about cryptocurrencies, despite being a technophobe myself. The crypto community not only values individual freedom & the decentralization of power- they are actively building things which accomplish this goal. They- along with other techno warriors creating platforms to preserve privacy & freedom of speech- are the jedi knights in the fight against big tech, big government. We need to understand the great things being done in the tech arena, so we can place our collective weight behind it. Technology has the power to stop tyranny from taking hold.

So please- upgrade your technological mind for the greater good! It may be intimidating- but this is war, not a picnic. Learn the weapons of our time so you can play a role in shaping the world to come & ensuring it is a world of freedom.



P.S. Uranus is a notoriously unpredictable planet, so I do not know for sure what will happen in the coming years. Being an astrologer is much like being a weather man. You assess the sky forces (a tornado), assess the land forces (a trailer park) and just go with the most likely outcome (mass destruction.) So please understand I am just relying on astrology + common sense to describe probable outcomes. Otherwise, I have no idea what the future holds!

P.P.S. As you may know, I am starting a Cardano stake pool (AKLEI) & hope you will consider staking with me. If you take the time to learn about Cardano, I think you will be impressed by its potential to do good in this world. It is far more than just a currency. And stake pools (in the Cardano system) are basically group mining operations. This causes the system to be a zillion times more energy efficient than older cryptos such as bitcoin. Staking with me does not entail giving me any money- it only means you get a share of what my servers “mine.”

In the Cardano system, you want to stake your money with someone (since staking gives you extra coin while not costing or restricting you in any way) therefore I figure, why not with me?!?!?!?

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Uncategorized Writings

Safety First on Valentine’s Day

The timing of most holidays makes perfect sense astrologically, except for Valentine’s Day. Why does the holiday of romantic love fall under the dry and mental sign of Aquarius? Aquarius is the opposite of candlelit dinners and gazing into eyes.

Aquarius is the love you feel for humanity while gazing at them from an airplane, causing each human to look like an indistinguishable dot. While Scorpio, the most romantic sign, lives to blow up buses of children to save their loved one, Aquarius will sacrifice their loved one to save the children. They love their girlfriend, of course, but they also love the children, the mailman, the hungry people living in China. Their love diffuses equally across all humans.*

Plus, Aquarius and its governing planet- Uranus- rule divorce and break-ups. Celebrating romantic love while they control the sky is not the safest thing to do.** So I would like to recommend a few safe, healthy and appropriate ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day instead.

  1. In school, we celebrated this day by exchanging valentines with everyone in the class. We were required to give a valentine to everyone- no one excluded. A perfect expression of the Aquarian spirit. Aquarius rules friendship, brotherly love, platonic love diffused across groups.

  2. So rather than spending 50 dollars on your romantic partner, use that money to send valentines to 50 different people. Quantity and not quality is what matters to Aquarius.

    Electronic valentines would be great as well, since Aquarius rules all electronics. Sure, it is dry and unromantic, but so is Aquarius.

  3. Aquarius rules all that is weird  and new fangled. Why not buy strange little gadgety gifts for all your friends?  Ideally new inventions that have just come on the market. And if you MUST get your spouse a gift, make it a technological one and leave the roses for a safer time of year.

  4. Since Aquarius spreads its love as thin and wide as possible, scrap dinner for two and get together with all your friends instead. If you belong to a club, this would be a great day for a club meeting or social event.

  5. Get a divorce. Dump your romantic partner. Breaking things off is what heartless Aquarius does best. If you are gonna do roses and candlelight, make sure it is for the purpose of telling someone goodbye.

    Or simply use this day to cut unwanted friends out of your life. Send them a valentine to let them know you aren’t friends anymore.

  6. Have an affair. This is one expression of romance that Aquarius can get behind. Aquarian affairs generally involve significant age gaps. Alternately, have an affair with someone who is very weird, bizarre looking, or completely different from you in a fundamental way.

    Aquarian affairs are not about emotional depth or even sex, but just the stimulation and sense of aliveness that comes from connecting with a person who can break up the crusty patterns in your brain.

  7. Get a mohawk. If you are being pelted by chaotic influences in your life (a sure sign that Uranus is in the house), doing something bizarre with your appearance can act as a lightening rod to safely absorb and express some of this energy.

    So, if you are spending this day by yourself, consider dyeing your hair a strange color, getting piercings or tattoos,  shopping for strange clothes and makeup or having futuristic nails applied.

  8. Electrocute yourself. Or try any new fangled, futuristic form of self-care such as a leech facial, crystal healing, ear candling etc. Anything that is new and strange will do the trick.

  9. If you are hellbent on taking your love out on a date, play it safe by doing things which are unusual or Aquarian. Ride motorcycles, wear neon clothes, eat mystery meats, play laser tag. Or go to a shooting range. Aquarius rules everything electronic, all forms of transportation and all weaponry.

    Or you could simply take a taxi to have dinner at an airport. Afterwards play video games.

  10. While I would never encourage people to have sex on Valentine’s Day, I can’t stop them either. But to keep it safe, make sure to include weird toys and gadgets as part of your sexual activity. Or- if you are heterosexual- include a third party which will compel one of you be gay for the day.

    Gay sex and weird sex is the only sex Aquarius approves of.

  11. If you have been needing to come out of the close sexually, this would be a good day to do it. If there is anything odd about yourself which you have been hiding from the world, use this day to reveal it. Aquarius rewards the weird and those who are true to themselves.

  12. Lastly if-like me- you are lazy, just spend the day playing video games, especially new ones. This is always a safe way to discharge Aquarian energy.

    Or if-like me- you hate video games, use this day to consult an astrologer, since astrologers fall under Aquarian rule.

    Or if- like me- you are an astrologer- use this day to give free readings to as many faceless members of humanity as possible. A perfect way to express you dry and expansive love for the ants that surround you.

    Please don’t judge me for the mess- this is Jame’s office & he doesn’t allow me to clean in there. Notice the tub of Vaseline though. That is a protective device designed to protect James from upcoming Pluto transits. I will write about that later!!! The furry thing is Patton.

     

    * Not everything I am saying about the constellation Aquarius will be reflective of those who were born with the sun in Aquarius. What we call our “sign” is only the sun’s position at our time of birth. Which represents only a fraction of our astrological make up.

    ** When I refer to safety, here is what I mean… astrological forces will find a way to express themselves one way or another. So when we offer them a healthy (or neutral) expression, it acts like a lightening rod, absorbing energy which could otherwise cause disruption. Keep in mind though, that in some cases disruptive Uranical events are both fated and invaluable.

Categories
Hurricane, West Virginia Lime Green & Electricity Music & Songs

The Jar

 

Recently, I was struck by a desire to become friends with the planets of our solar system. I wasn’t sure how to go about this, so I drew the symbol for Uranus on a piece of paper  & placed it beneath my pillow at night, intending to think about it while sleeping. To my surprise, the symbol itself emitted a palpable energy filling my chest with an electrical feeling. And the next morning, I received the greatest shock of my life, a shock so great I lost total control of my bladder and bowels despite being in a public place. For several days, I could neither sleep nor eat, which was a first for me. Time lost all its shape and 12 hours could go by in what seemed like 12 minutes. I spent… I don’t know how long… a few weeks or a month crying nonstop. The reality I thought I had been living in seemed to have been destroyed and I wasn’t sure what reality I was living in any longer. Very slowly though, my mind started to make sense of things and eventually the shocking new bits of information assimilated in my mind to form a reality even more stable than the one which preceded it. Looking back, just a couple months later, I don’t even see what the big deal was. Why should it have come as a surprise at all?

At any rate, this is a song about the planet Uranus. In astrology, he is said to rule events- good or bad- which take you completely by surprise, and I have to say he lived up to his reputation.

 

 

The Jar

The avant garde
a show you’ve never seen
to tap the jar
of homosexuality

Into the night
upon electric wings
a sodomite
and all the organisms that he brings

Go far man
fly through the jar
like a free man
be who you are

Fluorescent lights
he turns away from you
into the night
to drink that mountain dew

The lightning rod
upon his limousine
a smile and a nod
all the things I’ve never seen

Go far man
fly through the jar
like a free man
be who you are

I walk on shaking legs
my mind is hypnotized
balancing on wooden pegs
all the things I’ve never tried

To chase a star
to search in darkness for that door
another world
I don’t believe in anymore, man

Fly through the jar
like a free man
be who you are.

 

Download MP3: The Jar