homes

A song from a dream I had in which there were two hills- one that was really steep and I thought, well MAYBE I can climb that, but on top of that there was yet another hill that was practically straight up and down, and I knew climbing it would be impossible. But it looked so beautiful.

The hill was high, I couldn’t climb
though I knew you were there.
A world of green surrounded me
it stretched out everywhere.

So I got back in my car and drove
to try and find a home.
I thought of you, the whole way through
it made me feel alone.

I thought of you and of the field
with the hill that was so high.
A temple built to something
that lives only in the sky

Everything is always high
and always far away.
I tell myself I must never stop and
I will get there someday.

Many gods and many men
have lived upon a crest.
Though the clouds pass over all of them
it is you I like the best.

All these hills and all these gods
and each man has his own.
Except for me, a tiny breeze
still searching for a home.

A tiny breeze who when she flies
is cut down by the winds.
They slice my heart and splay it
like a butterfly and then

Then I can scale these hills, but even so
my shadow looms so small
that to you it was just the same as though
I was never there at all.

Big men shadow over me
there is no other way
than to watch them with admiring eyes
through a film of gray.

For me there can be no other way for me
than to lie back on the ground
and to let the dreams wash over me
until a home is found.

A home that could be anywhere,
a home so hard to find.
Oh God, but please let it be somewhere real
not somewhere in my mind.

Someplace real, someplace strong
mountainous and grave
nothing flimsy like a butterfly
with her wings upon your leg.

Everyone has gods upon
these hills where claddows* fly.
Except for me, I have only you
and only in my mind.

I reached for you, but there was no use
the world was large and green.
It stretched out wide and endlessly
like the sky within a dream.

And who am I, but a dot so small
that no one else could see
as you passed me by invisibly
your shadow touching me?

As you passed me by just like a plant
pressed flat upon the ground
just a thing too small to be cared about
when hills are all around.

* A claddow is a cloud shadow.

Download MP3: The Hill Was High

Me, in my favorite activity, going for a car ride. Unfortunately, I don’t have a license, so car rides are a luxury. If I did have one, I would drive all day long. All my dreams include a segment where I am driving without a license & start to panic that the cops will pull me over.

This particular set of songs takes place when the Pine Fairy is transitioning from the fiery redness of adulthood to the electrical wisdom of old age. But for a Pine Fairy, old age is much longer than youth. Their adulthood lasts about 60-80 years, while their old age continues for about 4,000 years after that.

Pine Fairies first set off on their own when they are around 20 years old, wandering away from the pine grove of their youth. At this point, they still have enough red blood to be visible to humans. You might spot one walking around during the day. They look much like a human, but a bit taller and thinner, and are likely to be wearing blue jeans, a red t-shirt, brown walking shoes, and carrying a brown paper bag with a sandwich in it. By the time they are 80, this outfit will have been replaced by a robe, nightcap, and shoes made of soft swaddled cloth. But you are unlikely to ever see an 80 year old fairy, because by this point they have so little blood left, that they are more or less invisible. Not to mention that they live deep within the woods and rarely leave their home before dusk.

It is possible though, if walking through a deep forest, to happen upon a Pine Fairy’s house. These are generally small, about the size of a trailer, but more squarish in shape. They may be painted green with a red roof, or dark brown with a mustard roof. If you do happen upon one, go inside! There you will find the iron pots they cook with hanging against the wall, and their dry goods stocked up in mason jars. A bed made of iron will be pushed into one corner with a quilt lying neatly upon it. Help yourself to a stool and take a seat at their kitchen table, where you will surely find a beverage waiting. For although you cannot see them, they can see you, and will be happy you came for a visit.

One day Pine Fairies leave even old age behind, but not to die. Instead, they grow so gold and so silvery that they become indistinguishable from the angels and go to live in the sky beside them. Sometimes these risen fairies will appear to us as the shape of a bone flying through clouds. Like fairy godmothers, they can grant wishes and make heart’s desires come true. So if you ever think you see a bone flying through the sky, stop and make a wish. The Pine Fairies will hear you.