Golden Hay

13 Jan
0

Recently, I was suffering from ridiculous allergies, but when I finally recovered I felt better adapted to living in West Virginia. Living in the hills is just so thick and dense that if you aren’t used to it, it feels like trying to eat a whole stick of butter with no bread. There is a sense that your future does not exist and your present can not be changed.

Coupled with that, is the black and purply feeling of death… or more specifically..
1. A black feeling of our human reality being sandwiched between so many other, non-human realities which cannot be understood, much less controlled.
2. A purple feeling that the whole of our life is just a dot in eternity, and even a dot in the larger picture of who we are.
That is my impression anyway, I doubt a single other person would agree with me. But I do think you have to run your furnace hotter here to avoid being swallowed up by feelings of futility and fatalism.
At any rate, this song was inspired by my newfound appreciation for West Virginia.  After my allergies, I could see more of the value in accepting life as it is, rather than always trying to sculpt it into a shape of my choice.

 

Golden Hay

 

Life
may not be real
Pikey what a thing to say
you know that you weren’t raised that way

And yet
sometimes I fear
God has left me so alone
a million miles from any home

To walk a road that has no end
The golden hay lies beyond the bend.

But why would we break?
Why would we cry?
In the end it’s only pain
we’ve known it in so many ways

I know
she felt it too
Remember her, that little bird
so soft we never heard a word

A hint of pink behind the door
and in the end a pile of feathers on the floor

Pikey, you know it won’t be long
Take my hand, I can feel their eyes
descending from the bluest skies

My gun
My iron bar
Life remember I was your friend
I knew that you had no end

Your fields were filled with golden hay
Three clouds they fly above then slowly drift away.

 

Download Mp3: Golden Hay

42 Years

7 Apr
0

 

42 Years

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

42 years in a place where nothing shines
63 years in a world where nothing’s mine
I crawl; I beg
There’s a face up on the wall but he does not return my call.

Tell me God, what did I do wrong? I did everything you said
I organized my sock drawer and poured shit upon my head
Please don’t make me be the person to remind you
Please do not forget the people who defined you.

Everybody told me that someday I would see
You were just a taker; you took all your gold from me
Still I scraped myself on your stone
Threw my body on your altar and begged you to take me home.

Tell me God, what did I do wrong after 40 years of pain?
I cut myself so badly that my blood poured down like rain
Please don’t make me be the person to remind you
You should not forget the people who defined you.

You are a diamond in a world where nothing shines.
You’re my friend within a place where nothing’s mine.

I walked through the bright red door you opened up for me
Lay my heart upon my eyes; I did not want to see
The hell I paved in gold
Everything that I destroyed and everything I sold.

Tell me God, what did I do wrong? I was there for you each night
I bore the nails into my fists; I held the screams in tight
Must I really be the person to remind you?
You did not exist until the day that we defined you.

 

Download Mp3: 42 Years

Alone

15 Mar
0

 

Alone

 

In my hand I hold your stone
Dark glitter, black glass
I know I am alone.

Close my eyes I see your face
Surrounded by the black of space and the stars
They are friends to me now.

Alone- but not crying now
Alone- darkness glows somehow
Will God punish me? I don’t know
But in me something grows
Alone.

Close my eyes-I see the outline of your hand
Cross my arms- the dark face of another man
The dagger lying on the dirt, sleeping baby undisturbed
And the roots- they are friends to me now.

Alone- I see colors now
Alone- darkness knows me somehow
Will he find me here? I don’t know
But I know I will crawl to the throne
Alone.

In the night, something moves the air
On my skin, I feel his darkness everywhere
Tall trees bow and bend; I can not pretend
Power you have always been my friend.

Alone- no more crying now
Alone- darkness shows me how
Will God find me here? I don’t know
But I know I will reach for the bone
Alone.

Download MP3: Alone

 

Heaving myself to the top of the hill
I already know what I’ll see
Beautify, simplify, tell the truth or denyCrumbles of Myrrh
Nobody leaves this world free.

Look all around me, the clouds that surround me
No one can doubt that God’s demons have found me
Swallow me up in their stomach so blue
Death waits for me as it’s waiting for you.

Hand me that anise now, hand me that tonka bean
Hand me that red root that’s wrapped in a golden string
Hand me that iron kettle, hand me that copper stir
Hand me the fish that we smoked with the balsam fir…

Why? Why?
God I Trusted You
Can you deny that
You left me here, here all alone?
Add a crumble of myrrh and a chip of the ankle bone.

Bitterly I cry
My dreams were buried alive.

Sleep under stars as confining as iron bars
Nobody knows what I see
So many people beneath the same steeple
Not one of us ever breaks free.

Cry cry
All you babies
I can only despise the way
You beg down on your knees
A big smile on your face- won’t you help me, sir, pretty please?

Hand me that bitterness
Hand that thickened blood
Hand me that finger that washed away in the flood
Hand me that acid bile
Hand me that molded cheese
Hand the sperm of the man with the skin disease.

My belt I untie
My dreams were buried alive.

Walk down the hill with a weight off my shoulders
Giving high fives to the trees and the boulders
Soon I will reach the road, soon we will meet again
Carry your satchel and smile like a long lost friend.

Hi Hi
Friend, it’s been so long
Glad to see you again
Look- a beetle crawls there on your shoe
Let me kneel on the earth; let me crush it for you.

Dust on your shoelaces
Dust on your fingerprints
Sprinkle some more on your pocket that’s filled with mints
Sprinkle some more on your hood and your hairy do
Stare in your eyes as the stars come alive in you…

Open your mouth wide
My dreams were buried alive.

 

Download MP3: Crumbles of Myrrh

Wild Wild Seas

11 Feb
0

 

Painting of mystery animal made of colored dots

Another song from the Odyssey… Odysseus washes up naked on a foreign shore after barely escaping Calypso’s island where he has spent seven years crying for his wife (while working nights as a sex slave). Poor Odysseus! Why did life have to be so challenging for such a nice and clever guy?

 

One thing I like about the Odyssey is Odysseus’ constant fluctuation from king and hero to helpless beggar. Even his appearance fluctuates from that of an oily muscle-bound god to a shriveled, smelly weakling. In a world where people are treated so differently based on wealth and status, it reminds us to be careful, because you never know who may be a god in disguise or a king in distress.

 

 

 

Download MP3: Wild Wild Seas

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