The ace was overturned;
The sticks had all been thrown.
He couldn’t think of a thing that he had learned
Just from being alone.

The meat had all been eaten;
Nothing but oats remained.
So many things that life had taken away,
So few things had been gained.

Although he could not see them,
They had gathered behind the gate.
There was nothing to do now but wait.

No messages by foot;
No signals sent from birds.
The bubbles in the creek made noise
But he couldn’t make out the words.

One of his friends had lied to him and
The other friend was dead.
He didn’t feel like riding into the town
With a price upon his head.

Although he could not feel them,
They had gathered behind the gate.
There was nothing to do now but wait.

He opened books from time to time but
The words looked like a blur.
He leaned over to pet his dog and to smell
The earthy scent of fur.

Why cry? He was a man
And a man he intended to be!
But sometimes the hopelessness swept over him like a wave
And water in his eyes made it hard to see.

But, although he did not know them,
They had gathered behind the gate.
There was nothing to do now but wait.

 

Download MP3: The Arrival of the Robed Spirits

 

 

The stars and moon were calling
but he didn’t hear.
The night was cold and piney
it was clear.
He stayed inside and cried
as though somebody died.
His heart was breaking in two
on the inside.

The owls were cold and silver;
they were harsh.
Green things were fermenting
deep within the marsh.
He rested his head down,
a king without a crown.
The staff held in his hand
was made of larch.

Why did he cry?
Cause he was learning to love himself.
But why?
Because no love came from anybody else.
People say they care
but they can’t always be there.
At times it’s best to think
of something else.

The stars were going crazy
on a whim.
Tomorrow night he may be there
dancing right beside them.
But right now he is tired.
His brain is blue and mired.
The produce on his shelf
has all expired.

Why is he tired?
Because he’s learning to love himself.
But why?
Because he can’t get love
from anybody else.
He lives in a forest of pine.
His home is hard to find.
No one has knocked upon his door
in the longest time.

 

Download MP3: Introduction to the Pine Fairy

 

All the money you piled up in piles
It sparkled to me. It helped to dream.
Buttercream on your bright copper plates
I wafted it’s fragrance up to my face and I smiled.

This is a man a man a man I could love!
This is a man a man a man I could love!

In your car with the smooth leather seats.
So warm and so cream, so soft buttery.
In your house with the thick chandeliers.
They spoke and I heard. The message was clear and I smiled.

This is a man a man a man you could love!
This is a man a man a man you could love!

Late at night in your bed how those flutes seemed to play!
Late at night on your breath I could smell your champagne!

All the cushions you piled on your chairs.
I sunk down in them. I laughed like a child.
All the silk that you rolled round my wrist.
I brushed to my cheek, the rings on your fist, they were kissed.

You are the man the man I can Love!
Mommy I’ve found a man a man I can love!

 

Download MP3: A Man I Could Love

I am Nature

28 May
0

 

 

Rose. She likes the feel of your nose.
She knows that everyone knows her, chose her, sigh.
Brown. You like the feel of the ground.
To feel it blow all around you, down you, sigh.

Don’t let me slip through.
Don’t let me walk invisible by.
I am Nature; I get you high.

Green. Too many places unseen.
Too many footsteps behind you, bind you, why?
Stray. Seek everything far away.
Don’t let nobody scold you, mold you, try.

Don’t let me slip through.
Don’t let me walk invisible by.
I am Nature; I get you high.

Burn. Too many pages to learn.
Too many pages to follow, swallow, sigh.
Strive. You always fought to survive.
You always fought them to conquest, multiply.

Don’t let me slip through.
Don’t let me walk invisible by.
I am Nature; I get you high.

 

MP3 (Free): I Am Nature

Animals

16 May
0

 

 

In the woods they eat their cake
I dare not move now, move now; I sit in wait
I draw my knees up to my chest
Because I know the foods that they like best.

In the woods, they sip their tea
Their eyes dart back and forth so casually
They make their jokes at my expense
They know I’m somewhere somewhere, behind the fence.

IIIII

The night has come. The trees are black.
Do I feel fingers, fingers upon my back?
I need to run- but where to go?
Animals are the only world that I know.

IIIII

They’ll never leave; they’ll never lie
Their yellow teeth, by design
I need to run, but where to go?
Animals are the only world that I know.

IIII

They play their games upon their boards
They toss their heads, they’re growing bored.
Their weight is shifting upon their seats
I know that I should run but I also need to eat.

IIII

They’ll never leave; they’ll never lie
Their yellow teeth, by design
I need to run, but where to go?
Animals are the only world that I know.

 

Download MP3: Animals

James & I are preparing to move to a 1907 four square house in Charleston West Virginia.  There are many reasons I am excited about this.

 

  1. The house was built when Teddy Roosevelt was president. He is my favorite president since the teddy bear was named after him, and I also admire his stout personality and physique.
  2. I love Charleston. I think cities tucked between mountains with rivers running through them are the prettiest, especially when the river is crossed by blue bridges.
  3. I like the philosophy behind four square houses. In their time, they represented a rejection of showy refinement and European sensibilities in favor of something practical, hardy, and uniquely American.
  4. I am glad the numbers of my address add up to the number one. My former addresses have always added up to three.  According to numerology, living in a Number One house helps you to be more of an individual. This sounds good to me, because I have definitely become whatever the opposite of an individual is. I don’t even feel like a specific person. Just a loosely knit pile of air moving through space.

 

My obsession while living in Hurricane has been redecorating my apartment in different color schemes. It has been disturbing to notice the extent to which my patterns and interests change along with the colors, as though I have no inherent identity of my own, but am just a reflection of the walls.

Of all the color schemes I tried, my favorite was probably light pink with dark purple accents. I felt more myself in this configuration. The only downside was being slightly lazy and obsessively reading tarot cards for hours each day. Still, I learned a lot, especially about dreams. I learned that dreams are not so much windows into the inner self, as spyglasses through which you can know the things that other people are hiding from you. And if you take the time to look, you will find that people are hiding a lot from you.

 

 

So, back to being a number one. Why don’t I feel like an individual with a specific personality of my own? I don’t know, it may be a product of living in isolation for too long. Perhaps with no one to be your mirror you lose a sense of what your own face looks like. Of course, I have James, but- in addition to being a hard worker- he is a man of few words. Most of our conversations consist of me asking him a question and then smelling him to find the answer. Or that is how they use to go anyway.

Nowadays, I mostly know what is going on with him through physical sensations. For example, he will be at the office and all the sudden my stomach will start jumping up and down so I know he is upset about something. Or my head will start swirling and I’ll know he’s having trouble concentrating. If I suddenly feel like throwing up, I can be certain someone just touched his sandwich with their artificial fingernail. He hates that.

This sort of communication has limitations though. Normally, I only know what emotions he is experiencing and have to rely on him to fill in the details. Sometimes, there will be numbers flying around in the feelings, but I am not very good at understanding what numbers mean yet. For example, I might get a sudden headache surrounded by black number fours. What does that mean? I have no idea. Also, there are a few emotions I routinely get mixed up. A form of emotional dyslexia, I guess. For example, I have always mistaken suppressed rage for passionate love. This led to much confusion in the beginning of our relationship, when I would burst into to tears because I suddenly “knew” he was dying to make love to his Uncle Eddie- the lime green feeling in the air was unmistakable. And why did he fall in love with the mailman every time our mail was delivered to the wrong address?

 

 

The Jar

14 Mar
0

 

Recently, I was struck by a desire to become friends with the planets of our solar system. I wasn’t sure how to go about this, so I drew the symbol for Uranus on a piece of paper  & placed it beneath my pillow at night, intending to think about it while sleeping. To my surprise, the symbol itself emitted a palpable energy filling my chest with an electrical feeling. And the next morning, I received the greatest shock of my life, a shock so great I lost total control of my bladder and bowels despite being in a public place. For several days, I could neither sleep nor eat, which was a first for me. Time lost all its shape and 12 hours could go by in what seemed like 12 minutes. I spent… I don’t know how long… a few weeks or a month crying nonstop. The reality I thought I had been living in seemed to have been destroyed and I wasn’t sure what reality I was living in any longer. Very slowly though, my mind started to make sense of things and eventually the shocking new bits of information assimilated in my mind to form a reality even more stable than the one which preceded it. Looking back, just a couple months later, I don’t even see what the big deal was. Why should it have come as a surprise at all?

At any rate, this is a song about the planet Uranus. In astrology, he is said to rule events- good or bad- which take you completely by surprise, and I have to say he lived up to his reputation.

 

 

The Jar

The avant garde
a show you’ve never seen
to tap the jar
of homosexuality

Into the night
upon electric wings
a sodomite
and all the organisms that he brings

Go far man
fly through the jar
like a free man
be who you are

Fluorescent lights
he turns away from you
into the night
to drink that mountain dew

The lightning rod
upon his limousine
a smile and a nod
all the things I’ve never seen

Go far man
fly through the jar
like a free man
be who you are

I walk on shaking legs
my mind is hypnotized
balancing on wooden pegs
all the things I’ve never tried

To chase a star
to search in darkness for that door
another world
I don’t believe in anymore, man

Fly through the jar
like a free man
be who you are.

 

Download MP3: The Jar

 

Golden Hay

13 Jan
0

Recently, I was suffering from ridiculous allergies, but when I finally recovered I felt better adapted to living in West Virginia. Living in the hills is just so thick and dense that if you aren’t used to it, it feels like trying to eat a whole stick of butter with no bread. There is a sense that your future does not exist and your present can not be changed.

Coupled with that, is the black and purply feeling of death… or more specifically..
1. A black feeling of our human reality being sandwiched between so many other, non-human realities which cannot be understood, much less controlled.
2. A purple feeling that the whole of our life is just a dot in eternity, and even a dot in the larger picture of who we are.
That is my impression anyway, I doubt a single other person would agree with me. But I do think you have to run your furnace hotter here to avoid being swallowed up by feelings of futility and fatalism.
At any rate, this song was inspired by my newfound appreciation for West Virginia.  After my allergies, I could see more of the value in accepting life as it is, rather than always trying to sculpt it into a shape of my choice.

 

Golden Hay

 

Life
may not be real
Pikey what a thing to say
you know that you weren’t raised that way

And yet
sometimes I fear
God has left me so alone
a million miles from any home

To walk a road that has no end
The golden hay lies beyond the bend.

But why would we break?
Why would we cry?
In the end it’s only pain
we’ve known it in so many ways

I know
she felt it too
Remember her, that little bird
so soft we never heard a word

A hint of pink behind the door
and in the end a pile of feathers on the floor

Pikey, you know it won’t be long
Take my hand, I can feel their eyes
descending from the bluest skies

My gun
My iron bar
Life remember I was your friend
I knew that you had no end

Your fields were filled with golden hay
Three clouds they fly above then slowly drift away.

 

Download Mp3: Golden Hay

I see stars

25 Dec
0

 

The sad story of a purple magician driven to suicide through harassment from the villagers, to whom he could no longer relate.

 

Purple Magician

 

I see stars in the starry sky
I feel stars in my brain
When they came with sticks and stones
I knew who was to blame…

Quick! Quick!
Hand it to me- silver cup-
Drink it down and shoot it up
I don’t to want to cry.
Last time when they came
Swinging with their jagged canes
I almost lost an eye.

To feel pain- okay! Okay to fall-
But give me someplace to turn, some name to call.

I see stars in the starry sky
I know why they shine.
When I saw them march at night
I almost lost my mind…

Quick! Quick!
Hand it to me- my syringe
I cannot afford to cringe;
I must not feel pain.
Closing on me in a ring
If they see me grimacing
They’ll fall on me like rain.

To feel pain-okay! Okay to fall-
But give me someplace to turn, some name to call.

I knew all the stars in the sky
I knew all their names
They controlled the people
Just like marbles in a game…

Quick! Quick!
Fetch my needle and my thread
Stitch my eyelids to my head-
They must not see my eyes.
They must never know the light
Twisting in from Pegasi that
Shines through all their lies.

To feel pain- okay! Okay to fall-
But give me someplace to turn, some name to call.

To cut- okay! To bleed…
Still I promise you, they’ll never see through me.

I see stars in the starry sky
I stood in their light.
They could see me flutter like a
Moth against the night.

Quick! Quick!
Fetch for me my special pill
Hide the money and my will-
It’s my time to fly.
If I have but one regret
It is that I’ve never met
Someone to tell goodbye.

Alone to live- okay! Alone to die.
Perhaps a hand waits for me in the sky.

 

Download MP3: I See Stars

The Gatekeeper

2 Dec
0

 

A new edition to my collection of songs about relationships between men and other species, in this case a gatekeeper.

Gatekeepers are humanoid immortal beings about two thirds the size of a person who are able to open the portal between dimensions. This particular gatekeeper lives in the black world of outer space and controls the gate which leads to the world of gold.  The gate is made of 2 brass doors swinging on hinges, about 10 feet high. Behind them lies a white mansion set on a yard of checkerboard grass. The gatekeeper herself can never pass through the gate. Like many immortals, she is free to move through time but bound to a particular space.

Her job is a lonely one, since not many humans pass through this particular gate. Why? Because they don’t have the balls to travel through a million miles of cold, empty blackness to reach the gold that lies on the other side. She has been watching this particular man, with whom she has become infatuated, travelling towards her for quite some time (you can see very, very far in space.) The combination of loneliness and his golden character has cast a spell on her. 

Therefore, she is considering using her position of power to initiate a romantic relation, albeit a brief one, since his golden character necessitates that he must past through the gate. In addition, it must be a non-sexual one since gatekeepers, like many immortals, don’t really have genders nor reproduce.

However, despite her power over him, she feels it may be difficult to capture his attention, even for a moment. The black world of space is one of the hardest to pass through. It is cold, dark and empty, and years of walking through this world can numb the extremities and cause the blood to turn white. When the traveler finally does reach the golden gate and see the white house behind it, the last thing he will want to do is loiter with the gatekeeper. The last thing he will want to do is gaze into round starry eyes set in a jet black face.

 

The Gatekeeper

 

Stars swim in the dark of night
Underneath sharks that bite
In between stands I prepared to fight.

Stars swim through the darkened past
Sharks eat bones; nothing last
I guard the gate through which you hope to pass.

But please stand with me
For just a minute more because I’m lonely
And please do not forget I hold the key.

If you touch my hand, I’ll be good to you
I’ll open up the gate and you can walk on through
I’ll bow my head, I know I’ll think of you.

Stars struggle to illuminate
Sharks grow tired beneath the gate
I think of you, your hands, your eyes- I wait.

I think of you- your eyes, your hands
Your hidden world, I understand, at best
I am a shadow to you, man.

But please stand with me
Let our shoulders touch because I’m lonely
And please do not forget I hold the key.

Let your fingers slide in between my own
I control the gate to your only home
I would like to feel your eyes upon my own.

Stars shine against the past
Sharks eat all the crumbs at last
I guard the gate through which you hope to pass.

Stars shine inside my head
In my mind you are my friend
I think of you, the night begins to spin.

So please stand with me
For just a minute more, because I’m lonely
And please do not forget I hold the key
I can feel it burning inside my hand
The golden door to another land
You will walk through, I will remember you man.

 

Download OGG file: The Gatekeeper

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